Speaker 1: 0:06

Hello friends, welcome back to another episode of the Artist Within Season 1, the Road to Resilience. I am your host, adela Hittel, and this podcast is produced and sponsored by Project Human Think, a new way to think about mental and emotional health, and our mission is to bridge those gaps and unite it as one. When we come together like one, all of us, we do bridge every gap. We really do. That's what humanity is here for. Anywho, today, let me fix my mic. I'm not having very good mic days today.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Today is Tuesday before Thanksgiving. We're only a couple of days away from Thanksgiving this year, 2024. And it is a bittersweet year this year. I will tell you that. So today I want to talk about not only the holidays, the spirit of the holidays, the importance of community, family care, all the nine yards, but I also want to talk about a few statistics about mental health, and I want to see where you fall into that too.

Speaker 1: 1:23

One of the goals for me through this episode and through this podcast, through the organization, through everything that I do, literally through every conversation I have, is to encourage you and to ignite a spark within you to see how you live your life, not only how do you live it, how do you process it, how do you structure it, how do you function in it? Do you know your ins and outs? Do you understand your in and outs? Can you foresee things for yourself? Can you find pathways and new ways of living and reshaping your reality? How can we change things that, for things that we already know are going to happen? And so how do, what do we do? And I have this motto that during my process of trying to understand myself and I'm still working on it, by the way, like that's a never-ending process, but this year I'm 37, 2024 this year is the first year in my whole life of remembering, of being consciously aware of existing, where I not only am consciously here, mentally stable, honestly, but also emotionally feeling as if everything is where it is supposed to be supposed to be, how it's supposed to be.

Speaker 1: 3:07

Peace is within me, joy is here. There's stress, obviously, there's a lot of those anxiety moments. There's so much grief and sadness, but at the same time, at the same time, I've learned how to let go of those negative values in my life, negative stressors, negative anxieties, negative words, hand them over to God and be able to focus on the peace, the joy, the structure, the stability, the things that I know, the things I can control right. What gives you the most sense of security in your life? It's things that you know, the things that you can control, the way you can process how everything works around you and how it affects you or your family. So I think this holiday season would be a good time to reflect upon that, because if we're at a point where we're stressing so much about a holiday season that we know is coming we know Christmas comes every year, we know Thanksgiving comes every year, we know all of these things come every year and we don't initially prepare ourselves for it. So my motto, my motto are you ready for it? My motto is be smarter, prep harder. Be smarter, prep harder, be smarter, prep harder.

Speaker 1: 4:26

What I mean by that is if you know something, you have a piece of information. You don't have to have a whole picture, but you have a key piece of information. You see a pattern in that key piece of information. You see it continuously happening over and over and over again. Day after day, week after week, year after year. It's happening. Okay, you know a key piece of information. You at least know a date. You at least know a time, you at least know a type of event, situation, occurrence, whatever. You know a key piece of information, structure your life around that key piece of information and then, if you get more information, you change the process of the way you're structuring to add the value of that key piece of information to your life. And then you still continue to create the way you will be impacted and the way you need to process your life.

Speaker 1: 5:24

For example, I know that again, thanksgiving is coming. I know that Christmas is coming every year and every year I say I want to be more in the Christmas joy. I don't want to stress, I want to have a decorate, I don't want to enjoy it, I want to feel the Christmas spirit. I want to be in. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Like I want to be in that. And every year I take on so many other tasks, so many other things that are so much more important in my life than what I want truly, and I just want a peaceful home and I want a home I could walk into and feel so ah, christmas is here. I want the Lifetime movie. Okay, I am that girl. I am the Lifetime movie girl. Not that I sit and watch Lifetime movies. I haven't watched a movie in a long time.

Speaker 1: 6:19

Grinch is like the movie, and Scrooged, but like the old version, um, the old, older version I forgot. Uh, now it's not coming up in my no name. No, nothing is coming to what that is, but Scrooged, um, anyway, that's like my two favorite movies and I'll I'll sit in or not sit, but I'll throw them on while I'm working, while I'm doing something, and I will listen and during that time I know them word by word because I sing, I talk, I do the whole thing with them. Right now I have no idea, it's escaped my memory. You know, not even here, I can't even tell you. But the Grinch, the Jim Carrey version, that's like the best Grinch, it's the only Grinch anyway, off the Grinch train. So I know that the holidays are coming, I know this is happening. What do I want I want? I want joy.

Speaker 1: 7:05

I started hosting Thanksgiving in my place a couple of years ago and I love it. I really do enjoy it. I love the whole process of preparing the whole meals, um, everything. And then now this year, you know, my sister's helping with doing the baking of the pies, because I am no good at pies, like do you have a dish? And or like during the season, do you have something you're just not good at? Like I'm not good at baking desserts. Don't give me a cookie to make, to bake. Don't give me a pie to make. Don't give me like desserts are not my thing. Like desserts are not my thing. I have no, no like concept of how to do it. But give me, you know, a stovetop. Give me a meal I get to prepare. Make some bread, roll out some pita, do a few things, make some sarmat, like I got you. I may forget an ingredient or two because I like to do many things at once, but I can do it and I enjoy it. And my turkey is off the chain, man, okay, I, I learned how to make a turkey to perfection my first year, my first year. But that's because you know what I did. I was smarter, I prepared really hard that year and I've been following that routine since.

Speaker 1: 8:29

So, but this year I decided that right before actually before Halloween I was going to start the process of decorating for Christmas. Halloween is one day and I do love it. It's one day for me and it's just not, as it used to be one of my favorite holidays. It used to be something I would go all out for. I would dress up, I would do and I'd take the time and it was great. But as I'm getting older now and finding the peace and serenity and what I want, I'll do it. But I can be crazy, scary any day, really peaceful, joyful and bright and colorful and and just the most wonderful time of the year. You get that at a certain time of the year, very certain time.

Speaker 1: 9:18

So I prepared my downstairs already. I put up my trees, I cleaned the garage. I have decorated my deck the way I want to have a porch and a deck. Well, I didn't do the deck top, but I did the porch, the balcony. I didn't finish it, but I did the porch bottom and decorated the way I want to put my lights out. It's a winter wonderland, it's a twinkle winter wonderland. It's awesome. There's still more details to add, obviously, just with anything, but the structure of it is all done now.

Speaker 1: 9:44

I've been wanting to do that for five years. Honestly, that has been on my, on my board. I have a board by my kitchen where it says garage project, you know, backyard project, porch project, and these are all things that I want to do. And it's so true they say write it down, things that I want to do. And it's so true they say write it down, it'll happen, write it down, it'll happen. Now. It may take four years, okay, it may take four years, but it'll happen. And it happened. And I have a clean garage Now I have a backyard that I'm very much enjoying. I built, I put together. I have a home where I've decorated I still decorating, I'm still moving, but I've decorated and made it feel this, like I said, this lifetime dream, tv, movie world that I've always what I would watch as a kid, wanted and dreamed and envisioned. And now I have it.

