Adela: 0:07

hello, hello, hello friends, it's been a minute. Welcome back to the artist within podcast. I'm your host for season one, adela hotel, and this podcast is produced and sponsored by project human think, a new way to think about health, about your, your whole being, about humanity and our existence overall. Welcome back. I have been gone for about a month now because I needed to take a little break. It has been a weird month and a half, to say the least. But let me ask how you're doing. How have you been doing? How's everything been going with you? Have you been navigating your life? Because it's been even challenging for me and I'm supposed to be a pro in my own mind about navigating and functioning and processing and learning things and I've it very, very challenging to navigate this last month and a half, and so I took some time off. I sure did, and it's really cool to do that now without feeling the guilt and the shame that I used to feel for not producing and going over my capacity. So I can't wait to talk to you more about a few things that happened and a few things to share with you and the lessons I've learned.

Adela: 1:32

But first let's take a look at our. I just lost my train of thought. First, let's take a look at the website and our YouTube, because I want to thank you for supporting us so far, so long and for our subscribers. We are on our YouTube channel up to 144 subscribers and that is so fantastic. We have many shorts that are going out right now for our episodes and highlights of our episodes, so like them, share them, you know, comment on them. I will do my best to respond, as I have seen some of the comments come in, and thank you for those comments. Thank you for the few messages that a few of you have sent me to let me know that you are enjoying the podcast and you're enjoying what I have to say and are learning a few things from me and from what we do here at Project Human as well, and so it's really really exciting. I'm really really stoked about everything that's coming up and happening over these next couple of years, especially these next couple months, because there's been a lot, like I said, that's happened this last month and a half, and I'll get you up on that.

Adela: 2:43

But first, like I said, let's take a look at our website. Uh, what I would like for you to do, if you don't mind is go visit our blah blah can't speak. Go visit our web, our website. Oh, my goodness. Oh, consistency is key, guys. This is a lesson you should learn right now. Consistency is key because the moment you stop being consistent, you can see fluttering over here. But I'd like for you to go to go visit our website at thinking p-h-i-n-c-i-n-gorg thinkingorg because I want you to sign up and become one of our advocates. We are looking to reach 10,000 advocates in this next coming year and we want your help, I need your help, we want your support. So, while we're doing that, we have a big mental health summit that we are going to be launching next year and we want everybody on board with that.

Adela: 3:37

Mental health is so important to have as a conversation because it is one of the ways that impact how we function. It's not the only way ways that impact how we function. It's not the only way that's impacting how we function. There's many, many things that go along in two and part of mental health. But mental health as a whole your mind, what's going on within you, and how everything is affected, and what happens in this brain of yours is so complicated and so intricate and so complex, and the idea for us is to be able to have that conversation. So please, please, please, go sign up. We would love to have you be one of our advocates. Go to our home home page. You can, right here on our home page, join the community fin community you'll see, sign up. I will be starting out to send out newsletters and information a lot more in communication with you guys over these next couple of months.

Adela: 4:28

Like I said, I've been working really hard to build the infrastructure, to redefine the narrative, to find my own grounding, to make sure that what I say and what I do is absolutely executable and repeatable and for you to be able to succeed as well. And it does take time. It does take so much commitment and perseverance, but it's worth it. So go and join our community. Go join the ThinkFam and you will be able to be part of so many new things that are happening and going on. Check out a few of our projects that we have. Again, I keep talking about that. They're very important to me. I'm so proud of them and the more and more I am growing and the more I am seeing everything that I've done and I watch this young girl try to navigate this world and go through identifying her own narrative and her own identity and shedding identities and stories that are not hers, creating, creating her own. It's been a wild journey, so I really encourage you to go follow us, go like and share and see what we're all about.

Adela: 5:32

Just on our website, right now and again, you can sign up right here too, and if you sign up through this link here, you will also receive a roadmap to functionality and it's a little guide on how to start now. Looking at your life right, seeing where you're at in your needs, seeing where you are in your want, and then what is the requirement, what do we need to do to get there? So let's get it done. So take a look at that and then, while we're at it, go click on the invest for change, invest in change, pardon me, and help us out. Support us, make a donation or, if you can't make a donation again, share us like our. If you like what we have or you relate to the message that we are sharing and we're promoting, then go ahead and share us. That helps us a lot. That helps me a lot. Subscribe to the YouTube channel Again. Subscribe to our website, get on our contact list, get on our sheet. That'll help us a lot too.

Adela: 6:31

But if you can and you're in a position to contribute, you're in a position to make a donation. We're asking that you do for us as well, because we have many goals and plans to help bring a community together, help navigate change, help really inspire human beings into educating them as well as moving forward their own being right the process of how they function. In every day, we've lost that. How do you manage yourself, how do you just exist in a world where everything is moving at an extremely fast pace and you haven't even caught up with your laundry? So it's really important for us to step back, take a moment, reflect, pause, see where we're at, shift our perspective and then act upon the new perspective. So, psa, take a minute, take five minutes. Take, you know, five days if that's what you need to do, but take some time, anyway. So go and support us.

Adela: 7:30

This way, you can make a donation and you can donate in honor of somebody, if you have a loved one that has also been affected by mental health in some one way or shape or form and you want to contribute in advocating for us to be able to get to next levels of legislation, because we are working on that as well on the back end. I'll be talking to you guys more about that and bringing on people more about that in the next couple of months, but we are working on trying to understand that and see where and how we can advocate and help and be involved in that, because policy matters, how we navigate this matters. So please take a moment Again. Everything that we do is going to be going towards really making change in an effort to inspire humans to be human and give care to where it's really needed. We are in a position where we are capable of doing that. We just don't know how, because we don't know how to manage it. So our goal is to help with that and bridge that gap. Take a moment to do that. We, again, we'd appreciate it.

Adela: 8:29

And if you have somebody that's passed away due to mental health, please again. And if you want to donate to us, too, we will appreciate that as well, and we are going to be doing an honor wall, as we have had some of those donations come in in the next couple of months. That will be live for you guys to see, where you'll be able to share your you know messages and stories and submit to us so that we can update that for you as well, and just a place for them to continue keeping their memory, their name alive and their stories alive in their journeys. And you'll be able to share comments and update um, you know, update through there as well, just to kind of keep that relationship going. Even though a being has passed, or even though a being is not with you at the moment or there's somewhere where you don't have access to them, doesn't mean that that whole being is is not worth an effort to create a relationship with and to see past what their moments are right now, because for a lot of us they're just moments we don't know how to navigate.

