Welcome And Ground Rules

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Hello everyone. Welcome back to our monthly community conversations. It's February 26th, and I'm so excited for this meeting with you guys and for this uh conversation of self-love and self-care. We're a little bit behind today, having a little technical difficulties, so bear with me. When am I not ever having technical difficulties, you guys? But welcome back. I'm again, I'm really excited. So let me start off what I need to start off and get all the business side of it so that we can get into the conversation. Um, because I think it's one of the most important ones. Not one of the most important, but it really is one of the most important ones. We might start today so that you can really start dwelling deep into yourself. We're gonna cover self-care, we're gonna cover a little bit of what it means, what your energy is, filling up your cup, share a little few resources with you, and then share some upcoming events and a few uh announcements we've got going on. So very, very, very excited. For those of you who are joining us uh again now, thank you so much. And for those new, for everyone new that's been following us, supporting us, we've got another subscriber on our YouTube channel. So excited. So anyway, my name is Adela Hittel. Welcome to the monthly community conversations, sponsored and created by Project Human Fink, a new way to think. I am the founder and owner of the uh of Project Human, also known as Fink. I'll be uh moderating the meeting today, producing the meeting to with uh with everything today. So bear with me again with all the technical difficulties that we've got going on. And uh I'm also looking for a producer if somebody's up to the task, always looking for one. Reach out to me. My email's in the in the in the links and all that other stuff.

unknown 2:57

Help me out. Help me out.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

I just thought that'd be a great way. Anyway, I needed a little quietness today, too. So incongruence with Valentine's Day, happy belated Valentine's Day to everybody. Our theme tonight is loving yourself first, restoring your cup before you pour into someone else. Now, your cup might be your tank, it could be your barrel, it could be your temple, it could be your body body, it could be a plant. I don't know. Whatever your cup might be, we'll discover that and talk a little bit more about that in there. These calls are monthly online events where members of Fink and our widespread community discuss themes of importance to our organization and mission. Each conversation includes a brief introduction of who we are and uh information and resources related to the Themes Month, and an opportunity to discuss and learn as a community. Again, this is a free space, open, safe space for community members, for human beings to come and share their story, have a conversation, connect to different human beings, see resources they may not they may not have, and if you or you or a conversation you may not need, you may not know you need it to have. Oh my goodness, I will get that right one day. Okay, the disclaimer and the legality part. As always, as a reminder, we are not medical professionals. If you are in crisis, reach out to your local mental health resource or dial 911 for immediate assistance for national suicide prevention, dial 988. We also have our mental health resource page on our website, and I'll share that with you guys in just a minute. Um, we are recording and live streaming tonight for on our YouTube channel. So thank you for those of you who are watching, listening, following, subscribing, and doing all that.

unknown 4:35

I love you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Um, we if you do not wish to, for those of you who are joining our Zoom call, if you do not wish to be part of the video on here or partake in our conversation, please just mute yourself and take yourself off video because again, we'll be streaming our our Zoom portion of our call in just a minute. Uh, we will be using tonight's conversation to promote and raise awareness about Fink's organization and mission. So by participating in our Zoom meetings, you give us permission to use any and all audio video content for promotional purposes. We thank you because stories need to be heard, and we are an organization that bridges that peer-to-peer advocacy. That's what we're doing. All right, I'm really excited to share with you uh a couple things before I get into uh some

What Project Human Fink Does

SPEAKER_02 5:22

things. So, right off the bat, so you guys know, I have an official real good statement about think. So I want to share it with you because I think I did a really good job in summarizing who we are, okay? We are a peer-to-peer art-driven nonprofit that turns practical skills into everyday resilience. We designed short, evidence-informed workshops and creative activations that help humans regulate stress, set boundaries, and reconnect with their purpose because humans are worth the effort. Yeah, a little round of pause for myself. I know I had to do it. I just had to share that with you because I just I think I did a good job. Uh, it's it took me nine years, you guys, to figure it out. It's taken me so long to figure out my own narrative, figure out who I am, and learn how what it means to care for my own being, what it means to define my own narrative, and what it means to create the artist within that I am, and to be able to bring this to you. So, without further ado, let me get into our community and let me make sure that I have everything right here. Tonight I am joined by one of my dearest humans, and also one of our volunteers for Project Human and my co-host, uh Yolanda. Do you want me to say your last name, Yolanda, before I put you on? But it's Yolanda. Okay, Yolanda Curtis. Anyway, I'm really excited to have her on, and let me put her on now because we're getting on. Boom, there she is, there we are. Really excited. Uh, as always, I love our conversations. We have plenty of them. So tonight's gonna be, I think, an epic one, and I think a great one because it goes into exactly what we talk about and what we do. So before I get off my track of what I need to do, let me do a good job in moving into there. So we're gonna go ahead and talk about the concept of self-love, and I really want to change that also from self-love, self-care to care of self and the idea of really truly caring for your being. And that's what we're gonna talk a little bit more about in there tonight, too. And what it means to restore your own being, your own cup. Excuse me. Excuse me. I had lunch earlier. Sorry, it's all coming back. Um, to what it means to restore your own cup, what it means to restore your own temple, what it means to restore your own tank, um, again, your own being, uh, before you can pour into someone else, into something else, or into just anything in the world. Well, what where are you at? And that's what we're gonna start with the discussion with. I really want you to think about when we talk about our activities and what we're doing, where are you at, right? Um, the idea tonight isn't to figure it all out and to get to where we're at or where someone someone else is at, but the idea is to at least look at yourself on the spectrum and in the hierarchy of the standing, your life and your reality, and where do you stand? Uh, where are you a priority? How are you a priority? And we really want to have that create uh conversation with you about that. We're gonna do a little bit of an activity so you can do this on your own, or you can follow along if you're listening and watching. All you'll need for tonight's little activity is a little sheet of paper and a little scrap paper or a napkin if you have one, or a book uh and a pen or pencil or coloring, whatever you have with you. Um, or if you're on your tablets, you can do that too. But the idea is that you're gonna try to draw out your own cup, tank, energy, battery, whatever it is that you are you envision yourself with when we do our activity. Uh so I'm really, really excited about that. And that's gonna be our artistic expression for the night. So for those of you who don't think you're artists, I promise you you can create something for yourself. And then again, we'll close out with some events and some things that we have going on. Um, let me get into this. All right. So for those of you who are coming in, thank you all. Yolanda, you want to introduce yourself and say a few words and say thank you or you just muted yourself. I did, I just realized I did because it became real technical difficult. You know, it has been technical difficulties all week. It's okay. It's okay. This is real life. This is how you know things are live. Yes, and this is how you know we show up no matter what. No matter what. All right, introduce yourself, say hi, and uh, how are you part of Fink?