Speaker 1: 10:42

And, and it's so cool, the work that you have to put in, um, that doesn't mean that I did not screw my finger with an actual drill because I was working out there like I did that, hi, thumbs up, uh. And then I dropped the hammer on my toe off my ladder because I was moving so fast and I put the hammer up on the top and I moved it and boom, boom, boom and oh man, that metal and the top, and oh, it hurts. Okay, I didn't break a bone, though still, thank you, god still keep me, still to this day, no broken bones in my body, but it did hurt. It did hurt quite a bit and, um, so, quite a few things during that. Oh, I think I told you guys, but I also got a speeding ticket during that week too. Uh, so there's just quite a few things that happen. A lot of those things happen, and work and life and everything else in between all of it, and I still got it done.

Speaker 1: 11:36

And now for the next, I just thought about it this morning as I was preparing, because right now I'm doing all the prep work for pulled out all the appliances and the dishes, the menu is done for Thanksgiving, the turkey is thawing out so I can get it ready to brine, starting tonight. And there's just so many steps, you know, obviously they go into what you're doing. And as I was going through this and doing that, now I'm sitting here looking at my decorated Christmas tree, looking at my living room, looking at my dining room, looking at this home that I've put so much of myself into, so much of my energy into cleansing and into creating. And this is the first time in my life, in my holiday season, where I'm not blanking out. I am not so anxiety-ridden, I am absolutely at utter peace with everything that's happening in life. And again, that doesn't mean I'm not sad here and there. That doesn't mean I don't have my moments, because I do, I absolutely do. But those moments I've learned are so much, far shorter and few in between now, when they used to run my life right. They used to run my life, and now all I want to do is just enjoy it. I want to enjoy, I want to hug.

Speaker 1: 12:51

That doesn't mean that I like everybody and everything. That doesn't mean that I agree with everything and everybody. That doesn't mean that I condone everything and everybody. I condone everything and everybody. What it means is I accept the human for its existence and while in my presence, I'm going to do my best to give them the love, the care, the comfort, the compassion, the acceptance, all that they seek in one moment, in one hug, in one experience. Because that's what matters, right, like that's truly, truly what matters.

Speaker 1: 13:35

And I'm getting back into not getting back into, I'm get. I'm back into my faith. But I have begun reading the Bible and I am I'm trying to understand a few things, but there are phrases and passages in there where I read and I completely understand them for myself. I completely understand the surrender of all worry, the surrender of all that does not belong to me, like love and care, just love, true love, has to be seen by the self first before it can be shown and be put into that acceptance of right there. That doesn't mean, like I said, that I, I, I don't have things to work through. I still have my ego to work through me and my ego. The ego is still full, in effect, for adela, because the ego has protected me my whole life. The ego has saved me. The ego has been my armor, has been my battle, has been my warrior, has been everything I've ever needed to survive, but the ego doesn't need to. I don't need the ego to fight for me anymore. I don't need my thoughts, right I?

Speaker 1: 14:56

There was something that I was, um, I sent to a friend the other day that said you are free to think, that is your will, but I am the word. And that came to me and as I was talking to my friend about you know, I'm really getting into talking about passages and just life and the depths of it and what it means to exist here. What does the presence of God mean. What does the word mean? What does it mean to live in in this service? And how does one find their way and navigate it? And I'm not. I will not. I am not the church type. I will not be the church type. I have tried it and maybe I'll change my mind later down the line and whatnot. I but I have this theory and this thought, which sometimes that's my free will of the thought, but this theory too, that we are in the present, at least we, I am. This is just my personal opinion.

Speaker 1: 15:55

I'm in the presence of God every day, every second of my life. He walks with me in every single second. Even right now, in this second, he's right here with me, guiding me through what I'm going to say, pushing, putting the word in me that needs to be said, the message that needs to be put out there. I pre-plan these episodes to some extent. To some extent, but for the most part I'm here to speak truth. I'm here to give you what I know and I'm here to understand my existence and question and question this life too, because there's things that I don't understand. But while I'm questioning, god is standing right next to me and I'm asking him that question, he's going to answer to me I'm the creator of all. You don't need to know the plans. You have to have faith and you have to have trust in me. And is that hard? Yes, sometimes, because there are things I don't understand. Have to have faith and you have to have trust in me. And is that hard? Yes, sometimes, because there are things I don't understand.

Speaker 1: 16:47

But the thing that again now, at this point, I do know and I understand is that connection to human beings, like one-on-one, and having these conversations. That is the most beautiful thing that we can have, that is our communion, that is my church with people, that is my community, when I can have real honest conversations about life to humans and uh, and where I can speak about things again that I don't understand, I can't process and vice versa. And and the whole thought of free will and my ability to think that I am in control of everything and that I know everything and that I am capable of everything and that my personal, like Adela, existence, my ego existence, is the know it all, be it all, that mine is just the most important thing because, well, I am, well, I am Adela and I'm here Like that is such a whole bullshit part of my existence. That has been and has obviously again led me and survived me, but at the end of the day, as the more I accept that I do not know what my future holds, I have plans for my future. I'm working really hard on those plans and I want those plans to come true. I want them to manifest. Which future? I'm working really hard on those plans and I want those plans to come true. I want them to manifest, which is why I'm writing them down and doing all the steps and working every day, but I'm not, I'm not stressed at all about them, whether or not they happen and how they happen. Or it is done. It is done because it has been said so to be done, and what I think and how I think I'll get there and what I choose and to do and the act. It only either gets me there faster or slows me down, or makes my life harder, or or it makes it easier. Depends if I'm smart enough, if I prepare hard enough and if I do what I need to do, it just might be easier, and that's what it seems like it is now.

Speaker 1: 18:45

It used to seem so difficult to get up and get through the day. It used to feel so impossible to navigate a moment. It used to feel absolutely just, deathly like, deathly unbearable to move forward. It couldn't even like there's no room for breath. There was no room for my breath to sustain me because of the amount of baggage I held on, the amount of self I held on and when that is within me and the burden there of all of that is there and the why was this? How could possibly? Why me? I don't understand what was the point? These thoughts are not my thoughts, right? These negative life is not negative. That's the one thing I've learned through this process of Project Human, and now even more through this process of of losing a human and losing friend, and to something so preventable. To something so preventable because life becomes so negative for a being.

Speaker 1: 20:07

It because we all, collectively, and then particularly on an individual level I don't take me, however you want to take me, on this, but we are solely responsible for the results of our lives. Yes, other people give us. Yes, other people are there and they will influence the environment, your upbringing. I promise you I understand more than anyone about everything that will impact you that you will have an excuse to why you cannot, why you are not, why you will not all the nots all the negative like all of that, why you will not all the knots, all the negative like all of that. You will have a reason and a valid reason for your existence in that, because you went through it, however, comma, and a huge exclamation point and question mark and all the other grammar stuff that you can add into that. Okay, plus plus, plus, plus, you're also the one being the one being with the ability to act, with the freedom to choose how you think, how you act, how you feel, how you behave, how you move, how you process, how you experience.

