Welcome And Why Conversations Matter

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Hello, darlings. Welcome back to the Artist Within podcast. I am your host, Adela Hittel, and this podcast is produced by Project Human Fink, any way to think about mental and emotional health. And we are here to have conversations. Conversations about art, conversations about existing, about processing, about just being here and saying hello. Because you never know how far a conversation will go. You never know who you're going to impact, and you never know whose voice and whose um sound, if you will, may be an opportunity for somebody to be able to change their perspective, uh, or shift something within them, or have a spark, fuel their spark, that could potentially make them change something in their life again to change the reality of what they want to do.

Runway To Resilience And The Documentary

SPEAKER_02 0:51

We're here at About Inspiration, and I'm coming to you from my design studio today. It's been uh it's been a navigation. We've got a big show coming up in September, September 19th, runway to Resilience, Fashion and Art Fundraiser for Project Human. I'm super, super excited and super uh honored to be able to produce and put on something that really means a lot to me and a lot to the community because it is the ending to our documentary. Uh, we've been working on it for the last four years, and it's been something that the community has decided to put their backing into me because it's kind of my story. And it's a story of figuring out what where I come from, what my narrative is, whether or not I was gonna be a victim or a survivor, or if I was just gonna exist as a human being. But what did that mean? How did that look? And what pathways was I gonna take? And you get to see that. You got to see you'll get to see that and experience that through the projects we've done. Um, and you'll get to see behind the scenes and the building and conversations with humans we've had over the last couple of years, and that is fantastic. But what I really wanted to do was to celebrate the resilience of humanity, right? And celebrate my own resilience too, right? And think we should all do that. I think that's a really important step in us moving forward and accomplishing things. It's to celebrate our resilience, celebrate parts of who we are in our human sides and how we service each other and how we stored our lives and stored others, and to create a space where the community can come together and say that, like, hey, we're we're just here outside of everything else and all the labels, all the stories and narratives that are out there. We're here for the one that is the human one. And that's what Project Human is: bridging gaps where they are needed to be, and we use art to do that. So we'd love to have you there. Uh, September 19th, tickets are on sale right now. You can still, I believe, get an early bird discount. If not, follow our models. We've got quite a few of them, and uh we have a list that will be that is up on our website. And if you are interested in getting following and supporting one of our models, you'll get a discount on there. Uh, they have got a little quote for themselves. So we're really trying to bring the community together and to create something epic so that it can go to festivals and it can showcase the community of Jacksonville and artists and stories of again, not just the stories of here's what we've had to do and navigate, and oh my god, but then here's how we have navigated it, here's how we are celebrating it, and then here's what we're doing with it next. That's what's so

Meet Meg Pettus And Manic Quarantine

SPEAKER_02 3:29

exciting. And I'm really, really excited to bring on my next guest because she is also one of our designers and participants in the fashion show. She, I met her not too long ago, and she I believe she reached out to me first, and uh then we went back and forth, and then I was like, hey, I've got the opportunity, we're gonna do this show. We'd love to have you a partner, would love to have you be a part of it. What can we do? How can we do this? And I'm super excited because she's an aspiring uh and upcoming designer and creative and um just a really amazing human being, and as far as I know so far, so you know we can all change, and you know how I say that because I think I'm great and I can question that a days, but it's a she's an amazing human, and I don't think that we're put into positions to not offer opportunities to what we do unless the human is really passionate about what they do and their craft and how they cultivate and their mission and what they stand for, and Meg Pedas really exemplifies that. So I am super excited and super honored to bring her on. So let me come on, bring her on board over here. Here she is, and I hope I said your last name right because you know You're so good, you're good. Okay, all right. So let me introduce her really quick with a short bio of who she is, um, based on what I've written down, because it's better than my speaking off the cuff. Meg Pettas is this is the self-trained sewist and creative force behind Manic quarantine designs, a Jacksonville-based fashion studio offering handmade clothing, costumes, alterations, upcycling, and fabric pop creations. Meg began sewing during the COVID-19 pandemic and later pursued digital fashion designs at Central Michigan University. Working from her creative home at Burnbright Studios, she approaches fashion as a form of expression, transformation, and human acceptance, grounded in her belief that the industry should treat human bodies as a human body, not a number. She is also a metal vocalist and participating designer in our project Human Runway to Resilience, Manic Quarantine Designs, and with Burnbright Studios. So welcome to Meg Pettus. Please make sure, correct me if I said your name, your last name wrong. And if you're sorry, if I missed anything to adding to that uh introduction for you.

SPEAKER_04 5:48

Yeah, so basically you hit all the nails on the head. Um, I am Meg and I own Manic Quarantine Designs. Now, how Manic Quarantine got its name is of course, um, during quarantine, during uh COVID, you would get manic. Like I get I get cabin fever. It's like so bad. So I got manic and I was like, you know what? I have a hand needle, I have some thread, and I'll just, you know, meh, yeah. And I'm gonna upcycle my clothes. I decided to bring new licensed clothes I already own. Like I thrifted a dress and I was like, oh my gosh, it doesn't fit me. So what I did is like I found a fabric panel and I just sewed it in, and from there on I was like, huh, big brain do things. So yeah, um, was born in the heart of COVID and I've been sewing ever since.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

That's awesome. So you mentioned that COVID was one of your experiences that profoundly shaped you, and obviously we'll get into your upbringing

From Theater To Survival Stories

SPEAKER_02 6:49

too. But I want to say, so tell me who was Meg before COVID. Give us a little bit of history of who Meg was and who Meg is. Um, you know, a little bit about your upbringing and your childhood and how you got into what you're doing in being a vocalist and and and a designer now.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