Adela: 9:24

So, again, we are in the business of really educating and advocating um and informing our communities and ourselves about what mental health really means for the being within and what's happening within the being. Help us do that. You can by doing that, investing in change. Go visit us on our podcast page as well. Go subscribe, go listen to our episodes, go take a look at the Define your Narrative Books for Change. You can click on this link here. It'll take you to our YouTube page where we have a link of free books where you can educate yourself and start really thinking and seeing things in a new perspective and navigating your world and trying to see what you can do to change today, first taking small steps.

Adela: 10:08

Please understand you will not be able to do it really fast, but it's taken me 10 years now to get to this moment and upteen work projects, a thousand different ways of failing and very few little ways of succeeding. But those few ways that I did succeed, I've taken them to win to bigger places. So don't be afraid of failure. Don't be afraid of going down and relapsing in all of your places and spaces that you're working, as long as you are trying and working hard to navigate and make that change. So listen to that. You can go to our follow us podcast. You can follow us on Apple Podcasts, spotify, amazon Overcast, youtube, iheartradio, Podcast Index, castro CastBox, goodbox, truefans all the platforms that you want to or you have access to. Please follow us on one of them. We appreciate the support. The podcast is growing, we're growing and again, I am really, really, really thankful and really grateful for your support in that and I'll continue to say it. So all you have to do is go click on this one of those and then click that little follow button and that's it, and then you'll get little notifications to let you know that, hey, new episodes coming out like this one. So that's when it's gonna be that on the last follow process, then click over to our YouTube channel and go subscribe. Why? Because I want to reach 10,000 subscribers by the end of this year.

Adela: 11:30

I know that our message is strong. I know what we have to say is important. I know the conversation that we have to have is extremely, extremely important, but it's also so complex as well as uncomfortable, right. It makes us feel things that we're not ready to feel, and it makes us face things that we're not ready to feel, and it makes us face things that we're not ready to face, and it makes us push, want to push through things, but also hide away that and and we're not willing to sit in it for a minute. So let's have that conversation, let's sit in it, let's have the conversation, let's do it together and let's change our own, let's change our own biochemistry, just through existing, basically, and our psychology and everything about us. Let's change it through conversation, because it's possible. I promise you, I did it. It's possible. It does require more time. It does require more time, it does require more effort, but you're worth all of that. You, as a human being, are worth all of it. So, again, please take a look and hit us up on that, subscribe, listen to all of our stuff. That would be fantastic, and I will love you for it, because I love you either way, but I love you even more for that. So do that for me. That would be great. And now back to me. Now back to me.

Adela: 12:56

So what has been going on the last couple of weeks? And how does one move forward when life hits you in a way that you may or may not be prepared for it, but you also have been through it multiple times, and you get so tired of it. You get so tired of it that you lose faith, that you start to lose hope. Faith is hope. So if you lose faith, you start losing hope, you start losing it all. And how do you move forward from that? I've had a few of those moments where I've had to navigate that and ask those questions for myself and reach out and really try to understand this existence, because I couldn't understand it.

Adela: 13:38

I love tea. Tea has become my new drink of choice. I quit coffee. Can you guys believe it? For those of you who know me, coffee was like my drug of choice. It just hit the spot. And these last two weeks it was just a shift, a natural shift. I didn't want it anymore and my body craved tea and craved something warm and something just easy to process. And here I am and it's been wonderful. It's been wonderful.

Adela: 14:10

So what happened? Well, I took a break because I started to feel a burnout. I mentioned I had quite a few things happen that put me in a position. It was just back to back, right, like hits back to back, right like hits back to back. I lost multiple human beings to suicide in the in late of 2024 and just early 2025, and so it was just back to back to back of that.

Adela: 14:41

And I didn't necessarily understand how to process that, not, not not because I didn't know what to do or what steps to take, but my being started to lose some hope, uh, in its existence, because I had to ask the questions what am I doing? For? Why am I even here if I can't help the ones I love? What is this purpose? Like I just I can't understand it. It doesn't matter, because I know in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter At the end we're all six feet under and it doesn't matter. But right now it matters the most and right now I want to put in the most effort to be there, and yet I can't, and I don't know how to, and I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know what else. How else to educate myself and how else to approach the subject and what else?

Adela: 15:31

It was just the upteen amount of questions and self-doubt that came through and I had multiple panic attacks and anxiety attacks just through processing that. I had to reach out to a couple people and just process that conversation with them, for them to hold me accountable to what I'm saying and hold me accountable to what I know is truth, versus what my inner as I like to call it, my little inner demon was trying to put upon me, and that was that I wasn't good enough. None of this was worth it, None. Everything I've worked to this point isn't worth it. The idea of just hiding away in a hole and giving up was so, so, so, oh so appealing. But I also am such a fighter, like for myself not for anything else, but for myself. I know what I've survived, I know how far I've come, I know how far I've come, I know how hard I've worked. So the idea to give up was not important to me as someone who fights for herself. It really wasn't. I was like you know what, maybe you're right.

Adela: 16:38

And that was when I realized that I wasn't in a good space, that I was relapsing and that I was spiraling, because my worrier within me was starting to say something like that and agree to that, something that I never would agree to. So I reached out, I called a friend and I said hey, I just need to vent. I don't understand. I know all the no's, I know all the no's, I know all the no's, but I don't understand them. But I don't understand them. I don't understand what's happening right now and I don't understand how I can't be of service and how I'm not helpful, how I'm not doing what I am trying to do, how I'm not saving these lives. And so it was.

Adela: 17:22

Oh, even now it like hits me deep, because there's a part of me that still believes that and it will always believe that, that it's just not enough and it will never be enough. But I also understand there's I'm one human being and I can't do it all. It's also not my responsibility, I'm not accountable for it. It's what I am deciding and choosing to do. Right, I am making a decision to be of service and to help those who need help, who want help, who want to live, because I found that living and being here is so valuable and so important and so just wonderful for the moment that we have. We only have this moment of life. Life and if I go to sleep tomorrow I may not have it Like.

Adela: 18:06

Today is all about it, and really honing that in that present moment is so important. That doesn't mean that you don't think about your future and you're not planning for it, but you work and you live in today and you get today done. It's about the day and you hold yourself accountable because nobody has access to your day. It's what you give access to, and we've all just opened our doors to ourselves, to everybody, on our days, and thought that we can close them off for years or for our months, and that's not how it works. Boundaries are said, boundaries are set on an everyday basis and consistency that's consistency, right, that's discipline, that's being able to hold that ground and that barrier and that front line for yourself. That's something I didn't do before, something I didn't understand.

