Welcome, Mission, And Safety Notes

SPEAKER_04 1:00

Okay, uh, assuming we're good to go. Hi, everybody. Thank you for joining us for our July monthly community conversation. I'm Jen. I'm a volunteer and I do programs in education for Project Human Inc., or FINC, as we like to call it. Um, these monthly calls are space where our community comes together to explore topics that impact us in mental, emotional, um, just overall well-being kind of ways. Um, and we don't talk too clinically, we talk about real stuff. Um, we we try and think about how things impact us in our real lives and what it means to um be a human in this space. So uh it can get messy, it can be beautiful, and we can do it together. So um I just uh I want to tell you a little bit about tonight's topic. Uh, it is freedom and transformation, the hats we wear. Um, and we acknowledge that throughout our lives we wear many different hats, uh, as the metaphor is. Some hats we choose uh and some are handed to us. Uh others seem to like slowly and quietly become part of our identity, and we forget to either stop and say, is this still who I am? Is this right for the situation in my life right now? Um a few disclaimers before we get started for Project Human. We are not medical professionals. We are humans just like you. If you are in a crisis, please reach out to your local mental health resources or dial 911 for immediate assistance. If you need national suicide prevention support, please dial 988 immediately, uh, letting you know we are recording and live streaming uh tonight's event on YouTube. If you do not wish to be on video or audio, please take a minute to turn off your camera or microphone. Uh, we will be using tonight's conversations for advertising, promotions, and raising awareness uh about these topics and Project Human, our mission, our organization. So by participating in these Zoom meetings, you give us permission to use all of that audio and video. Thank you. If you've never heard of Project Human before, we are a human-first nonprofit focused on bridging the gaps in mental and emotional health using communication, education, uh, creative expression, art, uh, and community connection, just like this call, where we we talk, just human-to-human. And our work creates intentional access points for people to pause and reflect and connect and support in a real way that feels human, that feels approachable and doesn't feel clinical or sterile or awkward or judgmental. At least we definitely don't try to be judgmental. Uh, through these monthly community conversations, our quarterly mental health days, our artist within podcast, and any creative initiative that we have undertaken, we like to bring lived experiences and resources and education and insights to the community to just help us all be human and get through this together. Um, if you need healing, if you need strength and you don't think you have it, you have a community to support you. And we want to give you that space, that change to begin a new life, begin a new focus, begin a new mindset with one honest moment of connection. And um it's July.

Freedom And The Hats Metaphor

SPEAKER_04 4:40

Uh, July 4th happened to be our 250th nation's birthday. Um, so I figured we could explore something around the word freedom, not specifically the freedoms we have as a nation, but the freedoms we experience or some don't experience as humans in our own lives. And that got me thinking um about identity and the different identities we can all seem to have at once. And I want to use the analogy of these identities as hats we wear. So you might have heard this like at school or at work, um, and people talk about, oh, you know, I'm putting on my um I'm putting on my uh financial hat or I'm putting on my manager hat or I'm putting on my employee hat uh or I'm putting on my student hat. And that might be relatable to you. So I hope it can work for you for our conversation tonight. Um and and as you know, throughout our lives, we have many different roles. We wear different hats. Uh, some are obvious, some that we choose, uh, and some that kind of just, you know, find us. And we slip into those roles because we think we need to or we feel called to. Uh, and you know, maybe you've already worn a hat today. So let's think about that metaphor for you. Uh, maybe you've worn a hat called parent, maybe you've worn a hat called spouse, employee, friend, neighbor, caregiver, maybe even somebody's personal chauffeur. Uh, and those are just the hats that maybe you woke up and wore before lunch. It's interesting that every hat that we wear comes with responsibilities and expectations, and we have to live up to them. But they also come with these little stories, these things that they make us believe that maybe we never questioned, maybe we forget to question. And tonight I thought it could be fun to explore some of those hats together and maybe ask ourselves uh whether we're wearing the hat, or maybe the hat started wearing us. So let's start here. Um,

Counting Your Hats Today

SPEAKER_04 6:45

I'm going to ask everybody, how many different hats roles do you think you've already worn today? I don't need to name them all, just throw out a number.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

I love this reference because uh I'm, you know, in marketing, and marketing, if you ever look at a marketing job description, they usually say, Where's multiple hats?

unknown 7:09

I love this.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

Um besides yeah, I think even within my job, I probably had seven hats, so maybe like ten today. What about you, babe?

