The Artist Within Podcast
The Artist Within Podcast is a Project Human Inc. production hosted by founder Adela Hittell. The show explores creativity, storytelling, mental and emotional wellness, advocacy, faith, resilience, and the human experience of becoming.
Launched in July 2024, T.A.W. began as a space to celebrate artists and creators using their stories, talents, and lived experiences to inspire others. Now in Season 2, the podcast expands into deeper conversations about self-care, community, identity, trauma-informed growth, creative healing, and peer-to-peer advocacy.
Through solo reflections, guest interviews, Monthly Community Conversations, and PHInc. updates, The Artist Within invites listeners to define their own narrative, reconnect with themselves, and take practical steps toward healing, growth, and purpose.
The Artist Within Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Project Human Inc. is a peer-to-peer advocacy organization. We are not medical professionals, and this podcast should not be considered medical advice. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 or dial 911 for immediate assistance.
The Artist Within Podcast
A Ten-Minute Brain Break Can Reset You
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Your calendar is packed, your brain is loud, and the world keeps asking for more. So what does real self-care look like when you only have ten minutes and zero extra energy? We sit down with our Project Human community for a peer-to-peer conversation about “ceremonies of care” and why small, intentional rituals can be the difference between getting through the day and actually feeling like yourself again.
We share practical examples that are refreshingly ordinary: quiet coffee on the porch, a walk without tracking apps, a run that burns off stress, a jacuzzi bath with candles and music, skincare as a gift to your future self, or even a quick video game or nap as a true brain break. Along the way, we dig into what these rituals give us beneath the surface: nervous system regulation, a sensory reset, an outlet for frustration, and the kind of peace that makes you more patient, more grounded, and better at making decisions.
We also name the hard parts. Time pressure, family needs, productivity habits, phone noise, and limited resources can crowd out wellness routines. Guilt can be the biggest barrier of all, especially for people who have spent years being “the responsible one.” We talk about permission-based self-care: setting boundaries, saying no, asking for help, and making the appointments you keep putting off. Care does not have to be impressive, expensive, or long to be meaningful.
If you’ve been running on fumes, come take a breath with us, then pick one small act of care to try this week. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs a reset, and leave a review with the ceremony of care that helps you most.
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Disclaimer: “The Artist Within Podcast” is for educational and informational purposes only. We are not medical professionals, and the content should not be considered medical advice. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your physician or a qualified healthcare provider.
Welcome And Safety Disclaimers
SPEAKER_02Hi everyone. Thank you for joining us for the Project Human August monthly community conversation with the Project Human community. My name is Jen. I'm a volunteer and I put together programs in education for Project Human, also known as Fink, Project Human Inc., as we like to call it. These monthly conversations are just a space where our community gets together. We explore real topics that involve mental and emotional health and our overall well-being and how we each approach it. So this is not clinical, this is peer-to-peer. This is human and it applies to everybody. We want to talk about real life and how we each come to real life in whatever state we are at that moment. Tonight's topic, we're going to explore what it means to take care of ourselves in intentional ways. Before we get started, basic disclaimers, we are not medical professionals. If you are in crisis, it's important. Please reach out to your local health resources, dial 911 if you need immediate assistance. If you need support with national suicide prevention, please dial 988. We are going to record and live stream tonight's event on our YouTube channel. If you do not wish to be on video, please feel free to go off video, turn off your camera, turn off your microphone. But we will use tonight's conversation to promote and raise awareness about what Project Human does, what our mission is, and how we want to help people. By participating in these Zoom meetings, you give us permission to use any and all audio and video content for promotional purposes. For
Project Human Mission And Ground Rules
SPEAKER_02anyone who is joining us for the first time, Project Human is a human-first nonprofit. We want to bridge the gaps in mental and emotional health through communication, education, creative expression art, and of course, like this talking to our community. So connection between human individuals. Our work creates access points for people to pause and reflect, learn and better connect with the support that they need with a community that helps remind us that we're human and share the human experience together. We try to be approachable. We try to be grounded in real life and just peer-to-peer. We're real people just like you. Through our monthly community conversations, our quarterly mental health days, and our Artist Within podcast, we bring experiences, resources, education, and honest dialogue to the community to build a better experience for all of us as humans. We connect through conversation, we create awareness, we give opportunities for reflection and action. You're encouraged to participate, but it is by no means required. Our goal is just to remind you that healing and resilience and change can begin with just one moment of connection, and we hope to offer you that here. So
What Ceremonies Of Care Mean
SPEAKER_02uh I'll start out with uh August has been National Wellness Month and here here for that. Uh I think this community conversation is an opportunity for us to explore what each of us does along our wellness journey to care for ourselves, to put into what we call ceremonies of care, um, things that we build into our lives to just give back to ourselves in some way. Um, and it means a lot to us uh here at Project Thomas. We always talk about self-care. Um, we've always talked about small steps, even one single step that can bring us to more self-care, growth, um, personal understanding. And when we use the word ceremony tonight, when I say ceremonies of care, um I'm not saying something elaborate or formal or spiritual or religious. It's just a repetitive, ordinary act that is imbued with attention and intention and repetition, and it means something to us. So something we do for ourselves to take care of ourselves deliberately on a somewhat regular basis. That is a ceremony of care. So that's how I mean it when I say it tonight. Uh, some examples could be uh a coffee you drink quietly every morning before everybody else in the house gets up. This is something that you give yourself before the hustle and bustle of the day, or a skincare routine, either at the beginning or the end of the day, or both. Um, it could be journaling, listening to music, playing music if you're a musician, cooking, gardening, exercise, all of the things. Um, even taking a long shower. That that can be really nice with nobody knocking at the shower door. Um, for all the moms or dads out there that have small ones that need their attention. A quiet shower can be wonderful. Um, it could be calling somebody you love and just having a phone call. It could be writing a letter, it could be um just checking in on somebody. So these are all things that we do to take care of ourselves in some way. And they can look very different from you to me, um, one human to another. What makes them meaningful isn't necessarily the activity itself, but what it gives us and the space it creates in our lives for intentionality. Um and we're not going to prescribe anything tonight. We're not gonna tell you here's exactly what you should do to take care of yourself, here's how long you should do it, and here's how. We're not gonna do that. We're gonna have a conversation. Um, tonight's conversation will be question-driven, it will be organic. I would love to hear from everybody on the phone. I would love to hear from folks online. Feel free to use the chat. Um, we welcome it very much. Um, but uh let's just explore what ceremonies of care already exist in our life and um why they matter. Uh, what might get in the way of giving us these ceremonies of care, and uh how can we be more intentional about making room for them uh in our lives? So um before we get like deep deep into the conversation, I just want to kind of ground and level set what is a ceremony of care for each of us.
