SPEAKER_02: 1:26

Hello everybody. Welcome back to our monthly community conversations. Super excited for September. Super excited to have you here. Really quick, just a couple of things. We have our merch online on our store going on right now. So please go check it out. Go pick up a piece. We love it. I love it. I know you love it too. And we've got a few things coming up that if you are looking through and are reading through and are listening, you'll hear a few announcements and a few raffle opportunities coming up for you to be able to participate in a few things. As well as we have our Krispy Kreme campaign, uh donuts campaign going on right now. So we have a goal of 700 dozen to sell to raise a uh to raise some money for our organization and for the documentary. So if you're in for something sweet, we'll definitely share the link and information with you here. And at the end, towards the end, we have a slide for you to be able to just scan as you're watching or listening, and or go onto our website and it's right there for you to just click the button and buy yourself a nice dozen or two of hot fresh donuts that you can pick up at any time at your local Krispy Kreme Donuts. Okay. Now, Seth, take it away.

SPEAKER_00: 2:42

Okay. Uh hi, my name is Seth. I'm the operations officer for Project Human, affectionately referred to as FINC. I'll be moderating the meeting tonight. This is our fourth 2025 monthly community conversation. These are ongoing monthly online events where members of FINC and our widespread community discuss key themes important to our organization and mission. Each conversation includes a brief introduction of FINC, information and resources related to that month's theme and testimony from someone in the community.

SPEAKER_02: 3:14

Hey Seth, you're breaking up really bad. So really quick, while he's fixing that, we're just gonna um each month it includes a brief and sort of let me know when you're when you you're popping in and out. So uh I mean you there you go. Let's see.

SPEAKER_00: 3:42

I really don't know what's going on, so I can't pass the book.

SPEAKER_02: 3:45

I got you. So I'll take over real quick. All right. So uh every month, uh each conversation includes a brief introduction to Fink, which we'll talk about then in a second, and uh and resources related to that last month, Siemens. Um and we are now we started with a testimony, now we are doing uh some activities, which I'm really, really excited, which we have to give a shoot, huge shout out to our team member Jen for this. Disclaimer, disclaimers, we are not medical professionals. If you are in crisis, reach out to your local mental health resource or dial 911 for immediate assistance for national suicide prevention, support dial 988. We are recording and live streaming tonight's event on our YouTube channel. So if you do not wish to be on video, please take a moment to turn off your turn off your camera. And if you do not wish to participate in the activities that we do have tonight, as we get ready to do them, we will ask you. And if you do so, we appreciate the participation. That would be great. Um, we will be using tonight's conversation to promote and raise awareness about the about think organization and our mission. By participating in our Zoom meetings, you give us permission to use any and all audio video contact for promotional purposes and educational purposes. And there is that. Alright, so as we get ready to go, I want to share with you guys really quick what we're gonna be talking about today. Um, thanks to our great team member Jen. We have a little slideshow presentation for those of you who are watching live. And we our topic of conversation is compassion. Uh so, Jen, uh, we're gonna take that away. Well, I'll take that away because that's my script moment in there. So, for those of you in there, we have that compassion. For those of you who are in our Zoom, you Zoom call, please click the link that we have there for you so you can follow the slides as well. All right, so let's talk about compassion, you guys. Um let me talk to you really quick about Project Human, just a quick intro. Uh, for those of you who are coming in and new and listening, Project Human is an organization that is dedicated to bridging the gap between mental and emotional health. And we really are in we use effective communication through arts and tangible work that we do in creative uh expression. Um, our our whole goal really is just to let human beings know that they're worth existing and that they have value and that they're capable of working and creating and building something because they just exist. It's really the ultimate like underlining in any of that to where it comes in, which takes us back to our last month's conversation for a second, which was about connection. And there's certainly a tie in here with compassion because compassion, connection, as we mentioned last last month, we talked about it being a bridge, right? Being it being this fiber of that that at any minuscule level, you can make that connection with somebody. And once you make that connection, the next step to me, or to at least in the process of how you build a bridge or build something, is to have an understanding through compassion of the human being and of that connection. And compassion bridges that um creates that bridge through true connection for human beings. When we act with compassion, even towards what someone we don't know, we signal safety, care, and presence. That doesn't require deep emotional vulnerability, just a willingness to acknowledge that someone else is someone else's humanity. I say that part really with so much emphasis on the humanity part because the whole reason I started the organization is because I didn't see the humanity within me. I did not see my own human self and the worth and the value of that humanity. And it took a lot of compassion to get there for that. And the acknowledgement of that is really powerful, right? It softens as it softens the defenses, it invites openness, and it says that you matter, even if you don't know your whole story. For those of you, you guys really don't know my whole story, but you know bits and pieces, and it matters because you've realized that I matter and because I've made myself matter and I've made myself important, and not in a way that's big or anything, but my humanity, my existence, my breath is important, and I do believe that from for every human. And last month we said to achieve a deeper connection, it requires an action of truly showing up. And I want to thank my team here for showing up every single month and every single time this year for me and for Project Human to really be able to make these things happen and to have enough compassion for me too in this process that we've had to learn and navigate, because it does take that, and it takes that um willingness to show up for a human being and be there for one another. And I want to really remind you of an important distinction here when we say showing up and how it relates to both compassion and connection. To truly show up for another person means that you are, it means more than just being physically present, right? It means emotionally, mentally, energetically, energetically present in a way that says, Hey, I see you, I hear you, I feel you as a human being. I may not know or understand or even agree or have any fortitude to even engage any further than this moment, but for this moment in this time, I see you, I see who you are, I see your space, and I feel you, and I want to understand more of you. Um, and I want to create that space without trying to fix you, without trying to create a a new narrative for you because you are in control of your own narrative and how you write it. And when you have the opportunity to feel safe and to create that narrative and to write that narrative for yourself that way, it it gives you also an opportunity as somebody who's giving that compassionate space to someone to learn how to listen and observe and learn and be in the presence of someone to take in their words, to decipher through the language that they may not even understand yet, and then maybe guide them and help them and be the light in their way. And so it's choosing to stay, right? It's choosing to be here for human beings, even when it's uncomfortable, even when you don't want to, even when you don't like it, even when it stinks in the most like deepest depths of stink, and you go, you know what? I am just not equipped for this. So let me be honest, I'm not equipped for this. So here's where my capacity is. Are you willing to accept it? And then you also give that up that human an opportunity through that understanding as well of your own compassion, of your own self, to let them know where you are, what your capacity is, and and let them choose then to what level they can express themselves as well. Because if you give that to them, then they don't also feel like maybe, you know what, you're gonna fix their problem. If you're like, hey, I'm not, I have no way to solve anything for you, but I'm willing to listen, man. So go for it. And that changes and saves. It takes seven to twelve minutes of your time and of your moment to listen to a human being, to show some compassion and to connect to save a life. That's proven. Go look it up. I don't have the study, I don't have a team right now to pull it up for me, but I'm letting you know it's somewhere. There's studies. So just letting you know that that's how important that conversation is. Um, so it's so important to that uh to know that neither connection nor compassion demand to have for you to again have all the answers or have all the fixes. And it just requires you to be a human being and show for another human being. And with Project Human, when we talk about uh compassion as an act of practice, it's something that not not only that we decide on as like, or not only do we choose, but we make a decision that it's part of our daily action, right? And not only towards someone else, but literally towards ourselves. If we don't practice daily action and or daily compassion and taking steps of that towards ourselves, so when we speak negatively towards ourselves, or when we are mean to ourselves for some things, or when we're just hard on ourselves, or whatever way you may think of yourself, and you don't give yourself that moment to be compassionate, to have grace, to have understanding, you do not have then the capacity built up for someone else. So it really starts with you and within you. Um, and it's understanding it. Um, Project Cubid, with that, we view it as a bridge again that understands with action, empathies with boundaries, and individual healing with community support. You can't do this alone, it requires everybody. And my team constantly, constantly reminds me, Adela, you can't do it alone. It we have you, we got you too, and that eases and gives me the opportunity to keep going and keep pushing. So it takes not only just yourself and the person next to you, but it takes that community. And it's the one that you build, it's the one that you decide is worth the effort because you're worth the effort of building that and finding humans around you that will build that in there. Um, true compassion is courageous and it dares to hold space for someone with else's experience without ever again needing to fix it or judge it. I may not, um, we have to have compassion, as I as like I said, for self-care first and foremost. So uh that is that's my or that's our that's my segue into what compassion is, how it means, where it comes from, and why it's important and why we've made it part of our conversation this year. And uh, Jen, take it away.

