Welcome, Purpose, And Safety Notes

SPEAKER_06 0:34

Awesome. Hi, everybody. Thank you for joining us for our September monthly community conversation for the Project Human community. My name is Jen. I'm a volunteer and I put together programs and education for Project Human, or Fink, as we like to call it. These monthly conversations are a space where our community comes together to explore real topics in the mental and emotional health spaces, talking about our overall well-being and trying to find that and enhance that as a community. We don't talk so much in a clinical way. These are real human conversations. Project Human is a peer-to-peer organization. So what we talk about tonight is not from a medical lens, it's from a I'm a human lens, and we encourage you to bring your humanity to it. Tonight we're going to be talking about the power of positive affirmations. And we'll be getting into this a little bit later, but I just want to remind you that positive affirmations are not our mind's way of saying that there's nothing wrong going on. It's teaching ourselves how we want to think and how we want to talk to ourselves to make our inner dialogue a more positive one and shape how we view our lives. So some disclaimers we always give about Project Human. Again, we're not medical professionals. If you are in a crisis, please reach out to your local mental health resources or dial 911 for immediate assistance. If you need help with national suicide prevention, please dial 988 immediately. We support you. We are recording and live streaming tonight's event for our YouTube channel. If you don't wish to be on video, feel free at any time to take yourself off camera. We will use tonight's conversations for snippets to promote and raise awareness about Project Human, about mental and emotional health causes. And by participating in our Zoom, you give us permission to use your audio and video content as part of that. Project Human, if you've never heard us uh before, we are a human-first nonprofit. We focus on bridging the gaps for people in the mental and emotional health space. We talk about the needs for communication, the needs for education, creative expression, and how we build our lives stronger through community. Our work creates access points for anyone free of charge to reflect, learn, and connect through these support opportunities. We want you to feel like this is a human and approachable and real life conversation, and you're having it with real people. Our impact begins with conversation and it grows through connection and awareness and reflection and just being here with each other. And we like to use creativity to go at it. One of our goals is to remind you that healing and resilience and change can begin with just one honest moment of connection. We hope you find that here. So today we're going to talk about positive affirmations. We are not pretending, like I said, anything is uh 100% good, not everything is okay. We're not trying to talk ourselves out of feeling uh poorly. Life is life, reality is reality. And what we're talking about with positive affirmations is noticing how we currently speak to ourselves in our minds and asking whether those words are helping us or holding us back. An affirmation, if you've never thought about the word, uh it can be a simple way of giving ourselves a little bit more kindness or encouragement or permission in a moment to uh feel a certain way when we need to feel that way. And it doesn't have to be profound or inspirational, like positive affirmations can be anything, anything, any way you want to talk to yourself that is an enhancement for your life. It just needs to feel meaningful and believable to you. Um today we're going to explore a list of just 10 positive affirmations that we've developed here at Fink. These are not the only affirmations that exist in entirety. Obviously, we're just coming up with a few that we thought could be speakable, that could be relevant, that could be relatable to you. Um, and I want to talk about what resonates with us when we look at these. I've shared a screen right now for the positive affirmations. Absolutely feel free to screenshot this, capture this, write it down, take a picture

What Positive Affirmations Really Are

SPEAKER_06 5:10

with your phone. These are not trademarked, they're at your disposal, uh at your disposal even, and you can like vibe with these or not vibe with these, but give them a chance. We're going to talk about them tonight. So rather than looking at them one at a time, because we have a limited time on the call today, we're going to organize them and explore them through four themes. So these 10 positive affirmations I've grouped into themes of nurturing ourselves, uh expressing ourselves, uh, honoring ourselves, and connecting with ourselves and as a community. I see, Alicia, you say you're I'm not sharing. Am I not successfully screen sharing? I don't see an email. Can you confirm if I'm screen sharing?

SPEAKER_04 6:04

Oh, I see something now.

SPEAKER_06 6:07

All right. Okay, so sorry, y'all. I thought I was. I'm glad you brought that up. All right, so I'm gonna give you a few seconds to look at these. Feel free to screenshot them. Um these are the 10 that we're going to break into four themes tonight. We're gonna talk about them in brief. We're gonna explore them, and they are yours to look at and reflect on later. So totally take a picture if you want. Um, but while we're looking at them, the only thing I have to ask you is just notice which words or ideas are catching your attention that you're like resonating with, and kind of write those down. Write down what you're like identifying with tonight because I think that could shape how you write your own positive affirmation after our discussion tonight. So um let's start for our first one, uh, honoring ourselves. I'm going to take number one, number three, and number six. Of the ten that we created, this is talking about healing, rest, and self-compassion. So take a minute, they're really brief, just read what's on the screen and think about what catches your attention most and why. Maybe one of them feels easier to believe than the others, one feels harder to give yourself permission to believe, but just give them a read and then anybody come off mute and tell me like what's catching your eye in the honoring ourselves space.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