Real Examples From Daily Life
SPEAKER_02So the first question of the night, and feel free to come off of mute and just give your answer. Um when you think about your day-to-day ordinary life, what is something that you do that feels like a ceremony of care for you? Like what makes you think of that particular thing?
SPEAKER_03I have a few. Um, so I I love to take jacuzzi baths because we're very fortunate and have a jacuzzi bathtub. Um, so I like to light candles and pour myself a nice glass of red wine and put on some spa music. And I think that like all of those sensory things makes it very like ceremonial to me. Um, I think another thing that I really love to do is to go on a walk or a run, depending on how my feet are doing. Um, because I feel like that again is sensory thing. I really like to run through. We have like a um like a reserve in our backyard. Not in our backyard, but like behind our house. Um, and so that again is sensory, like it's like got the music, I've got the wind, I've got like, you know, like a beautiful scenery. So I think for me, I think it is something that like maybe involves like more than one sense.
SPEAKER_02Sensory, cool. How about you, Yolanda?
SPEAKER_01Um, I'm not really a uh ritualistic type person. Like I don't really have things that I do like that. I do what I can when I can. I don't uh if if I wake up one day and I say, you know what, I need some time at the beach, I go to the beach. If I say, man, my skin's looking rough. I need skincare, I do my skincare. Like I there's nothing that I do that's like I I don't I don't do self-care. I get I think the way everybody else does. You know what I mean? Like I I do it, I do it like I like I eat because I have to eat, right? Because we would die if we don't eat. So I brush my teeth. Because if I don't brush my teeth, I will lose my teeth. I clean my face because if I don't clean my face, it's going to melt off. Like you know, silly things like that. So like when I think about stuff like that, I think for me, I have to go a little further and think about I guess like what does my like what would make me happy? Like, you know, when I surf or and I'm just sitting out on the waves and I'm just chilling. Like, I think that's a a peaceful moment. I don't I don't really it's a it's kind of a weird question for me. Like I I get it, but I don't get it. Like it's just not the way my brain works. Um, so I have things that that bring me joy or give me peace in instances where I need it, but not that I can just do and then achieve it, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_02It sounds like maybe you're not a ceremonies kind of person, but you explore care based on your needs in the moment. Is that right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I just um yeah, yeah, that's probably the best way to say it.
SPEAKER_02Well, if you had 10 minutes tonight and you were guaranteed no interruption, and your family encouraged you to do something to give back to yourself for those 10 minutes. No, no washing the dishes, no checking in on the kids, no helping the husband, what would you do with those 12 10 minutes?
SPEAKER_01Uh, what I already do. Uh, I'd I'd go to sleep or I'd play a video game. I would just do something just to take my mind off everything else.
SPEAKER_02It sounds like uh giving your brain a break in whatever form you can find. Brain breaks, yes.
SPEAKER_01Brain breaks. I like brain breaks. Yeah, I love brain breaks.
SPEAKER_02Well, I bet you there are all kinds of folks out there that need brain breaks, and they go through um different methods to get there. I think what Alicia described, the sensory stuff, is giving your brain a chance to focus on something that maybe isn't uh stress-inducing. So lighting your candles, listening to your music, relaxing in a hot bath. These are things that turn off your stress brain. Going for a walk or a run, getting that movement that turns off your stress brain, that allows you an outlet physically. Um, I like to um sit with my coffee quietly, sometimes on the front bench or the back porch. Um, and that like looking at nature and just being quiet and not having my phone with me, that disconnect is my brain break. Though I don't always do the things I just described. They certainly are important to me. And when I see myself with 10 extra minutes, maybe I'm like, okay, that's what I'm gonna do with these extra 10 minutes. And it doesn't have to be a big event, you know, it's not like I've set aside 30 minutes to do this extra extremely difficult skincare routine because, you know, I don't want my face to melt off. It could be, I got a new hair curling iron and I'm gonna find out what it does when I do this and what temperature I need. You know, whatever. I'm I'm self-caring in some way. It's not a big event, it's just something we weave into the time we have in our daily life or just when we have time. And we might not even recognize it in the moment as the brain break that we talked about. It may not be a ceremony that we talked about, but we give them to ourselves as some form of care. So I want to look underneath what we described as our forms of care: sensory movement, brain breaks, um, quiet. And I want you to think about something you've done to take care of yourself, whether it's a ceremony or just those intermittent brain breaks that we described.