Yeah, so um I was born in Colorado, but I was raised here in Jacksonville. Um, I was born to a Jewish and Catholic family. So it's been a little weird. Um my parents divorced when I was about two years old, um, and my mom won full custody of me. Um and it wasn't the best upbringing, um, I'll be honest. Um, and as I've grown into my adulthood, I realized I've just grown a lot as a person. Um, but before I became a designer, I was actually an actress. I studied um in Amden, New York, uh, American Musical and Dramatic Academy, New York City, um, is right behind Lincoln Center. Um, and I studied theater for film, television, and stage, where I was trained by um professionals that have started with Kieran Knightley on Broadway. Um, they worked with um Tina Faye, Alec Baldwin, um, seeing them how my teachers were, and I'm like, huh, you're actually really cool. Um, yeah, no, literally, literally. So, like I studied there for two years, got my AA in theater, then I came back to Jacksonville and won um my very first paid acting role as magenta in the Usherette um at the Hourglass Club and Coffee House, which is why this tattoo right here, I don't know if you can see it.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

I can see it. Well, I can see the shape of it most of it, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:36

Yeah, so it's um this one right here, okay. It's very it's very uh emotional piece for me because it's also my survivor tattoo. Um it's a spider, right? It's a black widow spider, yeah. Yeah, because the owner's name was Widow or her nickname was Widow, and she uh owned Hourglass, and I was like, oh my god, that is absolutely perfect. Oh my gosh, I love that. But yeah, it was um actually my a very special piece because Hourglass was my home when I was homeless. Um in 2017, I was um kicked out by my family, um and it was really tough navigating because I had to uh find a place, like find a place to live, you know. You can't I need to have a roof over my head. And I was working about two jobs, um, and I was working on getting a car as well. So it was really, really difficult, but I wouldn't trade any of the experiences that I went through because it made me who I am today, and it got me this really cool piece. Like, come on, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

Yeah, no, that's that's super cool. That's super cool. I have a tattoo piece of an hourglass over here, and so when you mention hourglass and time in the window and everything, um it's it's it's cool to to see how um it's cool to see how we can have pieces of ourselves be kind of permanent, all because one human's actions or one human's moment of kindness that can navigate a whole again, like that whole space for us and a trajectory of a different life versus what we potentially have thought or what our environment or our childhood has shaped. Um, and you you mentioned your upbringing. Would you would you mind, you said it wasn't the best, would you mind elaborating a little bit more on on maybe specifics on what wasn't best about it? Um uh and and how you now today navigate, uh, for somebody listening, you know, how you would navigate or how you're navigating those moments that you're coming through in in this adulthood world.

Abuse, Reconnecting With Dad, Support Systems

SPEAKER_04 10:49

Yeah, so um first and foremost, I do want to shout out my boyfriend because without him, I would not be the person who I am today. He is actually the one that inspired that not inspired me, but um, but he encouraged me to get back in touch with my dad. Um, growing up, my mom and my grandmother were kind of were not kind of abusive, but they were abusive. Um they I went through some verbal, mental, emotional, and physical trauma um and abuse. Um and it wasn't until I it wasn't until actually COVID that I reached out to my dad and I was like, hey, like I just want to talk about things. And um it was at the urging up from my boyfriend, Doug, to be like, hey, like talk to your dad, like he's your dad. So I was like, okay, fine, because growing up, my mom made manipulated me into thinking my dad was the problem when really she was kind of self-projecting her own insecurities onto my dad, um, and onto me as well. So um I reached out to my dad, we worked everything out. Um, I told him and caught him up, and he was like, I'm so sorry that I was not the parent that you needed to be. Um, and from here on out, I will do better. Um, and he right right now, uh uh he might be listening to this right now, but dad is um literally one of my best friends. He's um like my rock, he is so, so amazing. And I would not ask um any anyone else to be my dad, honestly. So um, but yeah, um yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:27

No, I wanted to, I wanna piggyback on what you just said and shouting out our men in the men in our lives. Uh, I don't think we as women, we have plenty of shout-outs that we do in on in our men in our lives of what they don't do and how well they are not trained, or how all this, like we have plenty of that. I I but again, as we navigate, even with what we do and the narratives we have and what we want to share, we want to share the goodness of and the support of that. And how has I know for me personally, you mentioned your trauma, like having your support of your boyfriend. My husband is my greatest like support rod, everything. He's literally uh shaped all of who I am. Um, and and it's his strength and like his boundaries and this like this masculine stance of being able to protect me to the stance. Like now we've we've we just celebrated 20 years, so you know, we've got a long time. Thank you, thank you. So we've got a long time of like really learning to grow with each other and understand, and a lot of that. So, like as I reflect back on my life and I reflect back on who I was as a young woman and in our relationships and everything like that, seeing how vulnerable I was because of my relationship with my family and my parents, and how uh not having that strong moral model as a young girl was so impactful for to me in the day of like today in adulthood, then to have one um and to not just have one, but to have one to navigate me in in which way and to do, not to just chastise me or to um make me feel like I'm crazy or whatever that is, but to like really become a security. So, how is that experience, like having that? Because it's such a huge shout out that we need to give to them. Like, there are some strong, strong women in our lives that hold the crazy, if you will. Um, at least in my case, in my case, speaking personally, that hold the crazy. I'd like to make sure that I'm not including anybody in any place that they're not, you know, themselves. I'm not volunteer, what is it, voluntaring, volunteering people about themselves? Um but um, but I I I for myself am like, you know, I know the emotional level because I am a woman and what I lacked and what I missed or what I don't have and what I what I spend my time thinking of, how he helped navigate that. How has that been for you today and to reflect back on in your childhood? Like, what is that difference? How does that feel?