I think um the first one had because I literally have a sticker on my phone. Can you see it? She's evolving. It says she's evolving, I'm she. So um I think it's just one of those things when we realize like, you know, healing, healing is healing isn't linear, it's all over the place. It depends on where we're at in our life, it depends on what we're dealing with, who we're talking to, what we have our hands in, like it there's so many variables, and it's like we're all learning and growing every single day in different areas with different things, and it's like I'm not I'm not gonna limit what that looks like in my life. I'm not gonna limit that emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, even like I'm just gonna keep moving and wait for five years and look back and go, Oh, I see the growth. That's awesome. Great. I evolved. Five years.

SPEAKER_06 8:46

Totally. I love that nonlinear I've been caught in a loop before where I was like healing, and then I hit a point where I was realizing, yeah, I'm still fragile, and I went back, and it's like it went like this instead of in a straight line for something that I was dealing with. I had to come back to unresolved issues just to get through them. So I I can I can totally feel that one. Anybody else want to share about what's speaking to you from these three?

SPEAKER_04 9:20

I like that first one too, because I feel like everything in society is like very much like a race, and that you're always trying to like get stuff done so you can get to the next thing. And um, you know, O'Neill all often says, you know, that healing comes in waves. So I think it's very much like a rhythm, you know, and that you have to really deal with it at your own pace and your own way. And you also have to understand that everybody else that's healing is going through their own response, too. So I think that that, you know, when you think about a race, you're like in competition with each other. Whereas if

Honoring Yourself With Rest

SPEAKER_04 10:05

you think of the fact that everybody is going through these different rhythms, it's easier to kind of look at it as like a community effort rather than one on one. Adela.

SPEAKER_05 11:45

Does anybody else want to share?

SPEAKER_06 11:54

All right. I think um what I've heard today is about it's not a race. Uh, we are not necessarily um healing or improving ourselves in a linear way. Um, rest is something we give ourselves space for, something that I think these also bring not just healing, rest, and self-compassion, but it's permission. I think I think a lot of this is um rooted in guilt, like Alicia said, this this competitiveness, this need to get to the next thing, um, and being afraid to take rest, as Adela said. This this space, honoring ourselves requires giving ourselves permission, permission to heal at our own pace, permission to rest and recharge, permission to not feel guilty about taking space, permission to be exactly as we are, where we are, and give ourselves that self-compassion that I'm lovable, I'm okay, I am worthy here where I am, exactly where I am, at the pace that I need to be at, and you know, be damned the rest of the world. This this honoring ourselves, I think, is a space for for patience uh and permission. Um, and if honoring ourselves is partly about accepting where we are, then nurturing ourselves uh asks ourselves uh another question. How do I treat myself while I'm here? So I want to talk about nurturing now. And the nurturing, I've selected number two, number four, and number 10 of that list that we looked at a little bit earlier. Um, this has to do with kindness and setting boundaries and exploring self-love, not just self-compassion, but self-love. And of these words, kindness, boundaries, and love, I'm wondering which one speaks to each of you today, which one's catching your eye.

SPEAKER_04 14:09

Um, I really love the first one because I know you guys have heard me say this all the time, but that I don't talk to myself or listen to myself with kindness like I do everybody else. And my acupuncturist told me one time, why don't you talk to yourself? Like, why would you say would you say this to your best friend? Then why are you saying this to yourself? So I think that one speaks a lot to me because it's something that I definitely have to work on is treating myself with kindness.

SPEAKER_05 14:46

That's beautiful. I like it.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

I'm gonna pop in one more time and also apologize to our live audience. You guys didn't hear me on my rest because I forgot to unmute myself again. Anybody looking to be a producer, we're always asking for applications. Um, and so really quick, mine is what you guys just said uh the kindness of words to yourself. Uh we literally have done a whole documentary now called Redefining the Narrative about redefining how you speak to yourself, how you approach life, how you what words you say, what you take in, and when you allow yourself to look at yourself and speak to yourself from a perspective of I am better than I think, and I am more capable than I think, and when you think you can't, you can, and you have to remind yourself in an auditory way, you do actually grow. It's not just creating the space, the growth then actually happens because you've decided you were worth the effort of a better conversation with yourself versus a negative one that the world has taught you.