Speaker 1: 21:19

And, speaking as somebody who was, like I said, I was on literally in darkness and hell, it seems like yesterday. It really does seem like yesterday, but I know I've been on this track of health and joy and prosperity and growth and structure for about five years now, like really committed, but this has been a 10-year journey as far as I'm going to try to take it on and do it. This has been a lifetime of existing and trying to navigate and figure out, and this year is the first year that I am actually so joyful and peaceful, and I know that feeling now on a longer scale than I've ever thought I possibly could. And how is that possible, like, how is it possible, when I just lost a human being, a human that matters so much to me and a human who impacted me in a way that I, adela, never thought possible? But again, that's the ego thinking what is and what is not possible.

Speaker 1: 22:35

And when I met Tad, I literally thanked God for sending me a human like me. I said I would find them exactly like me, and I did. I did. I found it in Tad. And to have that be ripped away and to be taken out of my life in such a fast and short and insane way, and I'm affected so deeply about it this way, and I'm going to keep talking about this because I am affected by it, so deeply about it. So I think it's so important that those who are left behind have the freedom to share the impact those humans have had, without any judgment or without feeling like I you know that I'm I'm a too much, I'm a burden like these moments come.

Speaker 1: 23:27

There should be safe spaces where we have moments of grief and talk and and sadness and and reflection. We should have spaces to have these conversations. We should be able to dial someone and say, here's this, here's this. I'm in that space. This is happening and for the most part part I'm fortunate to have one or two. But at the same time, I also know the level of weight I can handle and the level of weight I carry, the level and the depth of it. Not necessarily everybody around me is capable of holding or is even positioned to. So I do understand where some of us are coming from and saying I don't have anybody, because I understand the weight of my world and my life and what I'm doing in my choices and they are just not going to be able to handle even the vent session of that. Okay, cool, kudos, call me, I'll be here, I'm that person. I can. I can't handle it.

Speaker 1: 24:18

But for those of you who are within your circles and are going through something and are grieving something and have this, you should really have a conversation about how to navigate these hard times, these moments. We don't have these conversations often enough. We have extreme conversations about how, when we do the good things, like when we win the lotto, when we reach our goals, when I accomplish this, when I accomplish this. When I do this, you have all that. But what about, hey, when I am down, can you be my rock for a minute and can I send you a message of hey, vent, 911, or if I call it really means I need to talk to you. Can I, can I ask you to be that person for me? Are you in a position to be that person for me? Are you even capable, in your own time and space and mental health, to be there for me in that way when I need that? I'm not going to need it all the time, you know, and I may not even need it for months or years in advance, but when I do, can I count on you to be that person?

Speaker 1: 25:23

And I really, truly believe this, like honestly, if we had these types of conversations more often with each other and with those we care about, that we would be able to prevent so many tragedies that are happening at our own hands. Everybody just needs a ear to listen to. Now I understand that are happening at our own hands. Everybody just needs the ear to listen to. Now, I understand that. If you don't want to be either, and that's okay. Here's the thing.

Speaker 1: 25:47

Here's the beauty about conversation is that if you ask that question, you ask somebody you believe to be a trusted partner and they don't have the capacity and they are not capable and they don't want to be there, then guess what? That is okay. They have also the right to say you know what? I'm not in this capacity at this moment. I don't even know if I can commit to saying yes to that. But what I will say is that if you do call, I will pick up the phone call because I'll know. So at least you give one way of communicating. Right, and that's what I started out with when people would ask me to hold them accountable or to be their space.

Speaker 1: 26:31

When I was doing this and I didn't understand the level that I had and where I was at, I would say if you call me, I will know it's important enough because you dial the number, you made the effort like, you really put in the effort and you want to have, like you need to hear, a voice. You need that human connection. If you message me, if you, you know, email me, text me, facebook me, instagram me that I'm not gonna look at that. I'm gonna be very honest. I'm not going to look at that. I'm going to be very honest. I'm very limited to my space and my time, so, but I will answer your phone call and now I have been able to upgrade myself and my capacity to answer messages, to be there for those in need in the messages and translate what I want to translate and have that human connection and understand that their need is for that.

Speaker 1: 27:23

Because I'm not a small talker. I'm not. I'm not here for small talk. I don't have the patience for it. I don't understand it. I am in depth. I want to understand this world. I want to understand how I work, why I work the way I work, why I think the way I think. Why are we even here? Why are humans so important in the connection and the conversations? What is this energy that we connect with and that we make so deeply, so fastly? Like I get all the science stuff I get, we have people studying science. I'm talking about a level of transcendent and conscious and spiritual and energy connection that we can't measure, but it happens and the influence we have on each other through that, just through that. What is so? How can we influence humans?

Speaker 1: 28:15

And then, if we're in position to influence them in such a negative way because that is what's negative about this world is the fact that we create the negativity. We are the creators of this world. God said we're going to put you and create you in the creation of our image. Here's the seed and the seed, and you have a seed and you have dust and you have soil. Whatever you put together in that and water and and cultivate and give time to and nurture, will grow. So if you are going to plant the seed of negativity and cultivate it and nurture it and water it and put it like, of course that's what's going to grow and of course that's what's going to overwhelm, and then I look at and study documentaries of war and of, you know, situations in life where I'm like how and why were we in these positions? And then you look at the strategies and you look at how they map things out and you're like this is some bullshit, like everything in the way it's happening, the way it's done, is just because this is here, this is here, this is here is here, this is here, this is here. And that's the way it's done and it's mapped out.

Speaker 1: 29:24

But the connections we share, this process we have of existing as humans, as this being, as this species. I am so attuned to that, again, if we can create these huge, massive movements of negativity, why can't we create this massive movement of inspiring human beings and loving them unconditionally? That does not mean that we condone or that we agree or that we like everything about everything, but that also does not mean we can't love when in the presence of the being, and give compassion and acceptance of just its existence, right like if we accepted the human being at its existence, at its core, that that human exists outside of any label, outside of its name at the moment, but just it's being. How it changes the perspective, how it changes the experience, how it changes the way the energy transfers and the way you move through stuff. That's why you can connect with people. Sometimes you don't even know their name, but you can connect with them and you're like man. They left an imprint on me, man. I wish I knew more of it. Man, I wish I could experience so much more of it and then you'll get another opportunity, but you don't make the next step in that same experience.

Speaker 1: 30:50

You get these experiences, you get these moments. You know these patterns are happening. You know these things are happening and yet you're not studying yourself enough to understand when something's happening in your season, in your time, when you're, when your seed is sprouting, when it's hard, like when it's blooming, when it's wilting away, you yourself, the seed from the ground that you have been birthed out of, sure, the body of the being, and all that, but like, the true essence of our existence is from that seat of light, that soul, and here we are not nurturing it the way it needs to be and connecting to it. We're so focused about everything else and I go back into be smarter, prep harder. You know the holiday seasons are coming. You know what's happening, so let's put it together. Let's do this. You know the holiday seasons are coming, you know what's happening, so let's put it together. Let's do this Because if we don't and we're not here for each other during this time, and if we allow our differences and allow our dislikes, disagreements and all the disses to come between the beings of existence, just the fact that I exist and you exist, I love you, period.