SPEAKER_04: 13:38

I think um I think want to riff off of one thing that you said about taking courage. Um re-emphasizing that having compassion does not mean you know how to fix what you see going on with someone or that you have the right answers for them. Um having true compassion is being brave enough to say, you know, I'm with you. I may not fully understand, but I'm here, I'm present. You're not alone. You can even go further and say, What do you need? Maybe there's something I can do. It doesn't require you to do anything, but the willingness to just be present, the willingness to say, I'm not here to tell you how to do it, but I'm here with you, um, is express true compassion human-human. And I think it's important that we also understand that it might require boundary setting. Being compassionate does not require you to become a doormat or to overextend yourself if you're not feeling up to it. Uh, you can be compassionate without giving away time, energy, or money. It is it is completely possible. You can just be a human with a human. Um, so just remember compassion doesn't mean losing or abusing yourself. Um, I would like to uh talk about some differences in words because I know words matter. Uh, and for those of you following along on the slides, we're gonna look at the second slide. Uh, we're gonna take a look at some synonyms. Um, sympathy, empathy, and compassion are not all the same. Um, you really resonate with someone, but it doesn't take any kind of action. Uh the third image that you see here, compassion, is is someone standing up and it's saying, Not only do I feel with you, I want to do something about it. Maybe I don't know exactly what that something is. Maybe that something is just being here with you so that you know that you're not alone, but I want to help in some way. Uh so compassion takes sympathy, I feel bad, empathy, I feel with, and um compassion is I feel and I want to help in some way. So um I wanted to I wanted to differentiate this so that as we're thinking about what compassion means to each of us, we're focusing on compassion as a verb of something that is lived out through intention, through action or through presence. Uh so the next activity that we have uh tonight is called compassion in color. What I'm going to ask is that everyone on the line or virtually um do a creative visualization to bring the verb of compassion as you think of it to mind. So we're going to briefly close our eyes and we're going to think of the whole color spectrum, anything in nature or created by machine, all the colors that are possible. What color represents compassion, or if compassion were a color, what what color would compassion be for you and why? Just take a minute to think about it. No wrong answers, just what it looks like or feels like and resonates inside of you. And as you're ready, just open up your eyes and we'll take a turn going around the horn, and I'll just go clockwise what I see on screen and just say, you know, what's your color and why? So Adela, you're my 12 o'clock. What is your color for compassion and why?