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Uh I was thinking more like personal, like family stuff, like hats that have come up today for me. So it's been like maybe like five or six.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

So I've uh recently had a teammate that was my team lead, he changed roles, and that bound me whether I wanted it or not, in a new role, and I'm kind of learning my way through it. It's only been a couple weeks now, but I find myself wearing a lot of different hats I never had to wear before. And it actually feels like you said, are the hats wearing us? Some of them feel like they're wearing me rather than me wearing them, but um it's it's an adjustment, it's a process. Um, some of them are teacher. I'm learning to teach a role that I feel like I'm still learning myself, and I'm also operating as a sort of a mentor and a lead, um, operating as an advocate, it's a it's a lot, and it's um it I can see how people can get overwhelmed easily in these names.

SPEAKER_04 8:39

Well, Daniel, I just heard five teacher, mentor, employee, lead. Yeah, it it just it stacks. Yolanda, how many do you think you've worn already today? Oh, and you're back on mute.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Okay, sorry, kids. Um probably, if I have to be honest, probably anywhere from six to twelve. I can't tell you how many hats I um I'm always all over the place.

SPEAKER_04 9:06

So um, you know, always and it's it's crazy how quickly you're switching between the hats, or maybe you've got like five different hats and all the bills are focused in different ways.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

I've had a lot of learned experience, so it wasn't always easy to, you know, I didn't I didn't create the you know the mobile hat of movement when I was younger. I was always trying to like grab a new one. Now I just kind of spin it. I'm like, okay, stop. Like it's you know, so it's not it's not nearly as hard as it used to be. Uh except sometimes it can still be difficult, but we keep changing them.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

It's like they're on a spinning rotation. Maybe we're taking them off, putting them on these layers of identity. And it it sometimes it feels fluid, it's it's there, it's natural, and other times it's like, oh god, this hat weighs like 28 pounds. So I want to uh show you guys something

The Hats You Wear Most Often

SPEAKER_04 10:00

to just kind of bring into focus this idea and maybe add a layer of um visibility to all the hats that you could be wearing. Um I am putting up a slide and just a second. And you know, I want to ask everybody to look at the slide. Like think about your answer. Maybe type it in chat, maybe say it out loud, which one or two come to mind as like the hat you wear most often these days? So, you know, just look. I know the list isn't complete. We have some blanks for later, but which one or two do you think you're wearing most often these days? The peacemaker. Dig it. Yeah, so in this case, you're you're a parent and you're also a child. Maybe you're also a caregiver. Boss, I'm seeing in the chat, boss, yeah, and you also mentioned parent. You're also a parent, Yolanda. Daniel, you were talking about coach and mentor as well as teacher. Yeah, yep. I think for me, I think uh spouse and partner is one that I I'm most in these days. So, you know, what hats did we miss? You know, you've got categories here in relationships, life roles, life experience experiences, excuse me, the hat we become, like um growing up, I see, you know, like the the strong one. So I come from uh, you know, many people do a divorced parent background, and um my parents struggled. And if I was strong and focused, and I was, you know, like you said, the peacemaker, or I was the focused one, the responsible one, the good student, these these like hats of must be this role, then I thought I could create stability in my world. And I I remember wearing those like hat we become roles pretty avidly during that time just for survival. But what did we miss? I think teacher, I mean mentoring.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

I guess one there's nothing about there's nothing about ourself on there. There's nothing about the self on that list. Explore more with me. What do you mean? Um, everything on that list is more about someone else, a relationship or something you're having with another person versus you. So you're saying the self-minus

The Self As The Hat Rack

SPEAKER_00 13:00

maybe my maybe minus the survivor part because a lot of that you're working on, you know, but um for the most part, most of those are still looking at yourself through a glass or whatever of somebody else.

