Adela: 0:06

hello, dear friends, welcome to the artists within podcast. It is your host, adela hitel, and this podcast is produced and sponsored by project human think, a new way to think about mental and emotional health, and our whole mission and our goal is to bridge the gap through arts and conversations. So I am am really really, really, really, really, really excited for today's guest. I have a human who I happened to meet on my trip to Los Angeles in July. As most of you know, I went to. Where did I go? I went to now, I just forgot my own life. I went to LA in July. Sorry, I'm hearing some feedback on my thing and so it distracted me for a second.

Adela: 0:48

I went to LA in July for my birthday and to support my dear friends Ashley, aj and Will and Robert, whom I met there, and quite a few other humans who I got the opportunity to meet. But I went there to support them for their opening of their short film and they made it to the LA Short Film Festival, which was fantastic, and so it's really cool to be able to see people's accomplishments and see how hard they work and how far they get and the effort that they put into, and then to realize again they did what they did with that short when they got there and how much they've grown in the years that they had been there since is just fantastic. So definitely check them out. But AJ Antonio Medina, mr Sir, as you guys know which, by the way, you guys, that new fabulous haircut like hi, aj. So check him out, you guys check out all the stuff he's doing, the fantastic work he's doing.

Adela: 1:40

But he was really really adamant about me meeting this next human's like you gotta meet her. She's just so fantastic, her energy's great. I think you guys will like hit it off really well. He's like I just I just know it, you just gotta meet her. And I was like all right, like well, let's set it up. And of course, he's like you know she'll be coming to the, to the premiere. I'm like oh, great, awesome, this is fantastic.

Adela: 2:01

And I got the opportunity to meet her. It was very briefly, we got to sit together in the theater and watch the short and watch other work which fantastic works, by the way, you guys, quite inspiring and we got to have a few minutes of conversation and just texted back and forth a little bit in between here and then and now and the connection for me, at least on my end was just so beautiful and authentic and I just love her soul and what she stands for and who she is. And I know nothing about her okay, you guys know me, I know nothing about people but when I like them, I like them. So I really, really genuinely love her aura and I really hope that you guys will enjoy this conversation that we have, because I think it's so fantastic that we have because I think it's so fantastic. So let me give you a quick little brief intro into who she is.

Adela: 2:47

Her name is Nesli Akol, and if I completely misspelled or miss said it, please she'll correct me as she gets on.

Adela: 2:54

She's a nonprofit development professional with over 14 years of experience in fundraising. She's originally from Turkey, istanbul, and she has had the opportunity to utilize all her skills and make a living while working in the nonprofit sector and making a difference in the Los Angeles nonprofits, including the organizations like the American Film Festival or American Film Institute, and mental health focused agencies like the Alcott Center for Mental Health, which we'll be having a little bit of conversation about that too. And then I really just want to hear her story and I want you guys to hear her journey into art and why she believes also mental health is so important and the conversation surrounding it, especially in the industry of the arts, film industry, music industry, the whole industry of existence. So, without further ado, I will shut my face and let me introduce to you our next guest of honor, ms Nesli Akol. So here she is, and give us a better introduction than I just did for me, please. That would be fantastic.

Nesli: 3:59

Thank you so much. Thank you, adelaide, and it's reciprocal, by by the way and uh, hi, wonderful listeners of this amazing podcast. And uh, as uh adela said, my name is nesli akkol and I'm originally from turkey, istanbul, and uh, time flies when you are having fun. I have been in the non-profit and los angeles space since in the last 14 years and time just flies, but I have had the pleasure of making a living while making a difference for different non-profits, be it human services, be it mental health, be it creative film, american Film Institute, alcott Center for Mental Health Services. As you were saying, the common demon in the common theme here is that it's all organizations that serve people, be it in the art space, mental health space.

Nesli: 4:53

Uh, but as far as my journey and connection to adela, when I, as you said, we met very briefly, adela, but I feel like I have known you. But there were two main things as far as my connection to you how I was withdrawn, like from the moment I saw your purpose, your passion. First of all, it was your fashion you look fabulous, the creativity shows there. And also, when you gave me your business card, honestly, it was one of the most beautiful, beautiful crafted business cards I've ever seen for Projet Human Inc and for Artists Within podcast, and I remember thinking, wow, someone is actually doing something about the subject of mental health, because you didn't know it back then.

Nesli: 5:39

But I also have served on the boards of directors for the Alcott Center for Mental Health Services in the last three and a half years, which is a 50-year-old nonprofit in Los Angeles that serves Angelenos in need with mental health, housing and case management services, be it veterans, be it formerly homeless people, be it foster children, anyone in need. They provide services, but it's not even just for them. Adela, like everything starts with mental health, like our jobs, school work, daily interactions with your girlfriends, with your boyfriends, with your husband. I think it's really underestimated how much it impacts us. Anyway, that was how I was honestly drawn to you and I think that was our common thing, the passion and common purpose, and that's why it's my honor and pleasure to speak to you today and hi to your wonderful listeners you so much I am.

Adela: 6:46

It's. It's so exciting for me because I I started this in 2017, which is because I had no idea that when I was an artist at all, like, or I had the ability to craft or create or do any of it and um, because nobody was talking about the feeling of a being inside, like where they were, what was happening, and if they were talking about it, it was so oh my God, you can't say that. Or, if you go to therapy, in my case, it's instances and I would describe it because I'm very descriptive and I have this ability to be in myself and in the being and describe what it's happening and when I do, they would literally tell me Adela, we commit people like you, like we need to baker, act you, we need to put you away, because we feel. We feel like you're a danger to yourself or and you're like, no, I just don't understand what my process is or what's going on or where I'm at at this moment, and you try so hard to tell them that and to express it, but then you get so afraid and so ashamed and so defeated in just the journey of it, because, anywhere you look, you should be strong and you should be independent and there's nothing for you to feel down about and everything is great and inside you're literally withering away and just drowning in your own existence and you can't even fathom and my whole thing, my moment of where I almost committed my suicide. I really became open about talking and having that conversation Because at the end of the day, after I did the music video of the rebirth and where I shaved my head and I said, like will rebirth, I will baptize myself, I will commit to this path of creating this existence.

Adela: 8:34

That matters something to me and not to the world. But what does I not Adela, but I as the human here today mean to this? Not the label of Adela, not the label of woman, not the label of mother, father, artist, whatever, but I is just human. And who do I answer to and what do I answer to and what is my vow? Like everything had to come crashing down and I had no idea, because our whole life is built in, being defined by everyone else's story, whether that's our mother, father and I continuously say that or our industries or whatever. Maybe we lose who our conscious being is and that can drive people insane. And when we don't have those conversations and we just say, hey, here's this, let's commit you, let's give you medications, let's do this. And again, not against any of that, and also non-medical professionals, guys here just saying, but not against any of that, but from lived experience and understanding what it means to be in that space. And then now I'm on the other end.

Adela: 9:33

We need to create spaces and give spaces where the being, when they're in their space of not being there, it's a child being so lost, being so confused, having no idea how to communicate, having no way to fathom words, only just like and they throw a tantrum within themselves. And so, to the outside world, it's an adult just not behaving appropriately and socially acceptably. And we need to cage that and we need to find a way to put that down or dumb it down or mute it down. Instead, they don't look at the core, the source, the reason why someone is there. And again, speaking from personal experience, I had to relive all of that, regrow all of that care for the child, care for the being, care for who I am, to even come into myself.

Adela: 10:25

And we don't have resources, we don't have, you know, the spaces for it.

Adela: 10:28

And, of course, art.

Adela: 10:30

Art is key. Art is literally key, it doesn't matter what form of expression, it's key. And coming and supporting people and giving humans again that community. We don't have that community of support because funding is not there, because there's no belief in what it is. Because, again, that community, we don't have that community of support because funding is not there, because there's no belief in what it is, because, again, we're not having the conversations of the absolute effect that it does have.

Adela: 10:53

I mean the lives we can save, the opportunities we can give, the moments we can create for human beings to change their life, to make a decision because of an experience, because of a film project, because of a music video project, because and those take time, right, that's the key in there. It takes time, consistent time, not just once a month therapy, not just three months every like, consistent time. And so, anyway, I could go on and on about that, but but that's where my passion lies, is in that right. So what's been your experience in the industry, in everything you've had in the last 14 years? What's been your experience personally or professionally or whatever, that has led you really to be so passionate, advocate for mental health and to speak out about it, even just to say, hey, I'm here and my voice even needs to be heard about this situation and where we're at.

Nesli: 11:49

To be honest with you, it's everything you said Plus plus. I wanted to be in the arts fundraising and mental health. I think they go hand in hand because when you use as a form of, when you use art as a form of expression, you are doing two things you are communicating your message to the world and you are transforming the world through your message by, be it giving hope to someone who is suicidal, be it lending a hand to someone who needed to hear similar experiences to yours. But my experience, unfortunately, hasn't been very positive. I'm, as you know, I'm, originally from Turkey, istanbul, and in Turkey we have, we have beliefs like this oh, art is secondary, mental health is secondary. I was shocked. I'm going to be honest with you. I love the US, it's my home now but I was shocked that it was a very similar experience here. But I guess countries are countries, people are people. But I thought funding opportunities will be more, resources will be more and there are still amazing resources, including your amazing nonprofit projects. Please don't get me wrong, but are they able to meet the demand? So my experience has been sadly so there aren't enough resources. And also I heard one thing a lot there is not enough money in arts fundraising. Everyone needs housing, food banks, necessity. Why are you focused on that?

Nesli: 13:15

But here is the thing Art is such a journey. Imagine, imagine a cancer patient, imagine a sick child, imagine someone battling a disease or whatever life throws at them. How many times movies touch them? A concert that they went to changed their lives, a poem that they read improved their morale. It's as important as food and medicine, because it becomes medicine when you are dealing with life struggles, right. So art really helps with mental health through self-expression and by communicating your message to the world.

Nesli: 13:56

But unfortunately, both art and mental health are underestimated. And everything starts with mental health and that's why, honestly, I've been serving on the board of Alcott Center for Mental Health Services and I love their tagline Everyone deserves a second chance. Like seriously, everyone deserves a second chance at life. You can always start over. Whether you were in foster care or whatever challenges you had. You were suicidal and it's okay. It's okay not to be okay. I remember before I attended a meeting with them it was a board meeting and I was telling them I'm not feeling too well and I'm sorry, and they told me, why are you saying sorry? It's okay not to be okay, and that's why I serve Like, even as a board member.

Nesli: 14:45

They are so open to hearing, real role, conversations and elevating each other, because there is no such thing as, oh, you have to be strong all the time. I think, to be honest with you, adela, let's give ourselves credit. All of us, all of the listeners, the entire world there is a lot of pressure on all of us. Oh, we have to look good all the time. Oh, we have to be strong all the time. We have to be financially capable all the time, we have to be this and that all the time, but guess what? There is no such thing for anyone, and that's why I think we all deserve to acknowledge that we are all doing our best in this incredible, incredible pressuring times, and even just social media and comparison of yourself to others might create pressure, but everyone's journey is different. And, by the way, one last thing I never met anyone who doesn't have mental health issues.

Adela: 15:45

I'm not talking about being suicidal, but everybody's a little bit, got a little bit of an up and down, in and out, and everybody, every single human being, has one or two days out of the week where they do not understand how to what, to where, to who. They are where they're at, and that is normal. I have a tagline for myself I'm from the eighth black hole. We haven't discovered the first one. I've landed on earth. What the is going on here? Because I don't understand it. So if anybody could explain it to me and I feel like I've just settled my tent, I've just put up some boundaries and some parameters and, like you said, created my own little country, my own little state, my own little sovereignty. And I get to look around and be like, okay, so we're all here in the same boat and the same thing, trying to figure out you just have a bigger house, you just have this, or you have this or you have that, oh, okay, but we're all literally landing, trying to figure out, navigate, how to talk to each other. Got it, let's, let's, you know. And English seems to be the language we're using. But English is also not the only language, or any other language is not the only language. The different forms of medium of expression. Our body is an expressive form, our body is a language and when we don't think about how it moves and flows and where it's attuned, like what, we need to settle it.