Peace, Outlet, And Sensory Reset
SPEAKER_02What does it actually give you? And why does that time or activity or ritualistic thing matter? Why does it matter to you?
SPEAKER_01Okay, you are right, it's quiet. Uh, my life is not quiet. Uh, we have a house full of Audi HD people, and we're all different. Some of us are inattentive, some of us are hyperactive, we all have different obviously we have different brains, but like we we it's loud. It's loud all the time. So, yes, the brain breaks and things like that, peace is is something like quiet. I am the person like when you go to bed, I would love for it to be completely silent. Like when you know they have that dark room, this quiet room, and they say no one can stay in there 24 hours because people go crazy because I can only hear their heartbeat. I'm like, put yes, vacations. Yeah, that's where I want to go. Like, let's go. I'd rather just hear my heartbeat and my blood move and not all the you know. So, yes, but I think that's exactly what it is. It's the quiet, it's just the peace of calm.
SPEAKER_02Have you ever experienced a sensory deprivation tank?
SPEAKER_01No, I really want to. I really, really want to.
SPEAKER_02Um or a H2O float kind of water tank?
SPEAKER_01I have not. I've been a swimmer my whole life and a lifeguard, and I used to teach uh divers and things like that, but like um, so I I've been like in the ocean and rivers and ponds and lakes and like normal pools, even in my own tub and things, like where I would just soak, I would just float, I would just sometimes I would just sink and sit there as long as I could until I absolutely had to breathe. Because it's just something about the quiet of everything.
SPEAKER_02Everything, you know, you can't hold a conversation underwater.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_02I used to swim laps in my twenties. Um, because you don't conversate, it's quiet, it's repetitive. You feel and hear your breathing, and that was the break. Yeah. That was that was the break was movement and silence. What about you, Alicia? What what is your your breaks, your jacuzzi baths, your candles, your music? What do they give you? And why does that time uh or activity matter to you?
SPEAKER_03Um I think it's yeah, I think it's a break too, but I think it's not necessarily always like a noise break, because I really like like when I when I'm running, I like to have like music. And when I'm in the jacuzzi, I like to have like um some like spa music. I think it's more like turning off the amygdala. Like it's like turning off the stress um in my brain. Like I know I definitely like feel more motivated to like run if I'm like stressed or like mad at something. Um so maybe I don't know, maybe it's like getting rid of the negative energy, like inviting the positive energy in.
SPEAKER_02Making space, making space, that sounds what you're you're doing, is uh creating an outlet. Yeah. Um, your chosen way of outleting. I made I made new English. That's all right. We're down for it. We'll call it think language. I think your your think dictionary now includes the word outleting. Um you're using these opportunities to quiet or provide an outlet for the thinking brain, and uh maybe manifesting your frustration or your stress into physical energy. I can totally relate to that. I used to do cardio kickboxing. There is nothing so wonderful as throwing like 48 punches when you're really stressed out. Um, so I totally identify with that. Um some of the care that I like to give myself, uh I do uh like um serums and then lotion and then eye cream because hereditarily we have lots of wrinkles in my family, and I don't really want that all too fast. So I do my skincare routine every day, and what it gives me is uh reassurement of investment in myself, um, and a gift to my skin over time, um, to my ego and my sense of what is beautiful over time, um, my like I guess my personal sense of value if I invest myself in my my looks. And um why does it matter to me? It matters because it's something that I genuinely want to do for myself, and it feels good, and I love the way they smell all these products. Um, I like the way my skin looks when it's healthy and glowy. Um and I've struggled with like acne for a very long time, like little pimples and then deep ones and scarring and melasma, and giving myself this time makes me feel like I'm being nicer to my skin from the outside, even if I totally need to make some changes on what I do for like what I eat or what's going on inside. But that's why it's important to me.