SPEAKER_05 15:57

How we speak to ourselves has a lot of power.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

So I kind of like I'm kind of smushing them together a little bit. Um, because every time I'm looking at it, I like bits and pieces of all of them, but

Nurturing Yourself With Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 16:20

it's like, like, how what am I trying to, you know, and then it's like, so my foundation in love and and what love means to me as a person allows me to speak kindness to myself and remember that I do have space for growth and I do have space to put myself first in situations, and I also very much get to decide where those boundaries are because of that firm foundation that I that I have. So yeah. So I just smushed it. Smushed totally.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

Oh um, I I found that number four, I actually really like number four, because as far as um protecting energy, I took that as allowing myself to like um choose who I give my time to, and because that's created a lot. I I've realized that that's giving myself more instead of giving other people chances that they don't deserve sometimes, like people who are who have wronged me. I I found that giving like giving myself the choice to choose who I have in my life tells like lets myself like love me for who I am instead of just selling myself short and giving my time to people who don't deserve me, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_06 17:49

Very well uh expressed, very eloquently expressed, Ellie. I I think that the the word boundary for me is it's uh beautiful and sacred thing. I think about driving, um because boundaries to me feel like stop signs. When you're driving your car, you come to a stop sign, but you have to keep going, right? You have to keep going, but you stop and you proceed with caution. And um, so for a boundary for me is like saying stop. Uh, this is what I need to feel safe and to feel respected. And if you're cool with that, we can proceed. And if you're not, be on your way.

unknown 18:42

Peace.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

I also love I love I also love how you said that it is selling yourself short if you're not using boundaries. I thought that that was like very like again, eloquent, like to say, like, because you know, we're always giving everybody else all these extras, extra chances, but what about us? Like, what about yourself? So, like, I love it.

SPEAKER_03 19:08

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. You got you got like right on because yeah, sometimes I find that I forget, and even people in my life will forget that like you really do, like as much as you want to be a kind person sometimes, you gotta learn self-respect.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

And part of self-respect is understanding who is worth it and who sometimes you have to be kind to yourself first, and if that means putting a boundary where somebody else isn't gonna like it, then that's tough crap because you're being kind to yourself first.

SPEAKER_06 19:39

Yeah, exactly. It's the rejection of people pleasing because you love yourself, uh and Adela's like, yeah, I'm so here for this, we're all here for this.

SPEAKER_04 19:51

You have to put on your own oxygen mask before anybody else's oxygen mask.

SPEAKER_06 19:57

Preach, put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else. Yeah. Um, the cool thing about kindness and boundaries and love is that when we are more secure with our needs and can articulate them, these become easier. Um, do you guys feel like it can be easier to offer love and kindness and respect boundaries of someone else more than yourself? Have there been times when you're like, I need to do that for them, but then you might forget to do it for you?

SPEAKER_04 20:30

1000%. I always feel like 1000%. I am always I I see myself doing it all the time where I give and give and give, and then I'm like, wait a minute, why am I not doing this for myself? Like, this is insane. Like, you know, like I check up on other people, but I don't check up on myself.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

Like, what is that about?

SPEAKER_06 20:58

Maybe you're asking yourself, why is nobody checking up on me?

SPEAKER_02 21:02

Well, because you're not checking up on yourself.

SPEAKER_04 21:04

Exactly. Like, how can I expect them to check on me if I'm not even checking on me? I know I don't know what I need, then how can I expect others, you know, to know what I need?

SPEAKER_02 21:16

Dude, that that that self-care reflection is a real thing. Like we're really stop and take a look at ourselves, and as much as it would be, you know, well, we think it would be easier to put that shift that blame somewhere else. It's it's one of those things that, well, we we could have made the miss the decision, we could have not talked, we could have walked away, we could have, we could, and it's like, hey, why didn't I? Really, really, just let me ask myself, why didn't I? And it's because maybe I didn't want to hurt somebody else's feelings, or didn't want to upset someone, or I I I was scared someone would get sad or feel disappointed or whatever. But why why then do I get to feel that way?

SPEAKER_06 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

Why is it my responsibility to do that?

SPEAKER_06 22:00

Need to be the one that hurts so that everybody else can feel better.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Right. And so it's like now it's like we can have those conversations, and you can feel what you want to feel, and so can I. But that doesn't negate my reality in this situation and what I have to do to make sure I'm good and I'm at peace. So when I go home, the people in my home are good and at peace. And I'm not carrying this baggage around for other people to have to carry with me.

SPEAKER_06 22:31

Another really well-spoken thing. I think you kind of took number two, number four, and number 10 and like brought them into a single cohesive narrative.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

It's always smushed. We're just doing some smushed potatoes. That's all. That's all good.

SPEAKER_06 22:46

I love this. I love this. Does anybody want to weigh in any further?