SPEAKER_02: 17:42

Well, if you uh yeah, oh uh, I don't know why I just lost my old voice and thought. Uh, but my color for compassion is a very, very bright yellow. And it's like, and it's not the sun yellow, it's just a bright yellow. It's like this translucency of a yellow. And the reason it is, is because I think that, and through my experience, um I have found it that when I have given my time of compassion or just my time to a human and just been there, that is what I've envisioned and what I've felt like I've wanted to produce, I've wanted to transfer, I wanted to make it light because it's so dark, right? Like life and everything is just so heavy, or it feels heavier. And then when when a human's in that need, what what takes out the dark, right? Light. And so when I think of that, it it's it's really just and and my own aura now is an internal yellow too. So everything around that is an essence of that yellow lightness and and just encompassing warmth and love and and just compassion. It hugs.

SPEAKER_04: 19:06

Thank you. Uh going clockwise, I see Alicia next.

SPEAKER_03: 19:12

Um, this one's tough. I feel like I'm a little partial because it might be my favorite color. So I think that's the reason I but um I think of like a purple, like a lavender, because blue is like um, you know, about communication. And um, I don't know. I think purple is just more about like a like opening like your like communication and love to someone. So it kind of just feels like a combination of things to me. So that's what I think of when I think of compassion.

SPEAKER_04: 19:46

That's awesome. Uh going clockwise again, I see Yolanda.

SPEAKER_05: 19:53

Hey. Uh well, I was gonna say baby blue, uh um, more like a sky blue on a really beautiful, like cloudy, sunny day. Um, and the reason I thought of that is like today um sitting there looking at the sky and thinking about like clouds and how they hold the weight of all this water, but yet they still float in the air because I do stuff like that all the time. And I just thought it was really cool that their burden was so light that they could still float that high in the sky, but they carry so much weight to nourish our earth. And then I kept looking at how blue the sky is, and when you said to think about it, that entered my head because I kind of think of compassion as the sky, like it has the potential to always be there and cover you, let the light shine, or maybe clouds will come and and shade your life in certain areas. But the sky has a has a has a has like a base, a foundation that's just there. And if you choose compassion, that means you're choosing to be that for someone else. Like you're choosing to say, you know what, I'm just gonna be here if I just need to be here. Um and wait with you until the clouds pass, or maybe I just need to let the sun shine a little bit and say some sweet things, or maybe we just need to like watch some birds. Who knows? I don't know. I this is what I thought.

SPEAKER_04: 21:27

A very beautiful description, Yolanda. Highly, highly visual. Loved it. Uh next, in oh, go ahead, but don't.

SPEAKER_02: 21:37

Like what depth that is? It just made me go like, oh my god, like my face scrunching with like disgustingly good awesomeness because I'm like, what what depth that just had?

SPEAKER_01: 21:52

Sorry, like I had to share that.

SPEAKER_04: 21:57

Next on our clockwise turn, Seth, what color do you think of with compassion and why?

SPEAKER_00: 22:04

I hope you guys can hear me okay. Um excellent. Um so maybe in contrast to everyone else's colors, I'm coming up with gray. And uh I was kind of thinking about the etymological roots that go with the word compassion and you know COM, meaning together and uh or with, and then passion coming from the root Latin uh passio, which means endurance or suffering. So it literally means uh to endure suffering together. And for some reason that uh sentiment kind of came it came in as a sort of a stoic gray.

SPEAKER_04: 22:44

Um so and never say you don't learn something in a project human call. Thank you for busting out the Latin.

SPEAKER_01: 22:55

I know, dude. My whole heart is like bursting with so much like I'm like, what? Endure together. Endure together. That's just compassion. Endure together.

SPEAKER_05: 23:10

Did we realize that all of us together just described like a beautifully sunshiny, rainy day on some flowers?

SPEAKER_01: 23:19

Yes, we sure did. We sure did. Now, Jen, tell us yours so we know where you're gonna sprinkle your color on.

SPEAKER_04: 23:27

Oh, maybe I'm the poppies in the field. When I think of compassion, I think of like fire engine red, and it's the root of passion. Um, like Seth, I divide the word, I think about what it means, and for me, it is like a burning fire to want to help. It is lifeblood to want to help. It's a part of who I am, and the passion of wanting to do that, to be there with someone, that is a fiery red for me. And each of us feels and sees these colors in our head, and they might be full spectrum differences, and yet we each grasp something about compassion. So we're opening up this space, accepting all of these colors and all of these thoughts and all of these expressions, and just realize what that does from the spectrum of showing up for others, what we bring with us when we bring our understanding of compassion to a human relationship. It might not be what someone else expected, but it might be exactly what they need.

SPEAKER_01: 24:39

I'm crying over here, you guys, so let's keep moving. So contain myself, you guys. It's just whatever.

SPEAKER_04: 24:49

It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01: 24:49

It's beautiful, it's so beautiful. Sorry, my moment of just anyway. Yes, beautiful.