SPEAKER_04 13:13

Would you say, Yolanda, that the self is a hat we put on, or the person who wears no hats?

SPEAKER_00 13:21

I think the self is realizing that we're the hat rack.

SPEAKER_04 13:26

So the the the one that wears no hats is the person that is the hat rack. So these are these are just identities that we layer upon ourselves. These hats we wear are identities. And the self usually is picking a hat or receiving a hat as a lens through which to operate in the world. And many, many hats get juggled on our heads every day, sometimes simultaneously. It can be exhausting. Life can feel pretty heavy sometimes wearing all these hats. Some of them describe what we do. Some of them describe who people think we are. And then they can describe uh who we've started believing we have to be. The hats aren't the problem, though. It's everything that comes with them that could burden us or confuse us or layer judgments at the world through wearing these hats. And that's what I think that we can explore together is what comes with those hats and how they could be shaping the way we think about ourselves or the choices we make. So I'll stop sharing that slide for right now. So consider again, you know, we all talked about what hat we're wearing most these days. What comes with that or those like main hats that you're wearing? What responsibilities, what expectations, what pressure, what joy, what stress? Maybe all of the above. What what's coming with that? And just take a minute, write it in the chat. What strings are attached to those hats that you're wearing the most? Maybe you have a pressure that you need to be better. Maybe you have a pressure to believe that you're not yet better or not good enough. Expectations. Dig into that more, Alicia. What expectations are coming with your hats?

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Yeah, it's interesting because some of them I think are expectations of others, but some of them are like self-imposed

Expectations, Pressure, And Self-Demands

SPEAKER_03 15:51

expectations. So, you know, like I think at work there's expectations from your boss or from your coworkers, but then there's also the expectations that you know different people put on themselves. And I think I put higher expectations on myself than I do others. So, um, and I think others don't necessarily put as high of the expectations on themselves on me as the as I do myself.

SPEAKER_04 16:20

That can be a double-edged sword. One, you push for what you believe is excellence, and two, you burn yourself out because you never see like the bar. And when you hit the bar, you think, well, I can do better, and the bar moves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yolanda, you you talked about uh showing up, a kind of responsibility to be the responsible one, maybe. So what does showing up look like to you?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Um, well, you know, think well, a conversation. So I have a lot of conversations in and outside of think. Um, I am a woman's leader, and so I have a lot of conversations with women constantly about all aspects of life and how to live it and with their partners, or if they're single, or if they're in school, um showing up for those conversations, those phone calls, uh, the same things for my children, for my family, um, if someone's in need to do so, um, but at the same time showing up for myself, making sure that I have a responsibility to me first, kind of like in the airplane, you know, the whole the thing comes down, you have to breathe first before you can, you know, same thing, because I realize like if I'm not doing that for me and and allowing myself to focus and flourish on all the things that I need to, I'm not gonna be in very good spirits or in a very good mindset to help other people through theirs.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

And I might not be able to help them um work out whatever it is that they're going through, you know, and you feel the responsibilities of these hats that you wear, like women's leader, like um coach, like um Project Human volunteer, and you have a demand for yourself in showing up for those roles, and it might not be clear as day that you are demanding things of yourself to show up effectively when you put those hats on, but those are the responsibilities that come with those hats. They're not necessarily what you demand of yourself to just function as a human. They're I must be so that I can do best when I'm in these roles.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

I think for me though, even though I love I love where you're going with all the hats things, I don't wear hats. I refuse to wear hats. Like in real life, obviously. Um, but in the same thing, I don't I don't like defining my personal narrative is much more than a hat, if that makes sense. And so I get the idea of like we break it down, but it's kind of like it's so much more to me. So it's like when we when we talk about, I feel like it's limiting, you know, me, not anybody else. It's uh you know, but for myself, I feel like it's kind of limiting.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

So I like where you're going with that, and I'm gonna track with it. Okay, it's not just responsibilities or um expectations that come with these these roles that we put on ourselves, they come with beliefs, they come with what we think we should do, or what we should be, or how we should act, or how we must show up. And sometimes we don't even remember where all the shoulds and musts and have-to's came from. They're just there, or like they they come into being after you wear the hat for a bit. And it's important, like Yolanda does, to question the hat. Question those beliefs, those shoulds, those musts, those have-to's, especially when the hat might not bring with it the healthiest or friendliest perspective for any given moment. So,

When You Bring The Wrong Hat

SPEAKER_04 20:20

you know, like um have you ever caught yourself bringing the wrong hat to the wrong situation?