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Really quick. I just like to pop in and say that um this is so awesome. And that the idea that we don't ask ourselves the question of why don't I for me and why don't I, as a first question, when I go, why don't I, or you know, because you'll do it for everybody else. So ask yourself that question of why don't I value myself enough to pause in the morning? Why don't I think I'm worthy enough of the rest of the boundary of the kindness? Why do I have these beliefs and thoughts? Take a minute, reflect upon yourself because caring about yourself is connecting with yourself, assessing your need and becoming aware of your need, and then resourcing it and figuring out which way you need to lean to receive the things that you need to receive so that you can either empower yourself or execute what you need to do or educate yourself depending on where you're at. Um, and so that's where care comes of oneself versus self-care, right? It's so much more deeper than in than a one moment of you know washing, brushing your teeth and doing that and going, I'm done. What is your care of yourself?

SPEAKER_06 24:13

Nice, nice rapidella. I I feel it. And I think those are those are ways that we can say, why don't I? Maybe that's something I'll write down, why don't I? Why don't I? So I'm gonna reflect on that personally later. We've talked about what happens internally with ourselves, and another part of how we relate to ourselves is uh allowing what's inside of us to have a voice. So literally putting our ear to our heart and saying, What do I need? And that's that's where we come into expression. So let's take a look at expression. There's only two of the 10 that I picked for um matching expression, number five, number seven. And these speak to presence, these speak to voice and personal power. Uh so take a minute to read them and like tell me which one's sticking out at you. What words are kind of calling you here? Yolanda, preach. Oh, that's five.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

No, that's five. That's just five.

SPEAKER_06 25:15

That's number five.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

No, that's five. No, any space I'm in, my presence matters because I'm there. It's I I am I am this is my narrative. This is your narrative, this is her narrative, his narrative, all these things. So when I am in a place and I am in a room, my presence matters to me. I don't know if it matters to anybody else, but it matters to me. And so even if I'm uncertain, I I don't I don't ever show that I'm uncertain. Let's just be well, I'll say things that make you think I might feel I'm uncertain. I'm never uncertain. I'm pretty positive with whatever I'm thinking. You know, I might not be able to always articulate it, but I'm pretty aware that I am present and in a space, at least.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

And if you if I'm here, I was gonna say, and if you don't acknowledge that, don't worry, she'll make sure that you feel the presence with the tantrum she'll have to let you know, and in the best way.

SPEAKER_06 26:18

Not not everybody is Yolanda. Yolanda has a wonderful, powerful presence, she's very secure in her space. Some folks that might be listening tonight might feel a little bit smaller, might feel a little bit quieter, might feel a little intimidated by claiming that their presence matters in a space. And for anybody that's like that, I want you to know that you do matter, and that your presence, your voice, your opinion, your perspective, what you have to add, all of that matters. You are part of this human race. And if you walk into a room with humans, guess what? You hold a portion of that value in the room, so own it, feel entitled to it, and just be okay with the fact that you matter and be willing to speak for it.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Realize there might be somebody with a presence like me who notices that you're not in a present state and will come and grab you and be like, Hey, how are you? Let's go see this person. We'll make sure you're present because we're noticing you're not present, and that's just not okay. To us, to me, to us. Like, there's more than one of the could you imagine? I concur.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

I concur on that because I will come and hug you so hard that you'll call the popo on me and I'll come in. So just so you know, I will invade your space to let you know you're worth the space to be invaded.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

That's what I was gonna say when it says when it says the presents matter. I'm like, you might as well call us space invaders because that's what we do. Wow, wow, epic.

SPEAKER_06 27:58

Is anybody vibing about expression?

SPEAKER_04 28:03

I think this one's difficult for me because I am a Libra, so I think

Finding Your Voice Through Expression

SPEAKER_04 28:10

I'm always weighing everything that's within me and like weighing out everything. So it takes me a while to like actually understand what is within. So I definitely know that I need to like reclaim my voice and power, but like it takes me a while to like figure out what it is that's going through. So I think that one's a lot harder for me because I don't even know, like Yolanda said, I don't even know what what I'm feeling, so I don't want to say it because I don't know it yet.

SPEAKER_06 28:44

So let me let me dig into that one. If you're not expressing in a moment because you're not quite sure what's within, you need some time to analyze, and I'm analytical, so I get it. Are you holding yourself accountable to come back later and speak your peace?

SPEAKER_04 29:05

Sometimes, if it's appropriate at work, probably not. It's probably better to get my mom done.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Yeah, I'm like sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 29:16

Yeah, I think with those that I feel close with, definitely, but I feel like you know, some people don't necessarily can't always handle the truth.