SPEAKER_04 14:54

Honestly, um, so kind of like a side, kind of like story, I am um, I do practice um Hellenistic pagan witchcraft. Um, and I just found that like my inner child was healed through my boyfriend, which is absolutely insane to me because he met my mom. Like when because my mom and I were living together when we were when I was evicted, it was when my um by my my grandmother, my mom and I lived together, and um it was just hard working two jobs and all that. But when uh my boyfriend and I first got together, he met my mom and realized, oh, oh my gosh, she really did go through a lot. Um, so he made it his goal, I guess, to um help me overcome that. So there were certain behaviors that I had in our in the course of our relationship that were just so toxic. And he was like, No, I'm gonna be with you forever. This is not the way that things are gonna go, and you're gonna reform. And I was like, Okay, okay. I've never really had that like direct.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Don't you don't you love that? Like, where they're like, you know, when they like they're like, no, and you're like, but why? And you already know why, because like you're already no, like, no offense to again what I'm what I'm about to say, speaking from my personal side, like because your idea is stupid, like, no offense to us, like, or whatever it is, our behavior, our moment is just like it's just like we're having a tantrum, and as a as that inner child is having a tantrum and experiencing it in this adult world, the adult is going, like, no, don't put your hand in the socket where you're gonna hurt yourself, and you're going, but why, but why, but why? Yeah, and then like but but if you really think about it, because that's how I describe in Project Human, you guys, that's how I describe our mental health, okay? Is as, and please know that there's serious levels to it, and I deal with 911 calls in in that level and seriousness and all that stuff, but for the majority of us, we're having a tantrum. And that's okay to say that I believe because well, it helps me then go, oh, I just need to throw myself on the bed and have a little bit of a moment to express my moment and not hold it all in because I it's been a long day and I'm stressed and I just I don't understand anything. And instead of having anyone to talk to or anything else like that, I just need to and so to like like literally, but then to be able to do it so that it's not destructive to you um or destructive to your relationships or or to your dreams and goals and such of all the paths that you want to take. So to have that anchor and that support to be like, no, and then but to be the person that you like, like yes, we love them, but like we like them enough to go, okay, I don't like it. Yeah, but I like you, and so fine. Like, okay, and like how much like I don't know for you, but for me personally, it's really just made my life decisions a lot easier when they're like no, and I go, Okay, because then by tw hour 24, I come back to my thought process and I go, you know, yeah, it would have been too much. I don't know why I was thinking we should get a horse when we don't even have a farm. And like, you know what I mean? Or why I need to go on this like vengeance for something that my mother or father did back in the day.

SPEAKER_04 18:21

Literally, she puts things into perspective, and I'm just like, oh, oh, well, I'm the problem. It's me, I'm the problem.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

Literally, you know, that's I knew I liked you for a reason. See, you guys, I was right. She's a good human being, she knows what I'm talking about, she understands it. It's right there when I keep preaching. Hi, you're the problem, it's you in all the situations. Again, does not mean that you're not influenced and all the stuff. It's still you, you're the problem because you control how indirect how your life is and paint it and do whatever you want to do with it. Like it's you. Um, no, I love that. So breaking, so now do you feel like you've broken a cycle in your life that you're able to navigate a healthier relationship and other things in your life that you want to do and potentially a marriage in the future? I don't know, I'm throwing that out there, but like where that might be for that, you know, bigger expansion of foundation.

Unlearning Toxic Femininity And Letting Help In

SPEAKER_04 19:14

Yeah, I have definitely like broken a cycle of just toxic um femininity, I guess. Something like that.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Okay, thank you. Okay, I'm sorry. Okay, preach it. Okay, no, let's talk about it. Let's talk about it for a second. Okay, there is such a thing as toxic femininity, that whole independent, misindependence, no offense to Beyonce and the whole survivor and all that. We were there, we did it, put a ring on it, like the whole nine yards. Done, did all of it, okay? Binn it, however, okay. I was just at a store with my husband, and we were buying stuff for his work, okay? And this whole like feminine thing, and this young girl was like, My mom told me I don't need a man, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I look over and she goes, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, it was hilarious because you know me, you already know me. But she goes, Did you open up a credit card? And I was like, No, he's my credit card. And she looked at me and I was like, 20 years of it, great credit. I was like, right there. Like, I don't need, I don't, like, great. He he swipes and all that. And she starts laughing. She goes, Well, my mom told me I don't need a man. I was like, Your mother's wrong. And she goes, What? I was like, No offense. I didn't mean to offend you. Like, and my husband looks at me and just is like Adela. I'm like, she's wrong. She's she's a millennial or an ex. Like, she comes from back in the day where we thought we had to do it all. We don't. We can be pay, like, we can be a delicate flower with the one that's gonna be there to support and do all that. Like, I gotta make it we can do it. Like, I don't need to go get no, I don't take out the trash. It's just not happening. Like, no offense. Like, no, no, like I'm not, no. Yep, no, no, I'm okay with not being able to be so all independent. Like, that's oh my god, yes. Like, I'm I won't, I don't, I don't, no, I don't want to, like, I don't want to. I want to be considered weak and fragile. I do, I want to be vulnerable.

SPEAKER_04 21:05

Why? Literally, like, and there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable. Like, that's what like I was literally taught that's what my degree is in is vulnerability on stage. And I'm just like, literally, all my professors would say was like be vulnerable, be vulnerable.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

I'm like, for the longest time, I did not know what they were saying, and then I it didn't hit me until like my I reached a doll, and I was like there's such a beauty to being a woman, like to being feminine in your existence, like to that vulnerability and that delicacy of you, right? That sure the world may have to see the strong and the powerful and do whatever, but to be able to come home, take them heels off, put a whole world into like a way and not worry at all and be exactly what you were designed to be, which is just again like that delicate. I call it the delicate flower because we really are. And to be treasured and to feel loved and to be supported, even in our crazy ideas or moments. And then to be like, okay, literally, right? Um, tell me, so, so tell me what your like how did what your whole thoughts are? Because I just rambled on about the talk because I've not had anybody that's like, oh, it talks of femininity, where I'm like, yes. Tell me your thoughts on that whole, like, how did you get out of that? What was your turning point in that mind? Like, what were you like, oh shoot, like I'm re like, I know he put it into perspective, but what was like a moment for you yourself where you're like, uh this whole false narrative of I can do this whole womanhood by myself is kind of like what?