Adela: 18:58

And now that I do and now that I am, it's still hard for me to not feel the depth of hopelessness when I know there's not much I can do outside of what I have in control of today. So that's really hard to talk yourself through when you know it, but your emotion is so overwhelming and it takes over you and you start to drown and you can't process and you choke just on your own breath and you're like on your own thought. There's nothing that of cohesiveness that can come out. And as I'm talking through it with my friend and having this moment and just this blabbering mess that I am and I remember it was January 10th because I had had my um self-care day that day and I went to my massage and I again found out the news that morning and I couldn't process it, so I couldn't have a good relaxed massage. I couldn't understand any of that, so I tried to, but it wasn't. And then the whole rest of the day and then I just started spiraling, spiraling, spiraling. And I didn't really necessarily see that I was spiraling until actually a couple of days ago when I realized that I started neglecting my self being, and that was, you know, over four weeks ago now.

Adela: 20:26

So the mind is really powerful and our old habits are really, really, really easy to fall into when we're not consciously aware and consciously accountable of our actions and what we are doing. We will fall into the avoidance state, we will fall into the I don't want to. I don't want to, so I'm not going to, and we're not going to be honest about I don't want to. We're going to come up with excuses of I don't feel good and we won't feel good, like it just won't be. It won't be just an excuse. Like you really won't feel good, we won't feel good, like it just won't be. It won't be just an excuse. Like you really won't feel good. I didn't feel good. I had headaches. I wanted I slept. My fatigue was insane. I couldn't stop my confusion. Again, just the ID and then the anxieties. I would start having anxiety for no reason and I couldn't process why and I wouldn't finish things. I started not, I mean again.

Adela: 21:30

I go back to the laundry portion. I haven't been able to catch up on my laundry in a month and I am a conqueror of laundry. You guys have no idea how important that is to me to conquer my laundry and keep that space insanely clean that way. It is the like, the bane of my existence. The like the bane of my existence, it is the satan of my life. Because I had to. I grew up my whole life having to do laundry for six people, seven people, eight people all the time, and now just doing it for three people is enough to put me over the edge. And when Mount Everest becomes so big for me and it takes me four weeks to just climb it, that's insane. It's insane.

Adela: 22:14

So, and I did not notice that and that should have been my first clue if I was consciously aware of my again, my day-to-day, my 40 inches, my daily functional existence, if I was consciously aware of my actions, I would have seen that I know what I need to do to not have that. I know how long it takes me to take care of Mount Everest and climb it and knock it over, like it's not four weeks, it's maybe six hours. Like I'm good. I know that may seem crazy, but I'm good, I'm really good at my job when I want to do it and when I'm there, but when I'm not, you can see how it falls back. And we all have that, we're all there and one of my tell signs is my the negation of my home, and that was a clue I didn't really again put together and I maintained most of it up to you know, did basic routine stuff, but not to the level that I do.

Adela: 23:08

And then I realized the other day that I started negating my personal being. I wasn't doing my rituals in the morning with my you know body and my hair and the way I like to brush my hair, the way I like to brush my teeth, the way I like to wash my face. I wasn't doing that. I didn't take a shower for three days, four days, and that is not me. I am a two, maybe two like once, for 100%, potentially twice a day girl shower Because I have a ritual that I wash away my sins at night for the day and I say a prayer with God and I give thanks to my body and to my being and I just give thanks to my day in that shower time and I really just cherish that moment of giving myself space, giving myself grace, giving myself thanks and cherishing this temple that God's created, because one of the things that I am learning and again, just very new to reading the bible, very new to understanding um the word in that way but this temple is, is is sacred, right, and it is our gate key to to connecting with god and it is part of our amazing existence.

Adela: 24:26

It's got so many limitations, but what's within it has so much potential. And not caring for the structure, not caring for this home that houses the holy spirit, that hold that, like this, should be cleansed and and full of joy and exuberance and light when it becomes dark and you don't water it and you don't put effort into it again, I was four days in and then it hit me. I was like I looked in the mirror and I said, oh my gosh, who is this being? Literally, this was yesterday and I was like who is this being? And I've shown up for all my stuff, like I've had to show up all this time for work and for everything I've shown up, but I didn't show up as a full conscious being in existence the way I do or would, because I wasn't there, I didn't give myself that space to be there and so, yeah, so finally, yesterday I took time to give myself the grace, the, the scrub, the whole thing like full-on. Just give that love to myself. And I woke up feeling so amazing.

Adela: 25:42

I woke up feeling so refreshed and I did the same thing this morning and then went on to do my tasks, went on to do my chores, and that was so invigorating because I realized how much water is a necessity in a part of my life and not having it that way is like watering myself. I mean, we need to water plants and flowers every day, right, and we need to give that love and that care. Watering myself. I wasn't drinking water. I mean, for the last, like I said, two weeks, I've been on a water kick and a tea kick. You, you, I waters jugs of waters and that's not me.

Adela: 26:23

That type of care is not something that I'm consciously doing, but now is become so ingrained that my body is awoken that it's forced me to consciously see that. But my subconscious is like nah, girl, water, like I got you water, let's do this, forget about this, forget about this. Like there's a difference in the way that my primal being is functioning now versus how it was. My primal being wants to care for me now instead of neglecting me. My primal being wants to put me in a space where it is not just for my safety of survival but for the safety of my living and thriving and succeeding, and it sees the power in that. So it's really cool. It's really cool process and yeah.

Adela: 27:16

So all that's happened, I've had to navigate that. I've had to understand that I've had to be within myself and I wasn't. I thought I was, I really thought I was. And then yesterday I was, I really thought I was. And then yesterday I was like holy crap, adela, you have been so checked out and you weren't here. I mean, you were here but you weren't here.

Adela: 27:43

And I see around my place in my space now and I'm like, oh my gosh, the things I'm neglected, um. And then there's small things. They're not like massive things, but those small things are the things I'm neglected. And then there's small things. They're not like massive things, but those small things are the things that add up into massive, massive things. And I'm a true believer that the smallest steps, the smallest things, are the greatest victories you can have, because when you can master small and you can make it flow into your life, that small, small thing, it becomes a skill, it becomes a part of you, it becomes an automation of you that when the big thing comes, it's not even a problem. It's so small to you. The big thing is small because the small things are just so second nature, right, and I was letting my small second nature things go because I fell into my primal bad behaviors that were spiraling me into self-sabotage that I'm so used to. And I have to give myself credit because the day before yesterday was when it was like clicking into me that I wasn't necessarily like like part of part of conscious awareness of being here today and even though I have been or at least I thought I was, um, I've been.