SPEAKER_04: 24:59

Thank thank you. So I I want to I want to reach us into another activity that builds off of compassion in color and think of this one kind of instead as compassion in action. And so this is a brain exercise that helps us challenge ourselves to think what could compassion be in a certain few scenarios. So uh together, Adela and I have put together some uh scenarios, four scenarios that could totally happen in real life. And we're going to read through them and call on one of you and uh just ask you what could be a compassionate response or action uh in that moment or in that situation. So uh Adela, if you would just read the first scenario and then pick anybody on the phone, and whoever gets picked, think about what a compassionate response might look like.

SPEAKER_02: 25:54

Awesome. Okay, so uh this one will go to uh let's see, Alicia. This one's to you. The repeat canceller. Uh so let's say a friend cancels at the last minute again and again and again, and you're just like frustrated and hurt at this point. Um, what's a compassionate response in this moment towards your friend and yourself? If the text message, hey, we're getting ready to go out, you're ready, you've done your stuff, all the things, and then it goes not doing it, and it's an hour before, two hours before, even the day of, and it's a continuous habit of this friend of yours. How do you compassionately at this point?

SPEAKER_03: 26:38

I've had this before, and I think that I have learned from my mistakes. So um probably could still learn more. Um, always learning, right? Um, so in the past, I think it was one of those where I was more compassionate to the other person rather than myself. So I just said, okay, sure thing. Let me know, you know, and just kind of let it go and just do it on it. Um, and I don't think that that is necessarily the right response because okay, the first time, yes, the second time, okay, yes, totally. But like after a while, you're like, really? Like, why are you even making plans with me if you're just gonna cancel? Um, so I think the compassionate thing here is, you know, after you've given the other person a couple of times, you know, things happen. Like obviously, life happens, you know. Um, I definitely have life happen. But like after so many times of canceling, I think at some point you have to kind of like do like a pulse check with the other person and say, um, you know, hey, this seems to be like an issue. Is there something that you need to tell me? Is there a problem you have with me? You know, kind of like just call them out on it so that that way they're realizing that this has become a repeat behavior because the person might really just be in their own world and not realize that it's been repeatedly towards you. It might be something that they're going through in their life, but I think, you know, opening up that conversation can be really hard, but it's a compassionate thing to I think open it up to actually be strong enough to open that conversation.

SPEAKER_02: 28:22

No, I agree totally. And I think uh the other part of it is the I'd like to add on to that is the boundary of how of the self, right? And so having the clear communication with the humans around you, with the people you're interacting with being saying, hey, you know, I understand this is there's a lot going on, so I'm checking in with you, like you said, and want to see where we're going on. Is there something going on between us or whatnot? But my own boundaries are being crossed right now, and I'd like to communicate that with you and let you know that, you know, it takes me hours to prepare for this, it takes so much time away from this and all of that, and to be, you know, canceled on continuously is it it makes me feel also that my time, my existence, my as a human being and your life isn't isn't valuable. And if that's okay, that's that's fine, or there's not room for it, that's okay. We just let me know when the time is available, or when that room is in space, or capacity, when you have the capacity for me, right? Um, or if you just want to call and chat, you don't have to meet up. But the idea to kind of, I've had to learn that as you said through my own is the number one thing is to set the boundary of where you're at, to let the other person know how you're also feeling and processing that. Because again, as you mentioned a lot of times, they don't even we don't I've done it a thousand and one times, a thousand and one times. He's used to be a later and a cancellor. So I know I know what that other respect is until somebody told me, Adela, you don't value me or my time. You don't value the boundaries that I set and that we put in this format because my time is my currency. And if I'm giving it to you, it is not a luxury that I can just afford to be throwing around because. My time is very limited. And that really hit me. And so really understanding that and setting that boundary, but it has to again, like you said, a compassion for yourself of where that is and opening that dialogue up in those ways. So I'd like to add that on in there just because we'd like to be there for everyone else too, but we'd like to state those clear boundaries of where that's going to be future, right? Because you don't want to leave it open-ended.

SPEAKER_03: 30:22

You want to have a conversation of what the next action step would be and will it be And it's kind of like even though you're setting your Sorry, I don't know if you hear the lightning here. Um, so the I don't know if it's really like it seems like it's a boundary for yourself, but it's also kind of opening up that relationship a little bit too, and trying to like mend a possible riff in that relationship too. So I think that that's important.

SPEAKER_02: 30:48

100%. It keeps the scales, I think, a little bit even in both ways. It gives the opportunity for something to be move forward, make a decision. It also keeps the ball into the court and the responsibility into the person who's initiating into and the accountability for the person who is that you know, and that you're not not gonna be there, but at the same time that you have some spaces and places to be. Anyone else I want to add to that before we move on to the next thing?

SPEAKER_04: 31:13

I just want to express gratitude that the first reaction wasn't anger. Um being aware that there are two people, at least two people, in this situation, and not just centering it on self and assuming attack, it is an act of compassion. And while it may be frustrating and we may be angry because it makes us feel a certain way, checking in with ourselves gets to where Alicia and Adela were going. Checking in and saying, you know, I'm making assumptions here openly by my perspective. I'm going to give some space, check in with the person, give an honest assessment of what I'm seeing, and let them process to see if in fact this is a personal attack, not a personal attack. Maybe they're, you know, not aware, but the fact that it there wasn't an initial reaction of anger, uh, I want to express gratitude.

SPEAKER_02: 32:12

That's what humanity is about. Humanity. Yolanda, you ha you popped on.