SPEAKER_04 22:43

I honestly, it was definitely COVID. I'm not gonna lie, like it was definitely COVID. Like that's why like manic quarantines means so much to me because it shaped me into who I am as a person today, and it helped me unlearn all the toxic untoxic behaviors, and it's I it's just an indescribable feeling because I was raised on that toxic feminine, and now looking back on it as an adult, I'm just like, there's no way, there's absolutely no way, because we're not superwoman, we don't have a golden lasso or anything, we don't have a crown that we can just, you know what I mean? So I'm just like, and honestly, the Barbie movie, I've seen it three times. I honestly, it it exists for a reason, and that's the reason to call out toxic femininity, to preach equality in all aspects of life, and that's why it's a cinematic masterpiece.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

Just saying. Well, I've not seen Barbie movie, um, I don't watch that many, but uh I the idea again of a woman not taking her being able to take that role on as a feminine delicate piece where she needs more sleep and she needs a little more attention and she needs a little more food and she needs a little more care. Like she does need it. Like, I I if I'm gonna compare myself to a car, I'd like to compare myself to an old classic that you take care of real well, like that way, too, because she's a delicacy, so it's like let me be that too, especially in a relationship where men and young men too want to do that. We as women don't give him the opportunities, you know. I don't open my own door either. Like my husband opens all my doors. Um, I don't again, I I look at him and will, I'm like, he carries my purse. Like, I'm like, hold us. Like he takes care of me. And the fact that we let, I think that we let them do that to a level where it's not like, oh my god, what's somebody gonna think? We just let them and they enjoy knowing that they can carry our bag for us and we can be oblivious wherever we want.

SPEAKER_04 24:57

Literally, literally, like, hell, Doug carries the groceries, and I'm like, Do you want me to? He's like, I got it. I was like, okay.

unknown 25:04

Yeah. Cool.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

You know what I mean? Like, okay, cool, thanks. Hey, Hannah, need you to do this for me. Okay, I got you. Thanks. Okay, great. Awesome, thank you. Like, again, we as women have to step up that idea, um, step out of the idea that we are. Here's the thing, we can do anything, just not everything at once. Just not everything at once, and we also can't do it alone. Not only like we have a project human and what you build with manic um quarantine designs and with what we're doing with Farmway to Resilience and the documentary and all that, none of that was done alone. So, what part of it, what part of that is independent? You know what I mean? Like, what part of that is independent? It took a village to create literally, literally. A whole village. So it takes a village to create you to conversations through everything. Um, well, you answered my question on what what changed your what part of it was a good identity changer and in there.

Channeling Mania Into Art Instead Of Harm

SPEAKER_02 26:03

So your brand openly acknowledges the relationship between creativity, mania, and mental health. How have you learned to honor your creativity that can emerge during the intense emotional seasons? Let's call them our intense emotional tantrums. Because it just let's normalize the conversation of when we have a spastic moment. Um, and also like caring for your whole being. What did you how are you learning that? What did you how how are you learning to honor that?

SPEAKER_04 26:29

So honestly, mania is mania. So when like during COVID, during quarantine, I would get manic. So the way I would channel that like mania and that energy is in a hand needle and thread. And then it grew to a sewing machine and watching YouTube videos. Because when I get manic, I don't know about you guys, but when I get manic, I just I'm restless. I literally my my brain's going like a million miles an hour, it's going boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I'm like, okay, I need to hone in, lock in on one specific thing, and focus my energy into that. So I would pour all of my energy into learning how to sew on a sewing machine, learning how to draft patterns, learning how to drape on a mannequin. Like it was all of that. And I found myself afterwards, like, okay, I'm tired now, but I feel better.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:23

I didn't like I didn't hurt anybody, didn't hurt myself, I didn't do anything negative. I used that opportunity to grow myself and develop myself because it was honestly my first gut instinct. Like I have learned in my almost 30 years of living that your gut is never gonna lead you astray. And that's a hard lesson that I actually learned while I was living in New York City. Um, because I'd be like, oh, my gut's saying this one thing, but I'm doing the other thing. And I was learnt that actions had consequences. So therefore, I learned, okay, yeah, my gut's never gonna like like lead me astray. So um I wouldn't trade that for the world. And honestly, thank God for mania. So it literally taught me how to sell.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

So part of what most people I'm getting more and more open about my own mental health issues personally. Why again, why I started this whole organization is because I've got my own issues, like deep ones. But you know, talking about them still really is navigating exactly the right way to say what I want to say, because when I speak, sometimes I speak in ways that may not make sense or that may be misconstrued. So I have to really watch my words. And the reason is because one, I have two languages that run through my head, but two, because I speak what I feel, like I just say what it is and how it feels and where it's at, and I have what my intention is never negative, but again, things come off that way. So I've learned to pause in that moment in that. But in 2015 to 207 or 2018, I was living in a full blown or full full-blown manic episode, like a five-year manic episode. Uh, and what that consisted of for me was hypermania, um, and then a deep manic episode. Meaning my hypermania would take me with when people go call me and say, You've got so much energy. That's why. Um, that's that's why. And it would take me where I would be awake for three, four, five days and no like sleep at all, and no food really, like, because I'm like, oh, I can run. I get like this whole hyper, like, no need to, like, it's cool, barely drinking water. Uh, it it just literally, and then I go, how am I gonna focus this? I used to focus it on hurting myself because I couldn't stand to live with my own existence for that long, or to be alone, like to be that wide awake in that space with myself. So it used to be self-directed. And as I navigated through art or through sewing, like yourself, I I learned to navigate in something else. So I would literally construct, like paint a whole house in 24 hours, and my husband would go to work, come back, then like in 12 hours and go open the door, walk in, walk out, walk in, walk out, and go, Am I in the right place? Like literally questioning his whole reality because I had got hit into that. But then when my manic, like my deep mania would hit, and for me, it was a such a low depressive state that it triggered my amnesia and it triggered my dissociation from my reality, from myself, from my family, from my actions, consequences, and I literally had no control over my own actions, my own thoughts. I wasn't here. And that's where bipolar will come in. That's where schizophrenia can be triggered. That's where, and that's where a lot of doctors wanted to diagnose me with it, and rightfully so for some a lot of parts of my now that I know and I'm educated and have that experience of understanding what it all means in the phases. But I also knew deep down I wasn't crazy, if that makes any sense. I wasn't crazy, and the idea of not being crazy, even though there's explanations to why you are the way that you are or what situations are and all of that, and then you might find a diagnosis and can be put on medication and can regulate, like that still takes away your autonomy of your own decisions and who you are. And I was really COVID forced me to sit with myself like you two and redirect, relearn everything about my existence. And now how I honor, like you said, too, is boundaries, right? Like how we honor with spaces and places of who we are and uh our trigger points, if you will, and and these tantrums when they come on, we don't look at them. And again, I call them tantrums, you guys. These are emotional outbursts or moments of your you can't handle, like they're more serious than than the thing. It just makes it a lot easier. I have a dark past, I take dark, I dark humor is my way of coping with life. So, but tantrum. So when I need to throw a tantrum, depending on like the depth, meaning if I'm gonna be storming through the house and slamming stuff, or if I have enough control to throw myself on the bed or to go and you know stand on my vibrator and shake, not vibrate the vibration plate, the vibration plate, the vibration plate, the vibration plate, the vibration plate, the vibration plate, the vibration plate, the vibration away. Hence why I'm not allowed to speak on my own. Okay, right there, right there. Proof of what I just said. I'm not allowed to do use my mouth in speaking. In anyway, shut up. So, anywho, I'm going back to this. We're just gonna go now that your brand acknowledges, and now we're gonna go back to Burn Bright Studios because why not Burn Bright with embarrassment as we um carry on with a positive conversation?