Speaker 1: 32:08

Now, what's your name? Wow, beautiful, awesome. What do you like? Oh, great, oh, I'm not so interested in that. Great, oh, okay. Well, no, that's okay. You may approve, I may disapprove, I may like. But you know what? Oh, cool, cool, you know I love you. I wish you the best of luck with all of that. If you need any guidance, any help, I'm a phone call away. But do your best. Do we all agree with the way you live? Do I? I don't? I don't care because I'm not you agree with the way you live? Do I don't? I don't care because I'm not you? I'm not there 24 7, but I care about your existence and you as a being. So care about yourself as the existence, as the being. Learn yourself, learn your own existence, then learn what your name means to you. And so for me, adela, adela, as this. Adela the host, adela, the existence, adela, the host, adela, the existence, adela.

Speaker 1: 33:02

The label, what everybody knows me as that part is very hard for me to reconcile in the world when I don't to me personally and again may or may not sound crazy, like some people around my life might think me, but I don't. The name means nothing to me genuinely. The label of me like Adela, the producer, the director, the creator, the none of that, that is just check, check, check, check, check. Accomplishment task list like done, done, done, done, boom, boom, boom, boom. My flow of existence here today is so different and yet the same. I know I sound like some people right now, but I don't care about any of the accolades, I don't care about my name, I don't care about the label, I don't care Again. I care about your human existence. I care about my human existence. I care that my child has a place where humans matter Humans of all ages, shapes, sizes, matter, of all creations, of all matter, where we triumph past everything that makes us different and unite as one being the human being.

Speaker 1: 34:28

And when I think of humans and who are going through and struggling again during the holidays and during different times, you know one crazy statistic and one crazy fact that I didn't really know until recently and I learned the holidays aren't as um depressing for the, the human collective, as we we seem to think and and and apply imply in the way that media and everybody puts it into. It's the spring and summertime. And I thought about it. You know they're right, because spring and summertime people are separated. They're going back to their lives after the holidays, they've got things to do and they're going to isolate. And it's still winter, it's still there. And the change of seasons and and it's still winter, it's still there and the change of seasons and there's just so much happening during that time. And summer I'm still working on that one. I gotta do a little more research.

Speaker 1: 35:31

There's a reason that might be a really big reason. I kind of think. I know, but I'm not gonna say it until I'm sure with it. But but also summer, but holidays you do get together. May not like each other, but you do get together. You get that boost of energy you get to put through you, you get to come together. Not all of us are like that, I get it, um, but the holidays you do have the opportunity to do that. So that was a neat fact that I learned and I was really I was a little bit surprised, being especially that I do what I do and I didn't know that because I've always focused on wow, we got to get through the holidays and the holidays and the holidays and the holidays.

Speaker 1: 36:06

Well, the holidays doesn't. I mean it is big and in humans do do a lot of and are in a lot of positions of despair during that time too, but it's not as it's not as prevalent or as impactful as it is the following subsequent seasons, because it seems like the spike in mental health and our depression, our anxiety, our stressors all spike through that. Suicide rates spike so much in the spring and summertime. And that was a shock to me because, again, holidays. Holidays, that's been and that's been my personal experience this month. And holidays, um, but personal experience again also triumphs. All the statistics and all the stuff. So, what I'm telling you, based in your personal experience, take it with a grain of salt, because you know your life and you know that. So, um, my personal experience has been, it's been that. And salt because you know your life and you know that. So my personal experience has been that. And now that I know these two facts and that I want to have that, I understand this. I want to have a little bit of a different conversation and I want to ask you, like I said at the beginning, to reflect upon yourself a little bit this holiday season.

Speaker 1: 37:14

So let me share this screen with you because, for those of you who are listening with you, because for those of you who are listening, it is the American Psychology Association 2023 Holiday Stress Survey Data Top Line. You can find this online and I will try to have this linked, if I remember. If I'm being honest Again, don't sue me please, but it's on here while you're looking at it. I will try to have this linked on the bottom of our thing. But here it is the 2023 holiday stress survey data top line and this survey um in 2023, they uh they surveyed over 2000 adults between 18, uh, from 18 and over, and they were um sampling to see the effects of the holidays on health and the human being. So in here you'll find you guys can go through it.

Speaker 1: 38:11

I won't read all of it, but I wanted to highlight a few of them and ask you a few things. One question would be how would you describe your level of stress during the holiday season? And it's pretty moderately high for most people, for, as a, basically, this will tell you the base of everything, and then they have the um questions. You know, um think, uh, thinking about your stress during the holiday season. Does it generally increase, decrease or stay the same compared to the other times of year? And for the most part, um, you know, 52 says it stays the same, but 41 say it increases. So 41 of beings that's almost half a population that says it increases during the holiday times and that's insane.

Speaker 1: 38:57

The, the level of, and I get it because of everything that you you have your financial stress. You get it because of everything that you have, your financial stress. You have your gifts, you have work, you have travel, you have weather, you have, you know now, politics that we've just gone through. There's just so many, so many. And then your own individual existence, right, there's so many things happening and going on. Of course, of course, your stress is going to increase. Um, I, personally, this year, this year, only this year, but 2024, I am in the seven percent of decrease, which is so great because I I'm here, like how I can't even I'm here, I Like how I can't even I'm here, I'm in the decrease. So I promise you, I was in the increase, I was in the super get stressed, super crazy.

Speaker 1: 39:47

And the more work I did on myself and the more accountable I became for my daily actions, like what am I doing every day? Am I being consistent? Am I being diligent? Am I taking responsibility to get up and do these actions? And I used to confuse mediocrity with mundane, and I would rather be mundane than mediocre in any given day, and so I love my mundane days now. I love the simplicity. I love the organization, I love what happens. I love knowing. I love knowing my day every day. I don't know my weeks, I don't know my months and I don't know my years, but I know certain parts of the years and I know certain parts of the months, but I sure as heck know my day. Now I know my day and that is one of the biggest reasons why my stress has decreased this year, because I knew how to prepare every day for my moment in month, moment in year, moment in time.

Speaker 1: 40:47

Um, so it says so. This is like a typical cause of your stress during the whole holiday season. So they asked um what had what increases right? Um your stress? Not having enough money, spending too much, finding the right gifts, missing family and loved ones, um, or those who passed away or no longer with us, having too much to do, feeling pressure? Um food, you know food and alcohol. It asks about that too. Are you does eating? Um do you have eating and food related issues? Being around alcohol, not being able to spend time again with your family and friend ones, experiencing and anticipating conflict.

Speaker 1: 41:26

This one I wanted to highlight because this one right here was my biggest stressor forever with any family situation, because there's not been ever a situation in my life where family gatherings have not had some kind of a conflict or have not had some kind of an underlining stress or underlining situation. That's happening and no one wants to face it, or somebody wants to say things or this or that, and just this like trepidation of anxiety, of being in the same room with humans that you don't want to be in the room with. Oh my gosh, like, oh, anxiety. Well, again, good news may take some time, but good news, there's good news, there's always good news.