SPEAKER_03So I've heard I love what you said, Jen, that you said it was a gift to yourself. Yeah, I think that that's really pretty, like a really nice way to like word it. Like, because you know, like I'm a big I I love to I love to give people gifts, like I'm a big, like I think that's my like external love language, but I don't like to receive gifts. So it's like interesting to like think of it like as like a yeah, this is okay, this is my gift to myself, like taking care of myself. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Thank you for pointing that out. Yeah, we have here brain breaks, we have finding peace and quiet, we have disconnect, we have finding an outlet, and we have uh gifts to myself. And we've talked about what it gives back to us um peace, a chance to recover, a chance to get out frustration, a chance to give to our future selves. Um the distinction of what it means to us and what we're doing might not be apparent right away. Um, sometimes you you might see these things from the outside and be like, oh, home girl's got a jacuzzi, good for her, woo. But it's more than just the activity, you know, it's more than just the jacuzzi, it's the peace, it's the relaxing of those horribly tense muscles. It's the you can't get me on my computer or phone because I'm soaking in water right now, leave me alone. It's five quiet minutes, ten quiet minutes. Whatever it is, it's giving yourself freedom from other things to focus on something that you deem important. Um, whether that's, you know, you you take a walk, maybe you go get a manicure, maybe you take five minutes to drink a cup of coffee alone, maybe you lock the door to the bathroom and turn on the fan and ignore anyone pounding on the door, you know, if you're a family person and you've got people that dogs, cats, kids that want in. Um, but you you get a place, a place to kind of put your emotions, your thoughts, or your stress, or just create positive emotions. Um it's and if you do it regularly, it is a ceremony. It is a repetitious, intentional, dedicated time that you give yourself for something. Maybe it's not a daily ceremony, but it's an occasional ceremony. And then in all honesty, it's less about what we're doing so much as about what we're allowing ourselves to receive or take from that experience in that moment. And I think that's that's what matters is what we are giving ourselves or what we're taking from that moment or those moments, whether it's repeated frequently or not. whether it's ceremonial or not, is what we're taking out of it. And that's where it matters. So I want to talk about why they matter and to each of us.
What Changes When You Practice Care
SPEAKER_02So uh I will ask what do you notice about yourself or about your life when you regularly or more regularly make room for things or activities that help restore and reconnect, ground you give you that outlet, uh give you that brain break. What do you notice about yourself or your life when you do this on a semi-regular basis?
SPEAKER_03I know I definitely make better decisions.
SPEAKER_00I feel like I'm happier definitely um and I think other people want to be around me maybe more because I'm not in a bad mood happier more approachable yeah I thought I'd join the conversation because it's so good you guys and all the kids it's like my favorite topic my favorite way too so as I was working and doing that all the great topics and points uh the thing that it helps me at my ritual my ceremony that I have and do is instant reconnection with my mind and body and because the disconnection that happens during the day for myself because I'm pulled in a thousand different ways thousand different decisions, choices, moments of of um mental overload let alone body stress and everything else that I'm not accounting for whether I'm not feeding myself taking a bathroom break whatever that might be in between or those brain breaks and those moments you you kind of what do they do for you? They can reset you, reconnect you and that's what happens to me when I go into mine it reconnects recenters a good 20 30 minutes of that moment puts me back into control, into regularity clarity better decision makings and it almost gives you that second wind without feeling so much overload because you get a moment going oh it's not and this isn't it's not me and it's not like it's not me I'm not the problem. It's that it's not me in this situation that I'm so separated from myself from that. It's because I've had to to accompany or appease or to mask or mold or whatever because we have to do that with society with our friendships or with relationships or wherever we're at to be able to again integrate and and do things. So when you're in that space it does help reconnect and ground and completely restructure and recenter for that.
SPEAKER_01I think it gives me the opportunity to give myself permission to turn off. Um when I do those things I I have to and I know not everybody does this but I prep my brain for the next things that I'm doing for the day before like today tonight I'll prep my brain for tomorrow morning and the things that I'll do for tomorrow. And so when I get the time to and I can sit in it I will allow myself to basically turn off everything else throughout the day and give myself permission to just be like people are like oh well you can't turn on your brain I can when I say quiet I mean quiet. I don't want to think about what everybody else is doing. I don't want to hear the yelling I don't want to hear the whatever I'm the person who can be in a room full of people walk away into another room shut the door go into the bathroom of that one shut that door go into the closet of that one shut that door sit on the floor and be happy as a clam because sometimes like that's just me releasing a breath that I've been holding and I don't think that I realize I hold throughout my entire day you know and without knowing it you find that you're angrier your your your your patience is lower you're more irritable and then when you stop and you just give yourself permission to pause and just breathe and say okay it's done it's enough today like it's fine you're fine I think that's a huge yeah it's just a huge breath out and then that just gives me leeway to having a next big breath in which will just set up my sleep and to my morning and then waking up fresh and ready to go refreshed and ready to do the chaos all over again.
When You Skip It And Burn Out
SPEAKER_02Yolanda you touched on something that I I wanted to kind of segue into is what happens when these things that we do for ourselves whether they're ceremonies or acts of care what happens when they disappear from our routine or our regularity once in a while Yolanda you were talking about just getting stressed.