SPEAKER_03 20:29

Sorry, I didn't shouldn't have laughed. You should have laughed.

SPEAKER_05 20:33

Yes, I need the wrong hat.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Yes, laugh. That's brilliant.

SPEAKER_03 20:41

I joke that drunk Alicia is named Kesha. So wow has definitely been where she should not have been, right, no comment. That's the best one that I have, um, just because it's more fun. Um, but yeah, I mean, I think there's definitely been, you know, like when in my younger years, I've showed up to work with more of like my friendly hat rather than like my PC, like, you know, corporate hat on. Um, and then, you know, there's definitely been times where I've been, you know, trying to be the peacemaker and the mediator where somebody um wanted me to be more of like a listener or you know, instead of just like a problem solver.

SPEAKER_04 21:33

Oh my god, do I feel that crazy Libra? Libra of Unite. I am so, so guilty of never taking my problem solver hat off ever, not even in the shower. I live in my problem solver hat and it sucks. I have to be physically reminded sometimes. Hey, don't need you to solve my problem, just need you. Listen. Yep. And it it's a hat that literally is stuck to my head. Like I've grown into it. It probably has skin growing over it at this point. Like I've also I've come home from work wearing my manager hat and tried to manage my husband. And that is not a healthy thing to do. Sometimes it leads to arguments. It's real though. It's real. I mean, we we get in a mindset and sometimes we get stuck there. Like O'Neill, maybe you you mentioned taking care of your parent. Maybe sometimes you get so caught up in the role of caretaker that it can be hard to just hang out and be a person sitting next to your parent instead of trying to figure out what's best for them and how they need to do things in order to have a better life. And maybe they don't like being told what to do because they've been around a lot longer and think they know better. So we we've all brought you know the wrong hat perspective series of shoulds and musts and has-to-bees to a conversation or to a situation. It it happens, but it teaches us through those embarrassing moments, those awkward moments, uh, to create awareness of of where we're coming from, um, to be humble sometimes about what we're what we're bringing with us, and you know, try and remember that we're wearing a hat. We still have it on.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

Um I feel like no matter what hat you wear, you could, it's all a matter of perspective and how you go about wearing the hat. And I feel like you can do that same thing with all the hats. Just it's just a matter of how you wear it, you know.

SPEAKER_04 24:01

And because we're wearing them so often, uh trying to just cultivate awareness that we're often in it, that it feels like it's glued onto our head, and that's part of who we are, but maybe it's not who we are. Uh like these hats, these that these things that we are in the space of being, that identity, that role, um, their responsibilities, the stories, the beliefs that they come with, they start to influence how we think and how we feel and how we see the world. And they include um stories about what is true and shoulds and shouldn'ts, like we talked about before, but like believing those truths because we operate in them so frequently causes us to sometimes get pigeonholed and we forget to stop and question is this actually true? Um, and I want to do an exercise about truth in the perspective

The “Because I Am” Truth Test

SPEAKER_04 25:00

of a hat that you're wearing. So I want each of you to think about this first and then finish the sentence for me, and I'll put it in the chat. But because I'm a blank, I should always blank. So think about this. I'm gonna put it in the chat. Because I am a blank, I should always blank and think about one of your hats and think about what you believe comes with that. So I'll give you an example from my end. Because I am a wife, I should put my husband's and family's needs first. Because I want people to see me as the strong and capable one, I shouldn't ask for help because that would be burdening someone. And I don't need it because I'm strong and capable. Or uh because I'm retired, I shouldn't try to take on another career. I'm too old. So these are some beliefs or some perspectives that might come with some of the roles, these hats that I've accepted. So give it a thought. Because I am a blank, I should always, or this is true. Maybe you want to say them out loud, just kind of feel them out, maybe not write them in the chat.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

Because I'm a dad, I always gotta listen uh with an open ear to my kids. Like my daughter, she got into a car accident yesterday.