Adela: 17:10

Even before this interview, you know I I had so much to do and one of my rituals and routines, so that I can prepare what I need is I shower and I say my grace and I say my thanks and I thank every finger, every body, every piece, and then I come out and I come in and I'm like all right, right, I am ready now because I am. I have given myself that, okay, I accomplished this, I did this and I rinsed myself of whatever, like just this, what is what? What do you have for you? And we don't. We don't talk about those, we talk about self-care and go to spas and this, no, there's. It's the ritual of a self, it's the habit of a self, it's the steps that you take every single moment of the day where you're like I'm worth this hour and a half of a shower and moisture and brushing my hair and, you know, taking a moment to acknowledge what may or may not be new about myself and brush my teeth and maybe have a cup of tea and then go to work, like you said. And the thing we don't understand, we're only human, there's only 24 hours of the day and, as I say, they have that tagline of time is money, money is time. And I'm like, but what's the constant? The human being, we create the time and we create the money. And so, if I'm willing to create both and that's why I want to point out, on the good plus side of benefit, yes, there is money for nonprofits.

Adela: 18:32

I, before my friend passed away, he, he sent me this class to take on governance and fundraising and just, and of course, me and education and whatever I'm like, what can I feed myself? Let's go. So I did. It took, it's a half a day and you know, by the first hour the guy said he was, he was great, he was fantastic. But he looked at me as I pulled my folder out he goes, you can leave after lunch, like you're fine. I was like, no, I'm telling you where I am and what we're doing, and I just't have it because we're not.

Adela: 18:57

Here's the thing that I learned too we don't treat the non-profit and the service work that we do and the arts as an actual business. We treat it as a, as a. We treat it as a, as a, as a, as a luxury or commodity to just kind of think we can. No, it is an actual business. Nonprofit work is business. What I do and what I'm running and what you do in the Alcott Center and every it's a business. We serve human beings, just like a spa would serve human beings, just like a nail place would. You don't walk out with anything other than your nails done.

Adela: 19:40

But if we serve in the nonprofit center, for you to walk out with a better state of being, a better existence, a better thinking, a better processing, a better way to communicate, just better you, isn't that something worth betting on? Isn't that something worth putting value in? And we complain about everything in the world like no. So I learned there is $ 553 billion dollars available for us at our hands. It just takes a little bit of extra work and that does. And there is over 60 something mil or 25 something million dollars just for the arts that's available. So that doesn't include. You know there's. There is money. We don't know how to work it because we don't treat it as a business. Learning how to treat it as a business and learning how to function in that and saying what the value of us is, just like we would sell a company on shark tank or somewhere else. You know, that's how we get to what we need to do.

Adela: 20:41

That's why, it's so important and that's why it's so important to have these conversations, to build platforms to have, and why I worked. I appreciate what you said about when I gave you the card and what you said about what you said. It's taken me seven years to build exactly that substance, like I've created the logo. I've created this. I've put into this idea of what does it mean to be balanced. Why are we really here? What is the message? Because I also had to learn how to be a business owner, how to be a true CEO, how to function in this world and treat it that way.

Adela: 21:14

Because, as we've said, when we come in and say, hey, we work with the nonprofit sector, we're in the world of service, especially plus the arts, it's like an instant Well, let's not take them seriously because it we don't, they're, they're if we have the money, but they do have the money. We just don't make it serious enough up at the front to ensure that, hey, no, this is the importance of it. And so, with this, even just meeting you and what you do, and the partnerships, and and then and everything, and and the way you build, um, and some of the events that you've been able to work, the partnerships and everything and the way you build and some of the events that you've been able to work in a company with and do that are like for mental health, that give access to a lot more people to speak and share their voices. It's so amazing because if we don't do that, if we're not creating that space of that and saying that what we do, the mental health is forefront, not of just myself, but of my team, of the people, of every human that attends this place, just as safety would be, just as everything else. It is that level of priority.

Adela: 22:16

We don't again change that world, and so I know the need for it. I see the need for it and I also now see people wanting to jump on the train to say, well, mental health is so important. And I remember seven years ago I said this is not a trend for me, this is the lifelong mission, and while people have been falling off the trend of all, you know that, quick, I have this, this, this, this, this. That no, mental health is a serious state of existence. It is one portion of you, just like your soul, health, spirit health, your body health, your overall health, of everything.

Nesli: 22:51

It's it's again it happens to everyone. It affects everyone. You know, I was at an event with Selena Gomez and this went viral and she was saying I have mental health issues. It's I'm not the only one. Everyone has pressure, everyone is going through something. Please leave us alone.

Nesli: 23:10

Yeah, and for someone with fame and influence and creativity to be able to say that she said some other things, she shared that she has bipolar disease and she has had her struggles because she couldn't have a child, and the video was went viral to millions, millions of listeners and watchers. But it's so empowering. To be honest with you. I think sharing that it's not a weakness, it's frank, it takes courage to but but also, you look at, I want our listeners to know it happens, happens even to Selena Gomez and she's also super involved with mental health issues.

Nesli: 23:47

But again, everything starts with mental health. That's why it's incredible to have projects like yours artists within podcast Project Human Inc, because, honestly, you don't know who you are helping in any given moment. Someone might be listening and you might be landing a hand and they might be wait a second, even even adela and nestle and or selena gomez, whoever is feeling they are feeling the way I do, because I think it's, it's it should be a thing of the past to be embarrassed of, like how we feel, or the challenges, mental health, feeling even suicidal, like if everyone had someone to talk to, there wouldn't even be suicides in the first place and everyone knows that. I mean, everyone should know that. But it's incredible the work you do. Thank you.

Adela: 24:41

Well, I've learned that every human has a capacity to hold space for a being, but how much of that being's weight can one carry right? So when we have these conversations, one of the things I've learned and I just just mentioned this to somebody I said I have to find an avenue to have conversations, or with people that um are in a similar space with me, because the weight I carry of all of the work that I do do because outside of the podcast that we do, in these conversations, you know, I take, like I learned yesterday that I have anxiety taking phone calls now because of the work I do, because my thing is you call, pick up and we talk off the ledge. Like we talk off the ledge not text, we talk off the ledge because that's how important it is. And so, as a friend called me yesterday just to talk about it was a Christmas party, something so simple, like I had such an anxiety attack because you know, the last two, three have not been so good, or seven or eight, or fifteen, and I'm like, oh crap, I have to now navigate that level of anxiety and stress that comes on with the work that I do. That I didn't necessarily think I was carrying. Just because I have the capacity to carry, it doesn't mean it doesn't affect me to the level that, oh well, adele is so great and strong, but no, I'm really fragile, like I'm so, oh, tiny little flower, you know, as Like I'm so, oh, tiny little flower, you know, as I think every human being is, we're just such fragile little flowers. We're trying to be these prickly practices and we're just not. We're just not. And you know, and I go OK, well, how do I now create the system of that? Yes, I have the podcast. Yes, I have the, but how do I create this system for myself so that we can continue this work?

Adela: 26:25

And when we talk about people, and you know, businesses and social constructs, I had to have a talk with my team and I said listen, we had an event happen, this happened, this happened. I didn't necessarily understand how to handle it. I need you guys to watch for these flags, I need you guys to be there and if I say this word, I need, we need us to have this space of where we create the space for me to process. And if we don't set these parameters and boundaries or have these conversations with people, they don't know, and that's the other thing I've learned is they don't know. But if we don't know who we are, then we don't know how to tell them, and if we don't know how to tell them, they don't know how to. It's just a whole lot of I don't know myself and don't know how to translate what I need and I what I need, and I get it.

Adela: 27:02

But the walk is alone to learn yourself. That doesn't mean you don't have people around you that can carry the weight at the time that you may need it, and it's just too much like it literally is too much. I could call it as lead now and that's one of the reasons I think you and I both were like but you know in in that space, because I think we both connected on the fact that you're you're an immigrant to this country, I'm an immigrant to this country, I'm an immigrant to this country Just the weight of that alone is enough, because understanding what America offers and the opportunities and the levels of just existence that we have is insane and where we should be could be all the whole nine yards compared to, again, where we come from at least where I come from, you know, in my end, and so being here and then having the people say, no, that's hard or that's impossible. When I go, well, I just know where I came from, or I know some people where they came from, how I don't under, like that's the part that so may create gives me mental health issues that I don't know how to be, how people here in America can say no, health issues that I don't know how to be, how people here in America can say no, like when, when bombs are dropped on my place or other places, or you know and and, and people are like, hey, we can survive and win, and we're here going like I can't, ah, and I'm like what do you mean?

Adela: 28:18

What do you mean and again, nothing personal to that, and I think that's where the resilience of my mental health struggle has come a lot more, whereas in America and again I've spoken this out loud, so don't come at me, but, as you guys know, americans haven't had that level of struggle that is the fight for my life and my independence and my freedom, like really understanding what it means for your own existence.

Adela: 28:43

And so it's hard to translate, when we talk about mental health, why you could go to different countries and see their resilience amongst everything and the joy that they have for life, and that sure, they can be depressed and they can go down, but they know how to pick themselves back up and and they know what they need to do to fight through it.

Adela: 29:01

And you know, and, and maybe they need to call a friend, be like I need to drink some and punch some things out or roast a pig or do some stuff Like at least that's what they did in my place they get into a little fist fight and that works out, you know. But why are we so eager to? My question, I guess to you, is why do you think here, and maybe from your experiences, why do you think we're so eager here to suppress, right, the existence of feeling and what happens, and then also to enable and prolong the negativity of a feeling versus shifting the perspective to okay, well, that's fine, I understand, I accept, that's cool. Now how do we? How do we change it? How do we change it? How do we move.

Nesli: 29:46

I'm going to tell you a very interesting perspective, and it's not necessarily mine, but it got me to thinking. I hope it's okay.

Nesli: 29:53

No, please In one of the books I was reading and I'm trying to remember which book, but anyway. Basically the book was saying because US is a Western culture and in Western cultures it's usually capitalism rules and in capitalism you have to sell, sell, sell. It's consumer products and Apple and Starbucks and this and that, and you have to be cheerful to sell. And the writer was saying grew up in russia and in russia people were very direct, telling whatever they feel I'm not feeling good today, don't talk to me, don't come to me.

Nesli: 30:33

You know how people ask how you are doing in daily life yeah, I learned that today like, and he was saying in russia, you know people, people say don't, I'm not doing very well, please don't take it personal. I don't feel like talking right, but imagine me doing this here to my lovely Los Angeles neighbor and they're wonderful, by the way, they are, you know.

Adela: 30:55

Right Beautiful humans.

Nesli: 30:57

Beautiful human beings. But imagine me telling them I'm not in the mood right now. Please don't say anything to me. It's gonna be so, so awkward. I hope I'm making sense no, it would be.

Adela: 31:08

I feel like it would be so devastating for them because I've had that interaction like so devastating that I'm like I'm just not not today, not in the, and it has nothing. It is nothing personal, but it's personal for me and I'm personally going through it. Nothing with you, but with me, and not today. And yes, because that's in my culture too. It's just not today, like it's just not a good day. But we still have to get on with the job and we still try to be cordial as much as possible. But if you avoid the person for the day or try that small talk or just kind of whatever. And then I found out, laughter is the best medicine, in that form too. So if somebody's in that mood, just make them laugh and then eventually they'll get out of it, or you know at least enough to be through that, which is why comedy is so important.