Adela: 29:00

So I've been working on our documentary for for the um, for project human, called define the narrative, and that's going to be much, much new things are coming out with that. In the next couple months as well, I'm getting ready to go out to LA to work with the editor and finalize a few things for the trailer. I've been putting things together and just reviewing footage and that's been intense. You guys reviewing this footage and going through this process of looking and studying myself in this, like I get to look at this and see this. It's insane, but it's so wonderful because I get to see how I function, where I was at and how intensely I can judge the periods of my time by the way I was expressing my being and how I was working through my trauma, without even knowing that I was working through it.

Adela: 29:51

It's so uniquely cool to see this progression over these last couple years, but it's also very difficult because then the amount of sadness that comes and the amount of pain that comes with understanding the grief, the grief that comes with understanding the loss of your existence, the grief that comes with understanding the loss of your existence, of an identity that you had and once held so dear, of the potential of something that never really was, and how you circumvent that and how you move forward. For that it's been a really cool journey and, again, the moving forward has been every single day. Just take one step at a time, work through it, navigate it, have trust and faith in the process. Have trust and faith in the process of what you're doing and understand that it's worth the effort. That has been one of the key lessons I've had to learn, one of the greatest lessons I've learned, because the day before yesterday I was working my butt off.

Adela: 30:56

I've been nonstop this last couple of weeks and especially these last four or five days. It's been between the non-profit work, between my actual job of being a mom and a wife and home care, and then my third and fourth jobs of what I love to do, which is hair, makeup, photography, fashion, design, and I do all of those things. I just have a priority of how and when to do so, because I can't quit them all and I can't just focus on one. It's not how I function, it's not how I work, and that's okay. Trust the process. So I was working and I am getting ready to.

Adela: 31:37

I was, I was hitting it. I mean, I wasn't here, but I was like very proud of myself. I was hitting it. I was doing my gym stuff, I was in my mode. I'm like I got this, I got this, I got this, even though, again, I still felt like I was not here. But I was like I got this, I got this. I was like I got this, I got this, I got this. So much so that, from this moment like this, this is just what happened. If you guys are watching this, I just bumped my microphone stand. The same thing happened to my hard drive containing my full documentary. I bumped my hard drive and it is not working. Now it's turning on. I'm going to try to pry open and get the drive out and plug it up something else and get all the stuff on there. For now I'm.

Adela: 32:21

But when it happened, I would really like to share with you because I would have reacted very, very differently two years ago how I reacted and responded this time. And it just shows to the growth of a being and to trusting the process and to giving it over to God and and really trusting that what you're doing is on the right path, regardless of the hiccups, no matter how freaking big they are, no matter how insanely big they are. The hiccups are part of the process and, as my friend and dear friend, will an editor, said, adela, maybe god's keeping you on your toes, making sure that you understand how important this is if you say it's so important and that you see how, how, when you're working on something so big, a small little bump in something can create a huge hiccup for you. How are you going to navigate it? And I didn't understand that lesson in the moment when it happened, but over the last day of processing it I do get that now.

Adela: 33:23

So I bumped the thing to drive and I was like, please, don't. I was like God, please don't, please, please, please, spare me, like spare me't. I was like God, please don't, please, please, please, spare me, like spare me. So I plug it up. It's not working. I call my husband over, he comes over, he checks it out. It's not working. He takes it over to his stuff, he tries his tech stuff, he tries all his ways. It's not working. It's not working, it's done. I can't even process what just happened, I don't even know.

Adela: 33:52

And so it is like 2 pm and I am sitting here just in shock, just like this, just in shock, and my body is wanting to panic and my brain is trying to force it to panic, but neither one of them is really panicking. I am as calm as can be, like I'm really truly at peace and calm, which was shocking to me, because I'm like I just lost my life's work, basically like it's just not, just not there. I have this whole thing now. Mind you, I have backups and I've done my backups, except my self did not do a backup of a portion. I did back it up to our editor's drive, but I didn't back it up to my other drives and so I don't have that. And I was like, oh my gosh.

Adela: 34:45

So I sat here just like this and it's like two o'clock. I didn't even realize an hour passed because I was in such a stage of just sitting here going no, no, I refuse. Like I was in such denial I kept telling myself I refuse, nope, not happening, nope, didn't happen, nope, nope. And I kept trying to plug it in. I'm like nope, nope, nope, nope. And then finally I just started crying, just nope. And then finally I just started crying, just like are you kidding me? And I was like god, please, like I understand that I've taken my time on this and I get that this, like I get all of this, but I really, really want this. Why are we doing this? Why did I do this? And I had my moment of crying, had my moment of just in here, just like this Two years ago I would have been hyperventilating, with a panic attack, on the floor, not being able to breathe, because something just massive, tragic happened.

Adela: 35:41

My life would be over and like years of work okay, gone, years of work, gone my everything that I've been. I've been talking about people, humans who have put in their time to be there, all just gone. Oh, the disappointment that I I would like feel and I'd have to face and just everything. So I sat here and I was really genuinely trying to force myself to have that level of a panic attack. On the floor of all that in my body and my mind, we're like it's not that big a deal, adela. It's not that big a deal because we've got a few things. We can figure this out, we can solve this, we can do this. And that was literally what I was saying to myself while I was trying to force myself to panic as well. And I noticed that I was trying to force myself because I wasn't panicking and I couldn't understand why I wasn't panicking, but I was panicking without the panic. It was weird.

Adela: 36:48

And so I go to my meeting, I have my moment, I have a meeting and bless my, my new operations manager for project human Seth, who's freaking, fantastic and phenomenal. He's like Adela, it's okay, it's cool, we got this. He's not even part of like that, yet he just came on. He's like we got this, we got this, it's cool. I'm like, yeah, we got this, we got this. It's's not even part of like that. Yet he just came on. He's like we got this, we got this, it's cool. I'm like, yeah, we got this, we got this, it's cool. Gave me the pep talk. We talked about our meeting, did our stuff, our goals. I'm like, all right.

Adela: 37:19

Next thing my husband comes home. He goes. I'm going. He's like what happened? What's going on? I'm like I killed it, I killed our hard drive. He's like what do you mean? I was like it's gone and this little thing right here gone. So I tell him it's gone. Everything that I've come to get ready to give him in March, right now too, is gone off my thing. So I'm gonna have to wing it again, based off what I have and the memory I have, because I don't have a portion and he'll have to then do this other stuff.

Adela: 38:01

So I'm just like this is now where I'm panicking slightly, because now I am creating more work for someone else that I was trying so hard not to create for and I was doing my best not to be a nuisance for the people I care about. Now, listen, I am a certified nuisance. Certified nuisance for you know everyone else. Why? Because that's my role in life is to be a problem child In the best way, in the best way, I promise. But I am a problem child and so, as a certified nuisance, I like to be again a nuisance where I'm needed to be, a nuisance, not where I don't need to be.