SPEAKER_05: 32:20

Oh yeah. Well, Jen, she she summed that up really nicely. So um, I was gonna say I think it I think it depends on the people too, because like when you asked that particular question, I kind of giggled because I know a couple people that have gone through this stuff. And um I just don't take it seriously. Like, and not that's the wrong word. Hold on. I don't take it to heart, right? I don't ever take when people drop plans that they have with me to heart because you never know what's going on in their life. Like, if they're sick, maybe they just need a minute, maybe maybe they're being selfish, maybe they're whatever. Who cares? Like, personally, this is a personal viewpoint because my time and my energy and my peace are not controlled by anybody else's viewpoint or their their their uh their decision making on my part. So my part is to like if I view this person as someone who's important to me, I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt. Now, if it keeps happening, I'm gonna talk to them at some point when they want to make plans again and be like, hey, well, what's going on? Because it canceled the last four times. And honestly, I just I just need to know if you really want to hang out. That's it's really that simple. And if you don't, that's cool. I don't know. Conversation. A conversation. Yeah, it's just just just talking. Like I don't it's not as to me, I don't see it as a big deal because I don't view it as a big deal because I know with my life and my ADHD and everything else that I I don't make people a priority in my life, and I've had to learn to make people a priority in my life. Uh, it's just not how my brain is wired. So it's like um when people like interrupt me when I'm speaking, I don't get upset. And I know a lot of people get upset. I don't get upset because I understand it. I do it too. So I never take anything to heart, and I don't know if that's a superpower or if that's a limitation, but like I'm not mad at it.

SPEAKER_02: 34:23

I mean, it just goes to show that you're not the center of somebody else's world, and that's the thing. And if we understand that we're not the center of someone else's world, we're the center of our own world, and we just have to understand that our world has to be functioning as best as possible. And then if we again, if we have the capacity, let's do it. If not, be honest. It's that simple. All right, great conversation on this one. I like this scenario. All right, go ahead, Jen. Number two.

SPEAKER_04: 34:46

Um, I'd I'd like to ask Seth, would you be okay with answering one?

unknown: 34:52

Cool.

SPEAKER_04: 34:52

Um, this scenario is called the public struggle. So, say you're walking down the street or you're in a subway or you're in a public place and you see somebody who is visibly distressed. Maybe they're crying, maybe they're shaking, and other people are acknowledging but looking away, feeling awkward about it, walking past them. What would a compassionate act be here?

SPEAKER_00: 35:19

Um, this is kind of tricky because if if it's a stranger that we're talking about, it's not always sometimes the most compassionate thing is to not engage. Um uh, but also, you know, if if it if it catches my attention, I'm I'm going to take an extra couple of breaths to decide if I want to engage or interact with somebody who's having an episode like that. Um, because it again it may not be appropriate. But I mean, even just observing them for a minute to see if they uh are sort of going through something alone and where they need they need space, uh, the most compassionate thing might be to not not really approach them. But if they look like they're confused and maybe need an advocate in that moment, uh, you know, I might be compelled to to walk over and at least ask if if you know if they're okay or if they you do they need help with something, or you know, just a couple of questions to get a little bit more information about the context of what they're going through. Um and then you know make determinations about how to act from there, uh, depending on how critical the situation is.

SPEAKER_04: 36:28

I think what Seth has uh touched on is is super in tune in tune with the many sided facets of public expression. If someone is in such a crisis situation that they're crying in public or that they're shaking or very visibly disoriented in public, we don't know their mental or emotional health background. We don't know what they're going through, if public outbursts are part of their MO or completely out of character for them. We don't know if they could potentially become violent if confronted with their outbursts. So, compassion here, thinking about both of ourselves and the individual. Um, I think there's a borderline and it could be argued in any situation. I think, Seth, you had the best approach with take a few breaths to continue observing and try and ascertain is this person at risk? Are they a risk to themselves? Are they a risk to other people? Is there anything that I can do without putting myself at risk? Um, you know, it it's it could also be the context of where you are. Are you at like a public concert where the song may have reminded them of something or someone special? Are you in uh a graveyard? Obviously, then it's public space would be totally appropriate. You don't approach the person, they're in their element. But you know, in a subway or something, it might be it might be different. Um I think just looking at them, holding the compassionate face, this one. Is there something you need? Are you in distress? Do you need help? And let them react. And maybe there's an outburst. But you know, again, like what Yolanda said, not taking it personally, just showing up and letting them know they're seen, that they're heard, that they're felt, that somebody actually cares enough to ask. Um, not gonna super hyper complicate it, but I just want to put a bean in your mind of a recent stabbing that occurred uh on camera, uh, where people were not willing to even acknowledge that something critical had happened, that this potential issue had occurred, not even with physical evidence, that uh that fear of getting involved or getting messy. You don't have to solve the problem. You don't have to take responsibility for the problem. You are not the reason that they are crying, but acknowledging them as a human. Hey, I've suffered, and I can imagine suffering enough to have this kind of an outlet in public. And I would love for somebody to just say, Hey, you know, I see you, I know what that feels like. Well, maybe I have a tissue. Can I get you some help?