Nesli: 31:50

But yes, that's, that's why they use more xanax here. The suppression we have to suppress. We have to look upbeat. I need to be, you know, presentable, marketable all the time. And in that sense I'm agreeing with the book and I never thought about that before. And I'm not saying all western countries are like that by any right. I'm not saying I, but I think the culture plays a part, because in turkey also, people will tell you what they think yeah, like direct, you know, and it can be considered very mean, very mean in the us culture and there are pros and cons to both.

Nesli: 32:25

Because when I go to turkey, sometimes I hear oh my god, you gain a lot of weight, you look old. Do I want to hear that? Necessarily, and I love it. I love this greatness. You know, it's cute in a crazy way we know, because it's no filter, there is no suppression. You, you know they're just honest.

Adela: 32:44

It's just honest, like it's a fact, like it's a fact to them. It's a fact to them. There's no emotion, it's a fact.

Nesli: 32:54

But if someone says that to me here and they hear it's going to be perceived as mean but I don't think it's mean they're just telling me also for my own good. So I lose weight and I get my health back, I look healthier, happier, whatever. So they are not saying it to be mean, they are saying so that I do something about it. I'm not defending either approach, but right and so it's incredibly interesting perspectives. But I really agree with the author and the book when when he was saying this is a western or happy sales culture and sales is not necessarily the product. Yeah, we can be the products ourselves. I'm selling myself to you right now. Even right, I have to be upbeat, upbeat, upbeat. But there is no such thing. Even the weather is not sunny every day. No, no, we've had a cold freeze here.

Adela: 33:40

Florida has not been very nice and kind. It has not been nice, and I have not been nice. When I go outside, I I'm the Grinch. When I'm outside, I'm like I just instantly just stay back for me, like no, it's terrible, like I just know. But it's so true though, and I agree with you on that too, and I think that if we were to just open up, if we were to open up and just say what we think and what we actually feel versus, and not take it personally and say, hey, listen, this is where I'm at and accept the being for where they're at, we want to take on and I found this interesting we, as human beings, want to take on the other people's personal responsibility of the self, like we want to be their savior. The savior complex, the hero I want to be and this is something speaking from experience. This is when I started project human. It was all that I want to save the world. I am going to be the one to make the biggest like.

Adela: 34:30

I was a delicate, believe you me, okay, gung-ho, and then I almost killed myself, literally because it was, and just through my health, not because I'm like, oh, I'm better on that too, but like through my health, because if one thing you're like, hey, my mental health is fine, but then you go burn yourself out in having to desire such lengths of reaching and achieving a goal, versus looking at the fuel you have, looking at the resources you have, looking what the day is, not what 10 years is from now. Like sure, I know what 10, 15 years is from now is like, okay, everybody's down downtown Adela because it's done and great, like it is done, it is done, but that's 15 years from now. What's today? Right, like let's look at reality, adela, and let's have this conversation. And what can we do today? What is our capacity? Today, like yesterday, my capacity was not the greatest. I had no energy, but yet I had to go do stuff and I did a few things the day before after Thanksgiving and all that stuff. I'm like I'll leave the dishes for two days and everybody around me looks at Adela like this, because she is so like, pinpoint this and that, like, and I'm sitting here going like, no, I've got three weeks worth of laundry, I'm trying to get through in a pile and I've got this and I've got that and I've got this and I'm still trying to make my business work and I'm still trying to do this and save lives and save myself at the same time, and I only have 24 hours.

Adela: 35:50

And you said something in one of the questions you answered which just reminded me of my mom saying too my mom had said to me when she was younger and I get it more and more now, obviously, every day, and as you get older as an adult, you get more and more now, obviously, every day, and as you get older as an adult, you get more of what your parents say. But she said you know, I am a one person for six or seven of you, because there was six plus my father, seven for seven of you. And I understood that, but I didn't understand that, like. She said that, but she's like and each of you are a different personality, each of you are a different breed, each of you are a different personality, each of you are a different breed, each of you are a different want. And I'm supposed to appease all of that and I'm supposed to be here for all of that and I and I do it and I'm here, but I, who, who, who for me has like, which one puts that? Hey, I'm going to be in charge of the last three.

Adela: 36:39

You know beings and personalities and I, as I grew older, I realized like, and I became a mother and I became a wife, and I realized that and then with this non-profit work I go. I'm only one human being. I can't change the world. I can't even fathom of impacting, you know, maybe 10 people, let alone. You know, now, with the podcast, thankfully, we're over over 300, some plus downloads we're across the pond for right now too, we're down under in Australia.

Adela: 37:09

So like, yay for technology, yay for advancement, yay for being able to utilize it to our benefit, but also understanding that I am only human. I can't run at 50 processing speed or a thousand that it does, and I can't meet all the demands of a company or a business that they're requiring when they're recognizing that they are asking of me to do, or I am asking of them whatever, but I'm one person answering to a thousand down here and they're one person asking of this. So it really requires a lot more strategic. It requires us slowing down as much as we're moving so fast, right with all the things and great. It genuinely requires the perspective of slowing down and seeing what we're doing so that it actually makes it worthwhile, and sticking because I love it fast, yes, and the foundation of something. It just doesn't last. Then right, and again, that's great for capitalism, the opportunities, but what's sustaining? Now, from myself, I did nothing and the voice in my head was saying you didn't do anything.

Nesli: 38:28

You were supposed to be productive. You didn't do anything. You wasted your time and I walked away from myself and I take pride in that. I said I'm proud of myself. I'm not gonna gauge my birth with my productivity. I deserve to have a day off, be it not doing the laundry, be it not, you know, responding to emails. It's a lot of pressure, self-pressure.

Adela: 38:50

I want to ask you, before I show you what I do with that, how I've learned to beat that now and not that it's beep beep, but really did a lot of that. Can you describe the feeling when you're sitting there, like how does your body feel? Because for me, when I sit in there in that position, it literally hurts, like physically hurts me, yes, that I can't move, like there's this energy, that's just so. How does it feel for?

Nesli: 39:21

you. It feels like I can't enjoy the moment, I can't be in the present. I'm in the future because I haven't sent one email or whatever I needed to do, and it really steals from that moment and it's not a pleasant feeling. My body feels tense with guilt. It's incredible how much psychology creates physical effect like on our bodies, the guilt and tense body, and it's not pleasant. But again, the other day I walked away from myself and I went to the gym and the voice was silenced and I took a beautiful long nap after the gym without hearing that voice. But when it happens it's. But to be honest with you, I don't know what this is. Is it like becoming an adult? Obviously, I didn't feel that way when I was a kid and I enjoyed the moment more, without thinking of the future, like I don't want to be in the past ruminating or thinking about the future. That hasn't happened yet.

Nesli: 40:23

So it's realistic from the moment is how I feel.

Adela: 40:26

So I learned, at least in my experience through this process of that, when literally my body gave out like I started collapsing in the people around me's hands because I couldn't feel my legs, because the adrenaline and the urge and the need to be productive, to succeed, like this need, I've learned that it's a lot cultural impact, it's a lot of childhood trauma or just childhood experience. It's a lot of the impact of that. Mine personally, stems from the need to ensure that if I don't think for the people around me or we don't think ahead, like my baseline is death basically, and so that means that if I don't, if I don't do my job, my part, everybody dies and that's not the reality. Like it's dies and that's not the reality. Like it's not, it's not the reality and that's very hard for and again it's, this is on an extreme level, for for somebody suffering with complex ptsd, the way I do, but it's also it could be on a level of if I don't do this, everything falls apart and then it's my fault, meaning we take on personal responsibility of the outcome, of the outcome of everything else that has nothing to do with us. You're not responsible for the outcome, you are responsible for part of the process, and if we were all to look at the responsibility part of the process that we're doing, we would be able to look at the outcome and foresee where we can either do more work ahead of time or do less work or do whatever, but really be mindful, then, and manageable of our time. We get so afraid about time management, we get so afraid about scheduling because we don't know how to or we don't know what to do with it, and I see this just because of what I do with the teaching of that. So, you guys, this is launching next year, but it's I'm testing it out. So if you want to link early and you want to be one of our prototypes, let me know. But this is it's called defining the narrative and this is a journal based agenda type of tracking thing that I've set up and I'm working to finalize a, basically a template, but then it'll have it's an action based template.

Adela: 42:41

What I've learned is that we don't account for every action that we take because we overspend our actionable time. We only have 24 hours in our life. We literally only have 24 hours, and I imagine that is $24. So if 24 hours or $24 and eight of them I need for self-care, which is in sleep or whichever way. That means six for sleep, two for care, I don't care, it's just eight has to be giving to nighttime, it just has to. So that is done and gone, right. So then you have 16 hours. Whether that's eight for work, whatever it is that you have to do to maintain your life, that's what you have. Then you have your eight hours left and you have to look at that, where actually you're spending that, how you're working on that.

Adela: 43:21

Is your morning really booked or you're? Or you're spending time scrolling, which is fine. You get all the things I'm saying it's fine on how you spend it, but understanding where you spend your 24 dollars and when I learned that my one hour, my one dollar, my one dollar, it's like if I'm just throwing away an hour, I'm throwing. I literally am throwing a dollar into a trash can. And for a while, what I did was I would, every time I would waste an hour, I would throw a sticky note in a trash can because it would remind me that I was throwing a dollar away and it would be an empty sticky note. So I would really be wasting, wasting time and paper and money, really being terrible. But it reminded, but it was one of my. I wanted to train myself. Part of part of our change has to be cognitive behavioral change. Like you have to be able to change with the mind, with the movement, with what you're doing and give yourself that time.

Adela: 44:08

So I did that for a while now and I get up, I go to sleep. I have a schedule on that. That doesn't even bother me now. I used to feel so overwhelmed with the responsibility of saving the world and who's going to take their life next, or who's going to do this or who's going to do that, and I had to learn I'm not responsible for it. That doesn't mean I don't feel sad. That doesn't mean I'm not, I don't care for the being. That doesn't mean none of that. It's a tragedy, it's terrible and I will cry and I will mourn, but I'm not responsible, so much so where it takes away from my 24 hours or my $24. Like, I didn't ask to spend that, I didn't ask to be a part of that and to include me in that. Sure, I'll give it some time, sure, I'll give it the appropriate time. But I didn't ask, you didn't ask me, we didn't ask, you didn't ask me, we didn't have this conversation. There was no permission to give, and I think that if we start talking about that, part of our life is what permissions are we given away? What are we saying no to ourselves constantly? And so I started writing out and it's, it's your. It's literally your journal, like I mean, it's fun journal based and this is I'm working on a template structure so how it's going to work for some people and stuff. So we're getting there and I've you know, this one is today and this was today. Today's the day to win and to move forward. You know, and I say my thank you here and then I do a review and a reflect, and I on my last check-in. So, versus going every day, I got to do this Because, oh my God, I don't have the time. I have one thing, right, I don't have the time, it's just annoying, but but I have one thing where I go, oh, I can review in front of my lap. It's been a few days since my last check in. My routine has been off. This has been going, this has been going in, this has been happening and this is that. Uh, what are my important dates that I need to worry about? Okay, great, I got them.

Adela: 45:52

And then, on the back of that, today's mission, and then I have it broken down into for myself, because this is mine, and then again, there's going to be categories for others, but mine is child care, because I have a child and I have. That's a big part of my life family and pet care. So what do I have to do and what the times are? Home care, all the actions I take at home for the day, self-care it is always there. And then, of course, you know, work, care on the other hair, on the other part, um, now, on this, everybody looks at and this is check marks, right, and they're like, oh adela, that's today, what. And that's not even the interview with you and me. That's not like right, that's, oh my gosh, right, but but look at this right.

Adela: 46:30

Then there are days, there are days where there is literally I start and try and look. It says, trust your voice that I started, tried nothing. And then there was a day where I started and tried. I didn't finish, that's okay, but I was able to write my reflection moment because I needed to be. Then another day, I am like beast mode. Another day, beast mode, another day, beast mode.