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Hi, I'm Yolanda. Um, I am part of Fink because I choose to be. Uh I'm I'm pretty straightforward with some of my answers. Sometimes I'll be a little deeper into them, but for me, uh it it was a choice that I made that brought clarity to my life, you know. Um, and it's taken me a long time to get here. And we'll talk more about that as this conversation goes on. Um but I do volunteer. I do volunteer wherever I'm needed. Uh that's the kind of person I am. I fit into places that other people might not be able to do or whatever. Um I'm multifaceted, like a Dellas hare. And we are and so that's why we're human. And so yeah, um, I show up because Fink showed up and um I hold myself accountable for the things that I say I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

I love that you said you show up because Fink shows up. That makes me so happy.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

I mean it's true. Fink showed up. Fink showed up in my life, and if think needs me to show up, then I show up.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

There we go. I appreciate that because the idea of everything with what we do with Project Human is a whole new it's not a new concept, but it is a new concept in our day and age of showing up for human beings and showing up and meeting them where they're at and and seeing them where they're at. But the idea of doing that is first and foremost, you have to meet yourself where you're at and see yourself where you're at. And if no one around you can see you and meet you where you're at, how are you doing that for yourself? And and what what steps are you taking to do that for yourself that

Visualizing Your Energy As A Battery

SPEAKER_02 11:34

too? So before we get into the discussion, let's go ahead and do our little visual visualization grounding exercise. Y'all, let me tell you the clearer I get, the more mumbled my words seem to get. That's all I'm gonna say. Okay. Here's what we're gonna think about. I want you to, I want you to think of yourself however you think of yourself this way. You can think of yourself, first of all, I need you to recognize that you are a energy, like a battery pack or a battery, your energy. Whether you think see yourself as a ball of energy, you see your whole body as an energy statue that you walk in, or you see yourself as a battery. Think of yourself as an energy form, whatever you want to visualize that with for yourself, okay? Because like a battery, or like whatever it is that gives you the energy or exudes energy, uh, you have a charge, yourself. That is your energy. Charge is energy, and it depends on how much you have that you can produce something, and also how much you don't, whether or not you can do it. And sometimes you might be running on deplete and flickering and you can still get it done, or you're really doing it because you have it to show up for the world, right? And show up at work or to show up in your relationships and your care for others, and sometimes even when you don't. Um, I want you to see yourself where you're at right now. What energy level are you at? How do you see yourself? I'm gonna have you think about that for a second because I'm going to share with you how I see myself as a as this battery, um, so that you can, you know, think of draw it out or just visualize it in your head. When I close my eyes and I think of energy and then think of myself as the charge or as the battery, my whole being lights up from head to toe and every finger tip, every part of me. So no matter what I touch, no matter what I see, no matter what I hear, no matter what I taste, either will siphon out my energy or will bring bring me more charge, bring me more value, bring me life and joy and food to my soul. And so when I close my eyes, is it really bright for me? If it's really bright and shining and just when I can move my body and want my body to exude it in just its own form when I close my eyes, then I know I am good on energy. I can do a lot more. And if I close my eyes and my body just won't move, or it just feels so because I'm it's a sign, it's a sign. Think of that, and I'll give you a second before I ask um Yolanda to tell me how she sees her energy bar. And for those of you who are listening, who are part of our conversation tonight, um, write in our comments. Um, what do you when you close your eyes? How do you see how do you see your form? Because that's one of the first steps to recognizing that you even exist, that you even have energy to give. That you have it. Now where are you giving it? Think about your day today too. Think about how you woke up and it started. Was it full of that bright energy? Was it a little bit harder to process? What boosted your energy? What bright you that light, right, when you close your eyes and see yourself? What do you think, Yolanda?

SPEAKER_01 15:33

I think I'm the wrong person to ask this question. I'm so sorry. Listen, your visualization. Listen, I close my eyes and you went to sleep. Try to visualize my energy, like what it, what my what that looks like in my life. And I'm gonna be honest with you, it just looks like my eyes are closed to me. I am I sometimes I can be imaginative, but for me, no. Like, can I can I see light and darkness and all of that? Of course. Can I try to relax in the calmness of not doing anything? Of course. But when I try to think of that kind of thing, I cannot do that. So I uh I think that's it.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

And that's okay, and that's okay, but that's okay though. That's okay because a lot of our listeners or a lot of our viewers might not even be able to get there. But the idea is also for you to be able to start again, even if you can't visualize it, um, even if you can't see it in that level, right? You can feel you yourself this morning could feel whether your energy was up and how you woke up, right? And right, and where the body was. That's a total connection visually, like when you so if you think back on this morning too, and you know, how did it feel? Where was the body? Where was the energy coming more far? Was it head? Was it heart? Was it so you can kind of start navigating, you know, where you're at. That doesn't mean you can, you know, you you you you want to maybe get to my level where it's just oh, I see in this way, because remember, I've been practiced for 10 years of being in my space, or you might not ever want to, or you don't visualize, and that's okay, but that's okay. But the idea is to connect you, right? The connect you and you could be at the beach doing the same thing. You could be sitting at the beach and visualizing yourself and think about what drained your energy today.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