SPEAKER_02: 39:30

And I would just like to add on to that the part of this portion, and I'm really glad that we got this one, like the struggle, especially the public struggle, not necessarily the personal one or the the quiet one where no one sees. Safety is the biggest part of this portion. Um, and one of the reasons I want to touch back, uh touch base on this is because I've really I've had to learn 100% how not to engage or how to do, as Yolanda had mentioned in the comments, assess the situation. Because my compassion runs just I can put myself in any place anywhere. Like I am, I'm not allowed to walk out down dark alleys, I'm not allowed to go outside in the dark by myself. I'm just not allowed to that. I have a lot of rules for myself and others and and and you know, people about for that reason. Why? Because you don't know what situation you're gonna put yourself in. So here's what I have learned in the experience and through the work I've had to do in Project Human with this. Three things that are the priority. Number one, assess the situation of your own safety. Are you safe enough in the environment, in the space and place to be able to even just take a breath to acknowledge anything that's happening? Number two, if you have the capacity to reach out to somebody around you, uh, you know, of authority or something and say, hey, there's a situation, I just like to acknowledge it, I'd like to have that going on for that. That is like one of the most compassionate things to do that you can do, that you don't even have to get yourself involved in that situation, right? But and make, as Jennifer mentioned, as acknowledge it. Acknowledge it whether you acknowledge it with authority around you, no matter where you're at, acknowledge it with somebody in there of a potential that you can see if you have the capacity. And number three is that if you are in a position and you assess the situation in which you can approach, the distance has to be six feet, period, and a discussion. You do not know the situation, you do not know what's going on, and as much as I preach and we preach that whole love and hug and compassion and all that mental health struggles, humans, anywhere that you're at, you don't know what breaks someone, you don't know what happened somewhere. And as we pointed out, a case and multiple cases in any shape or form, you don't know the situation. So again, safety of the self because if you can't be safe, you can't provide the safety to everybody else or those around you. So safety of the self is in this scenario number two, the struggle in that and that partner, how do you create that compassion? That part is the border and the and the boundary that you have to have, and it it can't be an emotional compassion, it has to be a logical and very just again assessed portion where you take that breath and go, I feel for you, I really do, but I cannot put myself in this position in which that I have assessed that we would not be able to have a conversation, but I will put, you know, talk to someone or I will if I can do that. So I just wanted to point that out because this is Jen, you just freaking rock with all your shit. You're just a genius in how everything works, but safety, safety, safety, safety. So safety is the number one thing because if you can't be safe and you can't secure safety of uh uh of others around you or the environment, then everything we're doing is is just it's in vain. So, all right, that was my tidbit on that.

SPEAKER_04: 42:41

Uh, why don't you pick somebody for the third scenario?

SPEAKER_02: 42:45

It's still me. I still get to keep talking, you guys. You get to hear me. Okay, so the third uh scenario is the emotional drainer, and I'd like to pick uh Jen on this one. Uh so Jen. Actually, no, let me uh let me add Yolanda in this one, and I I I would like uh scenario number four for Alicia to read to you, and there's this reason why, and I would like that to happen. So, so that's gonna happen that way. All right, Yolanda number three, uh scenario number three, a coworker or a peer often unloads their emotional burdens onto you. Um, so I call you daily and I'm like, oh my god. I didn't even realize this would work. But it is, but it it, you know, uh you care about them, right? Like you really care about them, but at some point it just starts to wear you down. It starts to eat at you when you get off the phone with them, you feel so drained. You start to think negatively about them, right? Or when you he see their phone call or see their messenger pop up or see a text message from them or anything like that, you start to get anxiety, right?

SPEAKER_05: 43:54

Like you start to feel like you're are they literate, are are they just a coworker? Is this just at my job or they're communicating with me at home as well?

SPEAKER_02: 44:01

It's it it could be communicating with you at home too. This is a coworker or a friend, you know, it's and you could put it too, you know, i in that way, but um, if you if you have your boundaries, that's fine. But this is this is somebody who looks at you as their safe space, this is somebody who looks at you as their trusted source, and this is somebody who looks at you as I can call her at any given moment to just you know do that. And so how can you act compassionately and support them, but also protect your energy and set boundaries? Okay, so emotional dumping ground. What I do for a living every day.

SPEAKER_05: 44:43

Yeah, but that's the see here's okay, that's why I asked, okay, because if you're my friend, that's a whole different scenario, okay? If you're my friend, so and if I've allowed them, okay, this is me again, personally, not for anybody else, for me personally, if I've allowed them to do such a thing, which I find hilarious, but if if I if I personally allowed that, it's with the understanding that I know they need to get it something going, but if it becomes a point, it's a burden, like it seems like it's heavy, I just tell them. Like I don't sugarcoat anything. I'm just like, whoa, because if they're if I'm their person, their safety person, they know me. They know how straightforward I can be and I will how I am. I don't sugarcoat anything for anyone. And I find that personally compassionate because I'm not gonna be fake with you, whether you're happy or you're sad or you're angry or you're joyful. I'm the same throughout. Like I said, I'm kind of like when I think about it, I am kind of like I'm the same. I don't, I'm the same online that I'm in person. Like I don't change when I game. I am who I am, and that's just what it is. And so for me, it's really easy because I would just be like, whoa, hey, what's going on? Like, I will just head right into it. Forehead just plowed right into their forehead. We need to have a conversation. What's going on with you? Like, this is this is too much. You're being too, I mean, I know you're emotional, but geez, like let's we need to talk. Like, are we not talking? Are we not having conversations? Because I don't see how this could happen personally, because I this would mean that I'm not having a conversation with somebody. This would mean that I'm ignoring them and they're just trying to get my attention repeatedly. And I don't find that compassionate at all. Like, if you don't want to have a discussion with somebody, the most compassionate thing you can do is put them out of their misery and be like, listen, I appreciate the fact that you want to get close to me, but we don't have that kind of a relationship. And at this moment in time, I'm not looking for that. So as as I as much as I value you as a coworker or as a human being, I cannot be like that's so your shoulder. You know what I mean? Like, I can't be that for you.