SPEAKER_01Adela you were talking about losing control uh whether it was self-control or just making more uh poor decisions feeling not as refreshed what else can happen when these things disappear from our routines um I really think that we start to lose a sense of ourselves because like I said like you get angry you get irritable your your patience is limited you you aren't representing the best version of yourself in that um and I'm not saying that like having all of these self-care rituals and different things like you need it every single day but I think if you stop taking care of yourself and if we talk about we'll talk about like the basic need which is eating if you stop eating you're going to die like it's that's what's gonna happen. And so I think it's the same thing when we're taking care of ourselves whether it's you know skin care whether it's just relaxation bringing our stress levels down bringing our cortisone levels down like doing all of those things giving our body rest or giving it the exercise it wants um having those kind of endorphins like giving our brain what it needs too I think when we stop doing that we're setting ourselves up for failure and parts of us you know they say like lose it or use it or lose it and I think that works for for our brain for our emotions for our peace and our joy um so I think it's very very important that we we recognize that when we don't take care of ourselves like we cannot in turn take care of those we love and cherish around us either because then they become a problem to us whether or not they are they become it because we're so irritable or so angry or so whatever. So then we're just lashing we're just lashing and that's not even who we are but it's like we have to get to a point where we go you know what pause you know what I need a like honestly Alicia when you get home girl let's bathing suit up let's let's let's go back again like let's go like this sounds fantastic I love this idea uh not so much the wine but you know I'll I'll sweep tea all day long right with you I will 100 uh I don't think I really think about it that way because I just think like when I need to relax I I just I just do that's my problem I'm a doer I'm a doer I just do so and then I realize what I don't do and then one trouble of being a doer is you get a list of to dos and giving yourself back takes time.
SPEAKER_02Going for that
Time, Phones, And Productivity Traps
SPEAKER_02walk or jog might take you 30 minutes. Sitting in the jacuzzi might take you 15 20 minutes just to coordinate getting the thing heated up maybe doing my skincare takes 10 minutes and I cut it short and I just do lotion that day and good enough that I washed my face walking out the door y'all be grateful I'm wearing deodorant something like that.
SPEAKER_00You know it's it's time that we give to ourselves but life competes for that time that space that we were creating for ourselves um what else gets in the way we know that these things that we do for ourselves these ceremonies or acts of care uh they're meaningful they're helpful they're necessary we are so much better people when we have them but can it still be difficult to uh make time and space for them and why and what gets in your way yeah that's so that's one of the things that I struggle the most with because for those of you who know me know how much I value time and how I'm like obsessed with how much is my 15 minutes? What do I do with my 15 minutes? Um that I've had to actually take a moment and this month has been my training my new self into getting up in the morning walking my dogs and not being on my phone not being part of like not even tracking my walk if you will because I would put on my you know on my phone or on my thing and track it because I wouldn't know how many miles I walked I want to know how long it took that still competition that's still making my brain think and work and produce and do. And I productivity is my like best friend but also my nemesis and it is one of the ways that now I am working on training myself because if not I can spiral too right if I don't create a way of removing myself from that. And so yesterday I didn't go on a walk for the first time out of my 15 days that I was doing every morning and I felt terrible I really did. My brain was like instantly it was just not I didn't have that time. I started I could this morning I before I went on it I could hear all the thoughts like that my brain got so loud because I did not give myself that time not to be part of the world where it was just me and the walk and the dogs and it was just the sunlight coming up and it was just the sprinklers going off and the potential dog bark or the car coming by like those mundane and ordinary sounds that we don't allow our body to process because we're so absorbed by the phone by everything that wakes us up in an instant. And so this morning when I did it it literally was like I got up it was the most quiet everything was peaceful everything and I just walked I didn't have my phone that way I didn't look at the time but when I got home I realized that me either counting the time and minutes that I'm walking while I'm walking with it or just letting it go, it's still the same time. I learned what my time was I walked 40 minutes because it takes that long. It takes the same routes that I've walked forever. I don't need that time to be a count like I don't need to so that part of ritual was really good to recognize today because it was like oh okay Adela now you know what your 40 minutes is you enjoy that for it was so fast. It was so fast it was so peaceful and fast that I was like oh crap. But when I was looking at my time it was how much longer how much longer it made the time feel so much longer than it actually was. So it was a beautiful process in that and now like I so much forward look forward to in the morning getting up taking the dogs on the walk walking that having my time but that's also my time with God too now that where I realized where I get to have that conversation prepare myself for the day in a way that I need to that I want to structure versus the way I did it before where I gave myself away already to the world before again giving that that walk to just listen to the grass and the sprinklers and maybe not step in poop that morning and like have have just that moment. And then when I look at my phone and I and I have to deal with the world it's it is so much more peaceful because I'm I'm good like I I I'm good. I didn't have to worry about that my brain woke up I didn't get it I didn't make it feel like it was stressed to wake up or had to do something. It just woke up in 40 minutes without a coffee without anything and that also made me not need a coffee in the morning to wake up so it prolonged my need for coffee until like 10 o'clock so there's a lot of benefits when again we take those moments of care and pause when we maybe remove something in there.
SPEAKER_02So I think I went off a trail maybe I don't know what I heard from what gets in the way of you giving that care to yourself was forgetfulness, a big to-do list time limitations on other things in your day maybe work and family responsibilities um what other things might get in the way of you giving care to yourself Yolanda Alicia literally happening now that's when the kid's going on family family needs family demands whether they're urgent or important or time sensitive if anybody's ever seen that quadrant of urgent important time sensitive not time sensitive um I think uh we can also feel beholden to things in our lives that we think should take precedent um I have myself felt guilty taking time for myself when I know I need it but then my inner dialogue tells me something else needs my attention more or I'm letting someone down have you guys ever felt guilty taking time for yourself and where do you think that message in your brain comes from yeah I mean I I used to feel like that a lot um I think part of it was just upbringing it was just the way I was raised it was the way that our household worked the family dynamics worked you know like everyone respects the
Guilt, Permission, And Saying No
SPEAKER_02elders and everyone respects the husband and the mom always does all the stuff and you know all that jazz.