Burnbright Studios And Creative Community

SPEAKER_02 33:21

So it positively impacted you uh for you. What does that space mean for you that you have your own space and that you get to create and are surrounded by artists? And tell us about Burnbright Studios.

SPEAKER_04 33:35

Yeah, so um Burnbright Studios is a collective of, it's like a collective of just artists, and anyone that wants to come and create, they're more than welcome to. Um, and I first started in um a bigger studio um here at Burnbright, um, but a financial and like life just got in the way, so I had to give it up. Um, but then an opportunity came knocking at me. The owner of Burnbright, Alyssa, she is a former fashion designer. So she's like, I'm gonna return the grace that I was given to you, and I'm going to work something out with you, and you're gonna have a studio here because I really want to see you succeed. Um, so it's given me the chance to grow Manic into what it is now, and it's gonna continue growing because I have such an amazing support team. I have such an amazing like studio. I mean, like I'm in my studio right now, and um, I have such an amazing, like just I just have an amazing like support group, and I could not be more grateful for Burnbright. Um, I couldn't be more grateful to them. I couldn't be more happy to be in this what I call a family at Burnbright Studios. Like I'm just so so incredibly grateful. And the fact that the universe was like, hey, like she's gonna grow, and then Alyssa saw that, and it's just mind-boggling to me. So I'm really, really, really grateful for that.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

I love

Plus-Size Fashion, Fast Fashion, Broken Sizing

SPEAKER_02 35:18

that. And so now you you've said that now that you're got your space and you're doing that, and you've said that your fashion should be treated. Should well, you said the fashion should treat the human body as a human body, um, not a number. I like to look at it as um stop treating us like sticks. Numbers are much better. Um, you know, hangers are more or the other, because if you don't hang, you don't deliver, and that's just stupid. But what do I know? Um, I'm over here being smart, I guess. So, where did your conviction come from that um the human bodies are to be treated as human beings and that we should try to change the perception of our industry and or the industry itself through the conversations and the opportunities we provide human bodies?

SPEAKER_04 36:10

Yeah, so I'm a plus-sized woman, and I can't get anything comfortable, stylish, affordable, and sustainable unless I go to touring or hot topic. Even so, that's fast fashion. And fast fashion, let me tell you, makes me so mad because millions and millions and tons of textiles and clothes are thrown into the waste, into the wastelands every year. Why? Over consumption. That's why. So I refuse, I refuse to be a plus size woman and have to buy from these fast fashion companies. Like if I can learn to make it, I'm gonna do it. I've always had that entrepreneurial mindset because growing up, my family they didn't want to invest in me. I'm gonna be completely honest. Um, so what am I gonna do? I'm gonna teach myself how to sew clothes. I'm gonna teach myself how to make a pattern. So I taught myself everything I know. And the fact that bought and also I learned in um my studies at Central Michigan University, I did a whole paper, a whole speech on the women's sizing system and how it's outdated. It focused on a certain demographic in the 1940s, a rural area that was only white women, and I was like, You didn't include any other ethnicity. And they're like, Oh, we updated it, yeah, in 1982.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Right.

SPEAKER_04 37:41

Be so real right now, and then that's the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

I was gonna say, and that's the same thing with our size charts and everything else. You can go to one size, you can go to one store and be a size, you know, 10, go to another store and be a go to another store and be a star six size 16, and then you're like, what the hell? And not know that it has nothing to do with you, but the way the industry shapes and molds these standard sizes because they're fast-fashioned and they can print, copy, paste, and cut real fast so they can get it out into production, right? So when you go to these places, they'll all say that. And when we're talking about being more sustainable and working with our hands and creating something that's lasting, um, that is where we're both in right now and what we're both doing in in our own way as designers.