SPEAKER_06 29:29

Well, you're you're talking about conversation, right? Yeah, but expression is not limited to the vocal. That's true. How many times could we be expressing our feelings through writing? Art, music if you're a musical person, movement if you like dancing or shaking your butt, maybe exercise, humor. Yeah, there are other ways to express what you're feeling once you figure it out that don't have to include conversation.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

Yeah, that's fair. Like I definitely use my art, I think, to help work through emotions and feelings, and then if I get really mad, then I just run it off. So I guess that is expression. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

You know, one can shave their head to express how they live their life too, been there, done that. So, you know, I don't say it's to just go all that route and be like, hey, I'm just saying liberation and freedom in expression. All the signs are there, physically, emotionally, they you know, they do happen to be there.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

That's what I was thinking. I was like, well, I mean, punching bags really help. And uh then I was like, I I have one right behind. We have, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 30:46

Julie or Ellie, are y'all feeling anything about these two?

SPEAKER_03 30:50

Yeah, number seven, especially. And what Alicia said about reclaiming uh your voice, I like I heavily resonate with that because every day I I think sometimes I overthink like wherever people think of me. And a lot of people get stuck in that chain of I need a people please because what are these people thinking of me? And then you realize that sometimes you might exclude people's opinions who of the people who actually matter, and you might just sometimes I find myself beating myself up over people who I know don't matter in my life, and I need to take time to focus on those who really are worth something, and especially like with my friends, as far as expressing what's within. I saw I immediately saw that as when I have deep talks with people who are like genuine, real people. What I mean by that is some people will um as far as like masking emotions, some people pretend to be someone who they aren't, and especially it's especially bad when they're pretending to be a good person when they aren't, and so then I see the genuine people, the people who aren't afraid to like show their emotions and like they'll be vulnerable around you, and that's like there's someone I'm think of specifically, and they're just like that, and it's just I really really appreciate talking to them because then I'm actually able to tell them exactly how I feel, and they will come right back at me, same energy, and yeah, you guys are both making each other feel safe, like that's yeah, that's important is super important, it's also a form of connection, uh, and we can't connect with others unless we feel safe and trust them.

SPEAKER_06 32:36

Uh, and so maybe expression and being okay with being present even when you're uncertain comes from finding a safe space. Uh, so let's let's talk about how connection happens. I think that was a really good transition. Um, the last two that are on our list today are number eight and number nine. Uh, and Ellie, this kind of vibes with what you were saying already, is like I can connect with someone vulnerably because they get me. Like my story, as it were, is echoed in their story. We don't have the same story, we don't have the same things going on with us, but the fact that they can be present and human and with me, and I can be present and human with them gives us a space to connect. And I think that that's speaking to our subtext of belonging and support and creating and being in community, uh certainly a healthy space. Yeah, maybe uh maybe we'll approach this one a little bit differently. Um so we're talking about connection, we're talking about not only connecting with ourselves, like, hey, what's going on with me? Why don't I? But like others, how can we connect? How can we share? Um, what helps make a space feel welcoming enough that you can simply be yourself? And do you find that easy or hard to do?

SPEAKER_02 34:13

I mean, I can go first because I know my answer is probably not gonna be what everybody else says. Uh um I feel safe to be exactly who I am in every space.

SPEAKER_06 34:26

And that probably took you some time.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Um being who I am fully right now did, but I've always kind of been that way. I've always been able to just go talk to new people and whatever. What took me time was when I was healing, was when I pulled away. Adela will tell you we went to we would go to places. Oh, I think no, were you with this one? No, that was Brandy. Well, we went to a couple things and we were doing connection type stuff, and I wasn't talking to people, and I was being quiet and I was being off-put, and that actually is so against who I am that I was uncomfortable. But I just wasn't in a place to take on the conversation or the energy or the life force of whoever I was in contact with because I I wasn't dealing with me in that in those in that moment, right? So I couldn't

Building Connection And Belonging

SPEAKER_02 35:20

I couldn't connect with people. Um, and so there was a space of time in my life where I just stopped connecting with people because I just I I am that person though that people will talk to. Like I people who are like, oh, I don't talk to anybody. Give me, give me a couple of minutes. Give me five minutes. You're gonna tell me your life story in the next five, okay? Um not for any reason, except I'm just that person for some reason, you know? And so you don't realize how much actual energy that does take from you, though. Like how much how tiring and exhausting that can be. It's not like people are exhausting it, it's just like sharing that much emotion, sharing that much um life with somebody is kind of, especially when you're neurodivergent, it very much um it hurts your brain. I don't know how else to say it. Okay, it hurts your brain, it hurts, and it makes you tired, it could give you a headache, it could make you know, adrenaline's pumping because you're trying to stay focused, but you can't stay focused and your muscles start hurting, and it's just it's just a a full thing. So, like you have like I have to be straight with myself physically, with mentally and everything before I'm going and saying, you know what, I'm gonna have these conversations, whether they're five minutes or six hours, whatever it is, if I'm gonna be present, I have to understand that my presence could potentially affect me physically or mentally or emotionally, not necessarily because of the other person, but because I'm giving them space to feel, you know, like they're in a safe space. You're being someone else's safe space. And I'm I'm used to that now, but I still have to pause, I still have to get out of that space, I still have to rest all the things that we're kind of talking about. There's very clear steps you have to take to make sure that you're in that space because um it can be depleting. And and being someone's safe space is a wonderful thing, but again, not at the expense that you have no space left, if that makes sense, you know.