There's a thing, you know. I I think grounding is a thing. I think uh like when you're when we're talking about letting go of just the negative, you know, the negative energy, the things that you carry around, your stress, your anxiety, all of these things. Um it's gonna be positive or it's gonna be negative. You know, we don't really have a whole lot of neutral energy. If we did, we wouldn't feel the stress or the anxiety. We would just be like nonchalant all the time. Um, you know, we're either like really good or really bad. And if we're in the middle, that just means everything's equal parts, you know. So it's like like today, yeah, I woke up. I was, I was in a I was motivated this morning. Why was I motivated? Absolutely no idea. Absolutely no idea. Most of my life I am unmotivated. Let me be very honest and very clear about that. Um, but when I have days that motivation hits me, I want to go to work, I want to do things, I want to move because I know if I waste that energy, nothing's gonna get done. And so today, uh, you know, I had some things to do with other humans and stuff like that. And I knew it was gonna be sit-downs and conversations, and my brain didn't want to do it. My body didn't want to do it because I knew I had all of this energy to do more, but my day didn't require it. So I put it into what I was required to do, and I had to dump it. I had to just dump it because there was nothing I could do. I could not do the grandiose ideas that I had for my day. I couldn't do it because that was not my that was not what was actually scheduled. That was not what my day was actually gonna be. And then I end up taking a nap. How do you go from having all this energy and then just nap hours later?

SPEAKER_02 19:14

Because you're listening to your body.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Because you're listening to your body. Because you're out there in the world, you're having conversations, and that takes, you know, brain power. It does. It takes brain power, it takes physical power. Whether or not you're sitting or standing, you're still exerting energy. So no matter what you're doing, and so your body will get exhausted from doing things. Like, have you ever drove for a long time? And you're like, man, I'm so exhausted when you reach your destination. Same thing. You might be sitting, but you're exerting a lot of mental awareness while you're driving, being cautious, having conversations, listening to the radio and singing. Like, you don't realize all the things you do that actually siphon off the energy that you hold. So I think it's just like realizing what your day holds and giving yourself grace that like you know some things that are taking your energy, but other things you're so unaware of. And that's something I've been learning. Like a conversation, even though it seems like nothing, like your brain is processing information, someone else is telling you, it's organizing it, it's distributing it, you're having a reply, like a reply or some sort of rebuttal or some sort of advice or whatever. And and it's a back and a forth and it keeps going. And and at the end of it, you're like, that was a great conversation, or maybe you're like this a bad conversation. But at the end of the day, there was a lot of energy that just flowed back and forth because your body and the other person's body and their brain has just been exerting itself.

Spending Energy Like Time And Money

SPEAKER_02 20:50

So we don't think right, and we don't think of our ourselves as human beings as an energy form. We just think of ourselves, and here's the thing too, we don't even think of ourselves as a physical form. We just think of ourselves as an unlimited whatever we can do, get it done because we're in the hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle world, which is fine. Get your hustle on, get your hustle on. But before you can truly get your hustle on, this is something learning from a hustler here, okay. If you look back in my days, I was how many times back in the day did you guys be like, Adela, did you sleep? Did you eat? Did you breathe? Did you do anything today before you collapsed because of the amount? And I have so much energy. When I say I have so much energy, I have so much energy, even right now. And how you expand, how you expense it, how you replenish it, it is literally to me the way I look at it, the same way I look at my time and money, it's my money value. So I have 24, you know, dollars of energy too. Where am I gonna spend them? Even if I have $24 of time, where am I spending that? Because or and some could be here. And some days I wake up with no energy. And then I'm like, oh shoot, I am absolutely depleted because we even had a we we had something we had to do this last week. Um For our event that we're planning, and we went out and did it, came back the next day, completely depleted. It was a great day, but just being around conversation, the amount of energy, the excitement, the exchange and relationship, and then having to come home and do all that same again with your family. And it's siphoned in, and again, in the best way possible, because you got to meet humans, you get to learn, but you have to recognize the replenishment on the next day, then you might need to rest. And it's okay to take care of yourself because your care of your temple, this right here, your organs, your whole health, your mind. If you don't have that, truly, what do you have? Like what autonomy do you have? What are you truly in charge of if you're not in charge of the one thing that you've been given that opportunity and that gift to do? Self-care isn't just a thing of a luxury to do. It is truly a gift. You caring for yourself. You going, I'm worth the effort of getting up, putting on my face mask, which I did today. I had a rough last two days, didn't wash my face, didn't, didn't have a moment. And today I was like, no, I'm going to take the time. I'm going to give that. I have a big this. I have this. I'm going to establish that moment. So it's really learning, like Yolanda said, to give yourself grace too in the moments of your day that you're spending and that you're doing. So it's not just a waste of going. I could have, should have, would have when I just did. I did what I said I was gonna do. I showed up and I put the energy in where it was required because I know what to do, and I don't have any more energy for anyone else. And it truly, oh my gosh, does it simplify your life, right? Like it really does.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

It really does.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Going from being on someone else's time and emergency and energy to your own and going, it's absolutely not. I don't have it in my capacity. The boundary is not there. It's it's just not gonna be here. But I can assist you in another way. It's just not gonna be my physical form or my mental form or my spiritual. Maybe I could, I don't know. I can assist you and direct you in some way, or I can show up for you. It knowing knowing your capacity is like the most important part of I think being able to regain control over your own autonomy and your own self and your own time because then you know what you're capable of. And I think you're one of my proofs in that belief of I think yourself that way.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

I think I mean, yes, but I also believe that it's learning that in your own story, in your own life, your you matter more than any other individual.

When Caring For Others Drains You

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Meaning the capacity. What they could handle, what da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. To where I was like nothing. Let me just be frank. I was nothing. Like I didn't consider anything about myself. I didn't consider my time. I didn't consider my health. I considered nothing. I was always thinking of other people and other things. And I don't like to use the word always very much, but I but back then I was. I was pouring into people constantly, all the while wishing someone would do the same to me. And I and I didn't have it, and I didn't have it. And so once I really learned, like I I'm supposed to be pouring into myself before I can pour it. Like if I listen, if you go to someone's house and you want, we're in the south, okay. If you want to go to someone's house and you want some sweet tea or you're hosting people, okay, you have people coming to your house and you and you want to be able to give them seat tea, you gotta make it first to pour it into their cup. And you'll taste that before you pour it. Right, right. And then and then if and if it gets empty, what do you do? You make some more. You don't require the other people to make it for you. So it's like, why wasn't I just making my own tea? Like, why wasn't I because I was just always like, I gotta find more, I gotta find more. I don't care where I find it, I just gotta give it to people because I I can't take the time to do it myself. Oh, those people understand. They're like, no, I want more tea. I would love more tea. You take your time, you brew more tea. They will always understand anything in your life fits that same directive. Everything. You gotta do it for you first. That's the same thing on the airplane. They tell you put it over your own face first before you do your kids and everything else. Because if you pass out, your kids already messed up. Like you.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