Designing For The Runway And The Butterfly Theme

SPEAKER_02 38:32

And that brings me to asking you about your work now coming into Runway to Resilience. As I mentioned to you guys earlier, this is our Runway to Resilience is is our annual fashion and art fundraiser show for Project Human. And the idea, so for me, fashion as a prison of war, as a child of war, and coming to America a a refugee, and like just not having and being poor as all you can be. Like, you you learn to navigate your life, you learn to make clothes, you learn the hand-me-downs, you learn the Dollar General and Dollar Tree become your best friends, and you just make it fashionable, right? And then when you upgrade to Walmart, you've made it. Um, at least that's been my experience. So when you upgrade to Walmart, you're like, Yay, I'm rich. Um, and that's not to knock anything down, it's just the way of life that it was back in my time. And again, I'm in my going to my 40s, you guys just I keep reminding you that because I'm gonna celebrate my 40th birthday, and I'm really trying to convince myself to do that. Really, really, really trying to convince myself to do that. You do the thing, girl. I'm gonna try to. But so I so the runway to resilience and that idea of for me has been that I've literally crafted my whole life fiber fiber by fiber, like stitch by stitch, moment by moment, it has been crafted. And my design is inch by inch for every woman. It's IU design, IU designs inch by inch, and it's literally because that inch matters. It matters in our hip, it matters in our shoulder, it matters in our neckline, it matters in our like that inch matters. And that inch also matters in what time of our month we're in and where we're like that inch matters a lot. So the idea to be able to provide women a place uh that is not only sustainable, but also something that they can come in and be like, I want to wear my favorite piece, alter it, or do this. And that's something you offer too, alterations, and that inch by inch also applies to other designers, again, those smaller places and alteration places. So the idea that you can, you just want to have to want to invest in yourself. So, what has made you um what was it? Did you reach out to me or did I reach out to you? And what made you reach out to be a part of Run Reader Resilience and part of Project Human and what we're doing?

SPEAKER_04 40:45

Um, I reached out to you first because I was like, oh, I'm gonna just, you know, um apply and see what happens. And honestly, it was on a whim. I'm not gonna lie to you. It was on a whim. And then when I heard the news, I was at my old job, I literally like fell off to the floor crying out of happiness.

SPEAKER_03 41:04

I was like, literally, I was like, oh my god. I was I was like holding on to the table. I was like, Tyler was like, oh and I was like, I can't go back to work. I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_04 41:23

So it was that moment that I was like, oh my god, I'm I'm being uh like I'm still like reeling from it, even though that was like a lot of months ago. I don't remember how long, but I'm just so happy to be a part of it because this is gonna challenge me. This is gonna make me grow, and this is gonna help me. Like, I'm so invested in this. I am so excited um in my design. Oh my god, I'm so excited about my design.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Tell me a little bit about your design. Tell me a little bit about that and um uh how how you're relating your your what you're feeling and your your express experience and expression with the with with the theme of it, the butterfly, the runway two, the resilience and what it is, because you and I just came over and talked and all of that and had a moment. And so tell me, tell me about all of that.

SPEAKER_04 42:14

Okay, so my design is gonna be um I've decided to make it like a tankini kind of deal. So it's gonna be the fountain in the garden because the garden has to have a beautiful butterfly fountain where the butterflies can just, you know, oh, refresh themselves and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

Um replenish their souls with some water because water is the elixir.

SPEAKER_04 42:37

Literally, literally. So I decided that it's going to have like this um um another thing about me. I love to thrift um fabrics because again, millions of textiles. Um, I thrifted my the pant part of it because I'm like making it like a bikini pant bodysuit kind of deal. Um, and the legs are gonna be made out of this like mesh, like not mesh, this like tool um curtain that I found is the beautiful like light blue curtain, and I'm going to like either pleat it or I'm gonna gather it. We'll see. I'm probably going to pleat it and like steam it so I can have that ripply effect.

SPEAKER_02 43:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:21

Um, and the butt the base is going to be this beautiful like gray splattered like um like spandex, and then it's gonna have she's gonna have like these like blue and like like light blue like sleeves that you kind of can see from like right here, it's gonna look exactly like that. She's gonna have that. Um and just like little bits of like you know, moss that like fell onto the the statue and just stayed there, but it's still sparkly and it's gonna be rippling. Oh, I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_02 43:58

So tell me. What it's only it's been a couple months, and you've been in the back end of this, and you're coming new to the organization and to what we do and how I run things and all that other stuff. What has your experience been like so far? What do you think of what we do and what we offer? Um, and and again, as everybody knows, we're literally community built. Everything that either we donate or we do or we exchange or we provide, it's because the community has either donated to our my stash here, so I can donate and pay forward, or you know, in what we've built, so which is amazing. And then to have you part of that community, what do you what have you learned so far? What has been a takeaway from you for for you from us?

Giving Yourself Grace And Avoiding Burnout

SPEAKER_04 44:37

Oh, honestly, it's giving myself grace because I'm a Capricorn, I'm a perfectionist, I'm a workaholic, I need to take a moment, step back, relax, and just breathe. I don't give myself a lot of opportunity to rest a lot. I'm always like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And I'm like, wait, you gotta slow, slow, slow, girl. Cause how are you gonna complete complete that one test when you're burnt out?

SPEAKER_01 45:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:05

So I am learning that day by day. I'm taking everything one day at a time.

SPEAKER_01 45:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 45:14

Um, and it's honestly made me a lot happier. I'm not gonna lie to you. Like, it's made like my serotonin levels a lot higher than they have been. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