Adela: 46:51

Then you become accountable for what you're doing, because you know what you're doing. You're not trying to time the map around your life, you time it around what you're doing because you know what you're doing. You're not trying to time the map around your life, you time it around, what you know is happening. And I think when I learned about school and education, and like when we talk about training yourself, like, keep your schedule, keep this. It's not about keeping schedule for other people, it's literally again that schedule for yourself. Who? No one is accountable, accountable but you.

Adela: 47:17

So that means that if you don't know how to voice that, hey, I need help, hey, adela, I need I'm not feeling good today, I'm not in a good place, I'm not in a good space, and then you come to me with get away from me because I'm just mad. Okay, I might be mad at you too, I might not want to talk to you either. Okay, so let's recognize when we start becoming irritated, because I write it down Today I was irritated, yesterday I was mad as I was not nice, but because if I don't, if I don't, who is going to be accountable for my actions and who's going to be accountable for the change in my state of being? And if I see that I'm being irritable and I'm being negative and I'm being this, you get, I recognize. Then I go adela, you know what you need to do. You need to go to sleep because you need a little more rest. And it's okay to say no to the world because you don't need to be a villain in the world.

Nesli: 48:08

It happens to everyone have you ever met a human being who hasn't become grouchy?

Adela: 48:15

come on, I don't think everybody is a grinch, um, yeah, and if you just, everybody's a grinch jim carrey version, by the way, guys, my favorite version, right, that's my favorite version, um, but as you can see, all he wanted was just to be loved. All he wanted to be was seen for who he was and where he was. Nothing more, nothing less. It wasn't about the material world, it wasn't about. It was about the existence, and just because he was green makes him no less important as an existence of a being, and so to me, that's one of the reasons why I love it. I love horton here's a who for that reason too, because of a speck and how important it is and these minor details, but I think of us human beings as that speck, right, who listens to you, who, who is your? And if you don't have it, you got to find a horton. And if you can't find a horton, you better go to god, you better turn around and and and be like god.

Nesli: 49:12

You're my horton and we're gonna be hearing a who all the time and always I do it all I do it all whatever resource, be it god, be it you know my books be it talking to you, like on this amazing podcast, there is always resources available and that's why this is incredible. Just to talk about it again, it happens to everyone, and yesterday I was grouchy too. It was hilarious and, uh, someone told you oh my god, can we do a grouchy too? It was hilarious and someone told me?

Adela: 49:37

oh my God, can we do a grouchy podcast when you're grouchy one day, can we get on and just do a grouch podcast? Because I'm trying to get somebody on my grouch level Because, like sure, we can say it right. But I think until somebody sees the level of, like, I'm annoyed today. Are you annoyed today? Yes, nothing went right. Why I'm annoyed today? Are you annoyed today? Yes, nothing went right. Why? Because I am annoyed. Everything sucks. I get it, and it's just. If we can't express that level of disdain for that feeling, you know, and just have this moment of commandering to hold space, we always think that it's just, I get it, it's just hold space for the good times. And how did you? Oh my God, great, yay, no, no, no, no, no. It's not great. It is not great. Can we have a not so great party like?

Nesli: 50:21

can we just have a not so great party right like, by the way, one of the books I was reading was saying and it was, it's about the book I remember the name of this time fearless organization and it had a case study that the most successful companies are the ones that acknowledge failures. And talking about things and I think it was this medical company, pharmaceutical company, eli Lilly Every Friday they had a failure party and they gave an award to the person, to the employee, that failed the most and people started looking forward to that and then it became another big thing to fail and people were starting to share their failures more often. Oh, I ruined the sales pitch. It was going great, but then I didn't incorporate this. Next time I'm going to do that. But it really took away the fear and then their productivity started improving.

Nesli: 51:18

But I love it was just one example, but again, it relates to mental health at work, because if you have a fear culture, you are afraid to speak up, you are afraid to say things, and it also affects your mental health. I don't care if it's your house life, work life, your relationship with your friend, your significant other, like having an open communication without fear and being vulnerable is incredibly important and underestimated. But yeah, anyway, I thought about that case study and when you said we should embrace.

Adela: 51:53

Well, it's so true, and I'm hoping, and I'm saying this to universe, you guys, and God you know we've been talking, so make it happen, embrace it's well, it's so true, and I'm hoping, and I'm saying this to universe, you guys, and, uh, god, you know we've been talking, so make it happen. But if you haven't heard of dr, uh, dr ga um gabor mate, he is, uh, he is a phenomenal. Now I've lost all his credentials, you guys, because you know how my brain works. I can remember a name but I can't remember the rest of it. But you guys have talked about him.

Adela: 52:16

He's a psychologist, he's a psychologist and he is a. He's a, not ex. He's a holocaust survivor, like. There's an ex holocaust survivor, like, but he was a holocaust survivor as a baby, right.

Adela: 52:28

So he went through Through that, came to America, got through this life, and he talks about how this, what Trapped emotion, what trapped feeling Does to a being in a body and how it manifests and where it goes, and how we don't If we don't express it, it just eats at the soul and how it literally gives autoimmune diseases, like women are at a higher risk For autoimmune diseases because of that. We're all about the. Let's be pretty, pretend like ah ha ha, and I'm not. This is why I don't have friends and I can't do small talk, because I'm like I'm not, I'm not, this is just not okay. And which is why everybody's like how do you stay young? It's because I repel my demons and I say it's not okay. So that's the secret. And so um and and and, and you know, and comedy, it works. And so I I listened to his. Quite a few of his books I've read and I followed him and as somebody I want to definitely have a conversation with, because as somebody who followed the, his logic of childhood trauma and the effect and how small, like the nurture part of it and it doesn't matter if it's it really is not the like you could be, like both of us have, you know me and him and that, and I don't know your, your complete passive situation. But it could, where war turns, or you're coming from, or you're coming from that much of tragedy, or you could be coming from even the wealthiest of wealthiest places and have everything in your life.

Adela: 53:59

There is part of us as a human, at the core of us, that were neglected in some shape or form, that the being itself, the human being at its birth, at its conception, did not receive whether that is the appropriate warmth, whether that is the appropriate love, whether it is the appropriate nurture care, whatever structure, whatever structure stability, it doesn't matter. But something in that process was off and we as human beings are literally designed to feel this world and to have this experience on an energetic level where we can interchange everything. And if we think about how we want to feel and do and if we think about healing, we can heal. If we really process and consciously are aware of it, we can change everything about it. And yet that gets so stripped away because again, everything else comes into let's add this, let's add this, let's this, this, this, versus looking back at the core and saying that, and he really talks about that, and I think it's so. If you haven't heard, like you would love, you would love going down that line. Um, and he really talks about that. And just the idea of what the trauma like, what, what childhood trauma effects have. Again, it doesn't matter what situation or economic standard you come from, it matters on the process of the nurture that a child is supposed to be given, and whether that may be or may not be, and it could be something as simple as literally. You guys, this is something. Again, it's just so fascinating how we are so molded.

Adela: 55:21

It's something as simple as, as a child, you wanted to show your mother or father something and they didn't have the time, ability, or they weren't in it, or they were just bad parent who knows, whatever the situation, but they did not give you the time that you were seeking for, or that validation or whatever that moment is, because you were so proud of it. The feeling of disappointment, the feeling of not being seen, wanted, heard, literally, can override your nervous system in that small shape that shapes everything and how you perceive everything from that moment, whether you're consciously aware or not, and the way we intricately process everything afterwards is, with such caution, about. Well then, you know, if my parents didn't want to see anything or be in part of it, why would anybody else? Or? And then you hear, and then you, somebody is like not today.

Adela: 56:08

You associate that with that same feeling of complete rejection and then you move on and you so, the more no's you get, the more rejection you feel, and and just this idea of what you build up, like you said that voice, and then, when we're not productive, we're not doing these, we're not living up to this, the social construct. It comes in and you go oh my god, I'm not worth anything, I'm absolutely worthless, there's nothing left of me and I can't bring any value. Like this is terrible. And you go into that state and I'm saying these, these are the words that I've said to myself and say to myself, and we experience that. So these are true words that are like voices live within. It's not a voices and voices poor, but like a voice that sits within me, that talks to me and tells me hey, adela, you ain't shit. So one of those things has I have to have like, but it's so true because you have to have the strength and the courage to say but I have faith that I am, and I have belief that I am and and I have strength and resilience, like I have that, and you have to say that out loud. And when we don't say those out loud too, and we have those positive confirmations and we keep the negative in and we don't say the lot, we don't exchange it, we again it can't combat, like there's such a balance with good and evil.

Adela: 57:19

Anyway, he, he made me really think of that process and how I could heal my child. And so, as I did that, I started working on my tantrums, if you will, and started being part of this going okay. Well, my and the way I see it in my head is my five-year-old when the war happened to me. My five-year-old, what you know, was stripped of everything, of everything. And so in my head is my five year old when the war happened to me. My five year old, you know, was stripped of everything, of everything. And so in my head she's got a machete and a teddy bear and she's just ready to, you know, chop everybody up anytime, all the time. And I'm here going like you should not do that. And she's like I just survived a war and I'm like you should fit into society. And she's like I'm going to kill you and you're like you better not. And then you're battling this stuff instead of looking at it Right, and then, instead of looking at it as this being who really needs someone to trust and you should be the one that she trusts you should be the one to give her that, like you said, that care.

Adela: 58:12

What you did by going to that gym, what you did about being, you literally gave yourself that care of going like no, that's okay, maybe this is not for right now, but you know what we can do. We can go to the gym, we can be productive a little bit here, we don't have to overdo it, but we can go to the gym, we can feel better, and then we need to take a nap. Can we do that? Sure, and that sounds so crazy to talk to yourself that way but if you don't talk and have that conversation, you don't know who's gonna do it for you. And yes, we can say well, our mother, our father should do it. Well, nobody did it for them either. Okay, they were human beings who didn't know how to do anything either, and so they all are suffering too and I'm speaking for turkey, not for your country or for here and they didn't have the self-awareness back then.

Nesli: 58:56

Now they did more awareness. You know it's more acceptable, acceptable socially and oh yeah, even talking helps. Even talking helps. But I have to be honest, because people talk like you love talking, I love talking. As immigrants, you know, we bond over that. Like like in this culture, people don't talk as much. Also, I think talking, just simple talking, helps. Conversation.

Nesli: 59:20

How many times I picked up my phone and called a friend of mine, even 10 pm at night, and said, oh my God, I had a horrible day at work today. I feel absolutely terrible. I shouldn't have done that. And then, you know, debriefed the situation with my friend and it helped. I felt much better after having a talk. But if you bottle it up, just keep it in. And I'm not saying everyone should call their friends at 10 pm at night, just an outlet, find an outlet, whatever it is. But talking is one of them for sure, and I think it's an artistic form of expression. The podcast also. It doesn't have to be music, film, traditional art, just even this talking about your experiences. I think this is also underestimated.

Adela: 1:00:05

Oh, absolutely oh, 100, my therapist. I paid somebody a hundred dollars and I loved her, miss allison. She was fantastic. Listen, I it was. It was so great, it was, it's so perfect. I was 2019.

Adela: 1:00:17

I was getting ready to go to la to do new york fashion week as a photographer and as a model coach and uh, for another designer. And I'm over here, literally, you guys, I'm sitting in this therapist's office. You all thought out again this is the version, this is how great it is. You all saw adela going to new york fashion week and she's kicking ass and she's got the non-profit and she just finished this and she was on a. She just did her fashion line and she, she's a model and she's kicking her ass.