SPEAKER_02: 47:00

You have to have that, you have to have that because if you don't have that, and and I so 100% agree with a plus or minus a percent on on a way, because again, I have I have approached it in a little bit differently. But I the compassionate thing is to always be authentic to who you are. But here's the thing in order for you to be that, you have to know your capacity in order to be able to take it on to do that, right? For me, you need to be able to, when that call comes in, and I've had it plenty of times, you've had that call where it's a continuous same conversation and you're just on the other end going, we've talked about it the same thing, the same thing, same thing, same thing, same thing, same thing. Maybe you should look in the mirror. Maybe the conversation is about anywhere else. I've said that to people and I've lost friendships over that. And if people lose your friendships over that, they did they don't want to look in the mirror because if it's the same conversation, again, from their end, as Yolanda just pointed out, you're not having a conversation. It's a one-sided person going off inventing nonstop, never taking responsibility, accountability, never wanting to change any kind of thing, never wanting to take your your advice or never blaming everything. That's fine. That's who you want to be. That's cool. My boundaries, that's not who I am. I want to elevate because I want to, I want to be better. And again, it's always starts with as she said that clear boundary. Which I have one. Which Adela do you want? Do you want the honest Adela? Or do you want the Adela that just listens?

SPEAKER_05: 48:25

You laugh. You don't get to pick that with me. You don't get to pick that.

SPEAKER_02: 48:29

I am who I know, but I have I have to, I, I have a bit I have a business to run. I have an organization. Well, no, I know you have immunity. But that's the thing is what do you need? Because that's really the conversation. What do you need? Do you need me to be your space preventing? Or do you need honest truth because you really just want somebody to be honest with you and not like whatever? Because that's why you called me. Because you know that like you said, you know who I am.

SPEAKER_03: 48:53

So which one do you want? And I don't think I don't think it's compassionate to just be a yes man and just say, yes, you're right, you're right, you're doing everything right if they're not doing like I don't think that's compassionate. Like I don't think it's enablement.

SPEAKER_05: 49:10

Yes, yes, 100%. I think what a lot of times, and this is why I said it's different. Like if it's if it's a coworker, you're you're developing a relationship, right? It's a new thing. You you assess situations differently than you would like like if Adela's talking to me. That's a totally different conversation. Like if she's emotional or irrational or whatever, I already know her. I already know, I already know her foundation. So when she's acting a certain way, I'm just gonna be like, hey, what's what's going on? Like, let's get down to it. And if she tells me nothing, I'm gonna call her out and call her a liar.

SPEAKER_02: 49:45

And now Adela's gonna interrupt you and let you know that we have a time check it. I love it. And that's the whole conversation point. Be honest, be in there, be where you need to be. And this is the example of part of that. So let's do this next one because it's really important. Because I really do want to get to this one. Okay, Alicia, take it away.

SPEAKER_03: 50:02

A harmful comment. A family member makes an insensitive or harmful comment about mental health. It hurts, but you know they've been through their own pain. What would a compassionate response look like? One that respects your values and still offers grace or space.

SPEAKER_04: 50:19

Um, what I would say is don't let the frustration or the anger or the defensiveness of yourself or someone you know that's suffering or has suffered from whatever mental health situation influence your comments. Compassion is being a peaceful advocate for humanity and understanding from person to person, and what the end goal in this situation is is to encourage growth. So it may be a calm word or a half smile that says, I appreciate your perspective. I would love to offer you another one, or just maybe even silence in that moment and then addressing that person in private calmly, peacefully, quietly later, and saying, Hey, you know, when you said this, here's how I felt, and that's not to condemn you, but it's to remind you that other people's struggles are more than real, and that acknowledging that other people suffer is part of what we do as humans, uh, in recognizing that the human condition changes from person to person, and it would mean so much to me. And I know others who might not have had the bravery to stand up and say this. If you would either keep your opinion to yourself or maybe give others the grace that they might be going through something real. So that would be how I would try to approach that. And if I were flaming mad, I might go journal, rip that right up, burn the pages, distribute the ashes, get it off my chest, and then go have a quiet conversation. And it could be days later, who knows?