I didn't understand that concept until like three years ago. And then I was like, fine one day, and it fell down. I was like, oh, and I remember it's just sitting there in the air. I was going, oh, because you know me and my ogedits. I was like, oh, I get it. And like I just needed to fall in front of my face. I just need oh, me for all, me for oh, I see why. Okay, because oh, okay, like because my brain couldn't process that I should put on my own safety mask purse. I should get up in the morning and work out for myself. I should brush my own teeth for myself. I should put my own clothes on for myself, I should be doing the things and just should part is what society says should, should, should, should. You do what you desire for you. You do what you desire, what you and it's not desire of your heart either. It's like, what do I want my life to look like? What steps and actions am I gonna take? So if I want to see myself more confident and I want to see myself, see myself as just worthy of this time, well then I've got to practice, just like going to school. We gotta practice. You can't be a great runner, like you said. What were we talking about yet today? You can't we all trying to run somewhere, but we haven't even, or trying to swim, whatever was up to you, but we haven't even gotten away. Oh well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

I said everybody, I said everybody's out here trying to swim, but nobody's willing to learn how to hold their breath. Like, you don't know the techniques, you're just out here in an ocean. You don't know about the animals, the wildlife, the currents. You don't even know your own body structure. You don't know how what your endurance looks like. Like, why are you out there? Like, why are you out there?

SPEAKER_02 28:23

Without a lifeboat, without your first mask, without any preparation of yourself to survive.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Yeah, like so what's the like like let's not even talk about holding. Do you even know how to blow a bubble yet? Like we're gonna take this back to infancy, like what we do to teach kids how to swim. Can you blow the bubbles in the water? Can you do that yet? And and realize that it's okay to go backwards. It's okay to be like an adult, an older adult. Um you know, you could be a grandparent, you can be a teenager or a kid, even your 20s, you can be whatever age. And it's still okay to start over, to be like, you know what, I'm gonna go back to the beginning, I'm gonna learn the basics, and I'm gonna build upon it. Sometimes it'll take a long time, sometimes it will take a short amount of time. It just really depends on your aha moments, right? Her aha moment was when the mask came down. I understood the mask. I understood all of that in different situations, but when it came to my personal life, I needed a mask to pop down in front of me. And for me, I was blessed because I had Fink, right? To do that for me. And it was stupid because I mean I told her, excuse my language, I shouldn't say stupid, but it was. I remember going, I'm an idiot. Like I knew this. I just didn't know. We don't promote this.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

We just promote simplicity. But it makes you think that you're in the dog. But right, it makes you think, like, it does make you think that. And you're like, what was I thinking? And that's the problem, too. I was thinking too much about all these other things instead of the thought of myself of going, I need to get some good sleep. I need to wake up and brush my teeth, and those are the only things I need to do, put myself on and get on my day. And I'm sitting here thinking, is Yolanda gonna like me? Am I gonna be able to do this? Am I gonna put that on? Am I gonna get the face mask? How are they gonna? Here's how we look at it. Think about it, are they gonna, how are they gonna like it if I how how are they gonna judge me on my way of putting on my face mask or my way of breathing this air? Like, judge me, shame me. Nobody cares because everybody's reaching for their mask.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Everybody's everybody's reaching for their mask. Nobody cares about your own. They just don't want to admit it.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

So if you're telling me people won't admit it, no, they just won't admit it. But it's true. Every single one of us, you know why? Because we're human beings. And if you ever see us, sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

Go ahead, go ahead. If you ever see us out and about and you see me or Adela look at each other and go, you're thinking. That's us telling each other, get on track because we are not, you're you're doing something else. Like focus on what the focus is on.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

You know, in on you. Self-care, care of yourself. Where are you at? What can you control? Like, even on our meetings yesterday or something like that. It was that it okay. We can't do this. Self-care. Put that in, come back into yourself, come back into your 40 inches, come back in onto your zero self and care for your being because those are things you need to do right now, so that you are beneficial to the world. You are valuable, you can exert it, you can maintain it, you have the ability to withstand it too, because it's not pretty out there. It's like a hurricane or a firestorm. You don't know what you're gonna walk into. So just be prepared. And again, nobody's gonna prepare that for you. So if you don't have the resources, you have to go learn. If you don't understand it, like I didn't understand a lot of stuff until even recently, and I still don't understand because I don't know under why I don't understand. Other than I have trauma, I have a second language, and I could blame it on all those other things, or I just don't see the world as well.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

You don't know what you don't know. You don't know what you don't know.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

So you have to learn for you. Right. What are you gonna so learn yourself? Learn who you are, and so I want to state this and and tell you guys why this is so important.

Why Self-Care Is Not Selfish

SPEAKER_02 32:00

And I want to read this because I I think that what um which also we have to give a huge shout out to Jen, our other volunteer uh who has helped us put all these MCCs together. And I want to read what she wrote because it literally, and Yolanda and I can put touch base into it uh because I want to get into the next activity too, but I I it literally just like depicts what I I feel and think about Project Human and how I think about care of self. Um, so bear with me for a second. At Project Human, many of us are here because we care deeply for others, family, friends, community, those less fortunate, and those in need. Offering others care and love is a gift and it brings meaning to our lives. But when the gift doesn't include ourselves, our own emotional and mental health can begin to suffer quietly and drastically. Research shows that people who spend extensive time emotionally laboring for others, such as family caregivers or those in supportive roles, are at the gr at a greater risk for stress, anxiety, depression, and exhaust and exhaustion simply because their own needs are placed last. Know that personally. Studies find that caregivers report significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, and mental health burden compared with non-caregivers. Challenges that come from persistent emotional and physical giving without adequate self-nurturing, self-care, self-love, all equaling to the care of your being. Self-care and the care of your being is not selfish. It is a fundamental step in being able to do and build upon anything. It's the deliberate act of looking inward, attending to your emotional needs, recharging your energy, and replenishing your capacity so that you can show up in the world in a sustainable way. Sustainable and valuable and beneficial, not only to the world, but to yourself. Research also supports the prior prioritizing self-care can actively decrease stress and improve mental health outcomes. Raise your hands if right here in the room that that's happened. Absolutely. We want to help you explore what that looks like uh to care for yourself with the same compassion you offer others, the same grace you offer others. Because restoring your energy or your battery or filling up your cup or your tank or as my light might be, isn't a luxury. It's not. It is an absolute necessity, and it's a necessary practice for your health, resilience, and building a genuine connection with the people that you truly care about.