SPEAKER_06 37:27

So um so for a space to be welcoming for you to be yourself, you need to do some self-checks first and just check your energy level. Is that what I'm hearing?

SPEAKER_02 37:38

Yeah, yeah, kind of. I just need to make sure that that I'm available and open to be that for someone else. Because that's who I am internally. Like that's who I am at my core. So if I am not there, I'm probably not gonna be in that space. Or if I am in that space, I'm not gonna be in that space to do the huge mingling, the huge conversations, all the things. Like I'll just be like, get my stack, get a drink, and go sit in the corner and just people watch, you know, until until my energy gets up a little higher.

SPEAKER_06 38:12

I bet a lot of people can identify with that. If you want to be yourself, you got to check in with your energy level, check in what you're ready to deal with in that moment if you're even in that space. What about other folks? What helps make a space feel welcoming enough for you to be yourself?

SPEAKER_01 38:30

I'd like to I'd like to pop in and say on another thing is I don't think I found a space that feels welcoming for myself. I know that a lot, I'm gonna I you're laughing, Yolanda. It's true though. Because it's difficult when humans have when you're in a space where you've been hurt so much and your whole life has been hurt by humans to walk in and to say that you will feel safe enough to be accepted or to be seen or to be heard, no matter how much confidence you may have or or you may be in there. And you know, kudos to those who do. Um, but as someone who is still navigating that right there, and I mean I've built a lot, I show up, I do what I need to do. Um, but in an honest truth and an honest way, I still haven't found that space that would be considered safe for myself. Now, what I have done was realize that because I won't find that space, it just won't be possible because the way you view the safe space is different from the way others view safe space. So it is relative and subjective in so many ways. So finding common ground and what brings you peace when you walk into a situation? Does it bring you peace or does it bring you anxiety? Do you, when you walk into a situation, does it feel like you are walking in with confidence or are you second-guessing who you are? Um, when you walk into spaces, are you walking in with knowing exactly what your narrative is? Or when you hear somebody question your narrative, does that crumble everything in you know where you are and where you stand that then you can't show up? So the idea then comes back to me is how do you build a safe space within yourself that you can trust yourself? That when you walk out of the room, walk out of a space, you can always count on yourself that you got this. Now it's very hard because again, I'm still learning it, I'm still navigating it, but it is something that I've come to realization that no matter how much we work on creating these spaces, no matter how open we can be and how kind we are, how one views a safe space is really very much relative to the way they've experienced safety and understand it in their own life.

SPEAKER_06 40:44

I heard something in what you said, Adela, which I think our next segment will be an opportunity for you. I heard I can't or I won't find a space that I can simply be myself. And I would like to personally challenge you when we are writing our positive affirmation uh next to think about how you might reframe that statement into a positive light, like I can if I meet these needs, or I can if I'm willing to compromise in these certain ways. Um, just something as we go forward into the activity uh to be thinking about. Um, before I transition, Alicia, Julie, Ellie, any thoughts about um connection and um belonging or feeling safe to be yourself? Like what's it take?

SPEAKER_03 41:45

Um personally, some places you can't control who's there, and you have to find a way to make it a safe space for yourself. Like, no matter what you do, sometimes, like, for example, like a really bad class that you have in school, there will be a lot of people who you can't control their reactions or how how they're gonna talk to you, and a lot of people will be disrespectful, but you know that you don't have to respond to them, you don't have to give them your time, and you can just take that time and reflect on yourself, be cooperative, like um do your work basically, and after that class, you can say, Hey, like I didn't let them bother me, I stayed on this task, and I feel accomplished, like I feel like I did the best I could because some situations you just can't control, and all you can do is make it a safe space for yourself. Uh that being said, it's it's a hard thing to do, and you can't do it all the time.

SPEAKER_04 42:47

So it's one of the things that I feel like I'm hearing from all of you guys.

SPEAKER_03 42:55

Sorry, go ahead. No, it's all good. It's okay. Thank you. That was that was all I had.