SPEAKER_02: 52:11

Yeah, and the reason why I wanted you to answer that is because one of the things that you have, and I've mentioned this to you in private, you have this angelic voice to you, and it's like a song siren when you sing or you say, and when you have something that you want to say that bothers you in the way you say it, it's so melodic. Like it's so, it really is just so compassionate. It comes from, hey, here's something here, and here's where I'm not, and I really want to, and part of what I learned through knowing you over this this year is the compassionate accountability of words, right? I am the accountability of words because we speak words we do not understand, and we just keep blah blah blah blah blah. Was there done it, and to watch you and see you, even with me in some ways, and in in the slightest way direct me or in my wording, or in the way, or some ways, because again, I can be who it and say some things or do some things as others can or or vice versa. And I just think it's one of the things that is so amazing to have that because you have that way of again holding that accountability of somebody around you to that and not being afraid to have that conversation when it is required to have it, and putting that, as you mentioned, that fire to them through that compassion. And I think it's just so beautiful because most people, again, are so afraid to have a conversation. And we call it confrontation because it feels like a confrontation, but it is. You have to confront your own, you have to confront your own stigmas, your own uh biases, your own everything, and look at that being as a human being who has a thousand and one years of billions of traumas and built into this one little being who has no idea the capacity to to function or have a conversation, as neither do you, that you're both in the same field and it you all the only conversation you know is hi, how are you? I'm not good, neither am I. Okay, let's just sit together, cool, let's be here. Like, really. And the like knowing how to become knowing your worth, knowing how to have compassion for your worth, and then turns for you to have the discipline, the commitment to the words you say, which turn into action, which turn your own soul into the compassion into light just for the people around you. So I appreciate that. And that's I'm very glad that that's how that ended. All right. Last thing we have to pop in really quick, you guys. We have three minutes. So, what I'd like to do is um we're gonna do a quick pledge. We're gonna do a three time three three uh step or three time pledge. What is it called? Three time, three takeaway? The three compassion pledge? That's it. The three-time compassion pledge, okay? We're asking you to do to take three actions in compassion. One action towards yourself, and it could be, you know, giving yourself grace for something you're carrying. Um, it could be forgiving yourself for not meeting coming to the meeting tonight because you couldn't do it. Like, it's okay, have some compassion. You have a life. Uh, compassion towards someone else, someone close to you, not just a stranger, but someone close to you, someone you really deeply genuinely care about, you know, and and you you understand that they're struggling, or maybe you haven't talked to them, but you care about them and you haven't seen them in recent years, but you care about them and they're they pop up. So maybe you should reach out and show some compassion and say, just you're thinking about you want to send some love and let you know I have a space for you to to to be here. And then again, uh, compassion towards a stranger or a difficult relationship in the world, um, or just the social media spectrum that we are in in the world. Um let's just be more compassionate altogether in that area, because that number third one, I think we all need it. And and and maybe that could be the biggest challenge is that if we can't do the first two ones of being challenged or being compassionate to ourselves or someone we care about because we hold too much feelings and too much whatever, but at least we can start online because we're online all the time. We have our phones in our hands, we're talking to everybody all the time, strangers, people we know. Maybe we start with a compassionate comment, compassionate gesture, compassionate, you know, hello, just a compassionate moment. So that is my challenge uh to you to be in there. Um in there. I have a comment I wanted to pop in and read because we popped on. Uh Yolanda said discipline is uh discipline self-worth. And uh Alicia said, one of the things I love about Fink is that I get to learn so much. And I will show patience for children, compassion for their experience. That's what Jen uh said. And it's we are all children. We're all we're all children of God, and I don't know what you believe in, that's fine, but we're all children of God, and we all should have the patience that he has and the grace he has and the compassion he has for us and for what we do on a daily basis that we can't even live up to. So that's all I'm saying on that. Last but not least, finally, uh finally, we have a crispy cream donut thing going on really quick. Go ahead, Jen. Okay, popping it up. Popping it up really quick, you guys. But but before we do this, hold on really quick. On our thing, I gotta pop it up, but I didn't put the um uh the the the the the volume thing. So hold on a second, popping up a slide. Don't go anywhere, you guys. And then Jen, give it a second, you guys popping up the slide. Krispy Kreme donuts. I need you to look at this, and then we're gonna have to be popping it off. Two seconds to looking at it. There you go. Scan it with your phone, take a look at it for those of you who are watching right now. And there you go, there you go, there you go. There you go. There you go. Scan it, look, um crispy cream, you guys, and we'll attach it to all we'll attach the link to our comments on the bottom on our description page as well. Um, but we have a donate, we have a uh campaign going on. Thank you to Krispy Kreme for for letting us do this and being a partner with us on that. And thank you for to group race for doing that as well for us. And thank you to our team members who are participating and to everyone who's bought a dozen donuts so far right now. Upcoming events, really quick. We're almost on our time. Upcoming events, now we walk on Sunday. I'll be there, come check me out. And we have November 15th, mark it in your calendar. Our quarterly mental health day is officially on the books. We're gonna be having a good conversation there. We look forward to seeing you. All right, any last 30 seconds or 10 second thoughts? Nobody, good, good, good. Seth, take it away.

SPEAKER_00: 58:26

You put me on the spot at the last minute. Uh sorry, one minute. Oh, here we go. Uh, that's all the time we have tonight. Sorry for the delay. Uh, next month's discussion will be on building structure in our lives. Please check out our website, uh www.think.org. It's p-h-in-c-in-g.org.

SPEAKER_02: 58:56

It's right here on our web on the top of our heads.

SPEAKER_00: 59:00

Perfect. Uh, and you can reach us uh via email at infothinking.org.

SPEAKER_02: 59:08

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 59:09

That's all we got.

SPEAKER_02: 59:10

All right, thank you, everybody. Thank you guys so much. Oh, really quick, you guys as a team. Thank you, Jen, for an awesome, awesome community conversation this time. Just seriously dope. That's all I got. Until next time, you guys. All right.

SPEAKER_04: 59:28

Hope to see y'all next month. Bye.