Speaker 1: 42:09

Again, when you switch into the mode of absolute love, acceptance in the moment of the existence, in the human, not for everything else, not again. It doesn't mean you like, condone, you do, but you accept, you love for the existence and just hold the space, true, honest space, and you let go of your own ego and predispositions and pre-everything. That doesn't mean again you do not have your boundaries and have your flags and have your sets, but the way you approach all of that will become so different. It will become so much more commanding, confident and consistent, versus it being erratic and emotional and and causing a conflict yourself when you want to avoid one potentially right. So I have again.

Speaker 1: 43:00

Now that I'm in that space this year, I'm my full anticipation is a full joy. I want to hug everybody that walks through the door with as much hug and love as I possibly can. I want to give them and welcome them into my home. I want to share this joy that I feel with them just through the experience of having them there, not for anything else outside of, outside that door, like none of that when they leave and all that. I'll let Adela Ego deal with it later. But during that time, during that moment, that's that's the full intention and that has absolutely been like a huge relief in that, uh, feeling left out and excluded.

Speaker 1: 43:37

This was also a big one for me my whole life, traveling, uh, hosting gatherings. I used to stress about that a little bit, but now I just have the best time and enjoy it because, well, I get to control it and I get to have the, I get to create it and if I'm prepared and if I'm smart and I prep hard, be smarter, prep harder, be smarter, prep harder, you win. You win, uh, scheduling, getting time off, work, you know coordinating. I, if you, if you're smarter and you prepare in advance enough and you give everybody notice. You don't have to stress if they don't show up, they don't show up. You did your job. If they didn't coordinate, if they didn't plan their job and their stress, that's's on them, not your responsibility. You did your part.

Speaker 1: 44:17

Upholding traditions, having too many social gatherings, that one right there, that's the one I had to put boundaries up and I can't be everywhere all at once and do everything all at once. I just can't. And if you want all of it like, that's fine, you love it, I love it. All great, all great, but I can't. It just has to be. You have to be able to say no to yourself, like, say no, say no to yourself.

Speaker 1: 44:36

Uh, feeling like the holiday season doesn't reflect your culture, religion or tradition. Now that one is, as an immigrant and coming here, that part was hard to navigate and that part was hard to integrate. But again, at some point you get to create your own, you get to cultivate your own, and if that means you mix it, if that means you, you study it, you, you get really in it. Or you get to cultivate your own, and if that means you mix it, if that means you, you study it, you, you get really in it or you get out of it completely like it's up to you and that's okay. You're not required to live up to everybody else's standards. There's only one requirement and that's jesus and god and that's it. Other than that, everything else is whatever. Like up to you, do it free, will hello do your thing. So it's you. Um.

Speaker 1: 45:16

Which of the following words or phrases would you use to describe the holiday season? So a lot of you or not a lot of you, but positive. There was like an 80 positive um response, which means that it's fun, it's joyous, it's exciting, fulfilling, relaxing and um other ways people would describe it. I think it's fun, it's joyous, it's exciting, fulfilling, relaxing and other ways people would describe it. I think for me right now, it's extremely joyous and fun. It really is. This season is just so joyous and fun for me, and it's again nothing about the presence I don't even have any idea about the presence on it but the process of creating, cultivating and this feeling in my home, this presence of joy and fun and love and exuberance, that has been the greatest thing for me right now.

Speaker 1: 46:00

And then again we're going into the negative side of the world of stressful, overwhelming, exhausting, annoying, upsetting yes, it's annoying. Listen, just because it's fun and it's joyful does not mean that at the same time, in the same flip of a coin, it's not annoying and it's not exhausting, and it's not overwhelming, and it can't and it can't, it is upsetting, like when you drop a hammer on your toe. It is extremely painful and upsetting and overwhelming and that's not fun in any shape or form. When you drill your finger because you missed the screw when you decided to just into the like, that's. None of those things are fun and positive and joyous, but those are moments just like and again, I'm not equating massive tragedies to those moments, but they are at the same time, on the flip coin, moments that have happened, just as moments of joy.

Speaker 1: 47:06

Now which one would you like to prolong? I want to prolong my fun, my joy, my life, my hope, hope, my just love of this life and existence. I won't prolong that. I don't want to prolong the negativity at all. I don't want to have anything negative like no, that does not exist in my world, in my life, not at all. Um and so how?

Speaker 1: 47:31

How would you agree or disagree with each of the following about the holiday season? So the holiday season creates a sense of togetherness, you know, or it can be bittersweet, and the stress surrounding the holidays is totally worth it. I'm going to tell you right now it's just bittersweet. Holidays are bittersweet specifically because if you think about your life and you think about how far you've come, and then you think about who is and who's not with you, who comes and who's not going to be here, gatherings, of course they're going to be bittersweet. Of course there's going to be again the same.

Speaker 1: 48:05

It is so true, it can be true. It is true. It's a fact that the feeling of joy and the feeling of pain, the feeling of it's like it's the same In the same moment of existence. You can experience both things at once. So if you are experiencing and you are in that stage, just like exist, feel it, understand it as much as you can Again, reach out, ask someone to be that for you, ask them to be your space, and if you know yourself well enough, where you are in your friend group or in your group of humans and you're the strong one, you know your emotional capabilities and abilities ensure that you because that it would be your job as that being in that group set the example, and say, hey, I can hold space for you when you need it, let me be that for you.

Speaker 1: 48:55

And if you can't say that too, hey, I understand you need space right now, but I'm not in a position either. Um, if it's, if it's something you really, really can't get through, I will be there. But if it's something you can work through, the same way we walk through before or we've done, please try to work it out yourself right now. Like, have these conversations and have them when you're in your sane mind of mind, okay, like, not when you're in the existence of going through something, when you're sitting there and having that small talk and bullshit. Talk about what did you do on Friday night? Who did you do on a Friday night? Where did you do it on a Friday night? Maybe you should have the conversation.

Speaker 1: 49:33

Hey, you know, things are really good in our lives right now. We're really doing good, we're in a good space and place. Can we set some, um, safety nets for when we're not doing good? Like you know, I went through a breakup and this happened, or I lost somebody and this happened and I wasn't know how to navigate and I didn't have anybody to call. Oh, okay, would you mind? Would you mind? How can we do this, okay? Well, what is your threshold? How far can like? How much of it can you handle? Well, right now, this is the capacity I'm at right now and this is how much I can handle, and if it's more than that, then I may or may not be able to be in that position, but I will do my best.

Speaker 1: 50:08

Oh, okay, literally, those conversations have created for me such ability to hold my ground, create my boundaries in my relationships, in my friendships, that they also understand that they call me when and I pick up. When they call. I pick up. If it's a phone call, I pick up because I understand that the phone call requires so much more energy than a text message. It requires so much more of you and your conscious awareness and you're using every bit of it to have that conversation with me. Because we're in the age of texting. Anybody can text everything and anything, and I can't read it between lines, and the more I try to decipher, the more I try to assume, the more I try to put it together, the more of an asshole I am and I just don't want to. So just talk to me. So if you call me. We'll have a conversation if you text me. I will do my best, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be able to do the right thing. So have these conversations, have these conversations, and again, I did.