SPEAKER_04 43:03

One of the things that I feel like I'm hearing from all of you guys is something that I need to work on, is that like I feel like all of you guys are very good at finding yourself to be the grounding person when you're seeing like other people that are unsafe. Like Ellie, like in your class, if there's somebody who's unsafe that makes you feel unsafe in the class, like you're staying within yourself. And you know, Adela and Yolanda, I feel like you guys too like are very like good about that. I personally am not that strong. So, like, kudos to all of you guys because I feel like if there's somebody in a space that makes me feel unsafe, that I have to find somebody else that is like a trusted person for me to like ground myself on. And if they're not there, then I have to leave. So kudos to all of you guys because one day I'll be there. Um but yeah I think for me if there's somebody that's if there if everybody is neutral then I don't feel the need. But if there's I I uh I definitely have some people that I don't care for and I feel like they're very toxic and if they're there I have to find like a trusted person to like distract myself with so that that way I can look like I'm busy and then if they're trying to interact that I could just pretend like I'm busy talking to this other person or something.

SPEAKER_02 44:33

I think that's really smart though. It's safe too finding so smart. Yeah it's a good idea. And then if we think about this scientifically okay wait a minute wait a minute we're not medical professionals. No I'm not talking about that kind of science. I'm talking about like positive and negative you know whatever. She's like I'm gonna go find something exactly opposite of them.

SPEAKER_04 44:53

I'm gonna go latch onto them and then I'm just gonna kind of move it and they're gonna go away like I am very and I love that though like why not and energies and so like I do feel that way that some people just have this negative vibration that I just can't like I can't stand to be around and like literally they won't be doing something wrong at that moment but because I just don't like their vibration we I think as human beings we know right you you know when someone's just not a good not good like you we know we don't know what it is but there's something and listen and that's what gets us in trouble.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

Listen no go do what go do what she did okay go find somebody who is the positive who you do trust who is safe and bring them because you know what happens we go oh you know that's just me I'm just looking I'm just negative I should give them a chance and what happens almost every time uh because it's like yo they have we give them the chance we we let them come in we and we get just pushed to the ring here pulled the ring you know what I'm talking about we get before I leave and I feel like crap afterwards because I've absorbed all of their negativity and I don't want that and like why did we even do it in the first place again it's because we didn't put ourselves first in that situation which is something we kind of need to do and people like oh well that's self no it's not there's nothing self-selfish about self-preservation right we are not in a life or death situation okay right we are in a I get to choose my time situation yeah I am not choosing whatever you got I'm gonna go over here and get my snacks leave me alone I love it I'm going with Alicia we're fighting we're finding all the positivity and wrapping it around us I love that I'm gonna I'm gonna take this humor and I'm gonna I'm gonna move it into an activity.

unknown 46:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 46:44

So we looked at 10 positive affirmations we grouped them into themes of honoring ourselves nurturing ourselves expressing ourselves and connecting with both ourselves and others so I'm challenging you to create your own affirmation and it doesn't have to be perfect it doesn't have to be beautiful it doesn't have to be poetic it doesn't have to break the laws of science it just needs to sound like you so I came up with a few things like if you're having trouble writing your own these are some sentence starters and think about um what is something that I could use a little bit more encouragement on right about now. Whatever speaks to you whatever's like hey I need some some encouragement in ABC space think about what you might want

Write A Personal Affirmation

SPEAKER_06 47:40

what you might need to hear from yourself in that space and write out a sentence take your time before we call the affirmation that we just wrote or our writing finished try you know reading your words back to yourself in your own mind do they sound like something you might actually say do they feel meaningful and believable to you and if they don't if they feel awkward or foreign change them until they feel like you because this is this is an affirmation that we write for ourselves and if anybody wants to share what they came up with you don't have to you don't have to explain why you chose it unless you want to you can share the words you could put it in the chat but if you feel like sharing please feel free I think that I would like to share one that I came up with but I also feel like I'm going to take each one of these and write a new one for myself every day because I feel like this is like really like a good practice for myself.

SPEAKER_04 49:34

But the one that I was immediately drawn to was I'm allowed to and I'm gonna say prioritize myself because I think that that's definitely something that I've in my life have felt guilty for doing or you know things like that.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

So um yeah I love all of these darts so I will I will week but I like your affirmation well written yeah does anybody else feel called to share I'd like to go back to your challenge because I want to I'm because you know me I love my challenges and I don't want to forget it either but um it's here here's what I do have for you I can't find the safe spaces in this world in the earthly world because I'm a believer so I have found my safe space in God and I am worthy of um the the love the compassion the grace and the rest and everything else so when I don't feel like I can turn to the world or is is in in any way or it's not there for me I know for a fact that I am worthy of turning to God. So at the end of the day you know you we may not be able to find things or for those of you wherever you are there is there is there is the earthly way here and then there's again a little bit deeper but for me that's where it comes down to because I couldn't find that and what I've learned is again we each have pain and different things and the way we absorb our energy some are bigger some are smaller some are this some are that um and I've learned the level of mine so to to share that it is a burden for others so the only one that can take the burden from that for me is for me is God. But I do want to point out that this in here is I have a daily notebook that I write in every day and it's you know for my defining the narrative and I have where I write every single day called Today's the day two and I put three dots and um on the front of it and it's whatever comes up to my mind but it has to be positive. It cannot be negative it has to be a good positive thing. So for today's one because I've been tired and I've been overwhelmed and I have been just like in my own spiral my today was today's the day to rest and thank God trust in the Lord with all of my heart that um that all of this is done and all of this is worth the effort of my life. So I wrote that out. So everything that I'm going through and then I write out what I'm what I'm going through but that's my big statement. Like it's written in big bolds as a reminder um and then on my mission I started out with on my other page was today's mission is to breathe. Today's mission is to get up you know I started small so as you navigate your daily moments on your affirmations they don't have to be as in depth as some of us get there but they can be one sentence of today's the day to breathe. I'm worthy of breath I can honor myself by breathing.