Draw Your Cup And Find Refill Sources

SPEAKER_02 34:36

I think that, like, as both Yolanda and I know, which we're gonna talk about in our activity, we're gonna do a little drawing, so it's about time for you to pull out your little scrap paper and your little notebook or whatever you have, and we're just gonna take a second and draw a little tank, so little button or little um little energy cup, if you will, or little tank, whatever you might call it, and see where you're at. And we're gonna discuss that in a second, because it's really important to understand that without the nourishment and nurturing of yourself, you truly are not a full human being, a full being, a full person, someone who can experience this life in a way that you were designed to. Um Yolanda, what are your thoughts on that before we get into our little cup, our little drawing?

SPEAKER_00 35:29

Yeah, I mean I mean, I love what she wrote.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

It's it's we don't I'm just trying to think of how to say what I'm trying to think what I'm thinking of. It's really hard to it's really hard to focus in on on the things that we do in our life and give and give ourselves grace or give ourselves like humble ourselves to realize that we we are in a process of growing our our everything, everything. We are in a pro we might be adults, but our our health, our mental health, our emotional health might be infantile because of our circumstances, the way that we grew up, the traumas that we've had, whatever that is, and that's okay. We have to learn, we have to grow, and growth takes time. Anything good, anything really, really great takes time and effort. And what better way to do that than put it into ourselves?

SPEAKER_02 36:44

You know? 100% because if we don't, we we don't know how we don't know how to learn. Like we as you as our model is is too, you don't know what you don't know. And if you don't know yourself, how do you expect anyone else to know you? How do you expect anyone else to have any information about you? And then also the expectations of everyone even having to know you or anything would know about you. Like they're not, they're not required. It's not their job, neither is your job about them. Now, for those that you care about that you want to exert your energy on and and and spend that time on, then that's part of the care that you need to have because you've committed to that role or you've decided to take on that responsibility or part of it. So you've got to be a part of it, figure out how that works. But you yourself, though, um, just like no other human is required. Like, no, and we even had this conversation not too long ago. I may have my expectations or what I want people to do and how I want my show to run because I like my PDFs and I know myself so well. That does not mean that in any circumstance at all or shape or form, am I literally allowed to impose those upon anybody? I can be like, hey, you know, this is how I am, and these are the few things that I really like, and these are the few ways that I function and that like causes me no anxiety. So if we could do these and have that conversation, whether or not someone does it, or what their tank is, capacity is cup is where they can give that grace or whatever, like that is up to them. They're not required. And so to expect someone to do that is also exerting energy. So you have to think that even your thoughts of expectation is exerting energy because you're expecting, you're in a constant arousal state, whether in your your cortisol levels are high. So you're you're you're just always active instead of resting. Um, let's do this uh activity for you guys for just a second. So um grab a pen or pencil or paper, like I said, or a scrap uh paper around you, and then draw, imagine yourself as or draw a tank or a cup, however you might see this, and see, you know, do a little drawing of um where your energy levels are at. So if you have a cup, or if you want to draw a tank, or in my case, I'll draw a human being and I know where my energy levels are in my feet, in my whatever, but I'm weird. So, like I'm weird. So let's, you know, let me be weird. And while you're thinking about that and doing that, I'm gonna uh share with you a screen of one of our resources that we have that Jen has provided with us to us. It's the self-care wheel. And while you're drawing that um, you know, that little cup or that tank in the minute and and seeing where your energy is at, the positive psychology.com of self-care wheel here says um there's there's one, two, three, four, five, six, six little uh care categories, if you will. And in, you know, kind of see in where you are in your physical, in your personal, spiritual, emotional, professional, psychological, you know, family. There's a lot of care models, especially when I break down the care model. There's they're a lot more nuance to yourself than just maybe generic in the way that I I personally see some of this. But um, you can, you know, reflect through uh self-reflection, um, like what we're doing right now, too. So just kind of see where you're at, um, and and and draw that in there and take a second. Um and think about while you're doing that too, what what replenishes you, what nourishes you? What is the uh the thing that gives you life and the thing that when you are not where you're supposed to be, not feeling who you are, what gives you that energy and that flow and and that second wind that we might call so that we can get through what we need to get through? Um yeah. I call it the you know, we call it the second win. I just think it's care for yourself too, when you can, you know, I've had a hundred wins, so I want to have like a hundred and one now.

SPEAKER_00 40:50

And the great thing is is that can be almost anything, like taking a shower, taking a nap, eating your favorite food, watching your favorite show, you know, putting your feet on the ground, getting a hug, like um whatever your spiritual life looks like, that it could be I mean it could be literally anything and everything.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

People they they you know, they go to their dogs, they'll go, you know, clean their plants, they'll you know, they'll they'll shake on their vibrating plate.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

Yeah, whatever it is. Something like my daughter, she's nine, she loves to draw.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Yep. And so when she's when she's drawing, that's like her happy place. So sometimes she's like, Can I can I just draw? But she at nine, at nine, and this is because I've been teaching her everything that I've learned, she'll go, she'll just come up to me, look at me, like, I need a hug. I don't ask why. I just do it because she's asking. That's literally, we don't, I don't need to understand the why unless she wants to tell me the why. Because I know sometimes I need that. I need I need physical touch by someone. I need a hug. Honestly, it's a hug. Like it's not what it touched. It's a hug.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

It's whatever people like, it's a hug. That's why we always give it away.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

I just need it to sit in it and just feel, I don't know. It makes me feel safe, it makes me feel cared for, it makes me feel seen and loved, you know. And I think we all want that. And whether or not you you necessarily know the person, it's really easy to melt into a hug. And I know there were some studies done about, and this is like a whole like a marriage thing, but it was saying how uh women in general and relationships need eight hugs a day to function properly. How many hugs do you get a day, Adela? I get a lot. I hug a lot of people. Yeah, well, well, not from the dogs. No, it hugs a lot of human hugs. But you but you do have a lot. You do hug a lot.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

I hug, I hug strangers. I walk like when I I know me, I know my cub, so I know my tank, okay?