Adela: 38:42

And I don't need to be a nuisance to cause a heartache and headache to the people I care about and who have already put in so much into me and so much faith, so much belief into what I'm doing and into this project and into all of it, for me to screw it all up at the end line, like we're so close to the end goal, so close to the finish line, and you're like. You're like running there and your legs just give out and you can't walk now, like you have no feeling. What do you do? Do you stay there or do you crawl your ass all the way over there and figure it out? So I'm crawling my ass through this to figure it out because I screwed up and I don't like screwing up. I really don't like screwing up.

Adela: 39:21

But when I screw up, I am 100% understanding and accountable of it. And I screwed up and again, now I gotta fix it. So he was like I got you, we have it. We have the full copy. I'll make the copies, we'll take care of it and then you know, when you get here we'll figure it out. And I was like you literally hold like my future in your hands right now and you could squish me like a bug if you wanted to. So I just thought you should know the power you hold over me and he started laughing. I was like it's not a funny matter, you don't understand. Adela doesn't like having that much, not having that much power over her own self, let alone. You know in that and and it's funny because it's not like yes, but like this is the end of the world if I screwed this whole thing up and it worked so hard, it's, it's like I get it, it's not. But it would be really disappointing and tragic on my end part that if I got to the end of this world and I screwed it all up. So, um, so yeah, so that happened.

Adela: 40:21

On top of that, um, I've had to onboard new members for the organization and we're working on the mental health summit and the pre-planning of everything. So there's so much work going in that I also have my own personal goals as an artist that I want to do. That's outside of the organization, outside of this right that I have been itching to do and that has been a little bit challenging because it requires time right, it requires effort as well and I'm finding it a little challenging to navigate that. So I'm gonna be being more proactive in figuring out how to reschedule stuff right, restructure stuff, pausing and and shifting my perspective and shifting my routines so that I can act upon what I want, and I do this PSA all the time. The PSA is pause, shift, act, and when something's not working I'll take a pause, reflect on it, you know, and see where I need to fix it, shift how I'm thinking about it, because there's always an answer.