Speaker 1: 51:06

I once I decided, after my last relationship which I'll talk about, that coming up soon about how friendships and relationships can be really hard to navigate, and after my set the whole house on a you know, on fire relationship of friendships, after I had to navigate and learn that I realized the faults that I had, which were that I did not have the conversations that were needed. I had all the other ones, which, again, were absolutely unnecessary because they don't care what you did on your weekend, how you did it, whom you did it with, where you like, I don't care. Are you good as a human being? Do you need to process something? Can I help you with your existence? Can I be here to make your life better and put value into it? And if I can't, okay, cool, call me when I can. That's it like. It's really that simple, and I didn't know that that was the kind of being I am, not a small talk I'm. I can fix the problem, save it. So know yourself, be in that, have that conversation.

Speaker 1: 52:04

So again, as the holidays, as people are asking you as any given time, a moment on your event actually, it's not just the holidays every day, every life, you're able to and capable of giving your boundaries, your clear understanding, your perspective of how you want your life to run, why these things matter to you. And then the other people. If they're not willing to state theirs and you can't find a common ground and bridge your gap that you're both missing, then you're not right for each other, and that's okay. Your gap, that you're both missing, then you're not right for each other, and that's okay. Save yourself the heartache, save it, save the heartache.

Speaker 1: 52:42

How comfortable are you with others during the holidays? Right? Are you really comfortable? Do you like having other people around? Do you like being in social groups and gatherings? I don't like being outside in social groups and gatherings. I have such social anxiety and that's something I'm working on really hard as much as Adela's like, oh my God, I'm so great Like the social anxiety I have is insane when I'm in groups of people, when I'm there, it is insane. It's gotten way better, way, way, way, way, way better, but it's still intense and I'm uncomfortable and I don't like it. So how can I compromise? Well, well, I will create my space. I will create social gatherings for myself right now, and I'll also force myself to go out. I will force myself to be out in uncomfortable situations but to also receive myself and give myself what I need in my soul and food. I'll create them and I'll create them at the comfort level of myself, with those around me that I enjoy, that I love, that I want to be a part of with. That's it. It's really that simple.

Speaker 1: 53:38

How do you cope with stress? How do you cope with stress? How do you cope with anything in your life, right? Do you talk to people? The manage my expectations part is I've had to really work on expectations and requirements. I manage my requirements. What's required of me? I have no expectations of anybody. I don't expect anybody. I just don't expect anyone and I don't expect I try to say anything anyone I don't expect because I literally don't want to expect or think or put any faith into the human that it will magically, it will telepathically, it will energetically, it will be able to do anything that is required of it to do for me. So, instead of expectations, I have requirements and instead of requirements for anyone else, I just have them on me. So I manage my requirements. Is my load of requirements for what I want too heavy, not enough? How can I miss it? If these things need to happen? These things are required to happen for me to get what I want. How do I manage them? How do I prioritize them? How do I put them into a place and make sure that I get what I want? Try to remind myself that the holiday will pass.

Speaker 1: 54:54

I don't like this one. I don't like this one at all because, again, it's a negative statement and it makes it feel and seem and I get it. I'm not saying that I don't get it. I was there, I've been there. But now that I'm on this other end, I will continuously talk about when, now that I'm on the light side and I'm on the other end of it, I am out of the darkness, I'm out of my prison cell, I'm out of the hell.

Speaker 1: 55:17

I don't like that, because that means that I'm reminding myself that every moment of my life that might potentially be good, an opportunity for me to create good, an opportunity for me to be better, opportunity for me to change the way, that moment is that I'm in right now. I am asking for it to pass, without any conscious effort of me doing anything about it. I am literally just asking to sleep through it, which is fine if I'm in the space and place where I'm required to and I need to, and my body and my mind and my spirit is so out of whack and these are the things that are required. Okay, cool, I get it, but when you're in your process of healing and you are making and navigating, that is, I don't want to pass an opportunity. It doesn't matter if it's a holiday, it doesn't matter if it's a moment. I don't want to pass an opportunity to be better, to create better, to change to better. I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1: 56:09

How do I prioritize?

Speaker 1: 56:10

Do you prioritize your well-being? Do you put it in? I do. How do I prioritize? Do you prioritize your well-being? Do you put it in? I do.

Speaker 1: 56:17

I am a fan of monthly spa days, and it doesn't mean you go in and you're there all day and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars okay, but it means that you either get a massage once a month, or you go do a facial once a month, or you go do a float session once a month, or you every three, four months, like I do every four months, three and a half to four months. I'll book all three and give myself a six hour day of you know, really a health, clean, cleansing, and I have a sauna routine, I have a, a float routine and I go and I meditate and I then I come out and I meditate again and then I go through a massage of cleansing the body, like it's a really spiritual reawakening that I do in those times and and and that's coming up actually this um in the next two weeks and I'm excited because it's the new year and I get to realign my focus and reconnect in in with my mind, body and soul in a way that it's away from distractions and it's just the focus on me. But if I didn't think about again how do I like things, how does my body feel, what is, how does my mind feel when I think these thoughts, how like what is happening within me, that that is producing things I like or don't like either one, what is happening with me, within me, then you can't change the way they. You go into the things that again you can set up for yourself. You can become an automation and reoccurrence in your own life, because you know things are happening. Just make them great and fun and better. You can be your own computer and mastermind in your own way if you will, with emotion, empathy and compassion for yourself. Like you can do all of that, you can be really efficient and functional. It just takes a bit more effort on your own end. It's like getting a Windows right now from 1997 and trying to learn it while we have everything that is at the touch and fingerprint right, like that's how it literally is.

Speaker 1: 58:07

You have to learn the program. You have to learn how you are functioning, how you have been formed, how you've been engineered, how you have been manufactured and you've been engineered, how you have been manufactured, and you have to read your manuals and you have to read the books within yourself and you have to decipher it. You have to understand your language, because if you don't, then how are you going to understand even your own being and your stress levels or your anxiety levels or how you can change them? How are you going to understand that? Again, we ask everyone to do it for us, because it's the easy thing to do. We ask our friends, we ask our family members, we ask our therapists, we ask our you know doctors or brothers or sisters. We ask everyone to do it for us. We even ask God to do it for us, but that's the limitation of his power and our free will is that we have to do it for ourselves. That's the limitation of everybody else's. It's their thought and their ideas and you're still your action. You're still required to act upon it. So get to doing it. I said so, get to doing it.

Speaker 1: 59:10

And some of the where it says you volunteer, you can go volunteer. Hey, come volunteer for us. We always need volunteers. We definitely are going to need them next year for sure. Seek help. I'm always going to say that. Seek help, of course, professional help if you need it, immediate help 988 is an immediate one. It's like you know, it's 988, just immediate. You will get immediate assistance. You can reach out to your local people. You can reach out to us. We're right there too and we do our best that we can to at least navigate and talk to you through. And we're not medical professionals again, just fyi but we just we're peer-to-peer. We want to advocate with you. Or some of you guys don't do anything on the holiday seasons, right, um.