Yolanda’s Tank Model And Faith Refill

SPEAKER_02 43:00

Which let me ask you, let's get back to the activity real quick because it'll all lead into this. Tell me, um, share. Can you share your activity tank and your tank or your your thing to use?

SPEAKER_01 43:10

I sure can. Give me just one second. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm complete transparency, guys. She's self-care. I'm eating. I'm I'm starving.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

That's okay.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

And I just didn't want you to see me.

SPEAKER_02 43:20

That's okay. You can scarf down too. I'm okay. We're okay. That's why that we're listening the whole motto is come as you are here to have a conversation because we are meeting you where you're at. So if you're feeling like you the only thing you can show up in is to scarf down your thing and listen to a conversation. So maybe that'll inspire you. Absolutely. Do not, no judgment here at all.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

I have been in a lot of meetings, a lot of things, a lot of work, a lot of whatever. I let my food get cold or whatever. I just deal with it. I don't, that's the it's a great thing. I'm allowed to go. You know what? No, I need to eat. I need to whatever. You I still have to see my my cute, adorable face for every second.

SPEAKER_02 44:00

You're allowed to go take a take a break. All right. So share with you. Share with us your tank and and how you get to your tank. Because I remember you're our tank conversation.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

Yeah. This is where you see. I'm like, I can't see things, but I do see things. They're just not the way other people always see things. Okay. So I will hold it up. Oh, that's not gonna work. Okay. I will explain. Okay, I have to hold it here. Sorry guys. This is my tank, okay? These are tanks that I film. Okay. And each one is something different. Like this one is my kids and my spouse. This one's like friends and family. This is my job and other people. And then this is like just life in general, strangers, everything else, right? And these are all the things that I'm being I'm pouring into these people. Okay. And then this is my cup. My cup's always empty. I'm just gonna be real. It's never been full my almost pretty much my entire life. If it's just me, I'm I'm empty. I'm running on zero. So what am I giving all of these people, right? Well, I'm giving them my own wants, my needs, my peace, my self-care, my spiritual health, my physical health, my mental health, my emotional health. Everything that I should be doing for me, I'm giving to other people. I'm not saying that it's wrong to take care of my friends or my family or my kids or my job. I'm not saying any of that. But what am I doing for me in these areas as I'm doing this? And I'll be frank with you, there is a a part of my a huge chunk of my life where the answer was absolutely nothing. I wasn't doing anything. Occasionally I'd go to a movie or I'd go to the beach or something, but for the most part, I did nothing. I was a robot to work, to my family, to everything. Like I was just I was a robot. I'll be honest with you. I was just moving. I I you weren't living, you were disappointed. I didn't exist. I I was disappearing. I well, I was disappeared. I disappeared. That's pretty much what it is. And so basically what I had to do was learn that all of these I I didn't necessarily just take them out, but I stopped giving. Like all these arrows disappeared. I took them away. And I allowed myself to really deal with my emotional health, my mental health, my physical health, figure out what I wanted, figure out what I needed, figure out all the things, right? Like I I I remember, you know, Adela was like, well, I think she just asked me something simple, like, you know, like if you had all the money in the world and no responsibilities at all, and you could do anything you want, what would you do? Complete blank. I had absolutely no idea. Because I don't even know what I want to do. Do I want to travel? Do I want to shop? Do I want to just sit on a beach? Do I want to have a book in a room? Do I just want to take a shower? Like, what do what do I want? I didn't know. I didn't know. I couldn't tell you what my favorite color was anymore, what my favorite flower was. I couldn't tell you what I could tell you what I used to like when I was a teenager. I could tell you nothing else. Like I'm still answering questions to this day. And we've been working on it for what, six, seven years now?

SPEAKER_02 47:28

With you, we've been working on it for five years. Yeah, for five years now. Three years officially, where you're like, I'm serious about it. I am consciously taking awareness of Dell and you're not going to be able to do it. Two years of me being stubborn thinking. Two years of thinking I'm crazy. You know, it's okay though. I'm willing, because you know why? You know why? I don't care. I have no cares. You know, I don't care. Because I truly care about showing up and the worth of human beings around me for those I love.

SPEAKER_01 47:52

So then as I was building that up in my cup, and I was, I even though I was learning all these things, I was not getting I I'm still not in control of my energy. I'm not. I don't know if I'm gonna wake up and be energetic to take on everything in my life, or if I'm gonna have to change my plans or whatever. Every day's new. I I'm just like everyone else. Um, and something that I realized for me personally um was was the same thing, was my faith. It just is, because then then I was like, where in this cup, like what's feeding into me, right? Nothing. Like I didn't even know there was nothing there. And then there became this huge cup later on, just in my faith, that fed not only fed into me, but fed into all of these things. And the only thing I was required now, because of my faith, was to feed back into it. That was it. Everything else, these automatically happen anyway. Because now I'm now I'm being fed on a whole nother level. Like I'm when I talk about energy, and I know Adela, we were talking about this, and I I wasn't sure how to word things, but I'm just gonna be real because that's all I can do. Is that my job as a human being in my own life is to make sure that I am okay. My existence is okay, that if everyone else disappeared, including Adela, can I function without going crazy, without anything, right? So it's like, what does that look like then?

unknown 49:37

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

What processes do I need to have mentally, emotionally, physically, religiously, you know, all the all the ease, you know, all of it. What does that look like? What is your existence?

SPEAKER_02 49:49

And that's the part, like, what does your existence look like when you walk out? Is it barren? And when you think of yourself in the barren, is it fruitful? Is it bright? Is it dark? What is your existence?