SPEAKER_02 52:37

I'm allowed to breathe right I choose to breathe so there's all these ways that you can say the same thing but understanding that you're worth again the effort of of that stance well put Adela thank you would anybody else like to share before we move ahead yeah I uh I put today I put today I give myself permission to I said put myself first I don't know if you can see it and it's crossed out and it says uh put myself in front of the line because it's not so much that I'd put myself first it's that I there's there's a line of things I think we have to do especially when we're moms or we're spouses or you know maybe we have older parents or whatever and and there's a long line of things that we need to do to help our life function around us and we tend to always put ourselves on the back burner or in the that we we just put ourselves out of the line really and so when I was thinking about put myself first it's like no I don't really need to put myself first I just need to put myself in front of the line like I just really need to remember that when I get up I'm allowed to make it about me first before I leave the house I'm allowed to sit there and go you know what I need to rest for a minute or I need well I don't drink coffee but people would be like an extra cup of coffee or whatever it is that that extra something that that you know if I want to wear sweats today I'm gonna do it versus like or maybe I want to get dressed out today or whatever. I I'm allowed the 10-15 minutes I need to make that decision because sometimes I'm running out the house in my pajamas okay let me just be very frank about what that looks like so I just have to remember that the grace that is is put on me and in my life I am allowed to show myself I am allowed to do that on my own.

SPEAKER_03 54:41

Hell yeah Julie or Ellie do y'all feel compelled to share you don't have to but if you want to we want to hear it uh I wrote something down and it's kinda what I was saying earlier but I wrote I'm worthy of all I have to offer but not everyone is worthy of what I have because it's just it's very uh it's very important and it doesn't matter how confident you are or like what type of person you are everyone forgets it and it's just it's so it's so important and it's not just

Share Outs, Key Takeaways, And Fundraiser

SPEAKER_03 55:20

about valuing you know yourself but some people put themselves so much lower than who they are and it's not just not valuing yourself but thinking you don't have the potential that you do have and then you realize that you have so much like why am I giving all these people my energy and it you realize like I can do so much for myself and the right people will float towards me and I'm able to do this and it's it's kind of like a two in one like I choose who I give my energy to and I'm worth all my energy so I am allowed to choose who I give my energy to I think that is spectacular and there's a whole bunch of women here that we're just applauding the bejesus listen we killed like all of her like good things if we're not educated by the youth like we have just been I don't need to go by she just said I may give you access to me but you don't have free access to me I need I needed that reminder today at a little age oh girl preach I need I needed that reminder today you just closed off this night with an epic bang like yes yes thank you thank you so speaking of of closing out we are coming up on time um I just want to remind everybody that I'm grateful that you were here sharing your voice sharing this space I felt safe being myself with you I hope you felt safe being yourselves with me this is about community and positive affirmations don't have to be about denying what's difficult in our lives or convincing ourselves that everything's fine.

SPEAKER_06 57:18

Sometimes they are just words that we come back to that remind us how we want to talk to ourselves or what we want to make room for in our lives or what we're learning to believe that may still seem hard. And the affirmation that you created today doesn't have to be permanent but feel free to come back to it rewrite it write a new one every day if you need to practice think about it you know what would it look like to carry these positive thoughts out into the world beyond this conversation what could it change um so I want to thank everybody for listening and joining us uh helping create new affirmations in our community I I guarantee you you've helped someone today every one of you um something you've said might have changed somebody's life and hopefully for the better so remember your voice matters and that includes the voice you use when you're speaking to yourself I will wrap with one last little shameless plug um for those of us online or uh in our community who are not here on the call today watching on YouTube I just want to remind you we have a fundraiser coming up October 24th the runway to resilience you can snapshot this you can QR code your way in learn about it coming up October 24th the runway to resilience will be our uh annual fundraiser at the experience center downtown uh Jacksonville tickets are on sale we would love to see you there or please feel free and come and visit our website uh https w dot ph in c dash ing dot org thank you so much for being here thank you good night everybody