Adela: 1:00:42

Right, I'm in therapy, crying, going. I can't, I don't know why. This is terrible. I suck and my and I'm on the floor and my shoes off and my suit. Oh, it's so crazy, it's so. I mean, it's so funny and and she looks and you know, sometimes people need to be real right and just be real and say real shit and she looks at me and she's like Adela, you've been coming to me for a couple months. You've been doing everything you need to do and is everything. I knew where this was going. We can't help you. You're too self-aware You're just so great.

Adela: 1:01:18

Blah, blah, blah. I know that, but why can't I? Why am I so afraid of succeeding? Why am I so afraid of doing this? Why am I dying over here, like I get all the blah blah but I'm dying and she goes. Adela, you're paying me $100 an hour to talk, all hour to talk. All you need to do is talk and process and you're fine. Because you can't. You don't know how to function without experience, expressing the moment. That just happened. All you need to do is talk and you're paying me a hundred dollars an hour to talk. When she said that I started to, I was like I'm gonna have a podcast, I'm gonna figure this out, I'm gonna do this. We're gonna do this because, like, I'm not paid to talk, I talk for free. Everybody tells me to shut up all the time, so might as well talk about right, you're not the type to be shut up thank you, not even my first no, and you know I was listening to a podcast by oprah and jamie kern lima.

Nesli: 1:02:13

They were saying and, by the way, I'm so sorry that this happened to you, the suicidal thoughts at that time. But the podcast was saying and I agree 100% with them the things that happened to us in life actually they qualify us to help other people in those situations. They qualify us and that's what you did. You formed project human ink, you started this amazing podcast and now you are guiding.

Nesli: 1:02:44

You know providing light for us to feel similar things. That's your purpose and that's why you should be very proud of yourself thank you, thank you, and I'm learning on that one.

Adela: 1:02:53

That one's a lot of they should shut up.

Nesli: 1:02:56

you know I I'm assuming I shouldn't make generalizations. I don't think it's just you, especially vibrant, successful, artistic women like you, why.

Adela: 1:03:06

I look at it, I go why, why, who is anyone? And I say this I am no one, I am nothing. I have no judge or executioner to tell another being to shut their light, shut their existence, to tell them if they need a moment to say what they need to say. Now, I'm not saying that Adela has not done and pulled moves of like hey, because I have a brain and I'm only human and I have told people to their face. But again, I was being honest. This is the honest part where people don't get it. I've literally done you their face, but again, I was being honest. This is the honest part where people don't get it I've literally done.

Adela: 1:03:40

You'll understand this, nesli. I've literally done this. Where I've, I've been like, listen, this conversation is really not stimulating, it's not interesting in any shape or form. But thank you for your time and I will have we'll try again later to a person to their face. So again, I'm not from turkey. So, right, like again I, I, that's me and I've had to learn people around me. Be like Adela, fix your face, fix this, do this. And I've tried. But at the end of the day, you can learn all these listen, I have a team of people that that that put together Adela and go.

Adela: 1:04:11

Adela, maybe not, and I'm like, but okay, tell me and this is where I go people tell me where I'm wrong morally and how does it affect, like the human. Tell me where I'm, give me the pdf file and tell me where it affects, like, where I'm wrong about the human stand of it. And if you can't tell me that, then I don't give a shit. I'm saying what I'm saying because at the end of the day, it's for the human and if you don't like it, that's not my, my problem, it's just not Go find someone else, because there's 8 billion people in this world, so you'll find someone else who likes you. I look at it this way and it's real. It's so real. I am one human being. I am not made for 8 billion people, but I am. I'm not However.

Nesli: 1:04:51

But can I tell you something that relates to that? That's why I had a lot of trouble dating in us because, for example, when a european guy doesn't like me, I know he's gonna give the clues. He's not just gonna be nice to me just to be nice. How many dates I've been on and I thought the person liked me and then they actually didn't. They were just, you know, keeping the nice face. I wish they told me what you just said, like, instead of giving me false hope just to save that moment, just tell me. You know, I'm sorry, I'm not enjoying. We don't have things in common, whatever. Be honest with me versus I go home, I wait for the never coming text. Like I prefer this honesty versus this. Oh, I have to be nice all the time thing, you know. And of course, there should be a balance. I'm not saying that, but that's why I would prefer to date someone like you, as a man, of course not that, it don't worry, listen, I'm, I'm.

Adela: 1:05:49

I'm all for being taken after by me. No, I'm with you, I, I'm all for it. Girl, you got my ring on there too, I'm with you. I'm with you if that ever time comes on there.

Nesli: 1:05:57

We know I swim both ways, right now I'm on the other side of the team. I'm just saying.

Adela: 1:06:00

I'm just I know, but I wanted to ask you, with that like, with that too, like right in relationships and in dating and this is whether that's dating relationships or friendships or any relationship but in relationships general, doesn't it give you anxiety, waiting on the other end for a response of something where you have just like, if you would have just said like yes or no, I would have okay, cool, like maybe my feelings might have been hurt for a second, but I can get over that. Like I'm a big girl, I, I know what to do but that's why I prefer what you just said.

Nesli: 1:06:27

I prefer hearing that, don't you?

Adela: 1:06:30

100, that's that's why I don't have friends and I'm looking for people my kind. I asked god to send me my kind last year and he said I got you, adela, are you ready for it? I said I'm ready because I'm done with this. But I have a tagline too Everybody's like Adela, you're so nice. I'm like you, confuse kindness with niceness. I am not nice by any means. I am kind and I will kindly tell you to fuck off so kindly, with all the love in my heart, and but I'm not nice. I could care less about your feelings. And I say this with listen, guys. I say this with what I do in mental health and emotions and feelings and all that stuff. Just so you guys know, don't come at me with.

Adela: 1:07:07

Adela said this I know what I said. I validate your existence, I am, I understand it, I see it, I'm here for it, I am, I accept it for where it is and what you need in the moment, in the space and time. That does not mean that I agree, condone the behavior or the actions of what is happening within that. That doesn't mean I don't understand. And if that means that I'm willing to accept them or tolerate them in the beginning, first time because we don't know, and it's information we have to gather and we have to learn and we have to change, cool.

Adela: 1:07:45

But when it continues to happen not my fault that I'm going to tell you like that's your problem. You suck at life Like no offense. And again, I know what I said. I run a nonprofit organization. I'm all for the sake of life and I'm here for it. But at the end of the day too, like I'm not responsible for the actions and your decisions and your behaviors, like, and the consequences of that, like I'm not. Neither is your mother, neither is your father, your brother, your sister, your son, your wife, like no one, neither is god you are someone to blame.

Nesli: 1:08:18

You know it's never them type of thing, you know well, I find it hard to believe. You don't hate friends.

Adela: 1:08:22

Come on, you are so like list well, that's listen, they all, I, they have. We have this saying with adela can only be taken in doses. There's. There's like a whole thing about dose of adela and that's cool and I'm cool with that too, because I only have doses to give too, and so if you call me and are like hey, I want to talk and vent, I'm like okay, cool, what's going on, I'm here for it. But if you call me the bitch for 18, 15 time, I'm going to be like listen, do you want the honest truth or do you just need me to shut up and mute you? Because, like 18 other things that literally are more important than you telling me that someone told you that you have a resting bitch face, like, fix it. And if you don't want to fix it, accept it like one or the other. You know, like I like your resting bitch face, I'm cool with it.

Nesli: 1:09:10

I still have your gorgeous dress, amazing gown that you were wearing. I think it was why I had some doll eyes on it, totally speaking from memory, visual memory and like the gorgeous smile you had and the fantastic time we had. So I'm I'm having a very hard time depicting what yeah, no, no, no, no, it's, but that's where.

Adela: 1:09:30

But this is the way I go. Again, it's great because I tell people all the time like I have the artist adela is an expression and I love to express, whether that's through fashion, through photography, or through painting, or through through creating music videos, producing document, like whatever it is that I get to create, I'm like let's go. And when I get to be a character in my own creation, it's just like I. I'm that much more amazed that not only did I do it, but I get to participate in it, I get to experience it. How many humans are blessed that god has given. Like I look at it, I come from hell, literal hell and nightmares of darkness, to absolute living heaven. So the fact that it can't handle again not feeling good today, or feeling down, or somebody hurting my feelings or people wanting to say that again, adele is a hard ass, or this and that cool, you know what? I will accept that here's why, because my work, my actions, my behavior speaks for themselves. So you can go ahead and say all you want, but at the end of the day, the character, who I am, and what is it? Literally I'm not. I'm never going to defend it because it defends itself. It stands for itself because it defined the narrative right. And that's my whole goal with humans is define who you are whether it's a good character, bad character, in between, you don't know. Stand for what you believe in who you are. Stand that your existence is worth hearing and advocating for. Even if your voice is so small right now, eventually it gets bigger and louder. But while it gets bigger and louder, what you're doing is learning how to formulate your own words. So you're not just out here Again six years ago, if you would go down deep, dive Adela from like four years ago in our YouTube, on our Facebook stuff, and Adela completely different, still the same essence, but completely different in the whole experience, and I love that.

Adela: 1:11:17

I get to showcase that and you guys get to see that growth and we get to be here for that. Because if we, if I didn't do that, if I didn't have those conversations, if you didn't see that and you didn't see the experience, experiments of Adela again shaved head, this sides, pink hair, we had Jekyll and Hyde Adela at some point too. For a while we couldn't decide which way we wanted to go. So, so like, and I at the end of the day, I go. Am I kind? Do I treat everybody as fairly as possible? Do I do the best that I can Do? I screw up? Yes, yes, yes to all that. Okay, great, it was a great day, because at the end of the day, I can't change anything else. What I can do is improve it the next day and I'm not going to try anymore.

Adela: 1:11:58

For again, 15 years from now to 20 years from now, it's like, okay, well, tomorrow, after today, tonight, after we get done with this too, I'm like, okay, well, what do I got to do? I got to record one more podcast. I got to do this. I got to do this. You know what I'm going to do. I'm going. I'm not why. I control what. My outcome is right. I control my process. I'm here. That doesn't mean everybody gets the luxury right. So let's be fair, I get it, but you also do have the luxury to how you run and control and create the reality of your life. Even if you are working nine to five, even if you are working 12 to 15, I don't know. Whatever it is, you're doing, you're doing it. You made the decision. You made that choice. I wanted to ask you what made you decide to be in the? You said one of your favorite forms of medium expression is film. What's one of your favorite movies and what made you decide the film?

Nesli: 1:13:11

was like your way of communicating. And also movies include everything right. It includes music, it includes photography. It includes all forms of art Songs, music fashion set design lighting yeah.

Nesli: 1:13:30

And my favorite movie is Citizen Kane. It's a cliche because it's considered by many critics best film of all time, but I agree because that opening shot, the camera move, and it was Orson Welles' first movie. He was 24 or something and he got it so right the first time and he created the best movie of all time. How is this even possible? But anyway, that also the movie was about him searching for Rosebud and we didn't know what that was. The entire movie was about his search and then we find out. It's his search for love, mother's love, that he never had. I think it's so significant because, like you were saying, we are seeking approval. Feeling invisible pushes people to have more mental health problems. Feeling invisible pushes people to have more mental health problems. So so I enjoyed movies as a form of storytelling and story performing, because you relate to those characters and that it's. It's almost like psychotherapy, because you go through therapy by watching movies. How many of us have favorite movies like a cheer up movie? You know, I watch flash dance when I'm down, down, and it's a cheesy movie, 80s. But jennifer bills, yeah, it's fantastic, the way she dances cheers me up. You know it's yes movies. Yes, movies are life and psychology, and fashion and music and entertainment everything. And so I studied film in istanbul university.

Nesli: 1:14:57

When I came here, I knew I wanted to do something about film, and I did. I worked at the American Film Institute. I helped them organize their galas and AFI Fest. I was involved with the planning of their 49th annual award honoring Nicole Kidman, and I also do galas for the American Cinematic.