SPEAKER_01And and so I got into that to where you know I was doing that for like my parents for my husband for my children but then never me. So I was always felt guilty when anytime I gave myself a space or time or a place like I you know and then you know just throughout kind of rebuilding my own thought processes and my my how I work on my emotions and my um just all of that my my brain in general I just I get I I I had to realize that I had to give myself permission to say no I had to give myself permission to pause I had to give myself permission to say like I I get to do stuff too you know so now now it's almost a bad thing sometimes because I give myself like full permission whenever I want. So if I if like an instance like all this stuff's going on I I could just walk out I I get in the car I'll go to the beach I'll do something and like what what was that about like I just I needed I needed a moment I needed my moment I love you but I need my moment so Yolanda's evolutionary self-care journey is progressed.
SPEAKER_02Um it's funny she is down the line of not being a slave to those around her memories her upbringing giving yourself permission to self-care to pause to leave to say no to close a door to prioritize yourself can be very tricky for people who haven't practiced it.
SPEAKER_01How long did it take you to get here Yolanda let's see I'm 44 um I have been actively doing this probably for three years for three yes like yes I've probably been I have probably been here for if I'm honest three years too fantastically doing it the first year was Rocky because I am I am very stubborn like you like I have to live it out I have to work it out I have to see it work in action like I can't just take your word for it like I I need to see a process I need to understand how it goes. I don't need to know every single little thing of the working I just need to go okay here's point A. Here's point B. Can I connect it? The line doesn't matter to me I just need to see the dots and I need to know that I can achieve getting here. That's it.
SPEAKER_00Like everything else in the middle I don't care I'm not a gray person I'm a very much black and a white she also had to get to the point where she had to admit that either she wanted it or not wanted it and not to please everyone in this is also true doing all the stuff because it's part of that the upbringing of wanting to please everyone wanting to be a part of it and she's like yeah no we'll do I'm like do you really want to well you know but if I don't want to I'm like Yolanda you've just answered now it's the will of doing it or not and that it's been fun the want.
SPEAKER_01I think I have to realize that I'm a very when it comes to myself I'm a very nonchalant person. When it comes to me when it comes to like my kids or like my husband or even like Adela you guys or something I I I can be full on full on but when it comes to myself I'm very nonchalant because it's that idea of like you know you have something on the back burner and I've been that way my whole life so it's how my brain works. So I have to pull myself off the back burner and put me on the front you know like I have to realize like hey I'm boiling water I'm going to destroy this cooktop if I don't you know put the wooden spoon thing on top you know what I mean like I have to figure out something like have to do something uh and I have to recognize that I'm boiling over right I have to real I have to realize that this is happening um and not look the other way or not look for someone else to move me or someone else to fix me or and I think it's it's really it's it's about being honest. That's what it really comes down to. You really have to be honest with what you feel and where it's taking you. Like if I was in an instance with like my kids and I felt like I was getting angry like and I wanted to like yell or scream or something if I stayed in it what could negatively come out of that if I left it for a few minutes what could positively come out of that or negatively come out of it and vice versa right and so I had to realize like there are times I have to remove myself I have to recenter. I have to regroup I have to do the pause is important in my personal life a pause is important because sometimes I I cannot what's the word I cannot I cannot decompress on command. I can't do it I can't transcribe the emotions and figure out why I'm where I am and all the things all in one second. I have to take myself away and I have to sit in it for a second. Sometimes I just have to go you know what it's like how I met your mother their pause and they come back to it when they're both ready. It's the same thing. It's like sometimes I pause myself and go, I'm not even touching that until I'm out of this completely. And now it's a lot better because it's like it's like it's been years that I've been dealing with this but the last three I've been really practicing it more. So it's not something you know you don't get broken in a day. So you're not going to get fixed in a day. And if you're as stubborn as I am it might take you almost 10 years. So it really just it really just depends. Um and that's just me being honest about my own struggles and how how much I need proof.
SPEAKER_00I think one of the hardest and the greatest lessons I've learned is the the idea what you just said that we put ourselves on the back burner and we've all done that every single one of us and we still do it every single day that we are in any position. I used to do that so completely to the point where again you would kill me because that's what you're pleased to all the things you mentioned. And then one day I started because my husband said he can't make me happy he can't take he can't be the things that I need unless I learn the things that I needed to learn which meant taking care of myself. What did that mean? What did that look like the guilt you feel for taking time away from everyone else because you might feel like you have to save someone else or you're responsible for saving someone else or their decisions or even helping them with their dreams or whatever that might be. It doesn't matter it that part the fact that you feel so much guilt that you can't give it to yourself was one of the things I said I cannot do that. Like I cannot nor do I want to because I'm worth the same effort that I put into you or into someone else for me to put it into myself. I'm worth the once a month seven hours of my spa mental health day that I give myself again when everybody's like Adela you burn out with that no no no no my ritual is once a month five to six hours I go to a sauna I decompress let all the toxins out I get a full body rollout and massage and do all my stuff then I come home with a facial and I go to sleep for the next day. Like I get a whole two day of doing what I need to do for myself. And again I used to feel so guilty because it costs it's the time it's everything now if I don't do it I have no ability to be functional in any shape or form outside for anyone and now I'm willing to disappoint so much and everyone all the time I will be a disappointment left and right but I will not disappoint myself my body my mind and my soul because it deserves the care. It deserves the love it deserves the attention and it's worth it Just the same way we would give it to our family, our friends, our relationships, or whatever that might be. And the fact that we don't think of ourselves as worth it, or even that we exist in it, is why we do what we do. Is so that we all can understand that we're all human beings and deserve that same level of attention and care, especially if no one gives it to us. We have to be willing to want to show up and do it even when no one cares. We have to care.