Adela: 41:30

You guys listen, I don't care what the situation is. I understand life and death situations better than anyone, at least in my circle and around me, and there's you guys out there who understand it at your level too. But where I come from and what I've had to go through like, I get life and death situations on the most dire level of human existence and I also get life in a situation that are created by your own hand, right that you put yourself in that position or you've made yourself be a part of those moments in life that have led you to this space. So having and possessing the ability and the skill to navigate and shift all of those negative situations into something positive, or into finding it into a good, is the greatest skill you can learn. That's resilience. That is a part of you that is so resilient that, no matter what happens, you will find a way out. That, no matter where you're at, no matter what the situation is, there is a reason and a way out. You have to have faith. You have to have faith in yourself that you can figure it out. You have to have faith. You have to have faith in yourself that you can figure it out. You have to have faith in god or the universe or whatever you believe in, it doesn't matter, you just have to have faith. Faith is hope. Faith is hope that the impossible will happen. Faith is waiting to the last second and having and holding out that hope that at the last second, everything you ever wanted is going to be what you've desired and what you've worked for will be at your fingertips. It will work out why because you have worked your butt off and you have that faith. And then, even if it doesn't, it just wasn't that moment for it. It wasn't that moment for it doesn't mean you give moment for it. It doesn't mean you give up on it, because if you had faith all the way up to that second and at the last second it didn't work out. Okay, how do we make that last second be pushed forward? How do we make that second, last second in the next time that we do this? Now we know how the system works. Now we know what the process is. The only thing we need to work on is that last second, our finishing move. Let's finish it. Let's finish it. The way I understand language and the way I understand conversation is through I just lost the word through metaphors, right, I just lost the word through metaphors right Through analogies, through just things that make sense in how the world functions here and correlating it to the physical world, Because I'm physical, but my mind and my conscious is well, not necessarily imaginary, but it's not tangible, in a sense, like it's not a physical thing right here, it's within me, it's here, it's a part of me, it produces me, but it's not something I can hold, touch, taste, smell and be a part of. It's what it does and it's who it is within you. So every part of existence and every part of learning how to navigate your body there is a connection and correlation to a physical world. And once I learned like I've just had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday about her body and we were talking about how she's been running out of like juice and gas, and I've talked to a couple women especially women these days about this and how they're running out of gas and they've, you know, they don't even have anything to fuel their tanks up and blah, blah, blah, and they just found out that their tanks weren't empty and my whole thing was one. As a human being period, just every human being we don't even understand that we have a tank and how big our tank is, what the reserve is, how full it is. We have no idea what the capacity of our tank is. We don't, we just assume that we know it and then we push, push, push, push, push until it push until we are burned out to cap out, and then we start all over again, never really seeing what is the cap, what is the minimum amount before I start to cap out like and start to be on a burnout and start to mess this engine up, this beautiful working body, this car. My husband just got a new car, his dream car, and everything about it from the inside out is like capisce right and he's making sure it's meticulous, it's clean, it's all that. And I look at that and I'm like we don't take care of our body in that sense, in any shape or form. We will negate so much and neglect so much of it for whatever reason, because it's just not important. But we'll ensure that that little itty bitty scratch on the inside of a car we just paid, you know so an upteen amount of money for, is going to be perfect, no matter what, or that, or or that. We have the films on it that it needs to. And this is judgment. This is just saying we're willing to, but we're not willing to get up in the morning and stretch our body. We're not willing to take the shower, we're not willing to brush our hair, we're not willing to put our clothes the way we need to. So it makes sense to us in the way we function, the way we move forward. We're not willing to put that effort and those tiny little nicks in our life, in our body, that make those because those are razor cuts when they're not, or paper cuts when they're not. Both are actually very sharp and can cause a lot of damage. Sorry, I was just thinking about paper and razor cuts and the difference on them. Anyway, adhd, mind that happens, but both of them can cause tremendous damage over time if we're not paying attention to them and causes the spiral out of that. So if we're willing to put so much care into a material thing, into a product, into something that we have worked so hard to be in there, our body is a physical product of this world. Our body is that engine, our body is that vehicle, our body is that house, our body is that motorcycle I don't know Whatever you want to equate your body to that you're willing to put so much time and effort in to take care of. That is your body. It is a vessel that does something for you, that transports you somewhere, that gives you life in some shape or form. So when we don't take care of it and we don't give it that space and time and we don't study it from within, we don't have the capacity to understand when we're not good or when we're falling back, when we need to step up, and that's something that again, I'm even learning through this, but I know this. Now, this a month of me going down my spiral is nothing compared to a year, compared to two, five, ten. Are you kidding me? I'll take this month because I still got work done. I got so much work done even though I was spiraling within me, I was capable of executing and functioning even with a spiral. That's huge. That is huge. I still showed up and it didn't cost my body that much to show up. I didn't like it, I didn't want it, but it showed up. That is insane to me Because even a year ago, two years ago, I would have been passing out my body, hurting so much. The adrenaline, the cortisol, the anxiety, the panic, everything would be so heightened to the level of like my body would shut down. I would go into shock over simple things that are in life just not that big a deal. Like and again, yes, it is a big deal I lost the information on my hard drive. Yes, it's a big deal that I just lost a year's worth of work that I've been pumping out for my own self with this weight. Five years worth of work. If we're putting everything together, you know thousands of dollars worth on this one little thing of people's putting in their effort and all that, and that's insane. And yes, I am disappointed in myself and holy crap. But you know what? I was smart enough to have a backup here, what I was smart enough to have a backup here. I was smart enough to have this and even if it is all gone, even if it is none of that, I'm also smart enough to start all over again and figure it out, because there is. If there's a will, there's a way, and not giving up on your own being and having that warrior be really, really solidified within you where, okay, cool, so shit happened. How are we gonna fix it? Do you need a moment to process it? Okay, cry about it, that's fine, adela. Cry about it. Need a moment to process it? Okay, cry about it, that's fine, adela. Cry about it, have a moment. But now, how do we fix it? How do we move forward? Oh, okay. Well, we got to call this person. We got to do this. We got to take accountability. We got to take accountability and we got to be responsible to those actions and to those who are here. We got to be responsible Because you who are here. We got to be responsible because you don't even know what the consequences be. Until you actually follow through on that, you think the consequences might be terrible, you think that the whole world is going to fall apart. But it's not because you don't know, you haven't followed through yet, you haven't taken accountability for your actions, you haven't been responsible to those around you for it or to yourself, so you don't actually know what the consequence is. You're just assuming and then creating something within you that's not really true and then it's even worse than what it is. Facts about your existence, actions, those things matter. They get you somewhere. Our emotions just confuse. It's not that they're not important, but they confuse, they inflate, they fog who we are. That doesn't mean that they're not valid. That does not mean they're not valid and that they should not be respected and that they should not be given the time and place to express, that. They should not be given the time to be understood, to be processed, to be seen. But they also require accountability and responsibility. Emotions require structure. Emotions within us cannot function without structure. They're just. They're to me, the way I see them. Emotions are a tantrum of a child. Like every time, it gets so overly emotional where I can't have a decent conversation or communicate what I'm trying to say. And again, I'm not saying that I wasn't like this up until two years ago, or even a year ago. Way better now, way better now. That's the point of progress, that's the point of moving forward, that's the point of resilience, that's the point of not giving up. But every time I would allow my emotions to get the best of me, I could see myself reverting to the child within me. And my child within me has a lot of problems, you guys. Okay, she is a child with a machete and a teddy bear. At any given moment, she can be the sweetest, the kindest thing you could ever see, and hug you and play with you and have the greatest thing. Or, on the other second, she can just slice and dice you with no problems at all. She has no problems because she has no remorse about surviving at all. She has no empathy. In that, like, in that situation, on the other hand, she is extremely vulnerable, extremely compassionate, extremely intelligent, but at the same time so, so weak in understanding and handling herself. And so when I once I saw that that is what my emotion is, when I once I saw that that is what my emotion is. It was a child of neglected