Speaker 1: 59:48

And then there's, of course, you know religion. Do you have religion? Are you following that? Are you in it? You know part of that. Are you with your faith? Are you not? Or are you like me, discovering your fate and trying to understand where you belong, what you, what it means and if, if you want to be a part of something or, or, again, a label of some things, or you are just a child of god and you are here to do the good. You know the bidding of that and serve and be of existence, and that's it, and I really feel comfortable in that state. And so where do you fit in in your life, in your existence? Where do you feel the most comfortable and where do you have the most understanding, perspective, control about your existence?

Speaker 1: 1:00:41

And for me, it's in conversation, it's in learning new things, it's in creating. I don't know what I create, I don't know when I created, but it's in that um. And so I will create within my home. First, because I'm a huge, huge believer. And if you didn't listen to my reflection podcast, go listen to the power of reflection. That episode is really cool because I get to reflect back and I get to look back on it and I get to see the progress and the growth and from again that girl to this woman here to this being here. It's a whole difference and that's seven years of a difference in a girl working and trying to navigate and live as a woman in this world and and and this structure, when a woman didn't even know what her home, what her structure, what her womanhood and statehood even meant, and so that part of transition and learning and growing into and to be here now and to they call.

Speaker 1: 1:01:46

They say that I'm a cactus, that's the flower or plant I represent a cactus. Okay, but and it's true to the most part because it's gone through hell, it can. It can survive in the, in the, in the most insane places. It can survive the drought. It is a almost indestructible existence. Okay, so I get that. And the spikes, it's. Yeah, I get that, I have the spikes, I'm with it. My tongue can be sharp, sharp, my, my, my whip can be, can hurt, like, I get it. But then, really, at the bottom of it all, when all the seasons have gone through and all the prickles, those like those who are nurtured, those who come in contact with that cactus and those who are there. Um, and that cactus can produce a flower. Well, guess what? I am the flower.

Speaker 1: 1:02:38

I'm the vulnerable flower, I'm just the floating flower now, flower, I'm so delicate, delicate flower and I love that delicate space in my life. I love that I did not understand the power in delicacy. I didn't understand the power in elegance of your existence. There's such an elegance to our existence that when we fall in love with our existence and our being and we become one with what is, you can't help but look at yourself as the most beautiful, delicate little flower on that cactus that you're willing to put water into and food and make sure that it flows. And I'm describing one because I have it downstairs. And when somebody said now I nourish it as much as possible Because, my goodness, how true. How delicate is that little flower on the top. How delicate is our essence and our conscious and our existence. How delicate are we as beings and yet, how freaking strong are we as our existence and our root and our core and our structure, how resilient we are, how powerful and great we are. Well, at the same exact flip of a coin, we are so extremely delicate. It's just, it's. It's so mind-blowing to me so mind-blowing.

Speaker 1: 1:04:09

So this holiday season, again, take a look at this survey and I again I'm sharing this with you because I found it interesting. As a reflective portion of it, I found a moment to be able to look at it. Okay, you know if I'm spending too much money, if I'm here, if I'm this, and yes, I looked at the numbers and the numbers mean a great lot in there. But am I one of the statistics? And if I'm one of the statistics in here, how do I change it? One of the statistics, and if I'm one of the statistics in here, how do I change it? I don't want to be a statistics on the negative side. I want to change all of this and bring it down.

Speaker 1: 1:04:40

If we can do an impact of negativity and wars and absolute tragedy across the universe, because that's what human beings are capable, why can't we unite and collectively, collectively do the opposite? Why? Why is this so difficult? To put away completely our differences and look at each other as human beings and say you matter you, because your existence matters. How you live it in your life, in your presence and in your 24 hours doesn't matter, but when we're together and we interact, that part matters. That part is important. That part should be respected, it should be treasured, it should be loved, it should be nurtured. How do we do that? We do that by having conversations. We do that by highlighting the good. We do that by sharing the joy and really sharing the moments of the good and creating the platforms, creating the structures around our own communities, our own families, our own friend groups, dynamics wherever you are, this solid foundation of space where you can have a conversation just about actual life, where one actually listens and takes it in, does not identify with it to the level of where my ego needs to come out and compete with your tragedy, compete with your pain, one up you in your existence of that or your how bad it may be, but just to hold pain and maybe relate, but hold the space and allow for that being to be there. That's my spiel on that. So take a look at it. I think it's a cool one. Like I said, I'll do my best to put it up and remember to do that in there.

Speaker 1: 1:06:37

Um, so yeah, this holiday season it it is extremely bittersweet because I am. I am so joyful, I am so joyful, I am so fulfilled in my existence and where I am. I also know that I've created that bubble of joy and fulfillment and I know that when I step out of it, the pain, the pain and the tragedy that befalls this world, I get it, I feel it. But if you don't create the bubble for yourself to be able to live through this, so that when you go out you put more bubbles of love and compassion, so that you can fight the tragedies, you can fight the pain, we as an army of goodness have to come together as a unit, as a one, and say I, yes, I feel, but I can win, I'm worth the win, we are worth the win. That's that, that's one.

Speaker 1: 1:07:50

Okay, now on to one more thing I want to add into because, again, bittersweet of everything in my life that's happening. First, I want to share with you my past weekend, really quick, because I went to my friend Tad's celebration of life and I have to say that this has been the most unique and personalized and loving way to send a human off and to remember and honor them. It I definitely want us to do that more when we're alive and give our flowers and do all of the ways that we've done it like I want that in life than in death. Obviously, I want that in life so much more than in death, but what a beautiful way to remember a human being, what a beautiful way for me to see the love that he had and the love that he shared with everyone, the influence of his life. He was, he was, his whole being, was there in that room with us and I felt to every core of my being the hole that he has left in all of our lives. But then, at the same time, at the same time, the blessings, blessings that he has literally bestowed upon me personally.

Speaker 1: 1:09:17

I don't know about everyone else, but I know me personally to be able to share with humans a level of understanding that I would never have possibly thought I could, or relationships to build in a way that I never thought I could or was capable or wanted to, and to find the same wavelength of humans in existence. Now, whether I'm right or wrong later we'll time will tell but I just know the fulfillment of it is there and I'm so grateful to it. I'm so or wrong later, time will tell but I just know the fulfillment of it is there and I'm so grateful to it. I'm so grateful to have been able to meet his family, to meet the friends, to meet the humans that he inspired and just the joy that he brought to those around him. The joy that he brought to those around him.

Speaker 1: 1:10:12

I hope that I'm as much joy, or as a little bit of joy, or as whatever joy it can be to humans I really do, because it is the one thing we're missing the most in this world, and I hope that I can spark in you just a little bit of a moment today, or any moment in your life, where you're like you know what? Yeah, I am, I, I'm worth the fight right here and a smile on my face and that moment of feeling of acceptance, even if it's a small moment, because that small moment is what turns into an eternity. That small moment is what you grasp on to to create an eternity for yourself. You still have to create it, right, you still have to work at it, but the fact that somebody can induce it within you, that somebody can make you feel something that you didn't ever think you could, or the idea of it, is so foreign to you and it may still be foreign. The moment, you feel it too and you're just like what is happening, I don't understand it.