SPEAKER_05 26:44

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Um I was worried about her, you know, of course, as a dad would be. And so um, I just wanted to make sure, you know, that everything got taken care of and stuff like that. So always did you feel dependable, you know, I guess is the I should always be dependable, you know, as a dad.

SPEAKER_04 27:05

Did you feel responsibility to make sure that everything was followed through on to resolve it?

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Yeah, of course. I feel like I needed to get in the truck and go over there, you know. She lives in Tampa and I'm in Gainesville, so it's a little bit of a drive, but she's she was like, I got it, dad, you know, don't worry.

SPEAKER_04 27:22

So I've I've been there, I know what that's like. You you wanna solve it for them. Yeah, you wanna you wanna make sure all the boxes are checked because not because they can't, but because they shouldn't have to, they're your baby. Right. But these are should statements, these are I must statements. You raised a capable young person, they are a young, functioning adult human learning valuable lessons, offending for themselves, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:04

Okay, I have one. Go, and on on live it makes me a little weirded out, but that's okay. I'm gonna say it anyway. Um, because I am a child of God, I should always show mercy. Uh and just so people are aware what I mean by mercy, compassion, mercy is compassion that moves into action. And so when we talk about mercy or being merciful, it's exactly some of the stuff we do in Fink, is where we show up with another human being, we walk alongside them in in life, and we realize that we're no better off than this person. So who are we to judge? Who are we to act like they don't deserve the conversation or the breadth of their voice? They are always, always, always deserving of that. So that's mine.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

I love that. It's beautiful, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

It's just my life. Thank you though. I'm just like, it's just my life.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

Uh and by any means, a lot of space for others.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

I just I am not. Okay, I'm also really humble in the fact that I'm I'm an idiot, okay? And if I'm if I'm the person that's like, hey, it's it's it, it's let's walk this way. I'll even hold your hand. I sit there and I look at myself going, am I really the one who should be doing that? And then it's like, yes, because you're the one willing to do it, you know.

SPEAKER_04 29:39

So could you frame that as because I'm willing to help, I must help, or because I'm the one capable of helping, I must help.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

It's not even a must, it's it's almost it's almost like how if you have some like okay, so like if you're an artist, or you know, you you love to draw or you love to take pictures or you love to do something, stewardship is my thing. It's what I love to do. It doesn't matter how I do it, as long as it's getting done. Doesn't matter if I'm a chef, if I'm a photographer, I'm a hairdresser, I'm a makeup artist, if I'm helping mentoring something, if I'm talking to ladies, if I'm talking to men, it doesn't really matter what the thing is, as long as I'm helping them progress their life uh in a helpful manner. And that doesn't always mean God is involved, if that makes sense, in the conversation, however, he is always involved because I'm always involved.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

So that's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

And I don't talk about this very often, that's why I'm turning so red. Makes me nervous in front of I mean I trust you guys, but like still, it's it's one of those things where there is judgment that happens there a lot, and I understand it because there's a lot of people who they say words and they don't walk those words, or they walk a certain way and their words don't match. And I am very, very forthcoming in I am not perfect. I've made a lot of mistakes. I will probably continue to make a lot of mistakes, um human, but I'm bold enough to say I'm gonna always take a step in the right direction. I'm gonna reflect and move forward, like I'm not gonna keep letting myself look back. And I think that's a huge thing, just in regular life and human life. So, okay, that's not just that. I'm also having a hot flash. Sorry, menopause.

Compassion Without Burnout Or Guilt

SPEAKER_03 31:40

I think it's that it's I think it's that it's something that touches you down to your core, and so it's kind of like making you your inner glow show.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

Oh, is that what that is?