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Well, it's like figuring out what it is, yeah, what you want, what you need and how to connect them all and become who you were meant to be originally in the first place. Everybody's different, everybody has different wants, different needs, different goals, all of that. We all have the same basic nature and the fact that we want to be at peace. We don't want to be angry. We don't want to be depressed, we don't want to have anxiety. I have never met somebody who is depressed that says, I love being depressed. I've I've never said it. I'm I don't know anyone who's ever said it. We don't sit there and go, oh, this anxiety feels so good. No, we're all begging for massages and like 10 minutes to ourselves. Like, like let's be real about it.

SPEAKER_02 50:49

Then give it to yourself, right? Like then give it to yourself. Well then what stopped

Nourishing Yourself With Small Choices

SPEAKER_02 50:54

that was what I was gonna say. What's stopping you from nourishing your soul? Why are you so afraid to go to Olive Garden and have and request a table of four for yourself and say, I am by myself? And they say, We'll sit you at the bar. And you say, No, no, I don't want bar. I'd like a table by myself. Thank you. And then what is it stop you? What does it stop you from going? I already know my order. I don't need to wait. Could you just put it in? I know exactly how I'd like it to be. Would you be willing to work with me that way? And they're like, Oh, you're picky. I'm either gonna be the easiest customer or the easiest person you'll ever or human you'll ever deal with, or the hardest because I know what I want. You don't have to second guess me at all. I know what I want. I want my soup and breadsticks, I want to enjoy it. It'll take me 15 minutes to eat it. I'll have the best time, I'll leave you a good tip and I'll walk away. We don't even have to have a conversation. I know what I want. That's me nourishing my soul. Or it could be I'm going to go ahead and sit at the beach for three hours by myself and take up in the morning and drive out while everybody's asleep because I don't care. I that's what I need to do. Or, or take a part of all my plants and pull it all together, or my whole kitchen, because I gotta redo my whole kitchen because that nourishes my soul, that I know that I can feed my family, I can take care of them, I can do that. Or, or even deeper to myself, I'm gonna ensure that I am brushing my teeth every single day because knowing that I don't have to go to the dentist and because I have a fear of it, or because of what I'm gonna do that part. It's an easy part. That's all I have to do is I have to show up, put the toothbrush in my hand, brush my teeth. I'm not saying it's easy easy because your mind and your body have to connect to what you want. But when you are honest with yourself and you realize that where you are is not about the feeling, but truly wanting something. And how many times have you and I been? I'm like, Yolanda, I know you feel this way, I know you're thinking this way, but you don't want it.

unknown 52:43

Right?

SPEAKER_02 52:43

You don't want it. Just be honest with yourself, you don't want it. And you'll be like, oh, da-da-da. And same thing for me on some stuff, and you're like, whatever. And I'm like, you know where you're right. I don't want that. I really don't want that. But you get clouded by your own, your own feelings, your own creations, your own mind when you're not taking care of yourself, when you're thinking, and when you go back, no, I really don't want that. So if I don't want the stress, if I don't want the anxiety, if I don't want the challenge of life, then I don't have to be there. But if I want to be challenged and I want to grow and I want to be better and I want to do something with my life, then guess what that's gonna require? Showing up even in fear, even in anxiety, even in your depressive mood, even in your state, I don't, I can't, but showing up to brush your teeth, showing up to put your clothes on, showing up to care for what and for who? Yourself. Because when you can do that, again, in the most whenever when the whole world stops, world stops for you. So you have to stop for you. Care of your being is the most important, important skill you can learn. Like, forget coding, forget the AI stuff, forget like all these things, and like literally learn the skill of caring for yourself. What does that look like for you? How does that work for you on a daily basis? It might take you a couple years to figure it out because you've had a couple years of not knowing anything. So maybe take the time, become obsessed with knowing your own self. What did Yolanda call me one day? She said, Adela, you're the most narcissistic, non-narcissistic person I know. And I said, You're darn right. You know why? Because and I take I wear that proudly. You know why? Because I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with learning my mind. I'm obsessed with learning how my body functions when I when it's not doing what I want it to do or how I want this or what I'm designed for, what God has for me on there. I'm obsessed with seeing where I am not meeting the the requirements of what I desire. And when I'm not at that level, I'm going, what do I need to do today? Why am I not functioning? What is going on? Oh, Adela, it's because in the back of your mind you're having anxiety about the kitchen and about the trash out there and about all that stuff. Just go take out the trash and go put your dishes away. It'll take 10 minutes. It'll take you 10 minutes and you'll be okay. And then you can come back and finish your PDF file and prepare for all of this, and you will win 10 times better than if you were sitting here trying to force yourself to do something that your whole body is rejecting.

SPEAKER_01 55:17

Right. And the world tells us that sitting there, having confidence in yourself, praising yourself, knowing your worth and all that is narcissistic. And to a point I understand because I I get that, I get because it's a definition. But we go do that, like no, like if you're not gonna be your biggest cheerleader, who is? If you're not gonna be your biggest cheerleader, who is? Thank you. Like, how are you gonna go cheer on your friends and your family and everything else? You can obviously you can do it, so why aren't you doing

What Is Holding You Back

SPEAKER_01 55:50

it for you? What's holding you back?