Speaker 1: 1:11:07

That's by creating these boundaries and these structures where you can have and navigate that, like that's your waking up call of I'm here, I exist, see me, hear me, feel me, love me because I love you, because my being loves you, and that, right there, like to me, that's not Adela, saying I love myself, like that's literally the holy spirit within me, like saying I am residing within you, in your temple of this body, of this, what has been given to you? This gift, this structure, just as this home has been given to me and the structure has been given to me and my holy spirit and my spirit of my family and the, the essence of us resides within it, is the way I feel about how God and and and Christ reside within me and how I am now able to clean, cleanse this home and create this home and house it for for this level of abundance that just feeds my like, feeds my soul, to to no ends. Um and again, I come from the other side. I come from the complete, not not complete non-believer, but the lost, confused, scared, cruel, let's be real. Cruel, being um all because I was justified due to what happened to me and there's no justifications for that. So once you start learning about yourself, once you start going through your life and notating who you are, what you like, where you're at, and reflecting upon it, whether again monthly, yearly I'll talk about the commitment contract next time too, because I made that for myself. But if it wasn't for those things and no one knows about them why would anybody know the level of accountability I had to hold myself for it? It just had to happen, it had to be done, and when it was done, now I get to share it, I get to say it. And now on to the next thing. I practiced, I got there, I did it. You can too. You really can, um, but I just went off a tangent for no darn reason. I just saw, I just realized too. Also, sorry guys, my brain just decided to show fire and backfire. But let me get back to what I was saying. Um, the celebration was beautiful, the honor was beautiful.

Speaker 1: 1:13:34

I, I'm still not in the acceptance stage. I don't think, uh, and I don't necessarily know if I ever will be, or until I find my own way to say goodbye it. Just because it's just not real now. I was there, I felt that, I cried, I did it. I was there, I felt it, I cried, I did it. I'm with it, I get it. It's still not real for me, so this is going to take me a little while to navigate and those things are okay, right, but I'm so honored to have been part of that, I'm so blessed to get to experience that level of love and joy and honor of human beings, and I want to do more again with what we're doing to honor not only those humans who are lost, but those who are here fighting, fighting for us, fighting for our lives, fighting for our freedoms to speak and be heard, fighting for our existence, existence advocating for the self, advocating for the human right. Um, they need to be recognized as well. So again, I said bittersweet, I've been blessed, we've been blessed, and project human has been blessed through all of this too.

Speaker 1: 1:14:53

And I want to just a quick shout out to a few of our donors. We've had a few donors to our organization in honor of TAD and they went to our website right here. They went to invest for change and made a donation. So if you're interested in making a donation in honor of your loved one, you can do it right here or in in honor and anything, or you just want to help us out? Please do so. Uh, the reason why I'm mentioning is this because because of their donations and because of their inspirations, um, the humans, who, who, who were there for us, um, have inspired us to coming up in quarter of.

Speaker 1: 1:15:43

Uh, in the first quarter of 2026 or 2025, we're going to be doing a, an honor page on our website that's going to be dedicated to those who've lost their loved ones. Um, we'll have, we're gonna I'm working on the back end right now, so bear with me as that's coming out because that first quarter of 2025, but it'll be a place where they can come and share different ways of how they've known them and a community of us for us all to remember that we're not. One life impacts hundreds. One being impacts hundreds. We're just not aware how much of an impact we have, and if we're gonna talk about truly talk about that, I want to create a space and a place where we can track it, we can see it and we can create a visual right for the impact. This happens, and so we'll be working on that because of their um, such generosity in in creating that that it inspired us to ensure that we create a space for, again, those humans who need it as well.

Speaker 1: 1:16:46

So we would like to give a huge and special thanks to the Lathan family. Um, they made a donation to our organization and they left notes that I believe in the message you share and the more of us need to reclaim our humanity and personhood. So we thank you so much and that is in honor of Tad as well. We also had another contribution in memory of Tad from the coffee familyey family and we appreciate you as well, and so much thank you for that. And then the Kellerman family. I thank you for your donation. We're going to do an honor him proud. We just thank you for including us during your time of need to be a part of your life, and including me specifically just to be a part of your life. Thank you. He meant the world to me and I appreciate what you.

Speaker 1: 1:17:48

When we have made the impact and we get to say we did it because he was the one being that, outside of everybody, outside of anything. When we first met and I told him about what I do and who I am, no questions asked. Nothing was like I stand for you, I got you Like no questions asked. There was absolute trust in me and my vision and my path and what I want to do. That gave me the greatest boost of confidence. I didn't, I didn't think I needed. So if you trust, if you see someone you love and you, you just believe in them and you want to tell like, just tell them, take that moment and be like I don't need to know what you're doing, how you're doing it, why you're even doing it. But if you tell me why, that's even great. But I believe in you and I'm here for you and I support you, no matter what. That that goes a long way for beings. That really goes a long way, especially for those who are in the back end of it all, struggling and trying to find and navigate the way.

Speaker 1: 1:19:02

And, like I said, just because I work really hard to have these conversations maintain, this doesn't mean I do not struggle literally on a daily basis on how I am going to get there and navigate it. I decide on joy, I decide on fulfillment, because that gives me the most peace. I'm not stressed with that. If I'm stressed, if I start to feel anxious, it's not me, it's not who I am and I will immediately stop it because it's not who I am. God did not create me for stress. He did not create me for the anxiety. I am not here for that. That is. It is peace doesn't mean it's easy, that doesn't mean it's fair. That doesn't mean it's it's. It's not painful or annoying or uncomfortable. It means all of that and then some, and I just want to focus on then some, because the then some is just so much better, so much better than all the other stuff.

Speaker 1: 1:20:00

So I thank you for listening to me. Again, I thank you for following us. I thank you for over 300 downloads and that helps us so much, especially season one, for the short amount of time that we've done this. I appreciate you and continue to support and share us. Continue to download. And again, if you're interested in what we do more in Project Human, please don't hesitate to reach out. All the links are below and all the links are in our social media and my number is there. Email is there. Reach out, sign up, become part of the Fink family in our community.

Speaker 1: 1:20:36

Help us change the world in the way we think and bridge it by redefining all of our narratives. It starts with each and every single one of us. It starts with you in your home today. It starts with the conversation you have with yourself. Change the way you speak to you. You change the way you speak to the world. Change the way you see you. You change the way you see the world. It is really the most introspective part of your existence you will ever have, and the most beautiful relationship you will ever build is if you build one with yourself and with God in a way that it reflects what you're capable of and where you're supposed to be.

Speaker 1: 1:21:17

So, with all the blessings, all the love and all the joy to you in this holiday season, please hug your loved ones, please give them genuinely like, give them a good hug and a kiss on the cheek and just tell them you love them. Whether you may be mad at them or disagree or like or whatever about their life decisions, it does not matter. You are not obligated, you're not responsible and you're not accountable for that. But you are responsible, accountable and obligated to show love, compassion and kindness in the presence of a human and to give them that grace. So, at least in my humble opinion, please do so. And happy thanksgiving, happy holidays. I'm sending you love until next time, my dear friends.