SPEAKER_03No, I'm good right now.
SPEAKER_02Thank God some of the things that I heard uh in addition with Yolanda and Adela's input were um blockers could be people pleasing, putting yourself uh as a self-deprioritization, you know, that back burner concept, exhaustion. And then Adela touched on it, time, money. Um not everyone will have the same resources to engage in their forms of self-care.
Low-Cost Care And Home Sanctuary
SPEAKER_02Not everyone will have uh a car to drive themselves to the beach, not everyone will have the financial ability to go to a spa, not everyone will own a jacuzzi, not everyone will be able to pay for skincare products. Um, but it's important to choose yourself. That's what we we talked about. You have to want it, you have to give yourself permission um to self-care, to pause, to leave, to say no, um, to give yourself a break. And it won't always happen under ideal circumstances. Our life is literally throwing curveballs left and right. That's okay. Giving yourself an activity of care, a ceremony of care can change in size, it can change in scale, it can change in time, it can change in cost, it can change format. Maybe instead of the jacuzzi or the run, Alicia goes and she sees an art museum and she just lets her mind wander. Maybe instead of going to the beach or hiding in a closet, Yolanda goes for a walk in nature with Adela. And it's unplanned, it's unprecedented, it's different, it's free. Something that you still are giving back to yourself, but gives you a chance to rethink what your definite definition of care might be and how can you fit it into what you do have and be flexible.
SPEAKER_00I would just like to add, if that's okay, really quick, in your own home and care. You may not have the resources to go out or do anything, but if you have a potential to take a moment and create a space in a corner of your own room that's just for you, that you maintain, that's your mind, that's your peace, where either reading a book or sitting and meditating, or again, just that moment of peace and quiet, that is care. That is taking yourself, pausing. You may not have the again capacity, ability to step out and venture out and on there, but that's the same way I started. I started in a closet, in my own little spot, in there, in the corner, but it was my space. No one could find me, no one could be in there. It was my way to decompress, and I decorated it. I made it my own piece. It didn't have to be so dark and drab or so, but it could be what I wanted it to be, and you grow into that and you achieve those levels to get to the park or to get to other places because you have the ability to again recenter for a moment in your own space. So do find a way to find value in what you have in your own home in the way you are, and and it your home is also worth the effort of creating your space for care.
SPEAKER_02I love what Adela just described. Um caring for ourselves can look different from self-indulgent or pleasant or relaxing activities. Uh, it may be setting a boundary, it may be claiming a space in your home, giving yourself something to have, to protect, to treat as sacred, to care for, to decorate. Um can say no or even saying yes be a form of self-care. I get some some nods. I'm I'm seeing some nods. What about making a doctor's appointment that you've been putting off? Asking for help.
SPEAKER_01Yes, if we know how to. Are you just talking about me?
SPEAKER_00I was about to say, Yolanda, I think this whole like conversation is about you tonight. Dead point on.
SPEAKER_02Well, hold on. Could having a difficult conversation with someone you care about be a form of care?
SPEAKER_01Gosh, yes. I'm telling you, get out of my head, Jed. Just get out. Like, no, but yes, all of the above. All of the above. And you know, like like what you were just saying, um, you know, you were saying a skincare. There have been times like, you know, I there's I can't afford whatever. I will make some sugar and some honey and some lemon and I will scrub my lips. I will make sure they're soft and whatever. I will get some olive oil and just after I wash my face and kind of over my eyes, make sure all the gunks, you know, just reclip. Because my grandmother did all these things. And so it doesn't have to cost, I would soak my feet in hot water and I would just put like some salt in there. Or I'd put some like well, I personally like rosemary and eucalyptus, so I put that in there, and then I would just sit in it. Just because it could, you know, and like you don't always have to have stuff, you know. Like, so um, there's there's always so many things you could draw, you can paint, you could uh, you know, you could do your laundry and sniff it before you fold it because you just really like the smell of your laundry. You know, like sometimes I'll take folded blankets that I already have cleaned and I will just rub my face on them because I think they're so soft. Like just weird things. Like it doesn't matter what it is. Uh, if it brings you joy and it brings you peace and it and it and it helps recenter you, do that thing. That's okay. There's nothing, there's nothing wrong with that, you know.
SPEAKER_02Um turn your brain off and do absolutely nothing, like you talk, release the breath.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, I'm good at that. Apparently, that's not a normal trait to do absolutely nothing. Apparently, that I'm a weirdo when it comes to that. Um trauma.
SPEAKER_00Uh anyway, so but and I mean it's a superpower now. Everything, how do you do nothing? How do you think I I enjoy it?