Nesli: 1:15:20

But all these experiences beyond film also help with mental health because, like especially during the galas, when we prep famous people or high profile people before they go on stage, some of them get very nervous. We, we are all human beings. It really makes you think, oh my God, we are all human beings. For me and you I'm making this up we get nervous in front of a classroom. They get nervous in front of the gala tribute honorary room, whatever room they're in. But we all get nervous because listen, there is no such thing. Oh, I'm super successful now, stress and sport. But then there is like the pressure to continuously perform to maintain your success, and that's more pressure than even becoming successful.

Nesli: 1:16:08

But having seen that, then I realized something. Through film, through mental health, through my nonprofit activities, I realized something it's not how much money you have, it's not how many houses you have. It's the quality of your mental health that determines your life the quality of your life, because I work with amazing donors. Who owns mansions? They do so many amazing charity work struggling with mental health severe issues we are talking about and then they do not have the quality of the life that we so talk about. They don't see the cars they own, they don't see the mansions they own, because it's all a struggle here and then everything shuts down. Then I'm incredibly grateful for all these experiences because storytelling matters, through art, be it film, be it music, be it whatever it is, whatever floats your boat.

Nesli: 1:17:04

But we are all human beings and, from all kinds of socioeconomic backgrounds and cultures, we all seek one thing acceptance and love and just thriving in life. Life not just surviving, you know, but having seen that, to be honest with you, I prefer being happy, and that means leading a good mental health and that means doing things that makes you happy. And I think one last thing that I wanted to talk about is success, and values are different for each person, like, for example, for someone success might be being a mother, for someone else it might be forming their own company. For me, by the way, you having this amazing project, human Inc, having this artist within podcast, is a huge success, but for some other person, that might be that you are a mother, that you are very successful, you have a husband it depends. So can we stop gauging success and other people's values by projecting our own values onto others? You know what I mean. It's a very personal journey, but I'm very grateful to film because it's by watching movies that I survived my teenage years stressful teenage years and it was my therapy. Watching movies was my therapy and I can't believe that from Turkey, as you were saying, this country of opportunities, like having a chance to, like working with all these amazing people, like people look up in the rest of the world but then realizing they are human too.

Nesli: 1:18:47

Like Selena Gomez said, like everyone is going through something.

Nesli: 1:18:51

We are all human beings. No one is 100% perfect. That's why social media, by the way, social media also depends on how they use it. You can use it to learn, you can use it to grow, you can use it to cook, for recipes, or you can use it to compare yourself to unrealistic standards that no one else is, because someone is always going to have better looks than us.

Nesli: 1:19:14

Someone is always going to have better things always. There is no end, so it depends on how we use. That's why I is always going to have better things, always. There is no end, so it depends on how we use. That's why I don't want to say negative things about social media. No, but yes, we are the creators of our own reality and and that's why I'm so grateful to this journey for making me realize that and mental health is a number one priority for me and, like you like you, it's not a trend for me this is here to stay, because it's here to stay with me for the rest of my life. How can I depart something that's gonna stay with me for the rest of my life? So this is fantastic. Thank you for the opportunity, you know no, absolutely, I think, want to.

Adela: 1:19:55

I want to turn you on to another person that I think you will absolutely appreciate. Have you heard of Alfred Adler? He is, was obviously a long time ago, but one of the founding fathers of psychology he is, he's more of, so he's on the lesser popular side with the psychology world, if you will, only because he doesn't necessarily promote so much of the aspect of you know, pharmaceuticals, yada, yada, yada, yada. It's the holistic approach, it's the individualistic thinking, it's about identifying the self and where we're at and this whole process of connecting yourself with the energy and using psychology to do it, just not in a way that it was the other. So, alfred Adler, I recommend this to you guys. You guys know we have on our website under the podcast. Right there you guys can have the book link and you can click on some of the books that we have for you too. But this is alfred, alfred adler, it's called what life should mean to you and it's like an artistic journey through using psychology and what it should mean to you. And I in here like have, of course, you know, notes and and stuff like that. Um, and one of the things which I actually probably the desire to only rid the difficulties and only focus on bad uh aspects versus reviewing how and the why of those consequences, of those bad aspects, is so much easier for us because, again, as we've said before, it gives to blame, but review and reflecting make takes on the ownership of accountability, responsibility, and that's so much harder for us to do, and so I love him for that aspect of what he teaches. I'm a huge fan. I have a lot of his books. It's how I've been studying a lot of the stuff and how art therapy is so important and and how you, the being, is an artist itself, which hence the podcast name the artist within, because you yourself are the creator of yourself and everything else around you. And so he, um, he's really, again, his teachings are really great. So I recommend you guys start learning, start listening, get information to yourself, get educated more.

Adela: 1:22:11

And it's not, again, the self-help. This isn't self-help. This is the care of the self, this is recognizing that caring for yourself is a full-time job. And I actually just had a conversation with one of my dear friends and we talked about how are we so good at being there for other people, like if you needed me right now, nestle and said, hey, I need you here, whatever, it doesn't matter what's going on in my life, I will be there for you because you know what she needs me. That's what we, what we asked, and I said I'd be there. Boom, boom, boom. And can you accomplish this for me? Absolutely, I can do this for you. I can do this for you Absolutely. Bosses, ask you, we can do it.

Adela: 1:22:45

You ask yourself can you be more committed to, you know, getting up on time and drinking more water? Can you be more committed to stretching today? Can you do the task of maybe taking a shower and brushing your teeth and brushing your hair today? Or can you do the task of washing your laundry? Or can you do what we cannot do, that for ourselves? For some reason it is the hardest thing to do for ourselves. But if you were to ask me to come do your dishes and your laundry, you know what? I will gladly.

Adela: 1:23:15

And it goes back to the hero complex. It goes back into wanting to be validated for our actions. But again, we don't help just because we want to help people. Help them. We help them because we want to be seen as I came over and did your dishes. I came over and did this for you instead of, no, I did my own dishes. I didn't.

Adela: 1:23:35

Can you help me build a business? Can you help me build this? You know, change the world. Can you help me navigate this mental health conversation Because I don't need that Like I got that handled, I can do that now, but we don't know how to do that and that is such a huge part of our mental health, the accountability that we don't take for ourselves. What we do in there, have you? We do in there, have you? I want to ask you this, like even for me, have you found that when you don't take care of your space and like you're being for you, that you're just not you like? You don't feel like yourself, you don't, you can't seem to navigate, because it's not like you're consciously thinking about not doing your dishes or taking care of your things, but subconsciously you are bothered that your space is not what you wanted and we don't give that time. Have you felt that or have you been there in that space?

Nesli: 1:24:22

always, always to this day, you know, and I'm very hard on myself and I like, for example, if a friend of mine let's say she makes a mistake and I, I say very nice things to her, but if I do the same thing, then I'm very mean to myself. But then I learn to be my best friend. I talk to myself like I talk to a friend of mine, because I never say these things to a friend. So, like you said, I'm always there, do a good job with an amazing interview, and it was with a very well-known company. But then if a friend of mine said that, I will tell her oh, my God, you will have so many more of them, because who created that opportunity? You did. You have the background, you have the means and you are going to attract so many more of you and you will not believe this. I talked to myself the way I talked to that friend, and then I started manifesting and even more opportunities started to come back in the day. It was unbelievable.

Nesli: 1:25:32

Isn't it great. It's hard sometimes. I'm not going to lie, but it's hard sometimes I'm not going to lie. That's why I sometimes tape myself and talk about my problems to myself and then I listen to it as an outsider and look at it objectively. Okay, I'm not nicely, I'm a friend. Like I'm listening to a friend of mine right now what advice I would give her.

Adela: 1:26:01

And then I was like oh, my God guy, for example.

Nesli: 1:26:03

You know, I thought I was okay.

Adela: 1:26:04

I thought I was the only person in the world that did that, because I have that and any. When I've suggested that to people, they've thought me crazy. They're like who do I post it to? I'm like I didn't say post it to anybody. I said listen to yourself. What like? Hear yourself, see yourself, like, be with yourself. But who's gonna listen? What am I gonna do with it doesn't matter. You are like, you're the audience, you're the person you need to hear it. So I'm so glad you said that, because I thought I was the only one. But let me tell you something it is, you are absolutely correct.

Adela: 1:26:40

If it wasn't for doing that, in my moments of despair, like you, I have but boohoo, boohoo, crying once, because, because, because who else is gonna hear it? My husband don't care, my friends don't care, the world don't care, nobody cares. So I gotta boohoo, cry and so I gotta tell somebody and I'm over there and then watch it and I'm like and but you watch it after five, ten minutes. Okay, you have to give yourself time to process your feeling of emotion. Okay, it's not just watching it after, but give it that.

Adela: 1:27:12

And then you come back into it, you walk away from me, come back into it and you watch it and you go oh, I just needed to cry, that's OK, I don't need to watch this again, that's OK, that's OK. Or oh, shoot, adela, you just had an epiphany. You know you're affected by this because, I don't know, your great, great grandmother did something to you at some time, I don't know, or your husband didn't do the dishes and you got mad, like something so simple, and you get to go back, okay, and then I go to my husband or somebody and go I'm sorry, I was, I had a little tantrum. I apologize, I'm, we're back together. We're. She's in right place, I'm in the right place it's so important, but you are gonna crack up.

Nesli: 1:27:53

I was doing it. I was having a bad day. I don't even remember what it was about. I was filming myself telling myself that I'm proud of you, like a friend talking to my best friend. Nestle is talking to best friend Nestle. I'm so proud of you. You did not fail because you tried. You're an amazing human being. You are an incredible friend. You are very successful. You are very healthy. You have a bright future ahead of you. Then one of my family members enters the room and hears the conversation and says do you realize how arrogant you sound so?

Nesli: 1:28:30

what he didn't get it. It was like uplifting, like I was talking to a friend, you know here's my thing I it's become obsessed with yourself.

Adela: 1:28:42

Like who else are you gonna learn about the most? You don't spend time with anyone else but yourself the most with you, sleep with yourself, you think with yourself, you love with yourself like it's yourself. So get to know yourself. And you're absolutely right, because I do that too and I'll have these conversations and people will be like Adela, do you know how narcissistic you sound right now and you're the like least narcissistic person I know, but those are some narcissistic words and I go only to you. In my head they're fine in my place. They're, they're great in my space. If they're not up there, they're my self-defense system, like I defend myself from myself. Because if not, then if I don't tell myself how great I am and look at and admire like I had a photo shoot on Saturday and I haven't picked my camera up since July.

Adela: 1:29:26

It's been a while and I'm nervous. You said nervousness. I was nervous for this interview and I was talking. I was nervous. I was over here palpitating and going, so nerves are normal, you guys, and so I was nervous. I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna do a good job, I'm not gonna do. You know, it's been forever and you start doubting yourself. Well, you have old equipment, adela, you're out of touch, you haven't? You just start going down the line. And then I did my stuff, and we do it, and I come back and I look at my shots and I was like, well, hot damn, adela, you haven't lost your touch. Everyone gets nervous and you have to give that Like. If you just do it in your head like this for those of you listening, I just pretended like I was talking to myself If you do it in your head like that, no one hears, no one says it.

Adela: 1:30:10

If you're watching, you saw it, but no one says it, right, but if you say it out loud and you don't have to say, adela, you're the greatest. You can literally just say, hey, you got this, you are possible, you, yes, I get it. Maybe it wasn't what you wanted to do, but that's okay, because you have the opportunity to change it again. And you know what, if you don't change it again, too, you'll get another opportunity to change it again. Maybe you need to learn it twice. Okay, cool, let's do it, let's get this together because, like you said, this is exactly the conversation I would have with my friend, with my human who I want to succeed, who I want to have love with, and if somebody hears you, maybe, just maybe, they needed to hear those words.