needs. I was like, holy crap, I need to come back in here within myself as the adult being, approach this child within me on a way, and so I have a whole scene in my head. This child again sits in a corner on the street. She's moved in right now. She's living with me. She's moved in right now. She's living with me. She's moved in right now. But when we started, she was in the streets in a tent for her own way, and the image in my head is exactly what I'm telling you, and I would be a walker by her every time and just, oh well, you know, you're such a sweet kid, oh, let me help you. Oh, this and that, without ever really seeing her, and she would be reaching out to me, reaching out to me, and then I would do something that would hurt her, that would confuse her, that would conflate her. I would take an action or make a decision that would go against what she or what I said to myself or to her, and that will put her into a zone of a tantrum and the machete would come out and then self-sabotage and all the cuts and bruises that I would have, or I would do to myself, because I didn't understand that the decisions that I, as the adult, was making was impacting that emotional being within me, that child that never got the needs met that it needed to. So I had to approach it from a different perspective. I had to come at her level. I had to look at it at her level. Okay, well, she's not putting that machete down, she still has it with her, she sleeps with it, it's under her bed right now. You know she's not letting that go, but it's out of her hands right now. So that's a plus, right, that's a plus. We'll see if we'll put it in a safe eventually, but for now it's a plus. The teddy bear is still there too, coming. It's cleaner, we're cleaner, we're getting there, but it's a lot of work. And so, as I've navigated this documentary, this work, this project, this organization, this growth, I've seen how much of her has been in charge of all of it, because I've seen how she's tried to assert her self in this life, in here, saying Adela, I'm within you, I exist. You're trying to erase me, you're trying to forget me, you're trying to think that I have never existed for you, but I can't. I'm here, I need you to help me, fix me. I need you to guide me. I need you to be what I've never had. You're asking everyone else around to do it for you, but I don't know them. I don't trust them. I know you. You've been with me my whole constant life, even though you've not treated me very well. But I don't know these humans. I don't know these other people. I don't know these therapists, these doctors. So you have to go in for me with me and you have to guide me with you through these, because I'm not capable, I don't know. And that child didn't know how to say that, she didn't know how to tell me that. So, instead of telling me that she would just have a tantrum, and when she would have a tantrum, I would have an outwardly tantrum without even knowing why I, something so silly could, could set me off and I would ban the whole world. You guys, listen, I'm like just ban it, forget it, fire everybody. Ah, the world is over. Ah, it's ridiculous, it was. It was maybe not as that as intense, but like it was intense. Okay, and again, not that maybe I didn't have my valid reasons for something happening, and because of my core value of belief. Maybe somebody did mistreat a human or maybe somebody did mess up or maybe something that. But the reaction portion of it, right, was so unnecessary. For Medela the reaction portion was so unnecessary. And but that part is because I didn't know and I didn't understand that she was in charge, coming out and defending me because I didn't know how to defend myself. Necessarily, she knew how to defend me, but I didn't know how to defend myself. Yet she wanted me to defend her. So this little girl inside of me has been doing all the warrior work, all the battling while I've been here, depending on her to find it, find it out and figure it out. I was the adult. I had to take control over the way I learned. That lesson was by having a child. Having a child taught me that lesson. I was able to grow with him within that because I had to be a mother and had to be a grown-up, an adult here. So to create this barrier between me and myself and my child, because I couldn't be, I couldn't respond to my child the way I respond to everything else. I couldn't have tantrums that way doesn't mean I didn't have them, doesn't mean that I was perfect in any shape or form. Okay, I've had my plenty of my tantrums. I still do, but I'm very much more aware of them and very much more can pull them back now and can have a different way of approaching them and can understand and can even walk away at times now, which is fantastic. So, understanding that, having my son, having him and navigating this going wow, I can see where my son's tantrum is me neglecting his needs one way or another. That doesn't mean that I'm here to be at his beck and call you guys. It's not about that and it's not about this like gentle your way through life and all that. I'm a very tough parent. I'm a very strict parent. I'm a very morally driven, value driven parent. So there's a lot of structure, a lot of rules, a lot that goes on. I don't let little things slip by. So there's a lot of pressure in that. I know that. I understand that. However, when my son acts out, I understand it's somewhere in there that there was a me that was not met from me, meaning somewhere in there that there was a me that was not met from me or not met from me, meaning somewhere in there. I didn't give him enough space to have a conversation, or approach the conversation with him or open the door for it, about a need that he's having Now. It could not be a need for me. It doesn't have to be something I'm necessarily personally doing or as in my role, but I am the parent. Parent, I am supposed to be that structure, I am supposed to be that safety, I am supposed to be that navigation for him in that guide, just as I am for myself. And our parents have never had that opportunity to learn that that way. Their parents never gave them that because they didn't have it. And I believe we're the first generation or at least in my space and time, I'm the first generation doing this where I'm really understanding the needs of that and separating the, the being within me into the entities of the adolescence, the where I'm at now, and connecting them, because that bridge is what's missing. That's where our mental health is so divided, and that's one thing I don't want my son to have. I want him to have the understanding of well, that's fine, your needs are not met. What is the need that's not met? Let's have the tantrum, let's have this conversation, but let's figure also out how we meet that need. So you're not here and you're not in this position again, or so it comes down to conversation, it comes down to communicating, but when that feeling takes over, you have no idea how to communicate, you have no idea how to process, you have no idea how to navigate anything, so that turns into a full-blown panic attack or an anxiety attack or even something that that's more intense and severe when you're suffering through that. So just really understanding and knowing that you have a limit, you have a tank, you have a capacity, as I mentioned, we humans don't understand that. We, as women specifically, don't understand that we even have a tank. Our tanks are enormous, but at the same time, they may be enormous, but the amount of energy we output and what is required to fill the main does not equate. It does not balance out. So we have to figure out where our actual cap is. Just because we're capable of it, just because we're pushing the limit of it and we can go to the top of it, doesn't mean we have the ability to refill it at the same capacity and the same expedience that we give it out. So what we have to do is understand where our actual limit is, which is something that I realized I did this last month is when I, when I took myself out and I took a step back and I did that, it's because I was reaching my, like, quarter tank. That's my limit. A quarter tank is my limit and I know that because I've run out of gas on the highway and I've been stuck and I did not like that feeling. I did not like it feeling at all. So now a quarter tank is an empty tank for me. That's empty. That's my guideline, that's my boundary. I don't care where I'm at. If it's at a quarter tank, I'm going to go get gas. I am stopping what I'm doing. I'm going to go get gas because I will not be stranded again. I will now be put in a position where I have no energy, no way to get home, no way to be safe, no way to be able to take care of myself. So, same thing for my body, same thing for your body. What is your tank? What is that level for you? How do you know what that is for you? Well, you don't know that until you start figuring out what it is that you actually do. Where do you spend your money? Who's refueling you? How are you being refueled. Are you refueling you? What kind of gas are you actually using to refuel yourself? Is it just the cheapest that you can, because it's what you can afford, that's fine, okay, cool. Now are you replenishing it with something else that you might need to make better? So just because gas is cheap doesn't mean that all the rest of the parts have to be cheap, right? What are you doing to maintain this engine, to maintain this body, to maintain this core, to maintain this temple? I promise you that is like the key to everything on how you're going to learn to function. We neglect this body. Now I'm not saying again go out and be David Goggins, whom I Literally that's my inspiration every morning For the gym. That's what I listen to. I listen to his Motivational speeches. I listen to Kobe Bryant's. I listen To Sorry Willicks. I listen like those are my guys, who I'm like. They're just just oh, you will never beat me. I don't give up. I never surrender. I go through one more time. That's what I need, because I need to be yelled at, and my mind, because I know how much stronger my evil side, the Satan of me, is. I really do know how strong that is. It needs to be beat down. It can't be gentled out. It needs to be beat down with good, positive words and food for thought of that. So I can't just put on some music and pump down to it and all like I can't. I need human voices who are literally the same as me going. I know how much it sucks, I get it, I understand it, but you are not meant to fail. And when you have that within you, when you have that motivation, when you're building that warrior within you, when you're in your own bed and you're wanting to fail and you don't want to, that warrior comes out so strong and it punches that. It literally I have it. It's like like a, it's like a street fighter move. For me it's like the shuriken okay, um, and I'm probably gonna get it wrong because it's been eons since I've seen street fighter or anybody around me play it, or