SPEAKER_01I really do. I love I love the ability to just shut off and shut down. And I think um, I I mean I don't do it often, but when I do, I do. So just what it is.
SPEAKER_02How about you, Alicia? What what other forms of self-care exist?
SPEAKER_03Um I think I I don't I I'm good, I don't know right now. I'm okay.
SPEAKER_02No problem. That's all right. I think that's self-care right there. Realizing it's a good thing. Right there.
SPEAKER_00Realizing when you're not in a position to be insane. Yeah, you're like, no, can't do it right now. That's okay.
SPEAKER_02I think that uh there are things that we do to care for ourselves that give ourselves comfort. And there are things that we do that are uncomfortable, but in the long run, they are still very much caring for ourselves. We talked about setting boundaries, closing doors, walking away, saying no. We talked about having difficult conversations, whether it's with ourselves or with someone else, um, giving ourselves. It can be very uncomfortable to go from being a people pleaser, like Yolanda. You mentioned that first year of trying to change is uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_01Um, I think and I think it's I think it wasn't so much. I I think in my situation, um, which I understand because I know a lot of people who do people please, it wasn't necessarily about people pleasing, it was more about being the responsible party. So it was I had to be the responsible person for a lot of people in my life. And so um, and with responsibility, sounds like a superhero thing, with great responsibility comes, you know. Um, but you start realizing that you start seeping into this um weird robotic, like just self-like, like not self-care, like everyone else care robot. So you just don't exist, you're just in this, like the my like you know, when the Power Rangers and they did the big Mighty Morphin morph, whatever into the big one, and they're all inside the head, just writing it out. That's how I felt most of the time, because I was always doing for someone else, um, because I had to, not because like it was a survivability thing, if that makes sense. Like you have to make sure they're doing these things, you have to make sure they're eating, you have to make sure they're taken care of, you have to make sure their mental health is good, you have to make sure their doctor's appointments are their whatever, and and then you go, I can wait. One day, one day, and then I'm at 44, and I just went to the doctor for the first time, outside of having children, obviously, but like it is so stupid, but it's the truth, like, and and it's just it's just reality sometimes, you know. We're all you know, we're all humans and we all can do things, and sometimes we don't do things, and it's just being mindful and receptive to learning to do more or to do less, and and being okay with that, and giving yourself not only permission, but giving yourself grace to say it's okay, like that's that's all that's all gone. We're here now. Let's focus on right now. Um, and I think that's a big thing mentally, especially for for women. I think I think it's really important that we remember that we're valuable and that we matter and that we are loved. Because I think that those things really get to us sometimes when we're not getting the the care from the people around us that we love or like we try to help and it's not reciprocated. I think it's we tell ourselves that what we feel is reality, and it's it's it's not it's our emotions being affected for sure, but it it is very telling because it tells us that we don't we don't love us, like we don't cherish us, we don't respect us, like we don't, and so we have to start changing that mindset, and I get a little emotional when I say it because I recognize that in myself before and how I've been changing, but it's still not 100% healed, like I'm still vulnerable in that a little bit. So just I think I think people in general just need to be okay with not being okay and just keep just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
SPEAKER_02Yolanda, you have a beautiful way of emoting, and I think you covered two things that we don't have time to cover tonight, but I encourage all of the listeners to explore on their own, which is asking for care from others, being able to communicate what it is that you want or you need, and asking for that, and giving yourself permission to say I'm worth this. And um, I encourage everyone to also go back to our uh previous month's video of the hats we wear and the stories that they tell us and how to question these stories that our our uh hats tell us about I'm the responsible one, I have to, um, and look for ways that uh you might be able to challenge some of those stories to say, I can ask for help. I don't have to do it all. Um, I do want to be cognizant of time. I'll ask
Weekly Reflection And Community Updates
SPEAKER_02everyone. I always like to leave a journal or a suggestion, but mentally complete this sentence. One small act or ceremony of care I would like to offer myself this week is just think about it, write it down, brainstorm it, take this into your week, think about it more. If you don't have time or mental space now, think about it later. One small act or ceremony of care I would like to offer myself this week is, and there's no requirement that it be brand new. Maybe it's something you've already done. Just give it, give yourself some intentionality. Um, whatever came to mind, just remember your ceremony or act of care doesn't have to look like anybody else's. Care does not have to be impressive to be meaningful, it does not have to be hours long to be meaningful. You are giving yourself care, and that's what matters. Um, thank you for being part of this conversation. Next month, we are going to talk about positive affirmations and the power of positive suggestion through repetition and shifting your inner dialogue. So stay connected, please join us. Uh, for folks who are in the North Florida area, we hope that you will stay connected with us in the Jacksonville community. Um, we love having you here as part of Project Human, and part of what we do is sponsored by donations and volunteering from people in the community and in our surrounding areas. We are preparing for our annual fundraiser. It is called Runway to Resilience Fashion and Art Show that will be coming here to Jacksonville, Florida on Saturday, October 24th at the Experience Event Center. Tickets are on sale now. Please, if you want to volunteer, if you want to show up, visit our website https colon backslash backslash www.phinc dash in g dot org. That's thinking.org. Thank you again for being part of this. Your voice matters, your peace matters, your wellness matters, and you matter. Have a great night.