SPEAKER_03 31:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

That's I you know what I love that. I'm gonna say that every time I get a hot flash. I'm gonna be like, that's just my inner glow showing.

SPEAKER_04 31:58

Inner applause. Inner glow. So a lot of us who want to give compassion to others wish that compassion had been given to us in certain circumstances. Um, we have felt suffering, therefore, we wish to alleviate suffering of others. And at Project Human, we also talk about showing up for yourself and making sure that you recharge your battery and that you try to refill your cup, as it were, the energy cup. You can look to some of our previous videos to talk about that. So that you can pour out, so that you can give. And sometimes you may desperately wish to be the loving caregiver, the merciful and compassionate person, and be so depleted or so in your own headspace that it might not be healthy to share for you or for them, and to try and guide someone else through a tough time. And you may fight your inner dialogue. Well, I signed up for this, I should keep going, even though I'm completely depleted right now. Um, I made a promise or I made a commitment, and I'm a good person, therefore I can pull from my negative reserve and make it for this person, and I'll fill it up on the back end later. And these beliefs often can confuse and hurt and drain us. And I'm not saying that's exactly true for everybody, but it's a reminder that the impositions of these beliefs on us can sometimes force us, well, not force, but convince us, convince us to act, to think, to believe, to speak in ways that might not actually be true. Um, and that that's okay. They aren't facts. It's not required that you come out of your I'm exact exhausted space and make time and effort and energy for someone else. You can relax, you can recharge, you can ask for help from somebody else for a change. Um and remember that these guilt that might come up with I wish that I could, but right now I'm I'm too tired, or I wish that I could, or right now I have way too much going on. The the guilt is a story. You know, some of the beliefs that come with these hats, they're very helpful. Like Yolanda has helped many, many people. Daniel has taught many, many people. O'Neill has helped his daughter, his mom, his family. And we learn these beliefs sometimes, we conjure these beliefs sometimes. Sometimes uh we start absorbing things from school, sometimes from watching people around us, and we start to believe that this is normal, this is expected, this is true. Um and we repeat these things, these beliefs to ourselves. And when we are wearing the hat, we believe those things are true, and it starts to shape how we see the world. And the world starts reflecting those truths back to us to give us that reinforcement that we need. Um, and I just want to encourage each of you that when you're putting on the hat of child or parent or personal chauffeur or caregiver or mentor, teacher, coach, peacemaker, the strong one, the organized one, that you are not chained to these roles. They do not define you, they are not your purpose in existence as a human. You are more than enough. As a self, the hat rack, as it were, with no hats on. You are enough, you are worthy, you are wonderful, you are special. And it doesn't matter which hats you wear or how many hats you wear, that doesn't make you more valuable or more human or more real. Your reality is you. We choose these roles. Sometimes we accept these roles, but they are not us. And I encourage you to check in with yourself about the roles that you've selected and accepted in your life and consider.

Letting Go And Choosing Freedom

SPEAKER_04 36:40

And maybe you want to write this down in a journal, maybe this is one something you want to think about later tonight or tomorrow. But is there a hat you're wearing? Or is there a story attached to a hat that you're wearing that no longer serves you? That doesn't fit.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

That's awesome. I'll put that in I took my hat off and threw it across the room. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_04 37:09

It's actually very, very good. Stop putting in the chat.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

Yeah, the computer doesn't think I'm here anymore because the hat guy came on.

SPEAKER_04 37:22

So again, for those on the um on the YouTube channel, is there a story attached to one of your hats that no longer serves you? Is there a hat that you're wearing that doesn't fit anymore? Or that you maybe don't want to wear quite so often. And that's that's okay. Journal your thoughts about it, write down what you feel, what you feel imagining taking the hat off, or shedding a story, or questioning a responsibility, or a must, or a should, or the truth of seeing through the lens of wearing that hat. And I love it because it reminds us we don't have to stop being a role. We don't have to stop being a parent, we don't have to stop being a child, we don't have to stop being a manager, we don't have to stop being a child of God. It it's not about throwing the hat away, you know. O'Neill, you totally can though. It's not about throwing the hat away, it's deciding how we wear them, when we wear them. I think when we take them off.