even I touched it around there, but I think it's right. You and he like goes oh, shuriken, right, and like the uppercut. That's how I, in my head, imagine whenever I start to come down on myself, my warrior coming out and just like out of the woodwork coming out and going oh, not today, satan, and I refuse. And it's really funny in my head, it makes me laugh. But when I do that, I can feel my body do it too. I can feel my body go yeah, not today, let. I can feel my body do it too. I can feel my body go yeah, not today, let's go. And I actually get up and I push forward and I work out and I take the next step and I do that. You have to visualize, you have to see this fight that's happening within your mind and you have to see yourself as the winner. You have to see yourself as the warrior and you're not fighting anybody else. You're not fighting your competitors out there who are having the same podcast, or who are in the same movie, or who are creating the same painting or who are, you know, getting the same accounts or winning the best things or getting new cars, new homes. You're not. Those are not the people you're competing against. Not one bit, not even close. You are competing against you because the person inside that you're fighting in there is the only one, the only person, the only character, the only being, the only entity that can tear you the hell down, that can tear everything you've ever worked down for, that can take you and put you six feet under. That is, the only being you're fighting is yourself. So you have to create a strong sense of self, a strong sense of identity. And it's not an identity in a name, it's not an identity in a culture, it's not an identity in a religion or in a. It's an identity in a human, in yourself, that you, as a human, are worth the effort. No matter what you're called, no matter what you believe, no matter what you look like, no matter what you do, no matter where you do like, it doesn't matter. You have to have that faith in all that, have the faith in yourself, have the power, the strength to fight through, no matter what's happening in front of you. In your 40 inches, in your six feet, not in the world. It's six feet, not in the world. It's not your job to convince the world. It's not your job to validate the world. It's not your job to redeem the world. It is not your job to judge it. It is not your job to save it in any shape or form. You are not the hero of that. You are not the hero of this world, because this world keeps moving on, whether you're in it or not, but you are sure as hell the hero of your world, the hero of your story, the hero of your life that once your life is done, that does not keep moving, your life is ended. Then the world around you keeps moving, but once you stop, it stops with you. There's no catching up, there's only picking up where you left off. And when you pick up where you left off, there has been age to it, there has been depreciation to it, there has been damage to it. It has been left outside and neglected. You have not given it attention and care. So you're going to have to pick it up and you have to dust the rust off and you have to give it some treatment, give it some love. You're going to have to replace some parts. You're going to have to put in a new new battery, new way of thinking, new chip, new something. You will have to put something new within it. That's the way you move forward and that's the way you win. There's no catching up, there's picking up. Wherever you left something, that's where it's going to stay. Just like I did. I left this podcast wherever I left it. I did not record it, stayed there. Now I'm picking it back up. It's not that dusty yet. It's not that rusty yet. It needed a little bit of a, but I got it, we're good. I needed a little bit of a oiling here and there and just in the beginning moving forward, but I got it. We're good, Picking up, moving forward, recognizing within yourself how you process, seeing what your body is telling you. When your body doesn't have anywhere to expel the negative energy and the adrenaline, the cortisol levels that fuel your fight or flight response in a survival mode that puts you into a panic state, that puts you into a fight state that literally makes your body go, you got to figure out a way how to release it and let it go. It cannot hold it because it's stored memory in your muscles, it's stored memory in your body and it will be carried on with you. And the more you store, the more you carry, the heavier it begins, the more by your body does not want to function. So you have to release it, even if it means just shaking it out, even if it means, you know, stretching on the floor going to the gym. What? So you have to release it, even if it means just shaking it out, even if it means you know stretching on the floor. Going to the gym, what are you doing to release it? Screaming in the pillow, okay, cool, that's one way, but you're not releasing the body. The body needs to move. The body needs to be given the opportunity to just let it out, okay. So what are we doing? What are you doing? How are we navigating this? Um, that's what I've had to do this last month. That's why I took some time off and I've had to, like I said, really just restructure a few things, because everything I want, I want it to succeed and I want to do it really, really well. I want to do it at the best of my capacity, the most transparent and the most honest. I also don't want to do it where I kill myself at the cost of it, because one of the things I've learned that just existing today, just breathing today, being here and making my son breakfast, giving my husband a kiss, making my bed, planting my flowers, talking to my neighbor, saying hello to the grocery person at the store today, walking down into a place where it's just having a moment, like that, is a beautiful lived life and that is success. Everything else, all of this, is an added bonus, because I have the capacity, I have the desire, I have the want, I have the ambition, I have the determination, the commitment to do it. I want to serve. Those are all just added bonuses. And when those are added bonuses, you have to always remember those are again. They're icing on the cake. But sometimes you don't need the icing. Sometimes you just need to work on the cake and the cake needs to be rebuilt, and the cake needs to be rebaked a little bit and the cake needs to be reflunged, and then so you have to take that icing off and start all over again. But the cake is there. Don't ever let the cake rot from within, you know, let all of this. It's just, it's so simple. It's so simple. And the more you simplify things in that way, the more you're able to navigate the world and your future and achieve your goals. And this is against. For coming from somebody who overcomplicated everything in her life the most complicated being you could ever think of but at the same time, being complicated, allowed me to learn how to uncomplicate the world. But I didn't know how to do that until I studied myself. So I encourage you to study yourself. I encourage you to take a leap forward and take this year. It's still early on. We're only in the first quarter of the year. There's so much you can achieve and do. There's so many ways you can change. There's so many things that you can navigate. You cannot lose faith. You cannot lose hope. You have to have it in yourself. You have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and you have to believe that you are worth the effort. And that effort is going to be hard and it's going to be long and it's going to be miserable at times and it's just going to be plain painful and not something you want to do, but it's literally the thing you have to fight through and go through, because it's the battle within you. Then it's not the battle around the world. It's you and you, it's you and your dreams, it's your ego, it's your evil self within you that is wanting you to fail, wanting to sabotage you. And it's you, the little warrior, the one that doesn't even have a sword right now, the little being going. No, I refuse to give up. I refuse to, no matter how many times I get beat up. As long as there's breath in me, there's a chance. As long as there's breath in me, there's a chance, there's an opportunity. So take that time, take that moment to create the opportunities for yourself. As long as there's breath, as long as there's there's breath in you, there's an opportunity, there's a chance for you to navigate this world and to win. Do not give up. So if you have to take some time, if you have to pause, if you have to shift your perspective and then you have to come back and act again, then come back and act again with almighty power that that you have within you, just as I am doing right now. Don't let your own self be the downfall of you, and that's the one promise I made to myself. I refuse to be the downfall of myself. I refuse to be the one to pull the rug out from under my feet. I refuse to be the one to stab my own self in the back. I refuse to be the one to make my own word in the back. I refuse to be the one to make my own word to myself. Now, am I breaking some? Sure, I'm still working on that part like, hey, get up and work out. Hey, drink better, eat better, do these things better, listen to things better. You know I'm I'm working on it. We all have things that we have to perfect, but am I working on it? I am working on it, and do I want to be better 100%? Do I believe in myself and that little warrior in there that's fighting this battle of life? Yes, I sure do. She's got it, she can do it. She has so much power within her. And it's not going to be easy, right, it's definitely not, but we have it and we can do it. So I encourage you to continue doing that. Don't let yourself fall. Don't let yourself fall, don't let yourself fail. And if you do, it's okay, because you can literally get up and do it again. But, work or not, because you're worth the effort, you're worth the fight, and every failure is just another way of learning how to navigate, and learning something new. So it's not a failure, it's an education. Look at your life as an educational experiment and educate yourself in the way you would want this life to be loved, lived, experienced, and share your story. Share it and navigate it, enjoy the journey and, again, live life to the fullest. So don't forget at the end, right now, to subscribe to like to post, to do all that good stuff on it. Thank you for following, thank you for subscribing, thank you for listening, thank you for doing all the great things that you are doing for us and giving me the opportunity to continue to grow, to continue to share my voice, to continue to create the art community that I really wish to see within us all, and for all of us to become the artists that we are and create our designed reality that we've all been purposely given and constructed by God. So, sending you my love, sending you all my kudos until next time, my friends.