That makes me happy because again, what we do is yes, we have a show and we're building it, everybody that's part of it, and there's things to do, and you have to sew and call and do all that. So it's hectic in in a sense, in the meetings and everything like that, too. But as we mentioned that Project Human is a human first organization, and when we mean human first, we really, really mean human first, meaning that no matter what stage or space you're in, we're like, no, dude, say yes to you first. Like, say yes to you. Because that's what we're here for. If you don't function, if you don't have that, if you don't, if you don't have the space and capacity for yourself, how can you then add anyone else to you? Like your foundation can't hold it because you can't even hold who you are and what you have, and you're so great. So it's like, why would you toss yourself aside to hold someone else who, no offense, you don't even know if they're that great. So it's like, why? And that's just me again, no offense. If you're offended, that's on you. But it is what it is. So, but why? Why create that? That doesn't mean that you don't have space for it, or that you don't show up like you are with this and challenging yourself with this and and and in there. And for me, I I've been designing for a long time now, and I've been doing a lot of stuff on on silence because I'm long-term planner, I'm the pink, I am the you know, Mega Mind, the movie Mega Mind. I'm so the blue guy, mega. I'm yeah, that's like my I'm mega, I'm Mega Mind. Like I I am like I think I'm the evil one, and like, but my brain's so big, and like that's me, that's me. That's so planning always to fail, but succeeding somehow. Um, and it's it's been a great journey on there, and I'm glad that you said that your mental health has has improved, or and that you yourself are helpier because you're giving yourself grace. Because um, for me personally, and we've had other conversations too, you know, I'm a follower of Christ, and for me, grace and peace and the love that we can share to human beings, um, no matter where they're at, or where again that label of whatever anyone else or whatever they think, but just embracing the human and going like you deserve grace no matter where you're at, like pause for a second, take a breather. Do you need a second on this? Oh, how can I help you? What can we do? How can I serve you? Um, and I'm um and I and I hope that that again has been the good experience of that, and and we'll continue with that too. Um, in

Art, Music, Catharsis, And Making People Feel

SPEAKER_02 47:49

there. I want to ask you when your piece um comes down the runway, what do you hope people will feel or when it stands there and people get to observe it? What do you hope people get from it?

SPEAKER_04 48:06

Honestly, whenever I see my piece going down the runway, I imagine my friends and family just going, like, oh, oh my god, she made that and she made it. Oh my god, like just being awestruck, and that's basically why I do what I do. That's my motivator, is just to make others happy. I'm an entertainer at heart, that's why I have a degree in acting.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

But theater, darling, theater, theater, exactly, theater, the theater hall, not the theater.

SPEAKER_03 48:37

Um, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

What how has art and and all you've had a good amount of years to experience that and and kind of share your process and attitude on how art has been a source and resource for you in maybe some of your worst moments um uh in your life, because it may have given you the opportunity to express, like you said, sewing. Um what would have happened if you didn't have or didn't get to create?

SPEAKER_04 49:14

Honestly, if I didn't get to create, I could sing because I'm actually a self-trained vocalist of 10 years. Um, and I found just like belting or even metal screaming, because I can do that too. Um even doing a mixture of both was so cathartic. I found not just art but music. But I mean I you could categorize music as art.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

Oh, it is. Oh, it is. It's like literally any so the way I categorize art is when the human being can use its hands, body, mood, like their whole being to express and to create something tangible that others can like participate in, or even yourself, just so like when someone can create a piece of music, or you know, I always like to go back and you guys hear me all the time. The dishes people washing dishes is art, okay? When you can look, when I can walk into that kitchen, that kitchen and those dishes, and that is like art masterpiece, darling, okay? So, and again, trivial to to that, but it is, and um also I might need some vocal lessons. I've been in my own car going la la la la la la la. Uh, not the best. So uh I got you, I got you. But you should hear on my 15-minute ride with my son as I'm going, and and I have this like I have so I do vocal lessons in the in the morning, you guys. Okay, side story. I do vocal lessons in the morning, and because it helps me, like uh it just it helps me. I like it. And my favorite vocal exercise is the that like I don't know the words, the names of them, okay. So yeah, there you go. Favorite exercise, and so you will like constantly, constant, I'll just like no matter where. And so constantly, and so in the mornings I'll turn on and I have this guy that I listen to, and I really like his soothing voice because I think he's British, but I don't know, but he's got some kind of an accent, I don't know. Um, he could be Indian too, but I don't want to offend. So um, and and so like I don't know, he's got a beautiful accent, and so it makes me so whether when he says, and now on to the next one, and you're like, hand in a next one, and then he says it a couple times and starts singing, you're like, duh duh duh duh duh. And I'm like, oh, I'm so wrong. I can't. I'm so like, and it's it's great. And my son just goes, goes like this. He looks at over, picks his phone up, takes his earbuds, and goes. And then is done for, like, done for. And I'm in here going, I am, and I'm going, you know, mama, mama, mama, mama made me mash my MMs. Like, I'm all all over it, all over it. It's it's it's hilarious. Um, because I think I can hold a tune and I can't, but it's okay. It's okay, I think in my head. But that's what being great is thinking you're great and then believing you're great, and then eventually, potentially, you can train yourself just like you can train your vocal cords to be great.

SPEAKER_04 52:09

Yep, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 52:10

And then I have a teacher, a vocalist who teaches teaches. I also have I'm surrounded by an opera specialist too. So it's like if I needed to, I could ask. I could ask. I probably can't reach it, but I could ask. So surround yourself with some awesome, express expressive human beings, guys. Creativity is awesome. Creativity is awesome. Um what have you witnessed around you and around yourself right now as one characteristic that you've learned you have um, but didn't think you had?

Confidence, Inner Child Work, Words To Live By

SPEAKER_04 52:44

Oh, I would say confidence. I honestly I do struggle a little bit with like my self-esteem and all that, my confidence, my self-confidence, because I always doubt myself, but people are like, no, you've actually got this in the bag, and I'm like, wait, really? And then I look like I'm a results kind of driven kind of girl, and I'm just like, okay, but I don't focus on the end product, I'm more so focused on the process. So I'm just like, okay, if the process is perfect, then the end product should be decent. Um, but that's just underestimating my own self, and I've learned to really just like I said, give myself grace, um, and be more confident in my my skills because I wouldn't have gotten this far just to get this far.

SPEAKER_02 53:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:34

So yeah. I yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:37

If you could say one thing to your younger self, uh, your 22-year-old self, what would it be?

SPEAKER_04 53:43

Don't focus on the small stuff. Literally let it go. Let it go.

SPEAKER_01 53:49

What's your quote of quote of of of life for you?

SPEAKER_04 53:55

Oh god. There is uh something that I was told when I was younger. People will not remember you by what you said, but by how you made them feel. So I always, always, always, always, always, always want to have a positive interaction with anyone. And it doesn't matter, like, I just want them to be happy because life is too dang short to match your socks.