Nesli: 1:30:52

Yep, but which one do they prefer that you walk into the room and I'm talking to myself. You know what, nessie? You are a failure. You couldn't do it again. You know what, nessie? You are a failure. You couldn't do it again. And just what I expected from you. You are a loser. Do they prefer that or do they prefer? I'm so proud of you. You keep moving forward, one day at a time. You are gonna cross one bridge at a time, and I'm proud of you for trying. Which one do you prefer? Listen?

Adela: 1:31:17

they don't even know people around you, don't even know what they prefer. I've learned that a long time ago, because one day they want to help you and be like, no, you're not, you're the greatest. On the other end, they want to be like you're so full of yourself, so it doesn't matter. Okay, that's the point. It doesn't matter. Be fully yourself for yourself. And if somebody's like, oh, you're okay, be full, that's fine, at least my tank is full, who filled yours up lately? And those are the conversations I ask. Here's the thing who are you, who are we to judge somebody else's anything? We know, not a damn thing. Like I may be with my husband I've been with him for 18 years and we may be here where I'm, like we're telepathic. But let me tell you something At the end of the day, I still don't know him as an existent being, because he is his own thought, he's his own experience, he's his own dark shadow, great light, whatever the hell that is in there, that's his. I'm not in it. He is alone, and that's the point. We're all alone in it. But those around us either help us with, being the bridge to carry us, to push us through, to fuel us, to light us up, maybe even learn adela's term. Sometimes, you know, tone down. Sometimes we need to tone down. Dim the light just a little bit, because sometimes it can be. Sometimes that's okay, guys, not in a way like hey, shut it down, but you know, ross it like I'm, I ross people and people ross me. They go adela and I go, hmm, thank you, and we know it's nothing personal, it's just space, place, time. You have to have again some kind of social cues and existence and that's what we're working on on Adela's turf. But I'm just saying it's all about that perspective. Don't ever lose who you are because, like we just talked about, our existence is matter so much. Who we are as a human being. We may not affect, we may not change 8 billion people. But again I go back to my friend's Todd celebration that we just had for life. I met him, just him. Through him I met his sister and I met a friend. After him I've met about 30, 40 humans, not only whom I've impacted without ever even knowing them, ever, just because of him, but then the humans he's impacted after the fact and even then some, and what he still continues to impact. So please understand the value of yours.

Adela: 1:33:33

And when someone says, I know, also, really quick, you guys, I know that when we say, hey, I like you, or at least in my existence, when I say I like you, I know that when we say, hey, I like you, or at least in my existence, when I say I like you, I think you're cool, I mean it. I, if I don't like you, I will not talk to you. So I, I mean it, and I say that because, at the experience, I said that to someone and they said, oh, you know, it's like no, I mean I like them. And they're like really, I'm like yeah, no, I think they're genuinely like the coolest person. And of course, they were like oh well, most of the time people look at them weird and you know, whatever, I was like no, I think they're so cool. Are you kidding me? And so, please, I know people can lie, so just don't lie, don't. You don't have to be nice, be kind.

Adela: 1:34:13

You don't have to be nice, don't lie, be honest because, because you create more problems for people than you, and not even just then. Here's the thing Jordan Peterson if you haven't listened to him, I may or may not agree with everything, but I agree with his 12 rules of life. Okay, here's what I agree. I agree with the rule do not lie. But it's really do not lie to yourself. If you start lying to yourself about it, that I'm doing this, because I'm doing this and giving validations and excuses for not telling the truth, you're only trying to protect yourself. You're only trying to protect your own image, your own ego, your own self, and not even caring about the being. It's not about them.

Adela: 1:34:48

If you really cared about the person, you would tell them the truth. You would just be honest with them. Like, let the chips fall where they may fall. And if you accept the truth and how they react, all you have to do is give the person that time and accept that they're right in their reaction, regardless good or bad. And if we could have these conversations at that level and just not be afraid of conversation like. It feels like a confrontation all the time, doesn't it? When you go to someone, hey, I want to talk to you, it's instantly and you're like I didn't and that wasn't it.

Nesli: 1:35:18

But that's why conflict is necessary. I think it's so important to have conflict in anything, in relationships, in friendships, at work. I think that's really missing. You know, I'm not going to give any names, but some of the organizations that I recently worked at, they had so much internal conflict because they were acting like nothing was happening and it's just like sweeping under the rug. Yeah, and you got to. You got to talk about these issues. You've got to handle them, because was it Carl Jung who said unexpressed emotions, they become ugly and they are going to hit the surface. And, yeah, you can't suppress like you can only suppress to a degree, and it's. And, by the way, like you can only suppress to a degree, and it's very.

Nesli: 1:36:02

And, by the way, I'm not talking about hiring experts and bringing conflict resolution to management, because it doesn't solve anything. Experts talk to each other. They just, you know, curate workshops and then, as soon as the two-day training is over, people go back to real, not confronting the situation head on. Like seriously, if I were the CEO of a place, I would be like guys, okay, tell me what's not working, let's talk about what's not working and let's set some clear goals on how we can work together as a team. Realistically, I think a lot of things like communication is missing, transparent communication is missing and, more importantly, conflict resolution. And then again it circles back to what we discussed oh, we have to be nice all the time, but then you are not going to get anywhere. You're just gonna be the same organization with the same revenue even less, because you are not handling the internal infrastructure is so important.

Adela: 1:37:08

And when we talk about infrastructure, it isn't just the building, it's the actual components of what goes inside the business of it, at project human, like, we have a rule, it's an absolute rule if it feels negative, we pause, we stop, we redefine what's happening. If it feels and that, if it impacts it on a negative level, where we start to feel it down, like, feel it down we, we pause, we shift, we act. It's our psa, it's what we, it's been something, because it's something I learned for myself. I had to do it for myself. It's. It's really important if you can do it for yourself, you are able to do it in your own business, in your own companies.

Adela: 1:37:48

And we pause and then we go okay, what's the situation? Oh, there's a conflict between this and this and that, okay, cool, what? Okay, none of you guys are impacted, none of this. Okay, we're gonna do is we're're going to isolate that. We're going to have you guys continue with what we need to do. We'll deal with the situation. We may be impacted in the whole process of the outcome and the results of it because of the situation, but continue your works great, okay, cool.

Adela: 1:38:11

Or, if it impacts everybody, and okay, what do we need to do? Where do we need to shift it? And then we have a bigger rule if adela has to get involved, who's going home, who's getting fired? Because, at the end of the day, you are grown adults, you are grown adults. And if we can't resolve conflicts and come with a resolution, with a solution right there and I have to come and be mom to you and like, talk to you and train, I'm just gonna ask you which one of you want to go home? And they're like adela, but I volunteered. I fire volunteers too. Okay, that's like a motto for me too, because I can fire your time. No offense, I appreciate you, I love you and I'm very grateful, but if you can't be a benefit with your skill, with your, I'm not asking for your money, I'm not asking for your lifeline.

Adela: 1:38:56

But if you say, hey, adela, I can come in and I can be your DP for this project, and here's what this would be, and here's my and here's my in-kind donation, and here's what we're going to do, well then, be the best DP I need you to be.

Nesli: 1:39:10

Amazing.

Adela: 1:39:12

Like I'll replace you. You know why? Because I can do it. I may not be great at it, but I'll do it.

Nesli: 1:39:19

You know what this is, azela. Do you know what this is? It's emotional intelligence. Well, thank you, I had to learn, you know? No, no, that circles back to mental health again. It affects all aspects of life. That's why I gave work. As an example, can I tell you something crazy in a grant writing job that I had, we couldn't apply for a grant because the accountant and the program director didn't like each other. They were having conflicts that they were not willing to solve and the CEO didn't want to deal with it because they didn't have emotional intelligence. And we ended up not applying because they didn't develop program budget to apply to utilize with the grant, because they didn't develop program budget to apply to utilize with the grant. That's again, it's mental health, lack of conflict resolution, lack of emotional intelligence, like. No one can tell me. Mental health does not infiltrate all aspects of life. I know it doesn't sound like it, maybe to some people, but this is lack of emotional intelligence, this is lack of conflict resolution and this is lack of like intelligence.

Adela: 1:40:24

This is lack of conflict resolution and this is lack of like, willingness, accountability, responsibility, yeah, self accountability yeah, absolutely, and that's I have been in, in, and you and I will understand and again, you and I. That's why. That's why I told you guys we love her. We love her. This is like our first full-time conversation too, by the way. You guys Like full first, like deep in dive, but the thing I've come across, too, is that when I come in one, I can fit in with the Gen Zs and do all the stuff, hi, hi, like whatever.

Adela: 1:40:52

But I also, when I show up to the board and I show up to these meetings and I show up to places where we're like, hey, we're going to do this, we're going to have and you, when you make your way to the CEO level and you're having these conversations with the marketers, and you're like, hey, I want this, this is what we want to do, and then they look at you and go, well, we'll do it for you, we'll do it this way, but you have to change your core value or you have to change something about something of that. The amount of times that I have literally been like, okay, but that means that I have to fire my people, and they go, well, we'll get you new people. I go, no, no, you don't understand. I can't do what I do without my kind of people and I know my kind of people and I want my kind of people. So, no offense, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them, without anything. So no, they don't get cut. And that's what I learned through the film industry is the amount of times I've been cut on the back end because I was that, I was the worker who came in and did it and we put our all into that. At the end it was sold off and it had to be sold off. But but it was sold off because the chunk of us got chopped off at the block, end of it, with no conversation, no, nothing that impacts your mental health, that impacts everything and how you are.

Adela: 1:41:56

Because now you're in the chopping law, because, and then when people look at you and go, you know what you're you're dirt off the streets or you're this, you're just a minimal department, or you're and you say that, right there, those we don't have conversations about actually important, like valuing the importance level of a whole infrastructure, that every department, every being, every part of the existence is at an equal value, at an equal benefit and equal. Now that doesn't mean they don't scale up and down sometimes where one needs more priority money, but they are of equal value and equal responsibility and equal accountability. And if we don't act like that and it's just adela's in charge and nestle's in charge, and now we're talking about this, well, guess what? Nobody's going anywhere. Nobody likes when nobody likes the devil wears prada, no matter how much's going anywhere. Nobody likes when nobody likes a devil wears Prada, no matter how much we like the devil wears Prada. Nobody likes the devil wears Prada.

Adela: 1:42:45

Okay, let's just be real. I know I'm a Merrill, but I got to be a Hathaway too. We just got to be both. Okay, you got to have a little Merrill, but with the pot, like you got to. So, of people we have to be and.

Adela: 1:43:03

But that's how I look at you know our emotional intelligence and our logic. If you can't be logical and emotionally intelligent to understanding the being and the needs of everybody around you and what the companies need or what the services need and like, for example, where I'm getting ready to launch an initiative for a mental health summit of 2026 and I want to do a three-day event of education, information and celebration, and it's massive, it's a, it's a two-year undertaking right, and everybody's like, oh, help, I'll help. I'm like no, no, no, no, you don't understand. I need leaders, I need people to take on the delegation and lead on what needs to be taken on, not for you to come in and go, adela. What do I need to do? Because I've already done it. I need you to come on, read my pages, go adela. I have a question where do I go for this and do I need to do this and what are my parameters? And I go great, and then you go oh, I have this idea, do you like it? And I go does it suit everything? We do, sure, have fun, I don't care, because at the end of the day, are we going to reach our goal? I trust you as a human being. You said you were going to do this now. If you don't, okay, that's on me. Still, that's, that's the accountability, responsibility that's being out there.

Adela: 1:44:01

And I used to compete with gary vaynerchuk like I was. Listen, okay, okay, I'm one of like. He's on my list. Okay, like I will. I will, because if it wasn't for him, and when he, when he was in his hustle mode and on my my 30th birthday, he goes, what the fuck do you want to do with your life? Ask the question. And I was like I don't know and I was in my hustle mode. I'm like I'm going to be the greatest everything ever.