SPEAKER_02 55:52

All right, and we're gonna leave it off with that, you guys, asking you the question of what's holding you back from caring for yourself, from caring for your being. And uh, we're gonna go ahead and be wrapping it up because we're almost at the end and we started a little bit late, so we're hitting up right about our hour mark, and I don't want to take up any more of people's times. But I think this was a great conversation about care and great way to kind of take a moment to start again. We're not here to solve the problem right away because we can't solve it, okay? We cannot solve your being at all because you I don't you don't even know your being, okay? I'm a complicated being, so let alone to I I am on my own being, I'm complicated. But I've learned how to simplify simplify myself for the world so that so that I can interject and communicate with the world because that's what I want. Um, and so learn what's stopping you from learning about yourself? What's stopping you? What fears are you facing, or what fears are you not wanting to face? What shame and guilt is holding you back from being like, oh, I'm not worthy. You're worthy, you're so worthy of the time, you're so worthy of the information, you're so worthy of the education, you're worthy of advocating for yourself, you're worthy of stepping up to the plate. You are so worthy of it. I promise you, the shame and guilt and the burdens and the like all these things that you feel right now with the existential are outside of you. Zero in. Get a good night's sleep, wash your face, stretch your body. I know these sounds simple. I know these moments or these actions sound so simple, but I promise you, simple, and it's something I've had to learn. Something someone's from Adela from the eighth black hole to landing on earth and figuring it out, okay? Learning it. I have to learn it too. Simplifying the end of your day, the morning of your day, simplifying your life for what you are, how are you in your day? And when you do that, the world, I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but it sure as hell doesn't matter because it does not matter. And and and then everything else you do, it just I promise you, it comes to you. I'm speaking, living proof of it now. Speaking, leave in proof of it now. Before all my trials, trying in outside, now I'm within and going, nope, I know myself. I said no. Nope, know myself. The confidence that I exude, the ground and the foundation I can stand on for the conversation, and the seriousness that I can I can project and also be taken exactly the way I want to be taken for nothing else, nothing more, because I know who I am. People will judge your character in all kinds of ways, they'll attack it in all kinds of ways, just because that's what people do. But if you know who you are, your care they can assassinate whatever they want visually out that way. They can do whatever they want. You know what? It's their imagination. They've imagined all kinds of stuff and they've had created. That's fine. You know who you are. You walk, you walk with your health head high. And for those of you who who have faith, or for those of you who are in journey and figuring something out, something out, for me, I walk, I walk with my spine so held high, and my like I'm being just held like this and going, let's go. But because for me, I am. And and for me, I don't have an option not to live this life that has been given as a gift to me and not to care for this temple because I have truly been blessed with the opportunity to live more than once and to experience it more than once. So why would I take it for granted? Why would I not have this rebirth, this my own moment in there? Because I'm worth it. Um, so are you anyway? You want to leave them off with one more sentence before I go into our next uh slide of just uh telling them what they get going on?

SPEAKER_01 59:18

I think uh all of the things we've talked about, I think we really need to focus in. And something that I do now is with everything, I'm like, what what in this situation do I actually want? But what is the actual need? And then I take those, I figure that out, and I'm like, but then what's the actual requirement of me today, of my time, my energy, my whatever? And and then I apply that. I think that's a huge thing is requirement, um, and being an intentional with with that to you personally, not to your friends, your family, your job, your kids, your everything else in the world, but to you. What is the requirement for you to function in a manner that you not only need to, but want to? And then let's just start taking steps to get

Wants Needs Requirements Roadmap

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

there.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:17

And we can help out your videos. And also, while she said that requirement, if you go to our website, um, while I have you guys on there, you can literally down submit your start your healing journey today right here, and you'll be able to download your own uh free roadmap to functionality, which exactly is what Yolanda just talked about, um, which is the needs, requirements, and the wants. And it's something that we provide you guys to take a look at it. It's a really easy step down to start really starting that conversation and a way to start writing down your accomplishments, accomplishments of breathing and be in there today. So take a look at that with appreciated. So thank you so much, Yolanda. I appreciate you, and until next time, uh, we will see you in just a while. And for those of you, let me get back onto this screen

Events Tickets Sponsorship And Closing

SPEAKER_02 1:01:00

over here. For those of you who are here, let me just make a few announcements for you and let you know that we have our um quarterly mental health day is happening March 14th at Aspendo's Italian cuisine and pizza for pie day, 11 to 3 p.m. More information is coming on that. Check out our links and the website information. Our casting call is still going on. Really excited about that. Our this is our first portion of it. We'll have one more. So if you do miss our deadline on the 28th this month, we will have one more. Don't you worry, I will get you in. But definitely check it out. It's a virtual one. All you have to do is upload your resilience story and your on your walk, and then we'll be in touch with you shortly. Lastly, please go ahead and take a look at our runway to resilience event. We are selling tickets right now. They're on sale. We're gonna be at the Jesse downtown. I am so excited. We've they've been so gracious to us to partner with us to do what we're gonna do and have and bring an entertaining night to you. A night of a night of hope, a night of resilience, and celebrating and honoring all of our caregivers and really the care of yourself, demonstrating what it means to care and self-care and love care and caring for a human being and the capacity we have to do that. Uh, it is Mother's Day weekend, so definitely treat your mother to a ticket. Our tickets are on sale. You can get uh a $20 discount right now for our early bird special, but treat her to a night. Let her dress up, let her come get a picture, let her come enjoy her night. Or for those of you care caregivers, dress yourself up, put on a tux, come out for the night, watch a great show, come have a conversation with the community and sh hear stories that you will resonate with because we we're all here for each other, right? We're all here and let's celebrate that human life. So definitely check that out. And if you're looking to sponsor our show and be part of what we're doing, we are looking for sponsors right now. Please check out our sponsorship link. Anything helps if you're willing to donate, you can donate on our website. But if you're looking to be a sponsor, be part of that um part of the bigger picture that we have going on with our Define the Narrative documentary that's uh releasing in the next year after our film festival. If you are looking to be part of a bigger picture, you are coming and looking at the right place. We are your team for that. So definitely check us out. Uh, I have no shame in my game this year in letting you know that we are, we as Project Human are worth the effort just as much as we believe that humans are worth the effort to do what we do. So we're looking forward to it. Until next time, we will see you. Uh enjoy your night, enjoy your evening. Thank you for being here with us. Thank you for your support. Thank you for subscribing, liking, sharing, and all the other good bits. Thank you for bearing with me my technical difficulties. And also thank you for listening to me all these years. Sometimes I can learn and grow up, other times it takes a little while. But that's the whole journey of this whole life. Oh, I want to leave you off with something because I heard it today and it just popped off in my head, okay? I heard that the first 40 years of our lives should just be research. Should be research. We're figuring it out. And then 40 and on should be when we are really intentional and decisive with what we're gonna do. Guess what's happening to me in the next year? I'm about to be 40. Guess how intentional and decisive I'm about to be. Because I've just done 40 years of research. Bam! You still got time. You still got time. So let's go in. I'll talk to you in a while until next time.