SPEAKER_02 38:27

I think I was a victim one is a good one to throw away for myself when it comes to some stuff in the past that like you know, it it takes a while for some things to deal with that, and you go through your process, how you do, you know. There's no time limit. So being a victim of this or that, you know, at some point when you reach that acceptance or grace or whatever you want to call it, um, you know, you let go of the hat, you know, you can let go of that. So getting yours giving yourself permission to let go of the hat, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_04 39:05

I want to add to that the flip side of the coin of victim is often considered survivor. You can throw the survivor hat away. How long do you need to sit and stew in your I'm a survivor, I survive story before you can shed that and just go back to being the hat rack? Just be the self. You don't need to wear either of those identities.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

And the relations are would be the attacker, like say you're not the victim, but you're the one that hurts somebody else. Like you could the guilt hat to, you know. There could be a guilt, which could be harder than the victim in some cases.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

You know what's cool about the whole hat thing, it's like uh the especially the way we're talking about it, is we always talk about and think like define your we're defining our narrative, we're trying to figure that out. All of these hats are distinct sentences that we're telling ourselves or allowing other people to tell us to fill our narrative up to the point that we are in, and so it's like we get to decide what that looks like. That's the beautiful thing, right? So when if if the hat rack is representing our narrative and what we've decided that it's gonna look like, then of course we get to 100% go, you know what? I used to wear that hat. That's no longer a winter hat. I'm gonna I'm gonna go ahead and give that one away. Like, I I don't need that anymore. Someone else, you know, whatever, but this doesn't need to be here, and then we get to decide, you know, it's hard.

SPEAKER_03 40:32

So you said something very e uh impactful to me earlier, Jen, where you said the hats that you accepted. And I thought that that was interesting because, like, you know, some of these hats are I feel like are kind of like imposed upon you, you know, self-inflicted kind of no, like other people or by others, yeah. Yeah, but but they'll push you into you accept it, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:00

And you you will say, Okay, I can I can hang out with that, and maybe you mean for it to only be like an hour or a day or a week, and then suddenly you've felt that hat for a while, and you feel or believe a story that if I don't wear it, no one will, and I'll have let them down. This will fail if I don't. And these beliefs, these these false truths shift, they they can color your judgment, they can make you uh believe that you must do something, you should do something, you can't stop, or else. And that and you know, that responsibility, that belief, that story that comes with. And Yolanda, you you put it perfectly. Like we can honor the roles, these identities that we choose, that we accept, and the responsibilities and some of the expectations that come with them without losing ourselves to them, without letting them be us. But Daniel, you've been quiet. What kind of thoughts are going through your head?

SPEAKER_01 42:12

I have two questions. I'm sorry, I don't really have much to add.

SPEAKER_04 42:16

No problem, no problem. It's it's just uh a way of seeing the world. You know, we we all are putting on all the hats we wear during the day, how we're seeing the world um shifts, which with which one we're wearing. You know, we try not to think employee thoughts when we get home, we try not to think uh jokester or kesha thoughts when we walk into the office or when we go to worship uh in whatever place of worship we choose. Um, you know, I don't I don't want to always be the girl that does yoga or the girl that listens to heavy metal. Sometimes I want to be the professional, sometimes I want to be the advisor. And not everybody cares, you know, that maybe they don't care that I listen to heavy metal, maybe they don't care that I do yoga. Maybe that's that's not the person they need to talk to when I'm trying to be those other uh identities and roles when I've got those hats on. So um closing thoughts. Um tomorrow you're gonna wake up and you're gonna put on a hat and then another hat and then another hat, and you're gonna take some off during the day and you're you're gonna keep going. And some of them you're gonna enjoy wearing, and some of them are gonna feel heavy and loaded. And some uh hats that you keep wearing might start to feel a little tight, like they don't fit anymore. My hope is that every once in a while. You pause long enough to ask yourself, is the hat helping me become the person that I want to be? Have I let the stories that came with the hat start making choices for me or shape how I see the world? Because, you know, the the beautiful thing is that we may not always get to choose the hats that life hands us, um, or when they come and go, but we can choose how we wear them, how we put on those identities or take off those identities or layer those identities. Um, we get to choose if we stay present and conscious. And I think there's a lot of freedom in that. Uh so wrapping it, wrapping it back to the uh 250th anniversary of the US. Uh any final thoughts about the topic tonight from folks that joined?