Adela: 1:44:31

And then I read his book or I listened to it too and it was the first one the punch, the jab, jab, punch. And in there he said you don't have my dna, you don't have what it takes. And I thought I knew twitter and I thought I knew how to do use anything. And I tweeted at him with the I got your dna, I got your balls, I got like I, like I. And so I was personally offended that he said I didn't have. I came to this country, to I'm an immigrant. I got what it takes, right, like no, we got the same DNA. And then I realized no, we don't have the same DNA, and that's OK, and I was wrong and that's OK. We have similar DNAs and that's cool.

Adela: 1:45:16

But that's the process of like finding people, looking up to people, challenging yourself, challenging it with others. Again, does Gary know about any of this? Does Gary no? But Gary and I were best friends for like three, four years. We had the best conversations and me and him would back and forth in my mirror in my moment, he would kick my ass where it needed to be. And are you aware? Well, I try to be and then, but if nobody else is going to hold you accountable, right again. That's why these humans exist, that's why this podcast is, that's why these conversations exist. Is you find the peace that it's, that like with it feeds your soul, that gives you life, that you get excited about, that you're like or that you get mad about?

Nesli: 1:45:57

if that's it, if you get it, oh, use it, fuel it, and you won't be here, by the way, oh girl, that's what I'm saying.

Adela: 1:46:06

So one, one more question for you, because I know we've been going at it and I know you got to go too, and it's it's la time and florida time, and we could talk forever. But I want to ask you, what was one moment in your life that you had that where, like I said, I had my gary moment and it was? He said it was just so, so stupidly silly and I was just and I'll never forget it sitting at that computer, so fumed, just I will, I have your dna, I got the balls and again, so so great, it was so much energy. But change the trajectory of where I'm at, like literally that one moment, that one, you don't have it, you don't have what it takes. Well, is there a moment for you where that, and then it's solidified to where you are now?

Nesli: 1:46:47

Yes, you know, I have a very similar memory. But I was only 11 or 12. And I remember the teacher told it to my face that I won't succeed in life, I don't have what it takes. Who says that to an 11, 12 year old? Who says that? And at that moment I I and I was just a kid I remember thinking you are so wrong and I couldn't understand why he was saying that. I didn't know it would be so wrong to say that to an 11 year old kid, but couldn't sense something was wrong and I could also sense it had nothing to do with me, but it had everything to do with him being unhappy with the job and profession he chose. But I never forget that, because who says like it's one thing to say it to my mom, it's another thing to say it to me, and then I was like no, no you don't know.

Nesli: 1:47:44

You don't get to tell me like you don't know one. Yeah, but it's crazy and it's like I was 11, I was 12, something like that. I can't. I still can't believe. He said that. I think he meant well in the sense that he didn't think I would remember that I was so young. But in a very Freudian way, our thoughts and everything shape up when we are very young.

Nesli: 1:48:08

But that was the moment I was like no one gets to tell me. Even as a kid, no one gets to tell me because I decide if I'm going to do whatever I decide to do, Not you. How are you deciding for me at such a young age? It was a little crazy no, I, I could.

Adela: 1:48:25

No, I, I want to validate your 11 year old self, because I had that moment too. But I was, I was much, I was much younger. Um, and I, back home, before the war, and somebody was telling me something and I remember looking at them, going like no, you don't understand. And they're like what are you? A stupid little kid? You know just. And of course I I was also the, the bastard child, if you will.

Adela: 1:48:49

You know, and in our country, you know what that means, where we're from and all that and so, um and so, with all of that, you know, somebody telling you you ain't shit, you should have been aborted, your whole town should be. You go watch me, bitch, I'm like, watch me, like, but watch me. It's really that voice. There's that voice that's within us. That's like that confidence that goes watch me. We need to hold on to that, like we need to fight.

Adela: 1:49:15

It doesn't have to be angry and mean and and and just. It doesn't have to. If it fuels you, sure, whatever, but it doesn't have to be, but it has to be strong and you have to. That's the voice you have to build up on, that's the voice you have to create that so that when you come into these spaces and you come around people, you can recognize that within them and build that within them and help people navigate that. So I I get it because, like I said, I was about four or five right before the war happened and it was at the house and I'll never forget looking and going like I don't belong here, none of this like like sure they're right in my you know kids mind. I'm like they're right in some shape or form. But that voice was still like but you don't decide. Like you, you don't know me, you don't know who I am.

Nesli: 1:49:58

Like you, literally have no idea who I am. That's why you are not there anymore. You are larger than life and, honestly, have you seen the movie Brooklyn? It's about immigrants coming to America. I know I haven't, I will read it, especially the ending, brooklyn, you know, it's amazing Saoirse Ronan, isn't it, Donald Gleeseson? And it's a fantastic movie and it just relates to what you just said now very similar but you are larger. It's cultural. I think it's cultural too. They really think it's okay to say that.

Adela: 1:50:32

But then here's on the other end, on the flip side, here in America, to not tell the child the truth and not hurt their feelings at all, like that's a little bit, you know. We're on the other end going like push you to the dirt, eat dirt over here we're like don't touch the dirt, you don't even need to know the dirt exists. And it's like there's gotta be some middle right and and some kind of. But that's the part of like again, the whole theme of that is what honesty, transparency and truth.

Nesli: 1:51:06

Here is the thing, though when we had our experiences, they were not true. Like, for example, if I had done something to give him the grounds to say that I will accept the truth. There was nothing right and I don't want to say that a 45 50 year old looking adult was jealous of me at the age of 11.

Nesli: 1:51:24

By no means am I saying that no, I am, but that's the truth there's unhappiness, like you are bleeding on the people who didn't cut you because you are unhappy with your life, just like traffic, traffic rage. When they get angry, they are most of the time angry at something.

Adela: 1:51:42

You know, I know I'm one of them. I have red hair. I try to be better.

Nesli: 1:51:47

Oh, I love your red hair, by the way, it's beautiful. But yes, so we should meet in the middle. There is always pros and cons in both cultures, but I still disagree that what we heard at those ages they were not true. If disagree that what we heard at those ages, they were not true.

Adela: 1:52:04

If they were true, then I'm all about honesty. Yeah, and that's where I was. I had to reconcile with so much of my life because and again this is weird when we think about the timelines of our lives or the tragedies of our lives, we conflate what we are today and who we are, and what identity is today with so much of what was behind in the past and what we so much run away from and try to seek in the future. That neither one of the neither one of them are true, like the past isn't true, neither is the future. That doesn't mean things didn't happen and facts didn't happen, but but your version of what happened isn't necessarily true to who you are or your version at all, because, again, the experiences that everybody around fed you, what you taught you, you were just such a sponge and such an. None of those words are yours. I look back at my family and my life and all that and I I cannot, like I, understand them logically that they are my family. That's my story, that's. But if I had the opportunity again, as that child, to grow in the way that I will, it would have been completely light and day completely different. Like I, it's, you're right, I in a sense again don't belong in that family that way, because of my thinking or all that. But that doesn't mean that that's not part of who I am or where it came from. It's a fact, it's a beautiful one, it's a great story, but it doesn't define who I am today. Sure, my mother and my father can tell me this and they can say, adela, this and this and this and that, and my aunts and uncles and family okay cool, if that's what you say is true, that's true to you. Okay cool, I ain't got nothing to do with it. And it ain't got nothing to do with it. But your name? Okay cool, my name's there, but it ain't got nothing to do with me. It ain't got nothing to do with me at the end of the day. And that's part of what we don't let go of.

Adela: 1:53:42

Because, again, I think, especially as immigrants or when we come to cultural identity and holding on to, in the trauma that we hold on to because we're, it's passed on more so than being able to define and and take on what we love about it, what we dislike about it and create our own and it's.

Adela: 1:53:59

It's been a struggle again, specifically for me, and I've had to really navigate because my whole search, even project human, everything was about going home and trying to find my identity and fix a timeline that didn't even matter. And and and the, the stress, the anxiety, the damage I caused just because of something that didn't exist, because someone told me it did and what I could do with it, versus I don't care, like I personally don't care. And when you think about that and you know yourself and you can look at it, be honest with it. Yes, it'll hurt people, yes, but if you're honest again, it's. It's such a flip and I'm sure you'll understand, but such a flip of your emotional and mental and spiritual stability when you expel it you don't know this all, just it's intense, you know, but but you navigated it successfully.

Nesli: 1:54:52

So, in my opinion, well, I think I mean, look at all these things you are doing, you know I think you are in the pathway for others, because it's happening to others too.

Adela: 1:55:02

Yeah well, that just gives again proof to the idea that we're possible and, as every human being, we're able to create and cultivate what we decide and what we want. It might. Will it look the same for everybody? No. Will it be easy? No, and but you know, I never said it was, I just said it was negative if it's negative.

Adela: 1:55:20

If it's negative, pause, shift and act. Pause on what's happening, reflect and shift your priorities and perspective and then act based and accordingly, and nothing more, nothing less. It's really a simple little rule. So, guys, do that. I want to ask you, leave, um, what can you, what can you tell our listeners? Uh, uh, for them to keep in mind, um, a statement or a note to them, something for them to keep in mind about who they are, what you believe, and just a little bit of note of inspiration to them um, it would be very relevant to the podcast name Artist Within.

Nesli: 1:56:01

Listen to your inner voice within you, because your intuition, your inner voice knows it. Don't necessarily listen to strangers who tell you you can't do it, as Adela and I experienced, because you will know the truth in your heart and that will guide your mission. If Steven Spielberg listened, he wouldn't be a director. If Oprah listened, she wouldn't be one of the best TV personalities.

Adela: 1:56:34

If Selena listened.

Nesli: 1:56:36

Yeah, don't listen, because you know the truth in your heart, and that's what matters. And leadership is also about believing in you. When no one believes in you and I know it's easy to say because, listen, we all go through dark places. But that's why my advice is continue listening to this amazing podcast and others, because we become what we surround ourselves with. We become the Instagram posts we like, we become the friends we chat with. We become the podcast we listen to. We become the books we read. We become the movies we watch. We become the music we listen to. So, pick wisely. It's not just food diet, it's also mental and psychological diet, and then you will become the person you are meant to be, slowly but surely, I promise you.

Adela: 1:57:30

Thank you for all your time oh, thank you so much, and can I just tell you how much I love listening to you speak.

Adela: 1:57:36

Your accent is just so sexy and beautiful okay, I didn't mean to get all that sexy on you guys, she just is, um, so anyway. So is there, uh, this? So if you guys have any questions or want to reach out to nesli nesli, a cold, uh, she's a non-profit development executive and so if you guys are in a search for somebody to help you out and do all that, she'll let you know what her fee is and she'll come out and save you and kick your butt, so, but I get first dibs on her, so you know, that's, that's what I gotta tell you. But anyway, I really, really, really, really, really had the best time in conversation with you. I enjoyed so much of it and I cannot, I can't, wait to see what we are going to do in the next couple years together, because I just there is such an over overwhelming sense of yes, okay, I just yeah, I'm overlap, overlap, and and and, but also just like a solid, not like a flood, my heart is fluttering, or or, like it's so solid and just peaceful and like I just know and it's gonna happen, it's gonna be epic and and so impactful beyond what we're already doing.

Adela: 1:58:48

And, as always, as a reminder, one conversation at a time changes a life. It changes the influences it inspires, it also defeats, it also takes away from. So be very careful about what you're speaking. And again, speaking from experience, I've said a few things that I shouldn't have, but that's okay. You learn from them and you understand and you accept and you grow with your words. And, as we've said, you are what you eat, and that means, in all shapes and forms and sizes of everything that encompasses you as a human being, you are what you eat. So until next time, my dear friends, I love you and I bid you a very well bid, adieu, farewell, if that's even how you say it anymore. All right, my loves. Bye, nestle, bye, my friends. We will talk later. Bye.