SPEAKER_02 54:23

Yes. Oh my god, you know what? That I love how y'all helped me come up with these episode titles, and that is yours right now. Life is too dang short to match your socks. Like the story of resilience and fashion and manic. I'm sure I'll come up with a better title, but I love that. Like, that's you need to have that as a as a quote. Like, you need to have that. Like, that needs to be somewhere as your like hat. Like, do a whole do a whole thing about that's great. I love that. Because I've never heard that. Um, you know, you always hear life's too short, so make men, do all these things, and it's like to match socks. And somebody who absolutely despised laundry and had to learn how to love it as an art form so that I could actually do it and follow through with it. Matching socks became one of my favorite games to play. And when I didn't have the matching socks, I had to let the matching unmatched socks go, or just match the unmatched socks together and be like, you're close enough, but not sweat the small, like, right, but not sweat the small stuff. So I love that analogy. I love that because it helps me then for somebody who loves laundry and like you're like, hey man, life's too short to match your socks. So, like, yeah, no, absolutely. Like, I love that. That just that's great. That was great, that was awesome. I love that. Like, what do you leave somebody off with? Life's too short to match your socks. And you're like, you know what, you're right, it is. You know what, you're right. And you know what else? What else? Um, when you uh when you stopped having seeing everything as an expectation or having expectations of yourself for other people, um, and then started noticing your survival patterns and all like the noise around you, and started creating this artist of who you are. Do you how did that how has that process been for you like? Right? Because you've had to then put boundaries up and create, say no to people and and um even create a commitment contract with yourself. I have one, guys. We'll be doing an episode on that. Like you, I it's I'm not nice to myself, but I have a commitment contract, and like, but it's all because of the growth of yourself and then again giving yourself grace. How has how has that been for you and and how are you renavigating that as you're moving forward into different stages of your adulthood?

SPEAKER_04 56:45

Yeah, so um anytime I say anything negative about myself, I imagine saying it to my younger self of like maybe like four or five years old. I'm like, is that nice nice to say to a four-year-old? And I'm like, oh, if it's not, then I shouldn't be saying about myself. Um, and that's really helped me because like I so I did a meditation one time and I saw my inner child and I felt so bad. I felt so so bad. So I gave her a hug and I was like, I'm sorry, I will do better for you because this is all for you. Um so it's really my inner child that like is motivate that like motivates me and like really just pushes me to be better. Like I am not my past, my past does not define me, it shapes me into who I am.

SPEAKER_02 57:32

I love that I love that. I I up until recently, well, for a long time, I didn't recognize my own inner child um until I saw myself through a different lens. And when I realized that I was the child with a teddy or a machete and I couldn't decide which one I was gonna use at what day, and then it wasn't that I was gonna have to use it against the world, but against myself, because I kept continuously failing myself and protecting myself, failing myself in um, you know, creating pathways of healing and care and love and all of these because I thought the responsibility felt on other people. Like, so I would get myself to trust myself enough and then throw myself and be dependable on someone else, and then hope that that fixed it when in reality it didn't. And then the inner child would run back and hide away in her cave in her little box with a machete going, come near me again, Adela, I swear. And you're like, I'm not trying to, but having to build that trust with yourself that that inner child is is really important to have a conversation with because it makes you force, it forces you to look at your accountability responsibility for the actions of today. Um, and it does not excuse the behavior of what you're doing, but it gives you a pathway to be able to say, hey, you know what? Maybe these are the behaviors and actions I don't want to do anymore. Maybe I want to do a little bit more.

SPEAKER_04 59:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:01

So I think you froze on my on my video end. So I'm gonna pause for one sec. Okay, awesome. So yeah, that inner child needs that love, needs that attention on there. Um, last but not least question. Um the artist within me is hoping to learn building or creating. What is the artist within you doing, saying? What is the artist within me is blank?

SPEAKER_04 59:35

The artist within me is driven because I'm motivated and I'm ready and she is itching. She is literally like, come on, get me out, get me out, come on. Yes, um, she's itching for an outlet, she is itching for a creative fix. Um, and she's ready and motivated. She is she's got she's got her her sketchbook, this the measuring tape around her neck. And she's ready to just create.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:12

I love it.

Where To Find Meg And How To Join

SPEAKER_02 1:00:13

I love it. So tell all of our listeners where they can find you, what you have going on, and that uh they can come see you at our runaway show. So they should buy tickets.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:25

Yeah, so if you guys want to follow me on TikTok, it is manic underscore quarantine. Um, and it's the same on Instagram. I don't have a Facebook page yet, um, but I'm working on it. I'm gonna be better about it, manifesting that for myself right now. Um, but you can find me on TikTok, Instagram, and I have a link tree. It's just Manic Quarantine. So yeah, you guys check me out and I would love to get Manic with you.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:49

I love it. I love it. Um, and like I said, like I mentioned, uh, come to our show. We'd love to have you see her design, see our designs, and see what we're building and what we're creating and take a moment to experience um how what we do in the projects we do and the opportunities we provide the community to be a part of, like right now. If you want to be a vendor, a volunteer, a sponsor, and you want to come just as a guest, you we have plenty of options and um ways for you to participate. You can visit our website at www.ph-inc-ing.org, thinking.org, and all of the information is right there on the front page for you. So we'd love to have you be an impact sponsor with us. Help us impact one human, one business, one uh opportunity, helps us navigate and create a new step forward and opportunities for people and for humans like Meg to be able to come participate at low cost or no cost uh ways to create um with the resources that we do have provided again by the community. So until next time, my friends. Adios. I love you very much. Ciao ciao, and enjoy. Please remember to give yourself grace. You're worth the effort, you're worth the conversation, you're worth all of the stuff. And come see us in any of our MCCs or listen and download and subscribe and do all that other good stuff. All right, that's all it. All right, until then, bye bye.