SPEAKER_03 45:01

Thanks for giving us this perspective, Jen. I think it's um nice to kind of reflect for a while on like that some things that may have been placed on you, you still get a choice on how to handle them.

SPEAKER_00 45:19

I think it's very important for us to know that we each individually have the freedom to shape our own perspective and the way that we live our lives and and the choices that we make. And we have that power in ourselves, and we don't have to potentially wait for somebody else to give us the okay. We can give ourselves the okay, and I think it's um I think that's a beautiful outlook on what freedom really can be.

SPEAKER_05 45:52

Bring yourself go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

No, I was just gonna um I something came to mind when it can't when it comes to like personality and how a hat doesn't necessarily determine your personality that you can have one without a hat.

SPEAKER_04 46:09

So absolutely the itself the hat rack.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

Just so you know, Jen, all of my praise and worship's death metal. So I don't think you've actually people look at me crazy. I'm driving down the road, and my nine-year-old, I pulled up the one day at the park, and we were playing, she's playing with her friends, and uh my husband was playing with her, and she pulls like there and you could hear it just like just and and she's like, Oh, that's just my mom. She loves Jesus so much. And it's just funny because it's death metal type three. It's really interesting. Um, so yeah, that when we talk about a hat, I am I am those weird hats you get at like Universal Studios, you know, like I'm weirdly shaped, I'm oddly whatever, but I'm very fun. But that's the whole point. It's like I don't want to be the same one that every I don't want to pick up their hats. I I want I want to create my own, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 47:03

So we had a comment in the chat. Um the you who you decide you like, um, but you have to like enough to show up. Loving yourself. Uh loving is easy, but liking is hard. Like yourself. Great conversation. Thank you for that. I think uh freedom from a hat or an identity that you've worn for a long time can um actually be uncomfortable shifting into. You might throw the hat away, but find yourself feeling very awkward without wearing it. That that identity that you shuck. And I want to remind folks that that's why we have community. That's why Project Human is here to be human to human, peer-to-peer, person-to-person, real conversation. If you are having trouble shucking an identity and you think it's unhealthy and you want to get rid of it, and you want to talk to somebody about it, and you just want an ear. Maybe you want a problem solver, maybe you just want someone to listen. We want to listen. We want to help you because we need you the same way you need us. This is community, this is sharing, this is navigating the stuff together. So we hope you enjoyed.

SPEAKER_05 48:21

Yeah, did you read that?

SPEAKER_04 48:23

No problem.

SPEAKER_05 48:25

So shave your head.

SPEAKER_04 48:27

You can wear any hat. You can wear any hat. Okay. Fashion statements as well.

SPEAKER_05 48:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:35

Um, I want to remind everybody and also those listening online. Uh, we hope you enjoyed tonight's discussion. These are free monthly calls. It's one of the perks of being part of this community. And we love connecting with new people. We love connecting with you out there. We hope that you will connect with us and share this experience of being human. Um, we are always looking for volunteers, people who have energy, skills, time, or just the desire to contribute, to expand the mission and reach and bring more humans into our community. Uh, if you've ever felt called to be part of something meaningful, this could be your moment. We would love to have you. Please visit our website. It's https uh colon bash slash bash slash www dot phinc-ing dot org. That's uh think, project human inc, thinking, a new way of thinking about life. Thank you for being part of this conversation, everybody. Next month we're going to be talking about ceremonies of care, self-care in a beautiful way, how we use that to stay connected and true to ourselves as we recharge our batteries when they're depleted. So please stay connected. Join us next month. And as always, your voice matters, your piece matters, and you matter. Thank you so much for being on tonight. Good night, everybody.

SPEAKER_05 50:01

Thank you.